Week 11 was a madhouse, as the Backyard Conference continued to be unpredictable, the Indoor Conference continued to be completely predictable, and the Frontyard Conference–well now wait just a goldurn minute there!

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Junior Brewers vs. Purple Sox

Entering this game, the Purple Sox had all but clinched a playoff spot while the Brewers were scrapping for the final spot from the Backyard Conference. Both teams had shown the ability to put up huge scores, and had showcased strength throughout their lineups, but while the Purple Sox had been solid in every game, the Brewers had had their stumbles and were consequently fighting hard to slip into the playoffs. The Purple Sox were favored, but before the game their coach expressed some doubt about how well they’d be able to perform against the Junior Brewers, describing them as being a team built to take advantage of the Purple Sox.

The first pitch of the game was a grounder to the second baseman by Francis Blewer that was scooped up and sent to first for the first out. PJ Shareef was then up to bat, and after letting a couple of pitches go by he hit a liner directly to third base that was dropped, allowing him to get on first. Parker Collum then came up to bat, and after fouling off seven pitches, he got a pitch he liked and slammed a 2-run homer over the shed in right field. Brenda Markart then came up, and after hitting a single to the shed she was brought to third on a controversial ground-rule double from Vincent Sweet. With two runners in scoring position, Carlos Delgado came up to bat and slashed a deep single to right that scored a run and put runners on the corners. Artie Pimbleton was the next Brewer up, and ended up striking out when he tried to foul off a bunch of pitches. This left Nomar Garciaparra with runners on the corners and two outs, and he proceeded to let down the side when he grounded out to the catcher.

Down 3-0, the first batter to come up to the plate for the Purple Sox was Timmy Unger, who grounded out to Brewers pitcher Nomar Garciaparra for the first out. The second batter was Marilyn McDonnel, who hit the ball directly to the shortstop, who dropped it, allowing her to get on first. Purple Sox All-Star Kay O’Toole then came up to bat, and a rattled Nomar Garciaparra proceeded to walk her on five pitches, putting the tying run at the plate in the form of Chipper Jones. Chipper was looking for the fences, but Nomar shook off his early yips and threw three great pitches on the very edges of the strike zone to strike him out. With two outs and runners on first and second, Anna Goodreau came up to bat and worked a full count before getting the pitch she wanted and slamming a homer to left field to tie the game. The very next pitch was slapped out to left field as well (this time by Nicky Winston), and the Purple Sox took a 4-3 lead over the Junior Brewers. That was all the Purple Sox would do, though, as although Marianna Rauf would work a full count she would hit a grounder to the second baseman for the third out.

The first at-bat of the second inning saw Tracy Hoban ground out to first, bringing up Francis Blewer for the second time. She popped up to shallow right field, but when neither the first baseman nor the right fielder called for it, a collision ensued; this collision was followed with them fighting with each other for the ball, allowing Blewer to round the bases and cross the plate to tie the game with an inside-the-ballpark home run. PJ Shareef then got an infield single done the left-field line, and then ended up scoring when after fouling off two pitches Parker Collum smacked a Big Freeze that landed on the roof of the shed and bounced into the street for a home run, putting the Brewers in the lead 6-4. After that, though, Brenda Markart grounded out to second and Vincent Sweet struck out, bringing up the Purple Sox with a 2-run deficit.

Jim Kiley opened the inning for the Purple Sox, getting on after a grounder where the first baseman dropped the throw from third that would’ve put him out. He then advanced to second on a fielder’s choice, and Timmy Unger then came up with a runner in scoring position. He hit a fly ball to the outfield for an out, bringing up Marilyn McDonnell, who hit a liner directly to the shortstop that was dropped, allowing her to get on first. Kay O’Toole then came up with a chance to give the Purple Sox the lead, and she delivered, hitting a double to the fence that scored 2 runs and put the Purple Sox up by a prorated score of 7-6. Chipper Jones was then brought up to the plate, and after working the count for a bit Francis Blewer was subbed in at pitcher and struck him out for the second time that day.

The Brewers opened the third with Carlos Delgado at the plate, and after a few pitches the Purple Sox made a pitching change of their own, putting Chipper Jones on the mound in relief. The first pitch was hit into center field, and Delgado was on with a single; he was followed by Artie Pimbleton, who would ground to the pitcher on a fielder’s choice that would get Delgado out at second but keep a runner on first. Nomar Garciaparra was then up to bat, and he ended the inning for the second time by hitting into a double play that allowed the Purple Sox to take a lead into the bottom of the inning.

Anna Goodreau opened the batting for the Purple Sox, and she slapped a double into right field, putting a runner on second for Nicky Winston, who worked a full count before striking out on a great low and inside pitch. Marianna Rauf was brought up to bat, and flew out to right-center; although Anna tried to tag up and take third, the Brewers were able to keep her from advancing, and after a bit of a rundown she got back to second. Jim Kiley was the last chance for the Purple Sox to score in the bottom of the inning, and he struck out to keep the score 7-6 entering the fourth.

The Brewers were now looking to take advantage of the offenseless third inning, but started poorly when Tracy Hoban grounded out to the pitcher. From there, though, they got Francis Blewer to first on an infield single where the infield was playing back and proceeded to put runners on first and second when PJ Shareef poked a grounder into the gap between first and second and beat out the throw from right field. Parker Collum was brought up to bat, and after hitting home runs in his first two at-bats, he did it again, slamming the first pitch he saw over the garbage truck in right field to put the Brewers up 9-7. Brenda Markart then came up to bat to try and continue the rally, and although she popped up, it landed in between the catcher and pitcher and allowed her to get to first. This was followed by a fly ball to shallow left field by Vincent Sweet that was dropped by the left fielder, putting two runners on for Carlos Delgado, who worked his way into a full count and subsequently a walk. Artie Pimbleton was brought up to bat with the bases loaded and one out, and he hit a grounder down the left field line that was grabbed by the third baseman and slung to home; unfortunately for the Purple Sox, the catcher dropped the ball, allowing a run to score and everyone to be safe as Nomar Garciaparra came up to bat. Although he had hit into a double play the last time he’d come up to bat with a force play on, this time he merely struck out, and Tracy Hoban came up to bat and proceeded to strike out as well.

Scotty Roth was sent up by the Purple Sox to start the bottom of the fourth, but he hit a grounder to the first baseman and was subsequently tagged out. Timmy Unger also ground out, and Marilyn McDonnell came up with the Brewers looking to produce two shutout inning in a row. She got on first with an infield single, and this brought Kay O’Toole up to the plate. Kay then proceeded to remind everyone why she’s considered the best player on the Purple Sox, as she hit a homer to left field to close the gap to 10-9. Chipper Jones was the next one up, having struck out every time he came up to bat, but got revenge by hitting a homer out of right center field to tie the game at 10-all. That was all the Purple Sox would produce in the fourth, however, as Francis Blewer was taken off the mound in favor of Carlos Delgado, who forced Anna Goodreau to pop up to him.

Francis Blewer was the first one up for the Brewers, and she would hit a line drive into left field that would bounce off of the shortstop but be caught by the left fielder for the first out. PJ Shareef then got a hit off a slo-mo ball and turned it into a double when the throw to first went past the first baseman. He was followed by Parker Collum, who made it to first on an error from shortstop Marilyn McDonnel, and with two runners on and one out, Brenda Markart came up to bat and hit a deep fly ball to left-center that was dropped by the centerfielder, allowing a run to score and keeping runners on first and second for Vincent Sweet. He would hit the ball to shallow center, and both the shortstop and second baseman would go for it. They’d drop the ball, but pick it up, and some strong arms got the ball to third and then second for a double play to end the inning with the Brewers up 11-10 and having committed two double plays already.

It was now the last chance for the Purple Sox to score some runs, and they started things out with a solo shot from leadoff batter Nicky Winston that (because of home proration) gave the Purple Sox a technical 2 runs and a 12-11 lead. Unfortunately, this was followed by a Marianna Rauf strikeout and a Jim Kiley groundout to third. Scotty Roth then came up with the Purple Sox down to their final out and proceeded to produce a disappointing pop fly to third base.

Since the home team wins all ties, the Brewers would now need to score twice in order to win. Unfortunately, they’d start out in a hole, as Carlos Delgado grounded out to the shortstop, Artie Pimbleton struck out, and Nomar Garciaparra would come up to bat with another chance to end the Brewers hopes. For the third time that day, Nomar delivered, popping out to the catcher and sealing the loss for the Junior Brewers.

Purple Sox 12, Junior Brewers 11

Next week’s game: Montana Floss vs. Boston Cubs

The Matchup Of The Week will take place in the Backyard Conference for the third time in a row (this time, the culprit is that one of the scheduled Frontyard teams had trouble recording their game). Like the previous week, it’s a matchup between a team at the top of the conference and a team fighting for that final slot, although this time it’s between a team that built for defense and has underperformed, and a team built for defense that is definitely the strongest in the Backyard (which also explains a lot of the difference in records). It’s going to be a tough, defensive struggle with a lot on the line, Saturday, September 11th, at 8:30 Mountain Time, only on elchrisblanco’s Twitch!

Player of the game: It may suck to lose, but the Junior Brewers wouldn’t have even been able to make it a game without Parker Collum, who went 4-for-4 with a single and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. He didn’t score except when he went yard, but he did score others, finishing the day with 7 RBIs. I hope he’s planning to become a valet, because he certainly knows how to park it.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

Junior Athletics 12, New York Yankees 2

It wasn’t very surprising to see the Athletics keep rolling in this one, as they both came back home and faced a frustrated Yankees team with a handicapped coach. This handicap came out in the Yankees hitting, as they were only able to manage 7 hits and 3 runs (both season lows) while they struck out five times and gave up a run. With no problems on their end, the Athletics put together a very solid game, scoring 10 runs on 18 hits and shutting out their opponents. This keeps the Athletics as frontrunners for the playoffs, while the Yankees are officially eliminated.

Player of the game: Courtney Valentino must have been listening to Lenny Kravitz, because she was always on the run! She went 4-for-4 with three singles and a double, had three RBIs, and scored twice. That’s not the truly amazing bit, though; the amazing part is that she stole seven bases on her own! This performance was so strong, it got her named the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK! Good job, gymnast!

Minnesota Twins 19, Humongous Hornets 6

Speaking of teams that kept rolling, the Twins snapped the Hornets burgeoning momentum this week, slapping the ball around Dirt Yards as they collected 18 runs and 4 walks in a 16-0 shutout (that also featured a 1-hit pitching performance from Julie Dunkel that got her named the Frontyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK). The Hornets still could have made a game of it had they had one of their seemingly random good performances, but it was not to be, as despite getting 18 hits they were only able to scratch out 6 runs. This result keeps Minnesota a game back of being in the playoffs but still very much in the race.

Player of the game: Julie Dunkel really does do it all. Facing off against a pitcher, she went 2-for-3 and drew a walk with those two hits being homers. Facing off against a batter, she went through 18 of them, allowed only one hit (that turned into a double play), and threw five strikeouts. Facing off against a chimichanga, she was defeated and only able to eat a third of it.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays 6, Little Giants 2

The Giants had the potential to be one of the best teams in the Frontyard entering the season. Their offense wasn’t incredibly strong, but their defense looked capable, and with ace pitcher Amanda Hellerman on the mound to paper up the cracks, they likely wouldn’t have to score much at all to win most weeks. Unfortunately for the Giants, they ran into a problem: while their defense was indeed one of the best ones in the Frontyard Conference, their offense barely produced at all. Consequently, the Giants have the worst record in the league, largely because of games like this. The Giants AI kept Tampa Bay in check, putting up 3 runs despite giving up 8 and keeping the game manageable. Unfortunately, they couldn’t hold their own offensively, as although they managed 11 hits and 2 runs (which is technically an improvement over their last four games), this was nowhere near enough to get them the win. The Devil Rays stay a game out of the playoffs, while the Giants remain at the bottom of the Frontyard Conference with only one win.

Player of the game: Amanda Hellerman had one of her typical good performances, throwing a 4-hit shutout with 4 strikeouts. She also did well at the plate, going 2-for-3 with a single and a triple. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to score any runs with either her bat or her feet.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Baltimore Bombers 9, Boston Reds 2

The Reds have been struggling this season, and that was the case in this one as well. Repub, now set up as the Bombers replacement for probably the rest of the season, had a pretty decent day, getting 9 runs off of 18 hits on the road while shutting out the Reds AI (Nancy Chin started, pitched 5 innings, allowed 2 hits and no runs, and threw 8 strikeouts). Meanwhile, the Reds failed to do much, as they only managed to squeeze out 11 hits and 3 runs while giving up a run of their own. In the end, the result was predictable, but didn’t matter much as far as playoff positioning goes since both teams have been eliminated.

Player of the game: Sonja Hagen had a good, solid game for Baltimore, going 3-for-3 with a pair of singles and a double. She finished with 3 RBIs and scored once herself, and was also the one who organized an expedition to the ice cream parlor after the game.

Milwaukee Braves 10, Texas Rangers 6

This might’ve been the biggest surprise of the week. The Rangers were 10-0 coming into this game, having done just enough to win all the way into being the first team to clinch a playoff spot. They weren’t able to do enough here, though, as none of the bounces went their way at home at Dirt Yards where they only put up 10 hits (and a walk) and a 5-0 score. The Braves fared much better, as although they only put up three more hits than their opposition, they had an additional walk and scrapped their way to 10 runs. While this doesn’t have much impact on the playoff picture apart from making it more likely that Texas could end up as the #2 seed from the Indoor Conference rather than the #1 seed, it does prove that the Rangers are beatable and should give the Braves confidence for next season (where hopefully they’ll be at a home field they like more.

Player of the game: Who else but the one shining star for Milwaukee this season, Shohei Ohtani? Sure, he went 2-for-4 with a single and a home run to garner 3 RBIs and score once, but on the mound he was absolutely brilliant! He threw a 1-hit shutout and delivered 13 strikeouts in his best performance of the season so far! I guess he really can pitch!

Arizona Diamondbacks 14, Super-Duper Melonheads 5

This game was predictable from start to finish. The Melonheads at this point have just been playing out the thread after a season where they severely underperformed expectations and just couldn’t purchase a break, while the Diamondbacks have been ruling under the auspices of Jay Green (and his assistant, Randy Johnson). The result here was as might have been expected: the Melonheads played an okay but not overwhelming game, scoring 5 runs off of 13 hits (including a Vicki Kawaguchi home run), and Arizona slaughtered them to the tune of 13 runs off of 14 hits and 2 walks (although the Diamondbacks did allow two runs). With Texas losing to Baltimore, the Diamondbacks are now tied for first place at 10-1, while the Melonheads still only have one win and are the first team from the Indoor Conference to reach double-digit losses.

Player of the game: It’s Jay Green. It’s usually Jay Green. It feels like there’s never been a time it wasn’t Jay Green. Interestingly, that statement applies to both this game and the BATTER OF THE WEEK award for the Indoor Conference. Which, of course, he won, as he went 3-for-3 with 3–count ’em, 3–home runs, obviously scoring 3 times and every time he came up to bat, and bringing home 10 RBIs.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Boston Cubs 31, Red Phillies 19

Entering the week, three teams had all but clinched playoff berths from the Backyard Conference while the rest of the conference was bitterly locked into a close battle for that final slot. The winner of this battle will be decided by who can perform best down the stretch, but there’s three big obstacles standing in the way as the three teams that have clinched have no games against each other remaining and will be fighting against the scrappy hopefuls at the bottom. As is to be expected when the top of the conference is jockeying against each other, the weaker team went down, although surprisingly it wasn’t because the Cubs’ tremendous defense left them stalled out. In this game, the Phillies were fairly strong, posting 16 runs at home on 18 hits and 2 walks while pitching a shutout. Unfortunately, their defense was weak, and the Cubs turned in their best offensive performance so far this season, scoring 32 runs on 41 hits and 5 walks (all season-high marks for Boston). The Phillies drop to 4-7 and are now squarely a game behind the Green Monsters and in the middle of the tight throng clustered there, while the Cubs have clinched a playoff spot and continue to push for the top slot in the Backyard Conference.

Player of the game: The Cubs played a game of small ball at home, with 36 of their 41 hits being singles (which means when you add in the walks a full 41 of their 61 plate appearances ended with a runner on first). And when it comes to getting there, nobody on the team was as good as Lisa Crocket, who not only got there six times (five hits, one walk), but also hit a triple in a day where she went 6-for-6, had 4 RBIs, and scored five times. After the game, she couldn’t be released for comment, only telling us something about Little Mary Sunshine that seemed decidedly non-canon.

Wizard Wombats 13, Montana Floss 7

The next team to win a free beatdown from the top of the conference were the Montana Floss. Strangely enough, the Wombats had one of only weak games they’ve had this season, as they put up a below-average performance (for them) of 13 runs on 24 hits and a walk. Unfortunately for Montana, they weren’t able to take advantage of the Wombats weaker defense as a speedy Star Moonbeam at first base kept them constantly hitting left. They were only able to get on base 11 times (9 hits, 2 walks), and although they stole 8 bases with those 11 runners, their overall lack of production left them well behind the Wombats, who clinched a playoff spot with this game and stay tied for the top Backyard Conference seed while the Floss are in the 4-7 throng that’s just a bit behind the Green Monsters.

Player of the game: In a strangely defensive game, the pitcher shone brightest. Tim Hudson was aces on the mound, going the distance and tossing 9 strikeouts while allowing only 1 hit and no runs. Such a performance more than made up for going 1-for-4 with a single, a run scored, and two strikeouts at the plate, and saw him rewarded by being named the Backyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

Green Monsters 17, Baltimore Orioles 6

I did mention that there were three teams at the top of the Backyard Conference, right? That means every week, two lucky teams contending for that last spot will get to play each other instead of having to face down one of the terrors at the top. This week’s lucky winners were the Green Monsters and Baltimore Orioles, who entering this game were 4-6 (tied for fourth) and 3-7 (last place but only a game out). Once again, the Orioles struggled, scoring only 9 runs on 23 hits and giving up 4 defensively, but unlike in their first game at Tin Can Alley where the Monsters struggled to score (a problem that’s plagued them at home despite theoretically residing at one of the most offense-prone fields in the league), the Monsters did well, scoring 17 runs on barely more hits than the Orioles (26) and a walk while shutting down Baltimore’s AI to the tune of only allowing one hit. The Monsters now take sole possession of the #4 seed at 5-7, while the Orioles are now 2 games out and behind everyone else at 3-8.

Player of the game: This one goes to another Backyard pitcher, as Yvonne Carter pitched 5 innings and recorded 3 strikeouts while only allowing a single hit. But don’t think she didn’t produce on offense, as she went a good 4-for-5 with three singles and a double while batting in 2 runs. In the clubhouse after the game she admitted to not being very fond of cream sauces, finding them unenjoyable on her tongue.

JOMAR’S FORFEIT

Seattle Fishes 2, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles -24 Forfeit

Entering the week, the Fishes were decisiviely out of the playoffs and the Angles would have to win out while Arizona lost out. Consequently, Jomar decided to just give up in a fit of pique that he later characterized as a protest against the current playoff format [Editor’s note: I’m not sure I believe that one.] that took him out (not that it would’ve mattered anyway, since the Diamondbacks won). Consequently, the game was characterized as a forfeit, with the Fishes letdown of a performance (2 runs on 14 hits) being completely unimportant.

Player of the game: In a situation like this, nobody wins and everybody loses.

YET ANOTHER SCAB GAME

Florida Marlins 23, Los Angeles Dodgers 16

The Frontyard Conference was looking like a tight race for two spots, but things got really interesting in this one. The Dodgers had been rolling and looked like they were going to pick up an easy win against the struggling Marlins–and, given the game that they ended up having, this was a good guess, as they scored 17 runs on 21 hits and 3 walks while allowing a run. This score would have been enough to beat the Marlins in any other outing–except their normal coach couldn’t make it due to work concerns. Instead, Aesnop (Purple Sox head coach–yes, those Purple Sox) stepped in, and in a burst of suicidal overconfidence Dodgers coach hitace indicated that Aesnop should go all-out and play without reservations. That’s exactly what happened, as the Marlins scored 20 runs on 27 hits while allowing a run of their own to score. Without the proration of home scores, this would’ve been a win anyway, at 19-16; with it, the final score was 23-16, and suddenly the Frontyard Conference race is a lot more interesting. There may be only four teams competing for two slots, but those teams are very, very close. At the top are the Los Angeles Dodgers and Junior Athletics, who are both 8-3, and right below them are the 7-4 Minnesota Twins and Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Complicating matters is that the Devil Rays and Dodgers face off next week and the Devil Rays and Twins face off the week after, but outside of that none of these teams play each other in the last three weeks, meaning that a tasty upset here or there could spell doom for one or more of these teams. Consequently, chaos looks like it could reign in the Frontyard Conference very shortly, and that in and of itself should be entertaining.

Player of the game: Barry Bonds was hammering in this game, going 5-for-5 with two singles, a double, a triple, and a home run. He was also ostensibly in the cleanup position, as he finished with 7 RBIs and 4 runs scored.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (8-3)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (8-3)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (8-3)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (5-6)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (4-7)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (4-7)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (4-7)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (3-8)

Indoor Conference
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (10-1)
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (10-1)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund/Repub] (6-5)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (6-5)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (5-6)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (4-7)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (2-9)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (1-10)

Frontyard Conference
Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (8-3)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (8-3)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (7-4)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (7-4)
New York Yankees [Marco] (5-6)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (5-6)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (3-8)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (1-10)

PLAYOFF PICTURE

BACKYARD
#1 Purple Sox [aesnop] (8-3)[x]
#2 Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (8-3)[x]
#3 Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (8-3)[x]
#4 Green Monsters [Yurya] (5-6)
IN THE HUNT
#5 Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (4-7)
#6 Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (4-7)
#7 Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount (4-7)
#8 Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (3-8)

INDOOR
#1 Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (10-1)[x]
#2 Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (10-1)[x]

FRONTYARD
#1 Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (8-3)
#2 Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (8-3)
IN THE HUNT
#3 Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (7-4)
#4 Minnesota Twins [Toast] (7-4)

[x] = clinched playoff berth

CURRENTLY ELIMINATED*
New York Yankees [Marco] (Frontyard Conference)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (Frontyard Conference)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (Frontyard Conference)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (Frontyard Conference)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association (Indoor Conference)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund/Repub] (Indoor Conference)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (Indoor Conference)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (Indoor Conference)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (Indoor Conference)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (Indoor Conference)
*elimination calculations by Sports Club Stats

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“Yay! We’re gonna play ball!” ­­—Courtney Valentino, Junior Athletics, on baseball

“I caught multiple hard-hit line drives, deliberately batted down another drive in the 1st so Todd could make a play, and ran faster than I had ever run before. I dunno what came over me. Maybe it’s… confidence? I credit my teammates for helping me find it. I’m proud to call them my friends.” – Nan Porter, Junior Athletics, on playing well

“Wow, what a great game! We stole a ton of bases, and Nan was absolutely stellar on defense! And it feels good to finally win at home again! We’ve been on the road a lot lately, and coach said I couldn’t do gymnastics on the dirt or the concrete for safety reasons. Well, I took full advantage of the thick grass today! Handstands and roundoffs and backflips all day to keep my, and everyone else’s, spirits up! And we’re gonna party all afternoon and evening at my house! Yay!” – Courtney Valentino, Junior Athletics, on why grass is far superior to concrete as a playing surface

“I can tell you from experience: nobody in the BBL throws wilder postgame parties than the Valentino residence. We have water wars in the front yard, a trampoline in the back yard, and there’s all sorts of indoor entertainment. Video games, DDR, karaoke, home-cooked pizza, plenty of apple juice and soda, friendly roughhousing, pillow fights, board and card games, the list goes on. It’s a bit excessive for kids their age, I think. Coach Mello’s eyes widened when he heard this was going on, and for good reason. But he allows these parties, because he trusts me to help keep the wildness in the right direction. And I’m glad he does, because we work so hard week in and week out that I feel like the kids need this, you know what I mean? And don’t tell Ronny I said this, but I admit I have fun, too. Maybe I shouldn’t be so eager to grow up.” – Sally Dobbs, Junior Athletics, on the Athletics postgame parties

“I hate children. Why do they have to be so dumb?” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, on coaching

“Lemme at ’em.” – Aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, imitating his favorite cartoon character

“Achmed had it coming.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on playing the Wombats

“I would like to be quoted as saying ‘You likeda juice? I get you more juice’ when asked about drug use in baseball.” – aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, on drug use and abuse on his team

“I didn’t notice there’s a snake in the Diamondbacks’ logo. I just thought it looked really stupid.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, on the Arizona Diamondbacks’ logo

“There’s a snake in my boot!” – Woody, Toy Story 2, on depression

“JBA will quote basically anything out of context, huh.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, on the media

Week 10 saw the Indoor Conference continue to be dominated by two teams, the Frontyard Conference look more and more like a two-team race, and the Backyard Conference…descend into chaos? What? Read on to find out what happened!

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Boston Cubs vs. Wizard Wombats

Both these teams were among the three dominating the Backyard Conference coming into this game. The Wombats had a slightly better record, at 7-2 as compared to the Cubs 6-3, but both teams had performed well throughout the season and were looking to make this a good matchup. The interesting thing was that they were built for very different styles of play; the Cubs were built as a defense-oriented team that would keep their opponents scores’ down, while the Wombats had forgone defense in favor of an offensive-heavy approach. With these two philosophies matching up against each other, it was going to be interesting to see which one would end up being more successful.

As the visiting team, the Cubs were the first ones up to bat, and they started things off with a single that put the speedy Susan Gore on first. After she stole second, Lisa Crockett ground out, and some poor baserunning put Susan Gore in a rundown where she barely managed to make it back to second safely. Her making it back would hurt the Wombats, though, as she then proceeded to steal third and then made it home when Alex Rodriguez hit a liner into left field after a Carlos Ocampo pop fly. This started a two-out rally, as the Cubs followed up their score with a Jorge Garcia single to left that scored two runs and then had Zoe Mallory hit a two-run double into center. Although the rally ended when Jessica Wassersas popped out to first, this still allowed the Cubs to carry a 3-run lead into the bottom of the inning.

There, the Wombats started to get their own back, as they followed crazyei8hts’s philosophy of “defense doesn’t matter if you just hit bombs” by smashing three solo shots with Marsellus Marx, Chico Pappas, and Achmed Khan (in that order), with the only out in that sequence coming from a Randi Uno grounder to third. They then got two runners on base when Amir Khan walked and Star Moonbeam hit an infield single. Although Jerry Winchell struck out, the following batter hit a double to deep center, pushing two runs across the plate and giving the Wombats a prorated lead of 6-3. Although Tim Hudson then proceeded to ground out to the shortstop, ending the inning, this still gave the Wombats a good chance an inning into the game.

The Cubs proceeded to fight back in the top of the second, starting with a Kenny Kawaguchi single that he ended up stealing third on and a Paco Kaufman single to put runners on the corners. On the very next pitch, Paco stole second to put two runners in scoring position for Susan Gore, who singled to right to drive in a run and advance Paco to third. Susan then stole second, and when the Wizard Wombats third baseman was caught playing well off the bag and nowhere near the throw from home, Paco was sent home and scored easily. This led to a pitching change where the Wombats swapped Tim Hudson for Amir Khan, who struck out Lisa Crocket but then proceeded to give up an infield single to Carlos Ocampo that put runners on the corners again. Naturally, the Cubs capitalized on this situation by sending Ocampo to second, and when Jennifer Goodfellow was caught playing back again, the Cubs once again stole home. Immediately afterwards, Alex Rodriguez hit a single to left-center to bring Carlos home, stole second, and scored when Jorge Garcia doubled to center. Zoe Mallory then hit a high fly to left field that was dropped, but some shoddy baserunning from Jorge Garcia left him caught in a rundown that again ended with him making it back to second. This would be the beginning of the end for the Cubs, however, as Jessica Wassersas would then ground into a fielder’s choice (she was out at first), and although Kenny Kawaguchi hit an infield single on the next at-bat, the inning ended when Paco Kaufman lined out to first base.

Unfortunately for the Cubs, a two-run lead wouldn’t hold once the Wombats came up to bat. Although the Cubs managed to get two outs on the top of the lineup, Chico Pappas hit an infield single and Achmed Khan proceeded to tie the game with a two-run homer to centerfield. The Wombats then put Amir Khan on second with a ground rule double and got an infield single with Star Moonbeam, but Jerry Winchell struck out to end the inning, leaving both teams tied at 8.

In the top of the third, Susan Gore started things off by getting a single, and then proceeded to steal to third before Lisa Crockett batted her in on a perfectly placed single down the right field line. The Wombats then made their second pitcher substitution, bringing in Randi Uno for Amir Khan, and on the very first pitch from Randi Carlos Ocampo got to first on a single to right. Lisa then proceeded to steal home when Jennifer was caught playing off the bag on a steal attempt yet again, and after Carlos Ocampo stole third, Alex Rodriguez hit an RBI single to shallow left field. Jorge then batted him in with an RBI double, and after Zoe Mallory got on base on an error, the Wombats finally got the first out of the inning on a failed double steal. Jessica Wassersas then grounded out to first, and on the subsequent at-bat Zoe Mallory was thrown out trying to steal third. This brought the Wombats up to bat, and while Jennifer Goodfellow struck out to start things off, Tim Hudson got on base on an error and the Wombats got runners on first and second after Paco Kaufman dropped a fly ball in left field. After a Randi Uno single to load the bases, Chico Pappas came up to bat, and although he hit a fly ball to shallow center, nobody called it and it dropped, allowing a run to cross the plate, keeping the bases loaded as Achmed Khan hit into a fielder’s choice where he was out at first but scored another run as Amir Khan came up to bat. Unfortunately for the Wombats, he hit a high pop fly to shallow center that was caught by Alex Rodriguez for the third out, leaving the Cubs with a 12-10 lead.

Kenny Kawaguchi started off the fourth for the Cubs, and grounded out to first base. However, Paco Kaufman hit an infield single, and advanced to third on steals, and when Susan Gore walked they scored another run, stealing home with Paco and both second and third with Susan. Lisa Crockett then proceeded to lineout to the pitcher, but Carlos Ocampo walked, and on the very next pitch Susan Gore stole home and Carlos stole both second and third. Before it could get worse for the Wombats, however, Alex Rodriguez hit a line drive to left field that was caught for an out, keeping the game close at 14-10 Cubs.

The bottom of the fourth started with a Star Moonbeam infield fly, and after Jerry Winchell struck out for the third time in three at-bats, the Wombats were staring at their final out in the inning. They staved off the 1-2-3 inning with a home run from Jennifer Goodfellow to make the score a prorated 14-12 Cubs, but a groundout from Tim Hudson kept them from making any more noise. The Cubs then proceeded to open the fifth with a triple from Jorge Garcia, and while Zoe Mallory was unable to get him in as she struck out, Jessica Wassersas got an infield single. She proceeded to steal second, although for once the Cubs didn’t steal home, and then Kenny Kawaguchi hit an infield single to load the bases. A dinky hit from Paco Kaufman right in front of home plate led to an fielder’s choice being made at home, and then Susan Gore proceeded to end the inning by grounding out to first. The Wombats then came up to bat, and proceeded to start the inning with another two straight outs. After that, however, Amir Khan hit a home run to the left and Chico Pappas followed it up with a home run to right. With the score now 14-13, Achmed Khan came up to the plate…and proceeded to fly out.

However, the Cubs had given up a run to the AI in the bottom of the fifth, and the game was now tied at 13-all. Since the home team takes all ties, the Cubs would need to score at least once and hold the lead in order to win. Lisa Crockett grounded out to start the inning, but the Cubs had life when the speedy Carlos Ocampo got on base with a perfectly placed grounder. Ocampo then proceeded to take third and attempted to steal home but turned around when it was evident he wouldn’t make it. He then scored when Alex Rodriguez placed a grounder in no-man’s-land between the exhausted catcher and pitcher, and turned the RBI infield single into an infield double by taken advantage of the Wombats’ tired arms and legs. Rodriguez then stole third, but was stranded there after Jorge Garcia struck out and Zoe Mallory popped out to centerfield. However, a one-run lead is as good as any other when the game ends, and the Cubs proceeded to narrowly take the game, leaving the top of the Backyard Conference a dogfight with the Purple Sox, Wizard Wombats, and Boston Cubs all sitting at 7-3.

Boston Cubs 14, Wizard Wombats 13

Next week’s game: Junior Brewers vs. Purple Sox

One of the teams vying for Backyard supremacy takes on a team just trying to grind their way into a playoff spot! The first time these two teams met, the Purple Sox’s AI held strong as the Brewers had a bad day. But this time, the Brewers are out for revenge, and since the Purple Sox are known for being a bit weaker at their home field, we might find an upset in the cards. Will the Brewers claw their way closer to a playoff spot? Or will the Purple Sox continue to make their case for the #1 seed? Find out September 4th at 8:30 PM Mountain Time with the Matchup Of The Week, only on Sisu’s Twitch!

Player of the game: It may have been a losing effort, but Tim Hudson put up an absolutely fantastic performance on the mound for the Wombats, going the distance and striking out 11 on his way to a 2-hit shutout. It might not have been enough to get his team the win, but it was enough to be acknowledged, as this performance saw him named the Backyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

Junior Athletics 9, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 1

The Athletics defense was reeling after the sudden (and unprecedented) shellacking the Dodgers had laid on it. However, facing the Devil Rays (a team they decidedly dismantled in Week 6) looked like it might be the panacea they needed. This turned out to be the case, as while Tampa Bay didn’t suffer a loss to the Athletics AI again, they didn’t do much better, only managing to win by a run in a close 2-1 game. The Athletics had no such problems, as they easily won 9-0. This result means that Tampa Bay is tied with Minnesota at a game out of the playoffs, while the Athletics now take sole control of the second seed and sit a game back of Los Angeles for the best record in the conference.

Player of the game: Todd Xavier was alright at the plate, going 2-for-4 with a pair of singles. But on the mound, he shone, throwing 5 strikeouts in a 4-hit shutout performance that got him named the Frontyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK! Even though Athletics coach MelloMathTeacher has claimed that Xavier is better when pitching for the AI, in this instance he did a pretty bang-up job on both ends, showcasing himself as a true professor of the pitch.

Los Angeles Dodgers 27, Minnesota Twins 7

After putting holes in the Athletics theoretically impenetrable defense on last week’s Matchup Of The Week, the Dodgers returned to their stomping grounds of Steele Stadium looking for revenge against the only team to defeat them on the field. They got it, as Los Angeles put together a 33-hit, 23-run beatdown of their opposition. It wasn’t even close, as the Twins faltered away from Dirt Yards, and although neither team quite reached the high offensive marks they set at that field, Minnesota  fell far shorter, only managing 9 runs, 15 hits, and three walks as they won 9-2. With this win, the Dodgers have a two-game lead on most of the playoff field, and the Athletics claim sole possession of the second seed. Meanwhile, the Twins are now tied with the Devil Rays at a game back from the playoffs, and it’s going to be an uphill battle for them to get in with second-half losses to the Dodgers and Athletics on their record.

Player of the game: Debby Nagasawa killed it for the Dodgers, as she went 4-for-5 with a single, a triple, and two home runs. Best of all, she usually did it with runners on base, as she finished with 9 RBIs and scored thrice. You know what else she did? She won the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK award!

Humongous Hornets 23, New York Yankees 5

For this season, the Hornets have been a team that usually does just enough to fall short. Occasionally, though, they have a breakout offensive game to remind everyone just how dangerous their bats are (although sometimes they fall short even then; see their first game against the Devil Rays for proof). This was one of those breakout games, as the Hornets put up their best game yet, scoring 21 runs on 27 hits and two walks while giving up two runs on the mound. New York just couldn’t compete, as while they did manage to garner 22 hits, they only turned them into 9 runs, which would’ve been bad enough without giving up 4 runs defensively. While the Hornets are still decisively eliminated from playoff contention, the Yankees now find themselves on the verge of being bumped out of the race after this two-game slide, with tough games against the Athletics, Twins, and Dodgers on the horizon.

Player of the game: Zena Fromme was crushing it on a team that was crushing it. She went 4-for-4 with three singles and a homer, but this performance got her 6 RBIs and saw her score thrice. It got to the point where she got walked so she wouldn’t embarass the Yankees anymore–not that it helped.

Florida Marlins 2, Little Giants -1

It was a long day for the Giants, as for the second game in a row they fell to the AI in a match where they couldn’t score any runs and let up one defensively. While their opponents also struggled (unsurprising, as the Giants AI is the second-best defense in the Frontyard Conference), they didn’t struggle enough, as the Marlins put together a 2-0 win where they only got 4 hits (3 singles, one double). This keeps Florida’s shrinking playoff hopes barely alive, while the Giants are now staring down a situation where they’ve scored only 2 runs in their past 4 games (one of which went into extra innings) and are having trouble just beating the AI.

Player of the game: On a day without much offense, obviously the most important player is defensive. In this case, it’s Marlins pitcher Matessa Sturgess, who pitched a 2-hit shutout against the Giants AI. While she only got 4 strikeouts, she also only threw 44 pitches, and was quick when it came to getting outs in a game where every at-bat counted.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Boston Reds 5, Milwaukee Braves 2

This one was a bit of an upset, as the Reds were 1-8 while the Braves were 3-6 coming into this one. Unfortunately for the Braves, they dropped back to earth after their strong game against the Melonheads in Week 9, this time only managing to 2 runs against their opposition at home. The Reds didn’t do too well offensively at Sandy Flats either, only managing 6 runs off of a surprisingly large 20 hits and a walk while giving up a run defensively, but the 6-1 result was enough to push them past the Braves and get them their second win of the season.

Player of the game: Derek Jeter went 2-for-4, but those two were a single and a grand slam that gave the Reds all they needed to win the game.

Texas Rangers 6, Seattle Fishes 1

In a massive violation of good sense and proper behavior around children, both coaches decided to coach these games while drunk. In this case, it was a story of two different games; the Rangers started out strongly but tailed off at the end, as while they won 10-4 three of those four runs were scored in the bottom of the sixth. The bottom of the sixth being the best part of the game for the Fishes held true in the other game, as while they won 5-4, they trailed 4-2 heading into the bottom of the sixth and were unable to really get much offense going until the fifth inning. This decisively eliminated the Fishes from their already tenuous postseason possibilities, and by virtue of being 10-0 the Texas Rangers became the first team in any conference to clinch a postseason berth.

Player of the game: Wally Evans went 3-for-4. Those three were a pair of singles and a home run. And that pair of singles and a home run helped him get 5 RBIs and score twice! Once again, he’d like to reiterate that he is in no manner associated with the Bob Evans restaurant chain.

Arizona Diamondbacks 20, Baltimore Bombers 10

The Diamondbacks kept rolling in this one, absolutely trouncing the Bombers on their end by scoring 21 hits off of 23 hits and a pair of walks while allowing a run defensively. Meanwhile, the Bombers struggled to put up a 9-0 victory off of 16 hits–not that it would have mattered anyway, as substitute coach Repub revealed that he had used batting power-ups, which have been made illegal this season. In the end, though, this Arizona win combined with the Rangers clinching a playoff seed means that the Baltimore Bombers are now officially the fifth team eliminated from contention, and the Indoor is a race for two spots among three teams–two of which are now well ahead of the third.

Player of the game: Nancy Chin continues to put up great pitching performances for Baltimore, this week tossing a 4-hit, 10-strikeout shutout performance that got her the Indoor Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK! Unfortunately, she was up against the Diamondbacks, and as has become usual, Jay Green won the BATTER OF THE WEEK award for the Indoor Conference. Even with the weight of expectations on him, though, Jay Green had a particularly good day, going 4-for-5 with all of those hits being home runs–and all of them with an average of more than two runners on base, as he finished with 13 RBIs. Honestly, at this point there’s no race for the MVP award this season. It’s going to Jay Green.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 44, Super-Duper Melonheads 1

Jomar had planned to lay the beatdown on Eauxps because the Melonheads coach woke him up. While I understand the necessity of sleep, this kind of score seems like a bit of an overreaction. Of Anaheim dominated the dead-in-the-water Melonheads, putting up 44 runs on 51 hits and 7 walks in an absolutely devastating road shutout win. Meanwhile, the Super-Duper Melonheads weren’t even able to put up a token resistance, as they barely won a 4-3 battle where they did manage 12 hits but failed to get many runners across the plate. The Angels keep their playoff hopes barely alive, as they can now be eliminated by a loss or wins from both the Rangers and the Diamondbacks, while the Super-Duper Melonheads are alone at the bottom of the league after the Reds upset win against the Braves.

Player of the game: Johnny Omar finally started to live up to his billing under Jomar, going 8-for-8 with a single, a triple, a home run–and a surprising five doubles. He finished with 8 RBIs and 7 runs scored, and after the game said absolutely nothing, for he is the strong, silent type.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Purple Sox 28, Red Phillies 18

The Purple Sox continued vying for the top spot in the Backyard Conference, this time by handily beating the Red Phillies at their coach’s former stomping ground of Steele Stadium. The Red Phillies put up a valiant effort, as they scored 21 runs on 28 hits and 2 walks while letting up three. Unfortunately for them, this wasn’t enough to take down the Purple Sox, as they went on a rampage and scored 25 runs on 32 hits and a pair of walks while allowing 2 runs to score. The Phillies now drop to 4-6, while the Purple Sox are tied for the lead in the Backyard Conference at 7-3.

Player of the game: Anna Goodreau of the Purple Sox went 4-for-5 with two singles, a double, and a home run. She scored every time she came up to bat, and finished with 5 RBIs. She’s definitely helping to keep the Purple Sox on a good road.

Junior Brewers 14, Baltimore Orioles 7

After upsetting the Montana Floss at Sandy Flats, the Orioles were looking to start a winning streak with another road game, this one at Scrapco against the Brewers. Unfortunately for them, they weren’t able to muster 16 runs again, this time only managing 7 off of 18 hits (although Marky Dubois did pitch a two-hit shutout). The Brewers didn’t have the best game of their season, but they didn’t need to, as a 14-2 win was quite enough to get them past Baltimore. The Brewers now sit at 4-6; the Orioles, 3-7.

Player of the game: Francis Blewer was good for the Brewers, going 5-for-5 with three singles and two home runs. She got 3 RBIs and scored four times. This performance was actually the best one that any hitter had this week, as she was named the Backyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

Montana Floss 15, Green Monsters 1

It was an odd day at Tin Can Alley. As usual, the Montana Floss put up a perfectly respectable score, getting 16 runs on 21 hits and 5 walks while allowing a rare run of their own, but the true story was the Green Monsters. The Monsters struggled against the Floss’s arm-heavy defense, as they found themselves unable to cross home for most of the game and ended up being the first team in the Backyard to have an extra-innings game this season. Eventually, they would win 2-1, but the result of this is that they and the Floss would be tied at 4-6–along with the Phillies and Brewers once the week ended. At this point, there are four teams tied for the final Backyard Conference playoff spot at 4-6, with the Baltimore Orioles sitting only one game back of the pack at 3-7. It’s still anyone’s spot to claim, and chaos is starting to reign in the Backyard as the season draws to a close.

Player of the game: Jeff Bagwell was spectacular for Montana, going 5-for-5 with 3 singles, a double, and a triple. He finished the day with 7 RBIs and scored twice. Plus, he was willing to make diving attempts to catch foul balls–a reckless and stupid decision at a concrete field.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (7-3)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (7-3)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (7-3)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (4-6)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (4-6)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (4-6)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (4-6)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (3-7)

Indoor Conference
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (10-0)
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (9-1)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (6-4)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund/Repub] (5-5)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (4-6)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (3-7)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (2-8)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (1-9)

Frontyard Conference
Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (8-2)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (7-3)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (6-4)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (6-4)
New York Yankees [Marco] (5-5)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (4-6)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (3-7)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (1-9)

PLAYOFF PICTURE

BACKYARD
#1 Purple Sox [aesnop] (7-3)
#2 Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (7-3)
#3 Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (7-3)
#4 Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (4-6)

IN THE HUNT
#5 Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (4-6)
#6 Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount (4-6)
#7 Green Monsters [Yurya] (4-6)
#8 Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (3-7)

INDOOR
#1 Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (10-0)
#2 Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (9-1)

IN THE HUNT
#3 Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (6-4)

FRONTYARD
#1 Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (8-2)
#2 Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (7-3)

IN THE HUNT
#3 Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (6-4)
#4 Minnesota Twins [Toast] (6-4)
#5 New York Yankees [Marco] (5-5)

CURRENTLY ELIMINATED*
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (Frontyard Conference)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (Frontyard Conference)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund/Repub] (Indoor Conference)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (Indoor Conference)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (Indoor Conference)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (Indoor Conference)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (Indoor Conference)
*elimination calculations by Sports Club Stats

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“We’re still one of the top teams in the league and we have time to reverse our fortunes.” – T-Boz, Tampa Bay Devil Rays head coach, on staying hopeful

“That is poop.” – hitace, Los Angeles Dodgers head coach, on the situation at catcher

“I don’t want to be feared…I want to help my friends and let people have fun!” – Courtney Valentino, Junior Athletics, on optimism

“If I go 7-7 I will eat a shoe.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, on the needless taxing of one’s digestive system

“Mike Piazza looks like a pizza man.” – Butch Sherrod, Junior Athletics, on Mike Piazza

“I would definitely risk incarceration for BBL!” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on going to jail

“I am grateful for this PITCHER OF THE WEEK honor. We still have much to learn and to accomplish; I cannot afford to stop grinding and practicing. My teammates may be partying it up at Nick’s Pizza Parlor as we speak, and I guess I can go join them since I pitched a good game. But now that we’ve come this far, the pressure’s only going to get even higher. My brother pitched in college and I look up to him a lot. He says these moments always come, and you’ve just gotta rise up and be the best, man. So that’s what we’re gonna do. My defense has my back. Nothing’s stopping us.” – Todd Xavier, Junior Athletics starting pitcher and PITCHER OF THE WEEK

“It’s no wonder they call it fantasy football ’cause it’s unreal how [censored] this game is!” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, on fantasy football

“I need to study the defense carefully and scrimmage against teams with similar arms at the same positions to form an offensive strategy.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on strategy

“I like when they’re pitching high and inside and the shaded circle looks like you’re blowing a bubble.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on strategy

“So Bill’s a vole.” – Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, performing zoology

“Maybe hitace is a werewolf. Or two werewolves. Or maybe hitace is a wereturkey and a robot platypus.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on hitace, Los Angeles Dodgers head coach

Week 9 was absolutely nuts! The Backyard Conference continued to host a tight race for the last playoff slot (and we’re not even two-thirds of the way through the season), scabs continued to play in the Indoor Conference, and it’s crowded at the top in the Frontyard Conference! Add in several close games, including what might be the best Matchup Of The Week ever, and you’ve got a recipe for a dramatic and fantastic week of baseball.

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Los Angeles Dodgers vs. Junior Athletics

The Junior Athletics and Los Angeles Dodgers entered this game both at 7-2 and tied for the lead in the Frontyard Conference. Despite both being leaders of their conference, they’d taken wildly different routes to get there. For the Athletics, it was a case of drafting great defense and solid offense that led them to their 7-2 record, as their only losses had come on a day when that offense faltered and they lost to the AI, and on a day when their offense faltered and they lost a tight defensive game on the home tiebreaker (to the Dodgers, interestingly enough). As for the Dodgers, they were drafted for offense, pitching, and absolutely nothing else in a scenario that left the woefully underpowered arm of Gretchen Hasselhoff behind home plate (opening third base for steals almost immediately on most fields), and after a cheating scandal that broke in the first two weeks, they were forced to forfeit their first two games (one of which was reversed by mutual agreement) and bring in a replacement head coach. This coach turned out to be surprisingly good, and the Dodgers proceeded to outhit most of their competition, only losing when the Twins put up 29 runs on their home field.

Naturally, plenty was on the line in this game. In addition to conference supremacy, pride was on the line, as Athletics coach MelloMathTeacher was fired up about his team’s close road loss to the Dodgers and intent on avenging it (largely by stealing as many bases as possible). With home field advantage and an incredibly strong defense led by the impeccable AI pitching of Todd Xavier on their side, the Athletics were looking to shut down the Dodgers high-octane offense, while the Dodgers were hoping to punch through in a way they couldn’t in these teams’ first matchup.

The game started auspiciously for the Dodgers, as they opened the game with a home run from Leah Wayne. They continued to score after that in the top of the first, as after a Debby Nagasawa groundout Albert Pujols hit a 2-run homer to right field; this was followed by Gretchen Hasselhoff and Ronny Dobbs both getting on base, where Jose Meisenheimer blasted only his second home run of the year to put Los Angeles up 6-0. Two swift popouts from the bottom of the order ended the top of the first, though, and when the Athletics took over they wasted no time setting up a comeback.

It started when leadoff batter Courtney Valentino hit an infield single and then stole two bases to land on third. She was singled in by Nan Porter, and after stealing second the Athletics ended up with runners on first and third after a Ray Tran single. Dawn Cozart then hit a ground rule double to offscreen left field, and with runners on second and third and no outs Sally Dobbs came to the plate with her team trailing 6-2 and no outs. She batted in a run with an outfield single, but some poor baserunning from Dawn Cozart resulted in a rundown and the game’s first out. Sally did end up getting to third on a pair of steals, though, and after Holly Franklin made it to first on an infield single where the defense chose not to attempt a play at first, Wendy Parsons came up to bat. After Holly stole second, Wendy grounded out to the pitcher, and Butch Sherrod came to the plate, where he hit a ball into the outfield that scored two runs and allowed him to land on first. Although the next batter ended up popping out, the damage was done, and the projected prorated score at the end of the inning was 6-6.

In the top of the 2nd, Los Angeles retook the lead after Leah Wayne tripled and was then driven in by a Debby Nagasawa double. After an Ernie Steele infield single where Debby advanced to third on a throwing error, Albert Pujols came up to the plate, and after Ernie stole second, he hit a deep sacrifice fly that scored both of the baserunners, putting the Dodgers up 9-6. They failed to score any further, however, and in the bottom of the second the Athletics took control. They opened with another Courtney Valentino where she stole second and third, got Nan Porter on base with an infield single where she subsequently stole second, and loaded the bases on a Ray Tran single where the coach chose not to send Courtney home. Dawn Cozart then came up and hit a single to deep right field that scored two runs, making the score 9-8; she was followed by Sally Dobbs, who batted in Ray from third after a double steal to tie the game. Another double steal put runners on second and third, and after an infield single from Holly Franklin to load the bases, Wendy Parsons popped up to the shallow outfield. Unfortunately for the Dodgers, the ball was mishandled, and the error led to two runs scoring and the Athletics taking a prorated 12-9 lead. Another double steal occurred, and a Butch Sherrod single drove in yet another run. After Butch stole second, Todd Xavier grounded out for the first out of the inning, but Courtney Valentino then hit a 1-run double and Nan Porter got on base with an infield single. Ray Tran then approached the plate with the bases loaded and the Athletics up 14-9, and pitcher Albert Pujols (the third one for the Dodgers, taking the mound after Leah Wayne and Jose Meisenheimer) walked him to put the Athletics up 15-9. Courtney Valentino then scored on a fielder’s choice from Dawn Cozart (out at first), and this was followed up with Sally Dobbs’s 2-run single to left-center, putting the Athletics up by a prorated score of 19-9.

Another pitcher swap occurred then, and although it wasn’t evident at the time, this would prove to be a turning point in the game. When Ronny Dobbs took the mound, Holly Franklin ended up hitting a grounder to the third-base side of the field that Ronny snatched up and threw almost all the way across the diamond to first to get her out and end the inning. Offensively, the Dodgers narrowed the gap in the top of the third, managing a solo home run from Bobby Bulgrien that was technically still retrievable by virtue of going over the hose next to the shed in right field rather than over part of the fence proper (but that he still scored on by running the bases, a 2-run line drive homer into left from Debby Nagasawa scored her and Leah Wayne, and Albert Pujols hit a 2-run homer to right field that scored him and Ernie Steele before Gretchen Hasselhoff grounded out to end the two-out rally and leave the score at 19-14 in favor of the Athletics. However, in the bottom of the third, the Athletics offense saw its first hiccups, as Ronny Dobbs once again snagged a grounder to the right of the mound and made the long throw in time against Wendy Parsons and then caught a Butch Sherrod pop-up. At that point, the offense briefly came alive, with Todd Xavier getting an infield single and eventually stealing third followed by an infield single from Courtney Valentino getting an infield single and stealing second. An infield single from Nan Porter loaded the bases, and Ray Tran then hit a two-run double to right field that put the Athletics up 21-14, but the inning ended shortly after that when Dawn Cozart lined out to the shortstop.

The fourth inning passed fairly uneventfully, as the Dodgers offense slowed for the first time by only getting one hit in the top of the inning (a single from Murray Goldman) and not scoring at all and the Athletics offense similarly was halted when Sally Dobbs, Holly Franklin, and Wendy Parsons all went down in a row, with the latter two being gunned down at first by Ronny’s arm and Sally striking out against her little brother. However, the Dodgers bounced back in the top of the fifth as an error by the shortstop put Leah Wayne on first. A single to right field put runners on first and second, and the speed at the top of the Dodgers lineup came into play the very next at-bat, as a dribbler from Ernie Steele somehow managed not to be picked up in time to get anybody out. Albert Pujols then came up to bat with the bases loaded, and after fouling a few pitches off, he hit into a fielder’s choice that scored a run (Pujols was out at first). Gretchen Hasselhoff then made it to first with an infield single, and the bases were once again loaded, this time for Ronny Dobbs. After taking a pitch, Ronny liked the next one he saw and blasted it over his sister’s head in centerfield for a grand slam that cut the Athletics lead to 21-19.

After a Meisenheimer hit that was just barely short of being a home run, Murray Goldman struck out to put two outs on the board and Bobby Bulgrien popped up to end the inning, but the pressure was now on for the Athletics to reinforce their lead in the bottom of the fifth. Unfortunately for the Athletics, the first two batters they had up were both weak and slow hitters, who grounded out. Courtney Valentino then came up as their last home to score more runs, and when she got on first and stole third followed by Nan Porter also making it to first on an infield grounder, the Athletics had hope that they could increase their lead. Unfortunately for them, Ronny Dobbs was taken off the mound for a fresh arm, and Bobby Bulgrien struck out the only batter he faced.

Los Angeles entered the top of the sixth down by two in an offense-heavy game, needing to score at least three in order to take the win since the home team wins all ties. Once again, Leah Wayne led off the order, and hit a towering pop fly to deep right center that turned into a ground rule double when neither the right fielder nor the center fielder made a call for the ball, allowing it to drop to the ground and bounce over the fence. Debby Nagasawa then fouled out to left field, but Ernie Steele managed to get on base with an infield single that advanced Leah to third. Albert Pujols then came to the plate as the possible winning run, and after Ernie Steele stole second he hit a fly ball to deep center that was dropped, allowing two runs to score and putting the winning run on first with two outs available for the Dodgers. One of those outs would occur immediately, however, as Gretchen Hasselhoff would hit a grounder that would put her on first but get Pujols out at second on a fielder’s choice.

It was then that insanity happened, as in the Athletics’ version of the game the AI version of Leah Wayne smashed an 0-1 pitch from reliever Sally Dobbs into the pigpen for a home run. This dropped the Athletics score by a run, and suddenly put the Dodgers up 21-20, giving them the lead for the first time since the second inning. The Dodgers were unable to score any more runs, as Ronny Dobbs grounded out, and the Athletics did prevent the AI Dodgers from scoring any more runs, but the game would evidently come down to the bottom of the sixth and the defense of the Dodgers.

There, the defense bent heavily, leaving Gretchen Hasselhoff’s 0.00 ERA in jeopardy as Sally Dobbs came up to the plate with two outs and runners on second and third. She started off shakily, missing the strike zone twice to set Sally up with a 2-0 count, but regained control, getting Sally to swing and miss on two inside pitches that would’ve been strikes anyway. She then proceeded to throw a special slo-mo pitch that missed the strike zone for ball three, bringing the game to a vital full count, but doubled down and threw another slo-mo. This time, the pitch would’ve hit the strike zone, but Sally swung early and missed completely, striking out and ending the game.

Los Angeles Dodgers 21, Junior Athletics 20

Next week’s game: Super-Duper Wombats vs. Boston Cubs

A matchup for Backyard supremacy ensues, as two of the top three teams in the conference face off. The Wombats boast the best offense in the conference, as they’ve put up the most runs of any Backyard team, while the Cubs have one of the worst Backyard offenses but make up for it with their tenacious defense that has shut down most of their opponents. These two are going to fight to the finish to try and prove themselves as the best team in the Backyard and slip into pole position as the playoffs near. Don’t miss it; it’s happening August 28th at 8:30 P.M. MDT, only on Sisu’s Twitch!

Player of the game: On the broadcast, the Los Angeles AI’s version of Ronny Dobbs was named the player of the game because the Athletics’ offense was absolutely shut down from the moment he came on the mound…but since that award doesn’t go to the AI, it’s gonna have to be someone else. Dodgers pitcher Gretchen Hasselhoff was fantastic, going the full game while striking out 10 (including the vital final strikeout with two runners in scoring position) and allowing only five hits, and was named the Frontyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK, but because of the huge scores posted by both teams I’m afraid that this award has to go to the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK instead: Albert Pujols of the Los Angeles Dodgers, who went 3-for-5 with a single and a pair of homers, bringing in 9 runs and scoring twice.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

Humongous Hornets 2, Little Giants -1

In a game between two teams near the bottom of the conference, someone had to win. In this instance, it was the Hornets–on both sides. For the Humongous Hornets, the story was the implacability of Amanda Hellerman when she pitched for the Giants AI, as they were mostly held in check with a 7-hit day where their only runs came off of a two-run homer from Cliff Floyd. For the Litte Giants, however, it was the same old story as it’s been all season: defense okay, offense 404 not found. The Giants average exactly one run given up per game, and that was the case here; unfortunately for them, that was one run too many, as despite producing one more hit than the Hornets, they were unable to produce any runs. As both teams are already eliminated from the playoffs, this outcome has no impact on the playoff picture, but it does give Hornets fans a bit of hope that they might see a strong finish at the end of the season.

Player of the game: If you expected to see a pitcher here, you’re absolutely right. Annie Frazier and Angelique Harding split duties on the mound for the Hornets, but Annie was the one who shouldered more of the load, pitching 3 1/3 innings, striking out three, and allowing three hits on her way to shutting out the Giants AI offense. She wasn’t a slouch on offense, either, going 2-for-3 with a pair of singles and a strikeout; it’s just a shame that she couldn’t find anyone to bat her across the plate.

Minnesota Twins 10, Florida Marlins 2

After a deflating loss to the Athletics that pushed the Twins out of being immediately in line for a playoff spot, Minnesota rebounded against the Marlins, putting up 9 runs on 18 hits while shutting them out defensively. As has been the case for the past few weeks, Florida had no response, as they found themselves able to gain traction against the Twins defense, only managing 11 hits and a walk as they scored 4 runs while giving up 9 hits and 2 runs of their own. In the end, the Twins gained on the Athletics and are now tied with them and the Devil Rays for second place in the division, while the Marlins have once again faltered and are all but eliminated from playoff contention.

Player of the game: Julie Dunkel was a one-woman show for the Minnesota Twins. At the plate, she went 3-for-3 with a single and two home runs (both solo shots). On the mound, she pitched a complete-game shutout with six strikeouts while allowing only 6 hits. And in the dugout, she brought enough gum to share with everybody.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays 12, New York Yankees 6

The Yankees and Devil Rays had equal records coming into this game, but they were trending in two different directions. While Tampa Bay had been solid all season, they’d picked up the pace after a humiliating loss to the Athletics’ AI and had just put up their second-best game of the season against the Humongous Hornets (incidentally, the best game they had was also against the Hornets, in Week 4). Meanwhile, New York had cooled off from their hot 3-1 start, having dropped a few games against strong competition. In this instance, momentum won out, as while the Yankees were able to score 5 runs off of 12 hits and 2 walks, the Devil Rays did far better, scoring 15 runs on 23 hits and convincingly winning the match despite giving up three runs on defense. Tampa Bay now finds itself tied for second place with the Twins and Athletics, while New York is suddenly starting to flag in the top-heavy Frontyard Conference.

Player of the game: Robert Young of the Devil Rays went 3-for-5 with a double, a triple, and a home run. He scored twice and had 5 RBIs. I guess unlike Jesse Dylan, the Devil Rays will be…forever Young.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Texas Rangers 17, Boston Reds 10

The Boston Reds finally had a good day, putting up 13 runs on 26 hits at Dirt Yards. Unfortunately, their score was lowered slightly by giving up 3 runs on defense, and it ended up not being enough for them to get the win anyway as the Texas Rangers once again did enough to win by scoring 17 runs on 18 hits and a pair of walks. Even the Rangers’ subpar defensive performance where they allowed 3 runs on 12 hits wasn’t enough to impair them, and the Rangers ran away with the win to stay undefeated and atop the Indoor Conference. The Reds, of course, are still eliminated.

Player of the game: Even though they lost, this was the Reds best game to date, and a big part of that was Mike Piazza having a good day. The drummer went 4-for-5 with a pair of singles and a pair of doubles that brought in 4 runs while scoring thrice himself. He was also blasting Anthrax in the clubhouse before the game, so maybe the coach should play more thrash.

Milwaukee Braves 17, Super-Duper Melonheads 3

Another team that’s typically struggled to put runs across the plate absolutely exploded in this one, as the Braves had their best game all season. Offensively, they were fantastic, getting 17 runs on 23 hits and a trio of walks in a game where they managed an impressive 8 home runs (more than a third of all the homers they’ve had this season). Defensively, they were just as solid as ever, as Shohei Ohtani pitched a 2-hit shutout complete game where he mowed down 8 batters at the plate. And overall, this should give them hope for next season, as like their opponents they’re still eliminated from playoff contention. Speaking of their opponents, this was just a disaster, as the Super-Duper Melonheads left 11 runners stranded (4 runs on 15 hits) and gave up 7 hits and a run. Although both these teams are going to write off this season as a lost year, this result should at least bolster the Braves confidence heading into the final stretch of the season.

Player of the game: On a day when Milwaukee shone brightly, Libby Futterman had the strongest performance (or should I say the Bravest performance? Heh). She went 4-for-4 with a pair of singles and a pair of home runs that got her 6 RBIs and saw her score 3 times. After the game, she claimed that pigeons can communicate with tigers and giraffes but they don’t do it much because they don’t have much to talk about.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Wizard Wombats 27, Junior Brewers 27 (HOME DECISION)

The Wizard Wombats may be one of the top teams in the league, but the famously mercurial Junior Brewers made this game the closest one of the season, with the separation in score being exactly nothing once the home multiplier was factored in. Once again, the Wombats put up a great offensive performance, smashing 10 homers as they scored 25 runs off of 33 hits and a walk. Unfortunately, their powerhouse offense was tempered by their defense, which let up 10 hits and three runs, which was almost enough to push the Brewers over the finish line. The Junior Brewers were no slouches, scoring 28 runs off of 41 hits, and they would’ve taken the win were it not for them giving up a single inopportune run. In the end, the game was an exact tie, and since the Wombats were the home team, they were given the win by decision.

Player of the game: Jenny Jenny, who can I turn to? Jennifer Goodfellow was, as she often is, a monster at the plate for the Wizard Wombats, going 4-for-5 with a double and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. She always seemed to come up with runners on base, too, as she had 10 RBIs (double digits, Paul!) and ended up scoring every time she got a hit. Also, she doesn’t have a favorite Scorsese movie; apparently her parents don’t think she’s “old enough to handle them.” Honestly, they’re not wrong.

Baltimore Orioles 16, Montana Floss 13

The Baltimore Orioles had their best game of the season at Sandy Flats, felling the Montana Floss in another close game for them. For the Floss, it was a tough, gritty affair as all their hitters stopped at first (final reckoning: 24 hits for 24 singles. Also, three walks) and they were only able to score 12 runs while giving up one of their own (only their second of the year. Meanwhile, the Orioles were able to actually hit the ball deep, as of their 25 hits 7 of them went for extra bases (2 doubles, 5 home runs). Despite Sandy Flats’ reputation as a defensive field, it favored the Orioles heavily, and they took the win. The Floss and Orioles are now tied at the bottom of the conference, both 3-6–and also both only a game out of the final playoff spot.

Player of the game: Marky Dubois was okay on offense; he went 4-for-5, all singles, with one RBI and two scores. But on the mound, he was murderous, pitching a 1-hit shutout that saw him get 8 strikeouts and throw only 41 pitches (all strikes). This was good enough to make him the Backyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

Purple Sox 27, Boston Cubs 8

After a tough Week 8 loss to the Wizard Wombats, the Purple Sox bounced back against the tough defense of the Boston Cubs. For the Cubs, it was a poor day offensively (as most of their losses have been), as they were only able to get on base 16 times (14 hits, 2 walks) and only scored half of their runners. Meanwhile, the Purple Sox had an unprecedented offensive performance, shattering the Cubs seemingly impenetrable defense (which had never given up more than 15 runs, even when including any home team proration) to the tune of 34 hits, 2 walks, and 27 runs. This performance gave the Purple Sox a blowout win and leaves them tied with the Cubs for second place in the Backyard Conference.

Player of the game: Kay O’Toole continues to be the best part of the Purple Sox, this time going 6-for-6 with two doubles, two triples, and two home runs. She had 8 RBIs and scored every time she came up to bat. Always taciturn, she had nothing to say when asked to comment on her performance.

Green Monsters 32, Red Phillies 22

The Brewers may be the most unpredictable team in the Backyard Conference, posting run differentials that range from +5 to +38, but the Monsters are no slouches in that department either. Here, they put up their best score yet while on the road at Playground Commons, leaning on their power-heavy lineup to put up 34 runs on 46 hits (with eight of those hits being homers) while giving up two runs of their own. The Phillies would have been hard pressed to match this score, but they gave it a valiant effort as they swatted an incredible 12 dingers. Unfortunately, these homers frequently came with the bases empty, and the Phillies ended up only scoring 20 runs while also allowing two Monsters across the plate. The Monsters and Phillies are now tied for the 4th Backyard slot in the playoffs as they’re now both 4-5.

Player of the game: The Monsters had some great hitting, but the undisputed best was Raquel Cullen, who was named the Backyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK! How, you might ask? She went 7-for-7 with two singles, a double, and an impressive 4 home runs. She scored six times on the day. She stole a base. And most importantly, she hit double digit RBIs, with 10. It’s a well-deserved win for the Monsters this week, and a well-deserved award for Yvonne. (Let’s not talk about her pitching performance.)

RETURN OF THE SCABS

Once again, two coaches in the Indoor Conference needed substitute coaches. They were the same two teams as last time (the Angels and the Bombers), but this time they wouldn’t face each other. Instead, there would be two teams who still had their regular coaches facing off against substitutes.

Arizona Diamondbacks 20, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 1

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association was the second team to acquire a substitute. In this case, the problem was that Jomar was travelling but didn’t realize he’d need someone to sit in for him until very late in the week. The lucky dog who got to coach the team after the horrid performance JorgesBankAccount put up last week? That would happen to be the one and only BootyHunter.

BootyHunter is an interesting coach, to say the least. He coached the Minnesota Monsters for 7 games in Season 6, coming in as a midseason replacement for Aesnop in one of the toughest divisions possible. Under him, the Monsters struggled, in large part because of his inexperience and in larger part because they were built for a specific and unusual playstyle. The one bright spot for the Monsters after their first coach left was that their pitching improved immensely, with pitcher Ramona Bennett actually setting the single-game record for strikeouts in the last game of the season (20 strikeouts in 9 1/3 innings, tying a record set that same week of 20 strikeouts in 16 innings and outpacing it by being much more efficient).

It was expected that as a pitching guru with Mr. Clanky on his team, BootyHunter would put up a pitching performance for the ages. While he didn’t quite do that, he had a great day with the robot arm on the mound, throwing a 1-hit shutout complete with 11 strikeouts that got Mr. Clanky the Indoor Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK award. Unfortunately, Jomar’s similarly unorthodox lineup combined with BootyHunter’s uncertain offensive abilities kept the Angels down, as they only scored one run (off of a Mr. Clanky solo shot). It was easy for the Diamondbacks to exceed this, as they took 29 hits and a walk and turned them into 20 runs and a win. The Diamondbacks remain in second place in the Indoor Conference, at 8-1, while the Angels are now 3 games out of the playoff race despite being the third-best team in the conference.

Player of the game: I’d love to give the award to Mr. Clanky for his great performance, but as is almost always the case when it comes to the Diamondbacks, the award goes to Jay Green. Jay Green actually had a better-than-usual day by the standards Sisu’s set for him this season (and isn’t that terrifying), as he went 5-for-5 with a single, a double, a triple, and a home run. And another home run, because of course he did. He had 8 RBIs, scored every time he came up to bat, and was the only Arizona player to commit an error. (Wait. That’s not good. Ha! He’s not perfect!) He’s also now leading the league in batting average, home runs, and RBIs, and sits 3 runs behind the current leader for runs scored (Kay O’Toole of the Purple Sox).

Seattle Fishes 15, Baltimore Bombers 5

In contrast to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angels Association, the Bombers have enlisted the services of a semi-permanent substitute coach while their normal coach is otherwise occupied. This coach is Repub92, who joined the league a bit too late to take on a team in Season 6 and didn’t opt to coach full-time in this season but was willing to step in for the Bombers on a trial basis. He won his first game against the Angels, but as they had a substitute who performed rather poorly (it was me), this game was viewed as the Bombers first true test.

Unfortunately for Repub, the Fishes are coached by someone who seems to usually start out slow before settling in and going on a tear later in the season. That was the case last season with elchrisblanco’s Seattle Mariners, and has been the case this season with the surging Seattle Fishes. While the Bombers did have a respectable enough performance, scoring 5 runs on 10 hits and 2 walks and shutting out their opponent’s AI, the Fishes steamrolled them, scoring 14 runs on 25 hits and a walk while allowing only one run. This leaves the Fishes still barely alive in the playoff race, while the Bombers stay still technically ahead of the Fishes but still falling behind in the race as Texas and Arizona continue to soar.

Player of the game: There were plenty of strong hitters for Seattle, but the best one of them all was Jane Davis. She went 4-for-4 with two singles, a double, and a home run, drove in 3 RBIs, and scored every time she came up to bat. After the game, she was curious as to whether a robot snake cyborg would be able to obey Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics, or whether the snake’s instincts would render it noncompliant.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (7-2)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (6-3)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (6-3)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (4-5)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (4-5)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (3-6)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (3-6)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (3-6)

Indoor Conference
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (9-0)
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (8-1)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (5-4)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund] (5-4)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (4-5)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (3-6)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (1-8)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (1-8)

Frontyard Conference
Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (7-2)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (6-3)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (6-3)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (6-3)
New York Yankees [Marco] (5-4)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (3-6)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (2-7)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (1-8)

PLAYOFF PICTURE

BACKYARD
#1 Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (7-2)
#2 Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (6-3)
#3 Purple Sox [aesnop] (6-3)
#4 Green Monsters [Yurya] (4-5)

IN THE HUNT
#5 Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (4-5)
#6 Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (3-6)
#7 Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (3-6)
#8 Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (3-6)

INDOOR
#1 Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (9-0)
#2 Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (8-1)

IN THE HUNT
#3 Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (5-4)
#4 Baltimore Bombers [jlund] (5-4)

FRONTYARD
#1 Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (7-2)
#2 Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (6-3)

IN THE HUNT
#3 Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (6-3)
#4 Minnesota Twins [Toast] (6-3)
#5 New York Yankees [Marco] (5-4)

CURRENTLY ELIMINATED*
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (Frontyard Conference)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (Frontyard Conference)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (Indoor Conference)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (Indoor Conference)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (Indoor Conference)
*elimination calculations by Sports Club Stats

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“I feel like JBA’s gotten really unlucky this season.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Boston Cubs head coach, on JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach

“Prepare yourself for shenanigans.” – Toast, Minnesota Twins head coach, on his team’s performance

“I work, study, and practice a LOT to get where I am so I seem to be overachieving… mostly because its summer and I can, and a FY title is actually reachable for a dedicated rookie.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on how he prepares for games

“I get free state fair tickets.” – JOMAR, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association head coach, flexing on all of us

“‘Ooooooohhhhh, Kay.’ No. Kay O.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, watching Kay O’Toole’s performance in the Week 2 Matchup Of The Week and creating a joke that just won’t die

“Birthdays are meaningless.” – Todd Xavier, Junior Athletics pitcher

“Texas likes sports.” – jibbodahibbo, Junior Brewers head coach, on the Rangers success this season

“I prepped all these primates three days ago.” Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, on phone calls

“God, I need hugs.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on disappointment

“Too bad we can’t both win.” – hitace, Los Angeles Dodgers head coach, missing the point of competition

It’s a week after the All-Star break, and once again the season is back at full throttle! What happened this week? Well, one game saw both teams go to extra innings, another game saw both teams allow one hit to the AI combined, and one conference saw its losing teams fail to win by more than two. In other words, business as unusual in the rBBL.

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Boston Cubs vs. Baltimore Orioles

Week 8’s MOTW was a Backyard matchup chosen to showcase two teams who often don’t score quite as much as the other teams in their conference. The big difference between the two is that while they both lag the conference in scoring, the Cubs have been able to make up for it with the Backyard’s best defense, while the Orioles have had no such respite. This is a big reason for their contrasting positions in the standings: the Orioles were tied for last coming into this game, while the Cubs were tied for first. As such, the Cubs were expected to win this one handily–but, with the lower scores each team typically dishes out, an upset wasn’t out of the question.

The game started out well for the Cubs as they loaded the bases with no outs in the top of the first; although they weren’t able to turn it into a huge rally when Orioles pitcher Marky Dubois found his groove and struck out two batters, they were still able to grab a run and the early lead. They kept this lead through the bottom of the first despite a close call on a ground rule double to left field, and then in the top of the second extended their lead to 2-0 (batting a runner in on an infield grounder after a similar ground rule double call, this time in right field). Baltimore got on the board in the bottom of the inning by scoring a run that could’ve been more were it not for another controversial ground rule double call in left field, and in the top of the third the Cubs were held scoreless, in large part because of poor baserunning from Jorge Garcia when he tried to turn a double into a triple. In the bottom of the inning, Baltimore tied the game at 2 with an inside-the-ballpark home run, and could’ve had the bases loaded with two outs had Mavfatha not chosen to send Cindy towards home where she was tagged out in a close play. In the top of the fourth the Cubs scored two when Baltimore bungled the ball on a Boston steal attempt where Boston ended up stealing home with both runners on base, but the Orioles caught up to them when Cheryl Reynolds hit a two-run homer. This would be all for the Orioles, however, as although the fourth inning ended with the game tied at 4-4, Baltimore would fail to score any further runs. This wasn’t the case for the Cubs, as they scored in the top of the fifth (this time in a sequence involving a noncontroversial ground rule double to center) and then put together a 4-run rally in the top of the sixth that included a 3-run inside-the-ballpark home run from Jorge Garcia to decisively seal the game. With the win, the Cubs now share the top spot in the Backyard Conference with the Wizard Wombats, while the Baltimore Orioles once again reclaim sole possession of last place.

Boston Cubs 9, Baltimore Orioles 4

Next week’s game: Los Angeles Dodgers vs. Junior Athletics

The top two teams in the Frontyard Conference take each other on in a rematch for the ages! Last time, the Dodgers narrowly squeaked out a win against the Athletics at home in a 4-4 battle where neither team could buy a hit. With the game taking place at Dubois Diamond instead of Steele Stadium, things could be different. Will the Dodgers find their offense in this game? Or will the Athletics defense hold strong? And what about the Athletics offense, which has been putting up some pretty good results as of late? Can they take advantage of the weak-armed Gretchen Hasselhoff at AI catcher to snag some extra bases and extra runs? We’ll find out Saturday, August 21, at 8:30 PM Mountain Time on Sisu’s Twitch! Don’t miss it!

Player of the game: Kenny Kawaguchi was alright offensively for Boston, going 2-for-4 with a pair of singles, scoring once, and managing an RBI. But on the mound, he shone; although he only threw two strikeouts and ended up allowing four hits, he was very efficient, throwing 44 pitches to 21 batters and pitching a shutout.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

Los Angeles Dodgers 10, Little Giants 1

Talk about a long day! Both teams saw extra innings in this one, bringing in the lone mechanic that favors the away team. Since the away team can score infinite runs and still have to face the bottom of the inning, and the home team wins as soon as they score in extra innings, the home team can never win by more than four, providing an opportunity for the away team to snatch victory. That’s basically what happened here, as the Dodgers spent 10 innings only able to score a single run in what was a 1-1 game before exploding in the top of the 11th for 10. Something similar happened to the Giants, as they were likewise locked in a long tied game (9 innings) before finally getting another runner across the plate. While they could have scored more if they were given more time, the Giants game ended there (for obvious reasons), and the Dodgers ended up taking the win.

Player of the game: In a pair of games that lasted this long, how could it be anybody but the Frontyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK, Ronny Dobbs of the Los Angeles Dodgers? He came in as a reliever and although he allowed a run, he didn’t allow any hits (don’t ask me how). But more impressive than just not allowing a single hit is that he faced down 14 batters and struck out a whopping 11! That’s right, only 3 batters managed to put the ball in play in just under 5 innings of pitching, and none of them got on base. After a day like this, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that the Dodgers have found their ace and Ronny sees more mound time (especially since this is the first time he’s been put up there).

New York Yankees 11, Florida Marlins 3

After a tough home loss to the Athletics in the last game before the All-Star Break, the Yankees bounced back on the road with a 12-0 performance fueled by 19 hits and 3 walks offensively and Tom Glass’s 3-hit, 6-strikeout, 5 and 2/3 inning pitching performance defensively. Meanwhile, the Marlins continued to skid, dropping another game as they only managed to get 7 hits and scored 3 runs in a 3-0 win at home. In the end, the Yankees took the game easily, and sit a game back of the conference lead in what’s promising to be a tight race down the stretch.

Player of the game: Vladimir Guerrero of the Yankees was on fire in this one, going 3-for-4 with a double and two home runs to bring in 4 RBIs and score twice. How good was his performance? So good, he was the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK! That’s right, folks, Vlad was bad. In, like, a good way. Not a bad way. Totally a good way.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays 15, Humongous Hornets 4

The first time these two teams met, they absolutely exploded for a ton of runs. This time, the story was similar…for one of these teams. Tampa Bay had an absolute monster of a game, scoring 13 runs off of 24 hits and a walk at home, while the Hornets once again fell short, only scoring seven runs off of 17 hits and a walk while allowing 3 runs defensively. The Hornets now have no possible path to the postseason, while the Devil Rays rise to 5-3 and a game back of the conference lead.

Player of the game: Grace Tipton of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays went 4-for-4 (all singles) and scored every time she came up to bat. She also stole a base and was totally ready to come up and pitch if called upon…but she wasn’t.

Junior Athletics 12, Minnesota Twins 6

The Athletics have a rough start to the second half, taking on the other four Frontyard teams above .500 in their first four games and taking on their two competitors for the top of the Conference in the first two games. This was one of them, as the 5-2 Athletics met the 5-2 twins at the infamously wonky Dirt Yards to open the second half of the season. For the Twins, the game was a bit of a letdown, as despite bashing three homers they were only able to score 8 runs on the day while giving up 3 defensively. No such problems plagued the Athletics, as they scored 18 despite a controversial non-call on an infield fly, and while they did end up giving up six runs (mostly fueled by a sixth-inning rally from the AI Twins, their run differential of 12 was still enough to keep them tied for the lead in the conference with the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Player of the game: Ray Tran had an incredible outing for the Athletics, going 4-for-5 with a pair of singles and a pair of doubles (both of which were ground rule doubles that happened to hit the blue van; what’s the opposite of vehicular assault?). What else did he do? Well, he stole two bases, scored four times, and had 4 RBIs. Maybe Bruce Springsteen thinks she won’t take the train, but the Athletics will definitely take the Tran!

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Arizona Diamondbacks 26, Boston Reds 1

Arizona bounced back from their lone loss on the year in convincing fashion, absolutely slaughtering Boston to start the second half of the season. For the Diamondbacks, it was business as usual, as they set up plenty of runners and then waited for Jay Green and Ezra Travolta to knock them in offensively (scoring 22 runs off of 28 hits and a walk) and relied on Randy Johnson’s amazing pitching to hold things down defensively. Boston would’ve had a hard time keeping up on a good day; they didn’t have one of those, as they only scored 3 runs, only had 8 hits, and ended up giving up 2 runs defensively. In the end, the Diamondbacks soared to stay a game behind the conference-leading Texas Rangers, while the Boston Reds are now eliminated from playoff contention.

Player of the game: The Diamondbacks’ Ezra Travolta was amazing, going 4-for-4 with a single, a double, and 2 homers that gave her 8 RBIs and allowed her to score thrice. But she didn’t have the best performance.

The Diamondbacks Randy Johnson was amazing, throwing a one-strikeout perfect game–an accomplishment good enough to get him named the Indoor Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK! Offensively he wasn’t too shabby either, going 3-for-4 (all singles) and scoring once. But he didn’t have the best performance of the game.

That’s right, once again it’s the Diamondbacks’ Jay Green, who once again won the Indoor Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK award! (At this point, it’s not really even that impressive anymore–that’s how spectacular Jay Green has been this season.) He went 5-for-5 with a single, a double, and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs, had 8 RBIs, and scored four times. Just another day for the Greenest of Jays.

Texas Rangers 12, Super-Duper Melonheads 2

Speaking of great teams, the Texas Rangers once again put up a win, staying undefeated 8 weeks into the season. This time, their victims were the hapless Super-Duper Melonheads, who were only able to notch 6 runs and 10 hits despite playing at the offense-friendly Dirt Yards. Still, that wasn’t the worst part of their day; the worst part was giving up 10 hits and 4 runs on defense, dropping their run differential to 2 on the day. Eclipsing this was easy for the Rangers, as Texas scored 15 runs off of 20 hits; even though they had a worse day defensively, allowing 11 hits and 5 runs, the Rangers still took the game easily. Texas remains on top of the division, while the Super-Duper Melonheads are now eliminated from playoff contention.

Player of the game: Texas Ranger Veronica Lee was on fire! Sure, she may have only gone 2-for-4, but those two were both home runs. She scored twice (obviously) and had 4 RBIs as an integral part of the Rangers’ offense. Also, she has the largest collection of Funko Pops in the entire league.

Seattle Fishes 8, Milwaukee Braves 2

The Fishes started slow this season, in what seems to be a trend for their coach, but they’ve picked up the pace; after starting 0-4, they’re now 3-1 over their past four games. That streak includes wins in their past two games, including this one against the Braves, where they scored 10 runs on 21 hits but also allowed 2 runs to score. This was enough to take down the Braves, though, as once again they put up a poor offensive showing, only scoring two runs despite getting 11 hits. Defensively the Braves were as solid as ever, but it didn’t end up mattering, as the Fishes (barely) keep their playoff hopes alive and the Braves are now eliminated from playoff contention.

Player of the game: In a game where almost everyone contributed, it’s hard to pick the best. But in this case, it’s probably Jane Davis, who went 4-for-4 with two singles and two doubles. She had 3 RBIs, scored twice, and has decided that Allosauruses are definitely her favorite dinosaur. For now, at least.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Red Phillies 19, Montana Floss 15

There were three teams sitting at 3-4 at the All-Star Break, and two of them met at Sandy Flats for this matchup. Coming out of the break, both pitchers were firing on all cylinders, as Esmarelda Heimann and Brad Radke combined to only give up one hit. As for hitting, both teams also did pretty well, with the Floss getting 26 hits and a walk and the Phillies getting 22 hits and four walks. The big difference? The Floss hit singles (25 in total), while the Phillies hit home runs (8 in total). This meant that while the Floss had more hits, they were only able to turn them into 13 runs, while the Phillies turned their 26 runners into 20 runs and won their game 20-1. With the win, the Phillies get back to .500 and are now frontrunners for the final playoff seed from the Backyard Conference, while the Floss are now a game back of the playoffs and not looking all that great.

Player of the game: Brad Radke of the Montana Floss pitched a perfect game and was named the Backyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK! But that wasn’t enough to get his team over the hump. Who really got the Phillies over the hump was Sammy Sosa, who went 4-for-4 with a double and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. He finished the day with 6 RBIs and scored thrice, and is once again proving that you should never let a power hitter go to crazyei8hts’s team.

Green Monsters 12, Junior Brewers 10

The Brewers have been up and down all season. This game was a downer for them, as they were held to 11 runs on 19 hits while giving up 3 runs of their own. Meanwhile, the Monsters also faltered a bit, but their 13 runs off of 21 hits and a walk was enough to push them past the Brewers, especially since they only gave up one run. The Monsters and Brewers are now tied at 3-5 and sit a game behind the Phillies for the last playoff spot from the Backyard.

Player of the game: Nobody had a great game in this one, but Parker Collum of the Brewers did his best to try and drag his team over the finish line, going 3-for-3 with a pair of singles and a home run. He finished with 4 RBIs and scored once.

Wizard Wombats 26, Purple Sox 24

There were three teams sitting at 5-2 at the All-Star Break, and two of them met at Steele Stadium for this matchup. Coming out of the break, both teams were firing on all cylinders, but the Wombats were running slightly hotter, as they scored 26 runs off of 34 hits and a walk in a shutout road win. (How’d the Purple Sox do? I don’t have a clue.) With the win, they’re now tied for first place in the Backyard Conference with the Boston Cubs, while the Purple Sox fall to third, a game ahead of the Red Phillies and a game behind the Boston Cubs and Wizard Wombats.

Player of the game: Wombats smasher Chico Pappas was named the Backyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK! Why? Well, he went 6-for-6 with two singles, a double, and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. He ‘only’ had six RBIs, but he scored every time he came up to bat and was a big part of the offensive firepower the Wombats needed to take down the Purple Sox.

BATTLE OF THE SCABS

Baltimore Bombers vs. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association

Speaking of unusual events, two different players had to bow out because of prior concerns this week–and they were playing each other! In the Bombers corner, making his debut in the league, we had Repub92! And in the Angels corner, as a last-minute substitution, we had…me.

And I sucked. It was a horrendous performance where I only got five hits and scored a lone two runs–with my only offense coming from Maria Luna, who went 3-for-3. (Other bright spot: Mr. Clanky was amazing at catcher, taking down three attempted steals of 2nd base. Also the Webber twins are effective enough pitchers.) As for Repub? He played solidly, winning his game 8-0, notching 16 hits, allowing 2, and striking out three. In the end, Repub92 wins the first game he coaches, and the Bombers and Angels are now tied at 5-3 and trailing the rest of the playoff field by two games. Sorry for sucking, Jomar!

Player of the game: Maria Luna was the sole bright spot on the Angels offense. But on an actually competent team, Sonja Hagen shone the brightest, going 3-for-3 with two singles and a home run as she drove in three and scored twice for the Bombers. After the game, she celebrated with her family by going out for Indian food and got the chicken korma, medium spice.

Baltimore Bombers 8, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 2

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (6-2)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (6-2)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (5-3)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (4-4)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (3-5)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (3-5)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (3-5)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (2-6)

Indoor Conference
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (8-0)
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (7-1)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (5-3)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund] (5-3)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (3-5)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (2-6)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (1-7)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (1-7)

Frontyard Conference
Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (6-2)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (6-2)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (5-3)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (5-3)
New York Yankees [Marco] (5-3)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (3-5)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (1-7)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (1-7)

PLAYOFF PICTURE

BACKYARD
#1 Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (6-2)
#2 Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (6-2)
#3 Purple Sox [aesnop] (5-3)
#4 Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (4-4)

IN THE HUNT
#5 Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (3-5)
#6 Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (3-5)
#7 Green Monsters [Yurya] (3-5)
#8 Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (2-6)

INDOOR
#1 Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (8-0)
#2 Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (7-1)

IN THE HUNT
#3 Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (5-3)
#4 Baltimore Bombers [jlund] (5-3)

FRONTYARD
#1 Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (6-2)
#2 Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (6-2)

IN THE HUNT
#3 Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (5-3)
#4 Minnesota Twins [Toast] (5-3)
#5 New York Yankees [Marco] (5-3)

CURRENTLY ELIMINATED*
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (Frontyard Conference)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (Frontyard Conference)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (Indoor Conference)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (Indoor Conference)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (Indoor Conference)

*elimination calculations by Sports Club Stats

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“Both of Ray Tran’s doubles were Ground Rule Doubles that were just shy of home runs.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on Ray Tran’s performance

“He refused to leave the mound. Because I never let him on it.” – hitace, Los Angeles Dodgers head coach, on AI Bobby Bulgrien throwing 130+ pitches

“He’s got a nasty circle changeup.” – Yurya, Green Monsters head coach, on Mike Piazza’s possibilities as a pitcher

“How long are you gonna spend staring at my log?” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on crazyei8hts

“All matchups are becoming very important! The race to the end for Frontyard is thrilling.” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, on the Frontyard Conference’s playoff race

“The stipulation was just ‘swing,’ not ‘try to make contact?'” – JorgesBankAccount, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association substitute coach, proving the necessity of actually reading the rules

“What do I gotta do to stay in the running for MOTW #14?” – Yurya, Green Monsters head coach, on wanting to be a star

“Tin Can Alley is the true hell.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, on how Tin Can Alley is the true hell

“I think I know what you want…string!” – Flapjack, The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack, on cats

“This would be the perfect time to have a snake in my yard.” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, on every moment that has ever existed

We’re midway through the season. Hard to believe, ain’t it? With 7 weeks in the books, we now have a grasp of how every coach is likely to fare. But that’s a story for another post. This one is about what happened in Week 7, and boy, did stuff happen! Every team in the league now has a win, one of them is completely undefeated, and AI wins have hopped from Frontyard to Indoor! Will Backyard be next? Given that I coach one of the teams there, probably.

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Arizona Diamondbacks vs. Texas Rangers

This was the first flex-scheduled MOTW of the season, with the final two undefeated teams taking each other on in the last MOTW prior to the All-Star Break. Both of these teams had taken very different paths to reach 6-0; for the Diamondbacks, it was a strong AI defense, Randy Johnson being fantastic on the mound, and Jay Green trying to set as many batting records as possible, while for the Rangers it was a case of never being fantastic at any one thing but always doing just enough to win. Naturally, the questions facing these teams entering the game were whether Jay Green would put on a show, how Dirt Yards would affect the outcome (especially with how devastating grounders can be at the field), and who would take pole position going into the All-Star Break.

The game started out well for Arizona, as they loaded the bases for Jay Green to start the game. Unusually, Jay Green only managed a single, but this left the Diamondbacks leading 1-0 with no outs to start the game, and increased their lead to 3-0 on a fielder’s choice that went out of play on the relay to the plate and finished the top of the first up 4-0 when Jay Green scrambled home on an infield single. The game got closer in the bottom of the first, though, as first the Diamondbacks gave up a run to the Rangers AI and then the Rangers closed the gap some by scoring 2 runs off of a wild throw to second during a steal (4 bases were stolen on the play). Another wild throw on Dante’s attempt to steal second later in the inning ended with the ball going out of play, and the Rangers scored another run there, although since they didn’t get any more runs on the board after that the inning ended with the teams tied at 3 apiece.

The Diamondbacks retook the lead in the top of the 2nd with a Mary Reilly solo shot, but failed to get any other runners on base, which allowed the Rangers to tie when Uma Morris started the bottom of the inning with a solo home run of her own. The Rangers weren’t able to take the lead despite a Jocinda Smith single, though, so the game remained tied entering the third inning. There, the inning started with another solo shot (this time from Jay Green), but this time instead of going down three in a row, Arizona loaded the bases and scored on a Randy Johnson sacrifice fly to center. The Diamondbacks followed this up with a 2-run double, and after a few more batters ended up loading the bases for Jay Green. Jay Green once again hit a homer to left field, and the grand slam put Arizona up 13-2 in their game and 11-4 overall. Although Chandler Huggins struck out to end the top of the 3rd and the Rangers did manage a 2-run homer from Betty Houston in the bottom of the inning that gave them a presumptive run differential of 7, the damage was done, and Arizona had an 4-run lead midway through the game.

Arizona extended their lead to 5 by scoring a run in the top of the 4th, but the bottom of the inning is where the game started to shift, as Veronica Lee hit a 2-run homer to cut the Diamondbacks’ lead to 3. The Rangers followed this up by utilizing infield singles and a passed ball to push Wally Evans across the plate, and ended up loading the bases for Betty Houston with only one out after Dante Robinson walked. Betty Houston struck out, and Uma Morris popped up to the catcher, but when the catcher dropped it Pete Wheeler crossed the plate to give Texas a 10-0 lead in their game–which, when the sixth-inning adjustment was preemptively applied, meant that the Diamondbacks and Rangers were tied once again at 12-12. This was followed with another error when Jay Green (pitcher) dropped a pop-up and the Rangers took a 13-12 lead. A third pop-up occurred with Jocinda at the plate, but although the shortstop dropped this one, she managed to recover quickly enough to make the toss to second and end the inning.

The Diamondbacks took the lead back in the top of the fifth with a three-run homer from Jason Giambi, but lost it in the bottom of the inning when Texas singled, doubled, and walked their way to 5 more runs and a 19-15 lead. Although the Diamondbacks did get Jay Green up to bat in the top of the sixth, he only managed a single, and even though the Diamondbacks managed to load the bases, Arizona proved unable to score any more runs, and the game ended with that as the final score.

Texas Rangers 19, Arizona Diamondbacks 15

Next week’s game: Boston Cubs vs. Baltimore Orioles

To kick off the second half of the season, we return to the Backyard Conference, where the first-place Boston Cubs take on the last-place Baltimore Orioles. While this might look like an easy game to predict, it’s not so simple, as the Cubs have staked their reputation entirely on their tough defense. If the Orioles manage to pull out a good game against Boston, this could be one of the bigger upsets this season, and even if they don’t, it should be a good, competitive match. When’s it take place? Same bat time, same bat channel: 8:30 PM Mountain Time on Sisu’s Twitch on August 14th.

Player of the game: Even when his team loses, he wins! Jay Green was named the Indoor Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK for putting together a game where he went 4-for-5 with two singles, two homers, 6 RBIs, and 3 scores himself, topping it all off with a stolen base. Also of note is Rangers pitcher Betty Houston, who was named the PITCHER OF THE WEEK for throwing a 2-hit, 4-strikeout shutout while offensively going 2-for-4 with a single and a home run where she had 3 RBIs and scored twice herself.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

Los Angeles Dodgers 12, Florida Marlins 7

After barely losing to the Twins in the highest-scoring game the Frontyard’s seen this season, the Dodgers bounced back at home against the Marlins. While they didn’t turn in a performance anywhere near last week’s 39-hit, 29-run mashing, they still had a pretty good day, snagging 11 runs off of 17 hits while allowing one run defensively. Meanwhile, the Marlins put up another solid-but-not-spectacular outing, scoring 9 runs on 17 hits and allowing 2 runs. With the Twins loss, Los Angeles moves into a three-way tie for first with both Minnesota and the Junior Athletics, while the Marlins once again drop under .500.

Player of the game: Los Angeles continues to put up strong pitching performances with their rotation of starters. This time, it was Gretchen Hasselhoff, who got all but one out while facing down 19 batters and allowing 3 hits and no runs. And did I happen to mention that she threw 12 strikeouts? Plus, she was fairly good offensively, going 3-for-4 (all singles), getting an RBI, and scoring twice. Good stuff here from Jabberjaw. Goooooood stuff.

Junior Athletics 17, New York Yankees 6

The Athletics absolutely exploded at Tin Can Alley. In a game that featured Dawn Cozart blasting a home run over a skyscraper, Butch Sherrod actually managing to get on base, and Courtney Valentino only scoring once despite getting on base 6 times, somehow the most surprising thing is that the Athletics were actually pretty inefficient, as they left 16 runners stranded while scoring 19 times off of 32 hits and 3 walks (they allowed two runs defensively). Meanwhile, the Yankees suffered a letdown as they lost at home for the first time this season when their 6-1 victory (12 hits, no walks on offense; 5 hits allowed, 10 strikeouts on defense) wasn’t enough to keep up with the Athletics. This win allows the Athletics to keep pace with the Dodgers and puts them back in a tie for first place with Los Angeles and Minnesota, while New York falls back a game but is still very easily in the race at 4-3.

Player of the game: Remember how Dawn Cozart made the ball leap a tall building in a single bound? Yeah, so do I. 3-for-6 isn’t great, but two single and a building-clearing homer that brought home 6 RBIs is. Plus, she scored every time she got on base. Who could ask for anything more?

Tampa Bay Devil Rays 3, Little Giants 1

Despite being the lowest-scoring game in either conference, these two teams went about getting their final score in completely different ways. For the Giants, it was a battle of defenses at Eckman Acres, as they fought through 8 scoreless innings to eventually claim a win when Jimmy Rollins brought in Ichiro from third. For the Devil Rays, it was more of an offensive match, as while they scored 5 runs off of 16 hits, they also allowed 2 runs to score off of 7 hits. Tampa Bay takes the win and gets back above .500, sitting tied with the Yankees and a game short of the conference lead, while the Giants enter the All-Star Break with only one win under their belt.

Player of the game: The Giants may have lost, but Amanda Hellerman put together a fantastic pitching performance, going the distance and facing down 24 batters while allowing only 2 hits–and both of those runners ended up being taken out on double plays. Her 8 inning, 53-pitch shutout performance featured 6 strikeouts and only one ball, and led to her being named the Frontyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

Humongous Hornets 17, Minnesota Twins 5

After having the greatest game the Frontyard’s seen this season at home, Minnesota hit the road and headed to Playground Commons. After two double-digit games, the Twins were perhaps fated for a letdown, and that’s exactly what happened. While they were decent offensively, scoring 11 runs on 22 hits, defensively they fell apart, as Julie Dunkel and company ended up letting the Hornets score 6. Their poor defense this week didn’t end up mattering, though, as for the first time this season the Hornets found themselves not coming up short, upsetting the then division-leading Twins and pulling out their first win by scoring 16 runs on 20 hits and a walk while allowing only 2 runs defensively. The Twins are now pushed back into a three-way tie for the conference lead with the Los Angeles Dodgers and Junior Athletics, while the Hornets manage to snap their winless record just before the All-Star Break.

Player of the game: Zena Fromme of the Hornets was named the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK! Why, you might ask? Well, she went 2-for-3–no, that’s not the impressive part. The impressive part is that those two hits were grand slams. She was a true three-outcome player in this one, with two home runs, a walk, and a strikeout, and while she didn’t score either time she got on base, her 8 RBIs were fantastic and helped carry the Hornets to victory. Also, she hates omelettes.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Seattle Fishes 12, Boston Reds 9

A battle between basement-dwellers was both close and surprisingly high-scoring. For the Boston Reds, it was an efficient day, as they posted 9 runs on 12 hits and 2 walks. For the Seattle Fishes, it was not, but they made up for it by getting more runs and hits in total, notching 12 of the former and 21 of the latter. While the Fishes did give up two runs defensively, this lapse was covered by their home bonus. The Fishes are now 2-5 heading into the break, while the Reds are one game worse, at 1-6.

Player of the game: Jane Davis of the Fishes pushed them over the margin, going 4-for-4 with two singles, a double, and a home run. She scored twice and managed 5 RBIs on the day. She also would like to know whether it’s possible for humans to one day live in cities made of blimps.

Baltimore Bombers 9, Super-Duper Melonheads 1

After narrowly losing in last week’s Matchup Of The Week, the Melonheads suffered a letdown against the Bombers. For the Bombers, it was (slightly subdued) business as usual, as they put together a 12-hit, 3-walk, 9 run day on offense and held the Melonheads AI to a single hit on defense. For the Melonheads, this was also business as usual, as much as they might dislike it; their 7-hit, 2-run offensive performance with a run allowed marks the third time this season that the Melonheads have only been able to manage a run differential of 1. The Bombers get back over .500 with this win; the Melonheads, meanwhile, stay firmly at the bottom of the Indoor Conference with their 1-6 record.

Player of the game: Nancy Chin did it all for the Bombers! Offensively, she went 2-for-4 with a single and a double and scored twice. Defensively, she faced down 13 batters, allowed one hit, and got three strikeouts. Fensively, she’s rather annoyed that the whitewash scene is the only thing anyone ever mentions from Tom Sawyer, because it just proves that most people only read a couple of chapters of the book. Oh well, Huck Finn’s better anyway. (So’s the Rush song.)

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 16, Milwaukee Braves -1

AI wins hopped the fence and joined the Indoor Conference with this game. It was a disappointing outcome for the Braves, who have been struggling most of the season and have had these struggles become especially pronounced over the past few weeks. Unusually for the Braves, the problem was their defense, as while they scored a low but workable 3 runs, they gave up 4 to the Angels AI. Meanwhile, the Pink Angles Association took care of business at Eckman Acres, snagging 14 runs off of 23 hits and pitching a shutout on their way to a decisive victory that gives them sole possession of third place in the Indoor Conference at 5-2.

Player of the game: Maria Luna went 4-for-4 with a single and three doubles, and while she only had 1 RBI, she scored every time she came up to bat. She’s also feeling cautiously optimistic about Generation 5 of My Little Pony, and will be keeping an eye on that.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Boston Cubs 14, Red Phillies 13

Once again, the Cubs barely beat a tough team in their fifth game in a row decided by less than 5 runs. It’s a rare occasion when the Phillies can’t bring home the dingers, but at the notoriously HR-unfriendly Cement Gardens, they were only able to notch 3 homers. Although the Phillies didn’t have trouble getting on base, with 22 hits and 3 walks, they weren’t able to bring their runners home, leaving 12 stranded as they only scored 13. This was enough for the Cubs to sneak past, as they had a similarly-inefficient day, scoring 13 runs off of 26 hits at home and allowing a run off of 10 hits. The Cubs are now tied for first in the Backyard Conference at 5-2, with wins against the other two 5-2 teams, while the Phillies have dropped 3 in a row and are now below .500 for the first time this season.

Player of the game: Esmeralda Heimann threw a great game in a losing effort: a 1-hit shutout with 7 strikeouts. But this wasn’t as good of a performance as that of Cubs catcher Susan Gore, who went 5-for-5 with 4 singles and a double, garnered 3 RBIs, scored thrice, and thoroughly crunchatized the Phillies.

Wizard Wombats 31, Montana Floss 6

Week 7 might have been a much lower scoring week than Week 6 in the Backyard, but nobody told the Wombats that, as they absolutely stomped the Floss at La Chancla. Even that doesn’t give an idea of the scope of the Wombats dominance; while offensively they scored 26 runs off of 32 hits (11 of which were homers) and 3 walks, defensively they pitched a three-hit shutout with an impressive 12 strikeouts. As for their AI, it held the Floss to 7 runs off of 9 hits and forced Brad Radke to give up a run for the first time this season with a Chico Pappas solo shot. The Wombats continue to mostly dominate with their destructive offense and are tied for first with the Boston Cubs and Purple Sox, while the Montana Floss drop below .500 again and sit at 3-4.

Player of the game: Tim Hudson was named the Backyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK for throwing a three-hit shutout 12 strikeouts. But he’s not the player of the game, because for the first time this season a single team managed to grab both awards! The BATTER OF THE WEEK? Jennifer Goodfellow, who went 5-for-5 with a single and an astounding 4 home runs, finishing with 7 RBIs and four runs scored. You just can’t compete with that type of hitting!

Purple Sox 16, Junior Brewers 5

Coming off a run of double-digit performances and their best game yet (a 38-run toasting of the Orioles), the Junior Brewers took a step back to their early-season performances, scoring only 8 runs off of 19 hits and allowing 4 runs off of 9 hits defensively. This was not the case for the Purple Sox, because while they didn’t have one of their trademark bowel-loosening scores they still put up 17 runs on 22 hits while allowing only one (a solo shot) and throwing only 30 pitches. The Brewers drop below .500 again, and the Purple Sox stay one of only three teams in the Backyard Conference with a winning record.

Player of the game: Anna Goodreau of the Purple Sox went 4-for-4 with a pair of singles and a pair of home runs. She scored thrice and brought home an impressive 7 RBIs. You know what else she brought home? A dozen delicious doughnuts to share with her family.

Baltimore Orioles 8, Green Monsters 2

The first half of the season ended with the two weakest teams in the Backyard Conference taking each other on. Surprisingly, it was the Orioles who pulled out the win on the road, as they took advantage of their familiarity with concrete to score 11 runs off of 25 hits and 2 walks, stealing 9 bases along the way and allowing 3 runs defensively. As for the Monsters, who have been an occasionally fantastic team, this was their worst performance yet; they only managed 12 hits, and their only scores were a 2-run homer from Pablo Sanchez and a solo shot from Raquel Cullen. To top things off, the Monsters also gave up a run on defense. This game gives the Orioles their second win, and the Monsters and Orioles are tied at the bottom of the conference with records of 2-5.

Player of the game: Cheryl Reynolds went 5-for-5 with two singles, two triples, and a home run. She finished with 4 RBIs and scored 4 times herself. She also would like to point out that Sonic Boom is the best Sonic cartoon.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (5-2)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (5-2)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (5-2)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (3-4)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (3-4)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (3-4)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (2-5)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (2-5)

Indoor Conference
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (7-0)
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (6-1)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (5-2)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund] (4-3)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (2-5)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (2-5)
Boston Reds [shrewsberry] (1-6)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (1-6)

Frontyard Conference
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (5-2)
Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (5-2)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (5-2)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (4-3)
New York Yankees [Marco] (4-3)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (3-4)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (1-6)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (1-6)

JYKNIGHT’S POWER RANKINGS

Jyknight’s Week 8 Power Rankings…don’t actually come out until Week 8. So maybe we’ll get two during the Week 8 recap, or they’ll get put in the Midseason Wrap-Up post if it’s late, or I’ll edit them in here later. Who can say? Well, I can, but I’m the editor. You’ll just have to guess what I’ll do. I could do anything. Including post limericks about ghosts eating submarine sandwiches (or, as Canadians call them, “Al”).

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“I just spilled water on myself.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach

“Oh yeah I have to play a game this week don’t I.” – aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, on his approach to coaching

“I just realized I screwed up the timeline; Ocarina of Time is a prequel to Link to the Past, not a sequel to it, and that screws all that up.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on the Zelda timeline

“I’m ready to get my [censored] kicked.” – GSchlim, former coach, on a possible return to the league

“We replace the playoffs with a Frank Zappa trivia contest.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Boston Cubs head coach, on rule changes

“We can win against the Giants.” – Nan Porter, Junior Athletics, expressing confidence

“Well you see, Yurya, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they make babies. And these babies, well, they grow into kids. And as kids, they sometimes join youth baseball leagues, and in the leagues they occasionally find themselves on the basepaths.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, explaining how runners end up on base

“These [censored] pickleworms are spoiling my cucumber plants those [censored]!” – elchrisblanco, Seattle Fishes head coach, on pickleworms

“Heads of state who ride and wrangle, who look at your face from more than one angle, can cut you from their bloated budgets like sharpened knives through Chicken McNuggets.” – John McCrea, CAKE, Nugget, on heads of state who ride and wrangle, who look at your face from more than one angle, that can cut you from their bloated budgets like sharpened knives through Chicken McNuggets

We’re getting closer and closer to the All-Star Break; it’s only a week away. Even as midseason draws near, though, there’s plenty of drama, ranging from an unexpectedly fantastic Matchup Of The Week, a computer crash in Los Angeles, and the Backyard Conference turning into the land of blowouts (with one exception). Also, there’s toenail clippers.

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Super-Duper Melonheads vs. Boston Reds

This match was…not between two great teams, to put it gently. Combined, the Melonheads and the Reds had one win between them, with the Melonheads having only beaten the Fishes in Week 4 and the Reds winless on the season. That doesn’t meant that it was an uneven matchup; in fact, if anything, it was one of the more well-balanced matchups so far this season. Still, neither team is doing particularly well this season, for easily explainable reasons. The problem for the Melonheads is that they have a fairly weak defense and are having trouble at the plate, in some games being unable to make contact regularly and in other games being unable to capitalize on their opportunities with runners on base. Although the Reds defense isn’t incredible, it’s reasonably strong; the problem for Boston has been offensive production, as they only eclipsed a run differential of 5 in one game. Naturally, it was expected that this would be one of the lower-scoring MOTWs going into the game.

The Melonheads struck first, putting a couple runners on base on infield grounders that the pitcher was unable to field and then scoring a run after a passed ball up the left field line on a steal attempt and then scoring again on a fielder’s choice. The Reds fought back in the bottom of the inning, as they got a run to cut the Melonheads lead to 1, but the AI Melonheads hit a 2-run homer in the top of the 2nd to extend the Melonheads lead despite Eauxps being shut down in the top of the 2nd. In the bottom of the 2nd, though, the Reds got a grand slam, and took a presumptive 4-2 lead off of it. The Melonheads made the game closer with an Angela solo shot to start the 3rd, and then proceeded to load the bases. Unfortunately, they then proceeded to hit into three straight outs and score no runs, and although the Reds were shut down in the bottom of the 3rd, the Melonheads were also held off the board in the top of the 4th. The game would remain 4-3 until the bottom of the 5th, when Peggy Hefferman of the Reds hit a two-run homer to extend their lead to 6-3. In the top of the 6th, the Melonheads put two runners on before advancing them to second and third off of what was essentially a sacrifice fly from Angela Delvecchio. After a lineout, they proceeded to score two runs off of an error made by Bobby Higginson, and then Fernando Diaz managed to score Stephanie Morgan from second when a pop fly dropped between two fielders for a single. After a flub throw put runners on first and second, Tony Delvecchio came up to bat with the game on the line and hit the ball to right field, where it was caught for the final out.

Boston Reds 6.4, Super-Duper Melonheads 6

Next week’s game: Arizona Diamondbacks vs. Texas Rangers

Flex scheduling kicks in for the first time, as the last two undefeated teams left in the league meet in the last Matchup Of The Week before the All-Star Break! Originally, the game scheduled was the match between the Minnesota Twins and Humongous Hornets in the Frontyard Conference, but in the face of pressure from several quarters (including Hornets coach Vissery, who thought this would be a better match), the showrunners decided the heck with it, we’re going with the most interesting game of the week (possibly the season). Tune in Saturday, July 31st, for the Matchup Of The Week, starring Sisu’s Arizona Diamondbacks and Jyknight’s Texas Rangers!

Player of the game: Stephanie Morgan may have been on the losing side, but she had a very solid game, going 4-for-4 with three singles and a double, notching 2 RBIs, and scoring once herself. Also, she’s thinking of changing her brand of bubble gum to see if that helps get her team out of its slump; stay tuned to see whether it works.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

New York Yankees 9, Humongous Hornets 5

The Hornets continued to be good but not good enough as the Yankees got their fourth win of the season and drew closer to breaking their streak of 4-10 finishes. This time, the problem for the Hornets was their defense, as while they managed to score 9 runs off of 22 hits, they also gave up 4 runs on 6 hits at Tin Can Alley. Meanwhile, the Yankees continued to roll, as they scored 8 runs on 19 hits and a walk and threw a 1-hit shutout.

Player of the game: Tom Glass was incredible on the mound, going the distance while allowing only one hit and tossing 9 strikeouts. This performance was good enough to make him the PITCHER OF THE WEEK! Plus, he wasn’t exactly a liability on offense, as he went 2-for-3 with a pair of singles and a strikeout.

Junior Athletics 14, Tampa Bay Devil Rays -2

After a couple of disappointing outings, the Athletics bounced back at home with an absolute walloping of Tampa Bay. They were unstoppable, putting up 12 runs with the help of 18 hits and 2 walks, and shutting down the opposing offense. But what of the Devil Rays, you may ask? Well, I don’t have statistics for them, but they lost 2-0. The Athletics continue to be near the top of the Frontyard Conference, and the Devil Rays now sit at 3-3.

Player of the game: Courtney Valentino was a terror on the basepaths, going 4-for-4 with three singles and a double, stealing a trio of bases, and scoring every time she came up to bat. She’s also into gymnastics, and enjoys cheering on her team whenever she’s not on the field.

Florida Marlins 8, Little Giants 7

All of the Marlins wins so far have been close games, and this was no exception, as they just barely scraped together a home win against the Little Giants. The Giants have gotten their offense running reasonably well, with their second good game in a row, as they scored 7 runs off of 17 hits in a shutout game. Unfortunately for them, the Marlins did just a little better, scoring 8 runs off of 18 hits and getting an 8-1 win. The home bonus would end up being the deciding factor, and the Marlins would snatch their third win of the season.

Player of the game: Matessa Sturges of the Marlins was invaluable to her team, as she went 3-for-4 with two singles and a home run, finishing with 3 RBIs and scoring twice. She also pitched the entire game, allowing only 6 hits and a run while throwing 9 strikeouts. Was she the biggest factor in the Marlins win? Yes.

Minnesota Twins 33, Los Angeles Dodgers 29

Who predicted that the second-highest combined score would come from the Frontyard? It wasn’t me, but perhaps it should’ve been, as these two teams absolutely exploded. The result was delayed until Monday due to hitace undergoing some computer troubles, but it didn’t seem to hurt in the end, as the Dodgers put up their best score yet. The Twins won their game 29-1, putting up those runs on 39 hits and a walk, with a massive 14 stolen bases (5 of them from Jordan Thorner). Meanwhile, the Dodgers scored almost exactly as much, putting up 29 runs off of 39 hits and 3 walks while letting Albert Pujols handle pitching duties (which he did with aplomb, throwing 86 pitches, allowing 4 hits–and throwing the most strikeouts of the week, with 13). In the end, the home bonus made the difference, and the Twins took the win and first place in the Frontyard Conference.

Player of the game: The Dodgers may have lost, but Leah Wayne was an absolute monster for them, going 7-for-7 with a double, an astonishing three triples, and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. She scored 5 times and had 15 RBIs, and was the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Texas Rangers 11, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 9

One of the two undefeated teams in the Indoor Conference stayed alive in this one as the Angels had a rare, low-scoring stumble. Neither team was particularly overwhelming in this one, as the Angels had 8 runs off of 14 hits and 2 walks and the Rangers had 11 runs off of 20 hits and no walks. Still, the Rangers were clearly the better team, and they kept themselves undefeated and will clash with the other undefeated team in Week 7.

Player of the game: Pete Wheeler went 3-for-4 with a single, a triple, and a home run. He contributed 5 RBIs and scored twice. Also, he can run. Real fast.

Arizona Diamondbacks 23, Seattle Fishes 7

One of the two undefeated teams in the Indoor Conference stayed alive in this one as Jay Green continued his absolute dominance of the league. It was perhaps a bad day for the Fishes, as after posting their best score a week before they fell back down to their normal output, with an 8-1 road win where they only managed 13 hits. As for the Diamondbacks, it was once again a dominant offensive performance, as Arizona scored 21 runs off of 23 hits and a walk (talk about efficiency!). The Indoor Conference is now decisively dominated by the haves and the have-nots, as there are two undefeated teams at the top and three 1-5 teams at the bottom.

Player of the game: Jay Green had an off day by his standards. He still went 4-for-4, but two of those hits were singles (gasp!), leaving him with only two home runs (double gasp!). He also had a paltry 5 RBIs (triple gasp!) and although he scored every time he came up to bat and actually managed to steal two bases, this was, shall we say, underwhelming compared to his usual performances. He was still named the Indoor Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

Baltimore Bombers 3, Milwaukee Braves 2

The Braves have lived and died off of their defense. Actually, that’s not quite accurate; their defense has mostly held up this season. The question is whether their offense can do well enough to take advantage of that. Sadly, the answer has mostly been no, and so it was in this game. The Bombers were held to only 3 runs and 9 hits at Sandy Flats, both because of the field’s defensive orientation and the Braves strong defense, but the Braves weren’t able to capitalize on their defense’s performance, as they only managed 2 runs and 4 hits. To add insult to injury, those two runs came off of homers; if they could’ve timed their hits just a bit better, they would’ve won.

Player of the game: In a game like this, it’s no surprise that the best player was a pitcher. So it was for the Bombers, as Nancy Chin threw a perfect game and was named the Indoor Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Boston Cubs 14.4, Wizard Wombats 14

Both Boston teams won this week, both by the home bonus, both by 2/5 of a run. What? If that wasn’t weird enough, both teams had their results revealed on the same night, and both teams play on cement fields. Anyway, the Wombats fell short for the second time in three weeks; the first time, the Purple Sox outscored them in an offensive battle at Casa De Pablo, while this time the Cubs disturbingly strong defense kept the Wombats down just enough for Boston to win. Offensively, the Wombats were held to 14 runs off of 22 hits and a walk, while defensively they shut out the Cubs AI; on the other end, the Cubs managed to scrape together 12 runs from 27 hits while throwing a 3-hit shutout. Boston escapes with the win, and now 3 teams are the top of the Backyard Conference at 4-2 apiece: the Boston Cubs, the Wizard Wombats, and the Purple Sox.

Player of the game: Susan Gore of the Cubs had a pretty good day. She went 4-for-4 with 2 singles and 2 doubles, had 3 RBIs, and scored thrice herself. She also likes Cap’n Crunch cereal for breakfast.

Purple Sox 46, Red Phillies 17

And now, the blowouts in the Backyard Conference begin. The Phillies put up a good fight at home, managing a 15-1 win off of 22 hits and 2 walks. Unfortunately, this wasn’t good enough to compete with the Purple Sox’s grounderball, as they feasted on the Phillies slow defense to the tune of 57 hits and 48 runs while allowing 2 Phillies scores. The Purple Sox ran away with the game, and now sit tied for the top of the Backyard Conference with the Cubs and Wombats.

Player of the game: Surprisingly enough, the Purple Sox’s best batter wasn’t Kay O’Toole. In this game, it was leadoff batter Marilyn McDonnell, who went 9-for-9 with 3 singles and an astonishing 6 doubles. She scored 7 times, had 5 RBIs, and stole two bases. Also, she has a pet iguana named Sparky, who likes sunbathing and various grasses.

Junior Brewers 38, Baltimore Orioles 1

Another blowout, this time from the Brewers, who had their biggest game yet. They were absolutely dominant at The Paveway, as they scored 38 runs off of 49 hits in a shutout win. Meanwhile, the Orioles continued to struggle, only managing to get 3 runs and a meager 5 hits while giving up 2 runs defensively. The Brewers continue to be an up-and-down team and sit at .500, and the Orioles now lag behind everyone else in their conference.

Player of the game: Would you believe the best player in this game was on the Orioles? No? Then you’d be right, as Parker Collum of the Brewers listened to his favorite trumpet player before going out and going 6-for-7 with a single, two doubles, and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. Final tally? 10 RBIs, scored every time he got on base, and stole a base to boot. Also included in this final tally? Being named the Backyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

Montana Floss 24, Green Monsters 11

This was the biggest surprise of the week, as the Montana Floss upset the Green Monsters at home at Sandy Flats. The Monsters were coming off their best game of the season and were expected to keep that momentum rolling, but they saw their score and hits fall in this game, with 11 runs off of 16 hits. Meanwhile, the Floss had their biggest day on the season, on a very efficient 20-run, 25-hit performance. Even a 5-strikeout, 37-pitch perfect game from Yvonne Carter wasn’t enough to save the Monsters, although it did get Yvonne Carter named the Backyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

Player of the game: Jeff Bagwell of the Floss was absolutely mashing in this one, going 3-for-4 with a pair of doubles, a home run, and a walk. He scored thrice and led the team in RBIs with 8.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (4-2)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (4-2)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (4-2)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (3-3)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (3-3)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (2-4)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (3-3)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (1-5)

Indoor Conference
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (6-0)
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (6-0)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (4-2)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund] (3-3)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (2-4)
Boston Reds [shrewsberry] (1-5)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (1-5)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (1-5)

Frontyard Conference
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (5-1)
Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (4-2)
New York Yankees [Marco] (4-2)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (4-2)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (3-3)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (3-3)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (1-5)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (0-6)

JYKNIGHT’S POWER RANKINGS

Jyknight was feeling lazy this week. Also, he’s in Week 7’s Matchup Of The Week, so there’s that to deal with. And for some reason, he’s interested in the Olympics, which just…why? Whatever. JYKNIGHT’S WEEK 6 POWER RANKINGS!

Key: Ranking.: Team (previous week’s ranking) Record: Explanation

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

1.: Minnesota Twins (3) 5-1: Not sure. They’re is number one if they win against the Dodgers (they did).

2.: Los Angeles Dodgers (1) 4-1: Not sure. They’re number one if they win against the Twins (they didn’t).

3.: Junior Athletics (3) 4-2: Mello with another 14 bomb! Scores like this will see him in serious contention for a playoff spot.

4.: New York Yankees (4) 4-2: Solid outing from Marco here. Can the Yankees actually squeak in?

5.: Florida Marlins (6) 3-3: Skol with another solid performance as well. Has he learned the power of sprinting?

6.: Tampa Bay Devil Rays (5) 3-3: Just scores all over the place. Inconsistency like this will have Boz on the outside looking in all season.

7.: Little Giants (7) 1-5: We prayed for runs. We got runs. Just barely wasn’t enough though. But hey! This guy is getting the hang of it! You love to see it.

8.: Humongous Hornets (8) 0-6: Vis no. Why you do. More runs and win. I do think this team is super solid, just catching all of the bad breaks. The Hornets have always been a second-half team anyways. [Editor’s note: since when?]

INDOOR CONFERENCE

1.: Arizona Diamondbacks (1) 6-0: Jay Green continues to stay hot. As long as he mashes, this team will remain #1. Simple as that.

2.: Texas Rangers (2) 6-0: Just have to keep putting up runs and winning. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha [Editor’s note: I find this becomes creepier if you imagine him just saying “ha” over and over with no inflection whatsoever, like an unamused, possibly homicidal robot.] hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

3.: Baltimore Bombers (4) 3-3: Lund squeaks by this week! Lund seems to have lost his grounder and stealing prowess over these past two weeks. Here’s to hoping he gets it back.

4.: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angels Association (3) 4-2: Sounds like burnout is rearing its ugly head here as well as some other things. Get well soon Nate. ❤

5.: Milwaukee Braves (5) 2-4: Nate continues to struggle to score. One-run loss to the Bombers here. Hopefully he can get it figured out soon. Let Shohei eat!!!

6.: Seattle Fishes (6) 1-5: 7 runs isn’t bad at all! Just ran into the brick wall that is Jay Green. The Fishes are 5th in scoring in the Indoor, just getting unlucky with opponents’ scores. I think he finds more success in the second half.

7.: Boston Reds (8) 1-5: FIRST WIN! LET’S GOO. Shrews needs to keep putting up that 8 spot and higher and he’ll be fine! The defense is stout, just needs runs.

8.: Super-Duper Melonheads (7) 1-5: What a devastating loss for these kids. BUT. Good news is that I think Melon streams are back!! Which nets him the streamer bonus. [Editor’s note: the streamer bonus conveys no competitive advantage.]

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

1.: Purple Sox (2) 4-2: Absolutely dominating performance from Aes this week sends him back to the top. I think he’ll stay top 2 the whole season. Most runs per game will do that.

2.: Boston Cubs (3) 4-2: I undervalued this defense. I admit it. I didn’t think that a defense could carry a team in this conference. I was wrong. If KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS can keep up the 15ish runs and his defense continues to hold up, he’ll coast into the playoffs.

3.: Wizard Wombats (1) 4-2: Never thought I’d say this about this team but they were shut down this week by the Cubs. I think this will only happen twice this year to this team only because Wiz has to play them twice this season. The train will keep rolling next week.

4.: Junior Brewers (6) 3-3: Who is this man!! The scores have been massive. I’m hyped. Top 3 power rank incoming if he scores another 30 and takes out the Sox. Wait. He might be top 2 if he beats the Sox. This will be a good game!

5.: Red Phillies (4) 3-3: Crazy’s slow defense was manipulated easily by the Grounder God Aesnop this week. It happens. Nothing you can do about it. 17 runs isn’t bad but we all know Crazy can do better. It’s tight up here! The playoff race will be fun!

6.: Green Monsters (5) 2-4: I just really like this Monsters team okay? I’m very sorry JBA. [Editor’s note: no you’re not.] GET THE SECRET WEAPON GOING YURYA. [Editor’s note: he’s not referring to Pablo Sanchez, he’s referring to the commissioner’s secret stockpile of nukes.] I think that’ll be this team’s key to a successful second half.

7.: Montana Floss (7) 3-3: If the Floss win next week, I’ll eat a sock and stop underrating good defenses. I swear. Also 24 at Sandy is no joke! I’m definitely underrating this team. [Editor’s note: no you’re not.]

8.: Baltimore Orioles (8) 1-5: Billy Jean stinks and is the sole reason for this team’s successful first half. Let Davy carry this team more and let’s get Shawn hot. A win in Week 7 could gain this team some momentum.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“WHY DO THINGS ON MY DESK DISAPPEAR SO OFTEN? WHERE ARE MY TOENAIL CLIPPERS? AAAAAAA!!!” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, trying to find his toenail clippers

“Ever since the league started releasing everyone’s physicals, Coach Mello really ramped up the strategy sessions and targeted practice sessions. He’s been very serious about it. I felt myself losing a bit of the fun of the game. We were very unlucky the past two weeks, and the strategies didn’t work because the teams we prepared for weren’t the teams we faced. So then this week he said ‘Leave the strategy to me and Nan, follow our signals, and the rest of you just go have fun.’ Very light on strategic discussion, and we had a great time! I’m glad he’s ‘mellowed out,’ so to speak.” – Courtney Valentino, Junior Athletics, on strategy

“I found another pair but they’re sticky for some reason even though they’ve been in my desk drawer.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, updating us on the toenail clippers situation

“Holy CRAP that guy is lanky and awkward-looking.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on Richie Sexson

“I love my teammates and I love my coach! He just wants us to grow up as best we can, but making sure everyone’s having fun is super important too!” – Courtney Valentino, Junior Athletics, on being part of the Junior Athletics

“Did a jelly monster come into my room to cut its toenails?” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, proposing an explanation for his sticky toenail clippers

“Hey, coach! You’re the best!” – Courtney Valentino, Junior Athletics, hugging her coach

“The worst is asking for Dr Pepper and a restaurant saying they have it and then serving you Cherry Pepsi.” – Yurya, Green Monsters head coach, on ordering soda at a restaurant

“How did I hit that grand slam? Entirely by accident. I was going for a line drive. What made it happen? All I can say is WOMP BA DO NI MA, DO LOMP BOMP BOMP!” – Ray Tran, misquoting Little Richard

“Like a werewolf?” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach

“Thanks for reminding me of what’s important…for the hundredth time. You can let go now.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on being hugged

“Of course after using the weird sticky one I find the good one.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, finding a good pair of toenail clippers

“THERE’S A TREE IN MY PATH!” – Todd, Todd & the Book of Pure Evil, on learning to drive

With Week 5 in the books, we’re now officially more than a third of the way through the regular season! Not that it’s really plausible to be only a third at the end of a week when there’s 14 weeks; turns out that 14 • 2 is a horrible factorial for even divisions that aren’t sevenths or halves. (Incidentally, there was a point at which the season was exactly a third of the way done. It happened when 16 games had been submitted for Week 5.) But this isn’t about math, it’s about baseball! Backyard baseball. Let’s get into it.

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Minnesota Twins vs. Florida Marlins

The Matchup Of The Week moved to the Frontyard for the first time in Week 5, with a matchup between the 3-1 Minnesota Twins and the 2-2 Florida Marlins. The Twins were riding a 3-game win streak; after a disappointing 2-run output against the Yankees in Week One where the Yankees blew them out, the Twins gained momentum and won their next three, putting them in a four-way tie for first place in the Frontyard Conference alongside the Los Angeles Dodgers, New York Yankees, and Junior Athletics. Meanwhile, the Florida Marlins proved tough to track; in Week 1 and Week 3 they won very close matches, but their offensive output was fairly decent, with their opponents having games that were also good but not quite good enough, in Week 4 they had a decent score of 7 that wasn’t enough to topple the Yankees, and in Week 2 they were absolutely massacred by the Junior Athletics in the Athletics’ biggest win of the year. Naturally, it was expected that the Twins would put up a good performance; the question was whether the Marlins would be able to do the same.

The answer was “not really.” The game started slowly, but in the top of the 3rd Florida allowed a home run to the AI version of the Minnesota Twins, putting them down by two since the player-controlled Twins had scored a run earlier. This lead was only extended when Maya Woodruff slammed a home run just over the tall chain-link fence in right to give Minnesota a 5-run lead, and then just a little while later Fabienne Callahan followed it up with a 2-run homer (also to right) to put the Twins up by 7. While the Marlins did threaten to start coming back in the bottom of the inning with runners on first and second, problems arose when both of those runners were thrown out while trying to steal, and the inning ended without them scoring any runs. The Twins extended their lead by 3 in the top of the 4th, and while the Marlins finally managed to get out of the negatives in the bottom of the inning with a 2-run homer, the Twins still led 9-1 at the end of the fourth. Although the Marlins rallied in the bottom of the fifth and scored 4 runs to make the score a presumptive 9-6, they couldn’t completely catch up, and the Twins added another 3 unnecessary runs in the top of the sixth as they won 12-6.

Minnesota Twins 12, Florida Marlins 6

Next week’s game: Super-Duper Melonheads vs. Boston Reds

Player of the game: After the game, Toast named Fabienne Callahan his player of the game for going 3-for-4 with a single, two home runs, a team-leading 4 RBIs, and two scores herself. While Fabienne was a worthy candidate, I’d personally choose Julie Dunkel–not quite as effective on offense, going only 2-for-4 with two home runs and one fewer RBI, but great on the mound, throwing a shutout with five strikeouts and six hits allowed.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

Los Angeles Dodgers 4.8, Junior Athletics 4

After the first AI loss this season, the Athletics were looking to bounce back against the Dodgers. Of course, this wasn’t going to be easy, seeing as the Dodgers were constantly putting up huge scores, but the Athletics were at least going to give it a shot, and they came very, very, very close. The Junior Athletics were at the very least competent at Steele Stadium, putting up a score of 5-1 off of 9 hits while only allowing two hits from the Dodgers AI. Meanwhile, the Dodgers struggled against the Athletics AI, only managing 4 hits and a walk as they won 4-0. Unfortunately for the Athletics, the Dodgers were at home, which gave them a home bonus of–in this case–4/5 of a run…and an incredibly close win.

Player of the game: For the second time this season and the first time in the Frontyard Conference, the BATTER OF THE WEEK and the PITCHER OF THE WEEK appeared in the same game facing off against each other. Naturally, it’s hard to choose a superior player, especially in a game as close as this, so Wendy Parson of the Athletics and Leah Wayne of the Dodgers will just have to share. Wendy Parson was the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK, going 3-for-3 with a single and two home runs that brought home four runs; she also scored thrice, meaning she had a hand in every single run the Athletics got. Meanwhile, an apparently nerfed Leah Wayne was the Frontyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK, pitching a shutout where she only allowed one hit and got 9 strikeouts (but went 0-for-2 while striking out once offensively).

Tampa Bay Devil Rays 7, New York Yankees 2

T-Boz and Marco had identical overall records entering this season, with both of them sitting at an overall 8-20 (although T-Boz did make the playoffs with a 5-9 record in Season 6 due to an incredibly weak division). That trend continues through five weeks, as with this win the Devil Rays rise to 3-2 on the season and the Yankees fall to 3-2. For the Yankees, this was a game where the defense let them down, because while they were able to get 5 runs on 11 hits, they also let up 3 runs on 7 hits, finishing with a run differential of only 2. Meanwhile, Tampa Bay hit a lot better, getting 19 hits and turning them into 7 runs; even the one run allowed couldn’t bring them down, as it merely erased their home bonus, allowing them to win easily. With New York and Tampa Bay now tied, the question must be asked: are these two coaches inextricably linked? Tough to say, but they’re both in the playoff chase and looking good a few weeks in.

Player of the game: Adam Van Doren of the Devil Rays had a killer game, going 3-for-3 (all singles), getting an RBI, and scoring twice himself. He also led the team in stolen bases with three. He also was not responsible for the dumpster fire that started in centerfield after the game, and will cooperate fully with any investigation.

Little Giants 7, Humongous Hornets 5

In a battle of winless teams, something had to give. In this case, it was the Hornets pitching staff, as the Giants put up their biggest score of the season at home, scoring 6 runs off of 12 hits with the most vital being a 3-run homer from Claudia Villarta in the bottom of the 4th that gave the Giants the margin of victory. Once again, it was a valiant effort from the Hornets, who played a solid game but did just poorly enough to lose, as they posted 5 runs on 11 hits and got a shutout. The Humongous Hornets stay winless, while the Little Giants snag their first win of the season and are hoping to build on that momentum against the Florida Marlins.

Player of the game: What do you call a player who goes 2-for-2 with a single, a homer, and a walk, who gets 4 RBIs and scores once? You call her Claudia Villarta, who was an absolutely vital piece for the Giants in their first win. You don’t call her on the telephone, though, as her cell has been confiscated for the next two weeks for texting in church.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Seattle Fishes 13, Milwaukee Braves 12

The Seattle Fishes finally got into the win column on the same day that the Braves got their offense working. For Milwaukee, it was the day of the long ball at Playground Commons, as they turned 21 hits and 3 walks into 14 runs courtesy of 5 homers. Meanwhile, the Fishes also had a good day at home, scoring 15 off of 20 hits and 4 walks. It would seem like an easy win for the Fishes were it not for the fact that they were defensively putrid, giving up 5 runs to the Braves AI and lowering their run differential to a prorated 13. The Braves would’ve been able to take a 14-13 win as a result…were it not for the fact that for the first time this season, Shohei Ohtani gave up runs, 2 in total, putting the Fishes ahead of the Braves and allowing Seattle their first win of the season.

Player of the game: Jane Davis was a miracle worker for the Fishes, going 4-of-4 with a single and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. She had 8 RBIs and scored 4 times in a performance strong enough for her to be named the Indoor Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK! Ironically enough, she’s allergic to tuna and thinks Trey Anastasio is incredibly overrated.

Arizona Diamondbacks 11, Boston Reds 5

Arizona stays undefeated, Boston stays winless. It was a fairly typical game for both teams, with Jay Green carrying the Diamondbacks by producing 8 RBIs and the Reds unable to create enough offense to get a win. Arizona ended up scoring 11 runs on 15 hits and 2 walks and shutting out their opposition on the road (Randy Johnson only allowed a single hit, and that hit turned into a double play), while Boston struggled to do much at home, ending up with only 9 hits in a 5-1 win.

Player of the game: Once again, it’s Jay Green, who barely missed out on being named BATTER OF THE WEEK again as he went 4-for-4 with a double and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. He scored every time he came up to bat, and finished with 8 RBIs. Also, Randy Johnson continued to quietly be one of the best pitchers in the entire league, as he threw four strikeouts in the Diamondbacks one-hit shutout.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 10, Baltimore Bombers 6

After barely losing in a high-scoring game against the Texas Rangers at Dirt Yards, the Baltimore Bombers needed to win at home against the Angels to keep pace in the conference. They were assisted in this quest by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association having their worst game since Week 1, scoring only 10 runs off of 18 hits in a shutout win. Unfortunately, grounderball failed the Bombers for the first time since they dove wholeheartedly into it in Week 3, with them only able to muster 11 hits and 6 runs while allowing a run of their own. The Angels continued their winning ways, and now sit at 4-1 and in sole possession of 3rd place in the Indoor Conference, while the Bombers are now 2-3 and tied for 4th with the Milwaukee Braves.

Player of the game: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association pitcher Mr. Clanky needed to have a good game if the Angels weren’t going to have a spectacular offensive performance. And he did, as he threw a 4-hit shutout with an impressive 11 strikeouts. He wasn’t able to give an interview since nobody sprung for the Speak-n-Spell upgrade, but his light was blinking like crazy, so we’ll assume he was pleased with his performance.

Texas Rangers 13, Super-Duper Melonheads 1

Like Arizona, Texas remained undefeated, this time by beating up on one of the weaker teams in the division in the Melonheads. Once again, the Melonheads didn’t have the best day, as they only managed 3 runs and 8 hits while giving up 6 hits and 2 runs on defense. Texas did much better, grabbing 25 hits and 3 walks on their way to scoring 13 runs and producing a one-hit shutout. At this point, the Melonheads still have yet to win at home this season, while the Rangers are still tied for first in the Indoor Conference with the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Player of the game: Betty Houston was named the Indoor Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK for tossing a 1-hit, 8 strikeout shutout. While she didn’t have the greatest day offensively (2-for-4, 2 singles, 1 RBI, 1 run scored), neither did anyone else on the Rangers as the majority of the team was adequate but not spectacular. Consequently, Betty Houston gets the award, making it the second time Houston has found herself very valuable to Texas.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Boston Cubs 15, Purple Sox 14

You know who I’m insanely jealous of? KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS. Why? Because he managed to draft the toughest defense in the Backyard, which is exactly what I tried to do and failed miserably at! Which brings me to the Boston Cubs; they don’t have the greatest games offensively this season, but their defense has been good enough to get them wins. That was the case this week, as the Cubs held the Purple Sox to their lowest run and hit totals of the season (12 and 20, respectively). Even the home bonus wasn’t enough for the Purple Sox to win, as it only got them to an adjusted run differential of 14.4. This was just barely not enough to catch the Cubs, who took over Steele Stadium to the tune of 15 runs scored on 24 hits and no runs allowed on 4 hits (one strikeout). End result? The Wizard Wombats are now once again in sole possession of first place in the conference, while the Boston Cubs and Purple Sox are now tied for second with the Red Phillies at 3-2 apiece.

Player of the game: Kay O’Toole finds herself in this position again, although this time her team lost. Still, going 4-for-4 with a pair of singles and a pair of home runs deserves to be acknowledged, especially since she got 4 RBIs and scored all but one time she came up to bat. Add in that she pitched a 3-hit shutout with 1 strikeout and only 32 pitches thrown, and she was obviously a good tool for the Purple Sox–even if she didn’t manage to knock the Cubs out.

Wizard Wombats 20, Junior Brewers 18

Coming off their first loss, the Wombats put up far fewer runs and won. That’s an oversimplification, of course: the Brewers are a stronger defense that actually has a pitching staff, with the tradeoff being that their offense isn’t quite as potent. Still, that doesn’t mean the Brewers didn’t put up a fight; in fact, this is the closest game the Wombats have been in all year, as the Junior Brewers scored 17 runs at home off of 23 hits and a walk (along the way stealing 16 bases) while allowing only two, for an adjusted run differential of 18. The Wombats did just a bit better in their full six innings, though, as they put up 23 runs with 28 hits and 4 walks while allowing only 3 to cross the plate. With this win and the Purple Sox loss, the Wizard Wombats now move back into sole possession of first place in the Backyard Conference, while the Brewers drop below .500 again.

Player of the game: The Wizard Wombats’ Jerry Winchell was the Backyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK! So why isn’t he the player of the game? Well, despite going 3-for-4 offensively with a single and two home runs that saw him score twice and hit 7 RBIs, his effectiveness in this game was stunted by his pitching performance. Sure, he had 7 strikeouts, but he also gave up 10 hits and 3 runs. Instead, the award goes to his teammate Amir Khan, who went 4-for-5 with two singles, a double, and home run, scoring twice and knocking in six. Say what you will about Sticks, but he kept the beat steady for the Wombats this week.

Green Monsters 28, Red Phillies 11

If I’m being kind, which I rarely am, the Green Monsters have been a mercurial team. They opened the season with a huge 24-0 victory against the Purple Sox at Steele Stadium, followed it up with a smaller score of 16-0 against the Super-Duper Wombats at La Chancla in a game they lost, and then proceeded to fail to score in the double-digits in their next two games at home at the reputably high-scoring Tin Can Alley. So what’d they do in their third home game in a row? Finally figure out how to rack up the runs, apparently, as they turned 33 hits into 24 runs and shut out their opponents at home. Meanwhile, the lack of speed came back to bite the Phillies again, as without home runs as readily available they found themselves leaving twelve stranded as their 25 hits only turned into 13 runs and they gave up two runs of their own. The Monsters take their second win, while the Phillies fall to 3-2 and are tied with the Purple Sox and Boston Cubs for second place in the conference.

Player of the game: Alicia Blakely was a girl on fire for the Monsters. How on fire? She went 5-for-5 with two singles, two doubles, and a home run, scored every time she came up to bat, and notched 4 RBIs on top of it. She also admitted that she didn’t like playing on concrete and would like to return to grass; she won’t get her chance next week, as the Monsters take on the Floss at the notoriously beachy Sandy Flats.

Montana Floss 11, Baltimore Orioles 5

Baltimore finally got their first win last week in a close home game against the Cubs, and were hoping to do so again against the middling Montana Floss. Unfortunately, their game against the Cubs required the Cubs to only win 6-1 while the Orioles won a 5-0 match that required Marky Dubois to toss a perfect game, and that magic wasn’t repeatable. The Orioles offense once again struggled, only managing 5 runs, 11 hits, and a walk, while Marky Dubois was unable to repeat his perfect performance from Week 4, allowing 4 hits and a run while striking out six. While the Floss had their worst road game of the year, in part due to Davy Marian’s extremely good day, it was still a decent performance, as Brad Radke pitched a one-hit shutout with 11 strikeouts and Montana’s offense turned 21 hits and 2 walks into 11 runs and took the win.

Player of the game: Brad Radke had one of the best pitching performances he’s had all season–and that’s saying something, considering that he leads the entire league in strikeouts, has yet to give up a run, and had a perfect game to start the year. So yes, I believe it’s not inaccurate to say that a one-hit shutout with 11 strikeouts that got him his fourth PITCHER OF THE WEEK award from the Backyard Conference (fourth in five weeks, no less) is enough to get him this award in such a low-scoring matchup. And yes, I suppose I should mention that at the plate he went 2-for-3 (both singles) and walked once, with an RBI and two runs scored.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (4-1)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (3-2)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (3-2)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (3-2)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (2-3)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (2-3)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (2-3)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (1-4)

Indoor Conference
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (5-0)
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (5-0)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (4-1)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund] (2-3)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (2-3)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (1-4)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (1-4)
Boston Reds [shrewsberry] (0-5)

Frontyard Conference
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (4-1)
Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (4-1)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (3-2)
New York Yankees [Marco] (3-2)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (3-2)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (2-3)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (1-4)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (0-5)

JYKNIGHT’S POWER RANKINGS

Here’s a new feature: power rankings, courtesy of Texas Rangers head coach Jyknight, who posts new ones every Monday evening (approximately). He gave me permission to reprint them, so here we are: JYKNIGHT’S WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS!

Key:
Ranking.: Team (previous week’s ranking) Record: Explanation

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

1.: Minnesota Twins (3) 4-1: Toast is able to perform on the big stage! What a game from this guy, beating the Marlins by a score of 12-6. Scores have been inconsistent for Toast though, ranging from 2 to 14. If he can consistently score 10+, I think he will remain at the top of this division. Fab did her job for the Twins at Scrapco going 3-4 with 2 homers and 4 RBIs. Toast plays the Dodgers in Week 6 and I think he goes low and falls there.

2.: Los Angeles Dodgers (1) 4-1: Hitace sneaks by the A’s in this one, winning due to playing at home. This is his first real falter of the year as none of his power hitters could get anything done at Steele. I recall him saying he was just on fire while playing his first two games. Has he cooled off? I think Week 6 will be a big indicator as to what his true skill level is. Leah threw a great game for the Dodgers, going the distance and striking out 9 batters. Dodgers vs. Twins in Week 6, and I think the Dodgers take it.

3.: Junior Athletics (5) 3-2: Mello with a heartbreaking loss here! Losing because he was the away team and forcing his live commentary to disappear for the foreseeable future. The A’s have been good, I think Mello bounces back fine and stays competitive in this division. Wendy Parsons played well for the A’s, going 3-3 with 2 homers and 4 RBIs. The A’s host the Devil Rays in Week 6. It’ll be a close game!

4.: New York Yankees (2) 3-2: Marco falls after only mustering 2 runs this week. I heard he was going to miss his viewing of Space Jam 2 if he played any longer, so he let the resident kangaroo play for him. Was it worth it? Rotten Tomatoes says no. Let’s hope he isn’t distracted by the Olympics next week and is able to bounce back. No one played well for the Yankees. Sorry. Yankees beat Hornets in Week 6 already; feather in the hat, macaroni. [Editor’s note: thanks for the spoilers.]

5.: Tampa Bay Devil Rays (4) 3-2: Should this man be higher? Yeah, probably. If he wins next week, he’s going top 3 for sure. Very good performances this year by T-Boz, highlighted by a 19-run explostion in Week 4. Consistent scoring is key in this league and the Rays are good at that. George Coleman went 1-3 with a triple and 2 RBIs in this one. T-Boz takes on the A’s in Week 6. It’ll be close!

6.: Florida Marlins (6) 2-3: Skol was in the match of the week this week. From watching his gameplay I think there’s a lot to improve upon. Which is saying a lot considering he scores a decent number of runs each game. He doesn’t sprint, nor does he change his batting stance. If he can get a grip on both of those mechanics, he can skyrocket to the top. No stats 😦 [Editor’s note: he got his stats in…eventually. On Wednesday or something.] I think the Marlins get the best of the Giants in Week 6.

7.: Little Giants (8) 1-4: Rookie first win alert!! SB gets his first win of his rBBL career thanks to a Claudia bomb over the left field fence at Eckman. He was going nuts! Love to see the passion from him here. 7 runs is a great score as well. If he can keep up that success, more wins are in his future. The Giants face off against the Marlins in Week 6. We pray for runs.

8.: Humongous Hornets (7) 0-5: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM [Editor’s note: this goes on for a while.] MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM [Editor’s note: seriously, a long time.] MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM [Editor’s note: maybe get up and grab some snacks.] MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM [Editor’s note: a drink too, while you’re at it.] MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM [Editor’s note: anyone need a bathroom break?] MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM [Editor’s note: everybody good?] MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM [Editor’s note: okay, here we go.] MMMMM. Maybe I was wrong about this team. I don’t think they’ll go winless. They put up too good numbers to do that. Keeping this one short.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

1.: Arizona Diamondbacks (3) 5-0: I think it was Vissery that said I should put Jay Green here instead of Sisu. I’m doing it next week. Jay Green has accounted for 40 of the team’s 53 RBIs. This is unheard of in this league! Sisu just rakes with this kid! And it’s not like anyone can stop him. Maybe a Delgado arm dangle can [Editor’s note: Delgado’s arm doesn’t dangle; the only players who have that animation cycle on the mound are Chipper Jones, Nomar Garciaparra, Alex Rodriguez, and Carlos Beltran. And three of them are in my conference. Joy. Anyway, Delgado just stares at you constantly like an owl.], but he’s in the Backyard. Going to need Chris to take out Jay this week for me. Let’s highlight Sisu’s pitching here: Randy went 6 innings and only gave up 1 hit against the Reds. The snakes take on the Fishes in Week 6. I think Jay Green wins.

2.: Texas Rangers (2) 5-0: Hey! Look! I can score some! Molly May has been surprisingly good for me and has provided timely home runs for my club. I do think I need to fix my lineup a little and maybe that’ll push me to the next level.

3.: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angels Association (1) 4-1: Jomar gets a good win against the Bombers in Week 5, winning 10-6. The output is going down for these Angels, however, from 30 in Week 2 to 10 in Week 5. Is Nate [Editor’s note: one of Jomar’s aliases.] getting tired of this game? I sure hope not! His team is fun, I like when he scores runs, and he has Kimmy–just an added bonus. Speaking of Kimmy, she led the offense, going 3-3 with a homer and 3 RBIs. The Angels face off against the Fishes in Week 6 [Editor’s note: they actually play the Rangers. The Fishes play the Diamondbacks.] and I dunno. I think Chris might just take this one! [Editor’s note: I don’t.]

4.: Baltimore Bombers (4) 2-3: I talked to Lundy after this one and he said that the combo of Webbers and Clanky and Maria was hard to get past as he only mustered 5 runs. I’m scared of that defense too. Let’s see how many stolen bases he had this week…only 5. Grounders and steals seem to be the way of the Bombers. Ironic? Enh. But facing the Angels did expose him to this. Maybe he takes another approach when they have their rematch. He still has a strong offense so he’s still a formidable opponent. Sonja led the offense going 3-3 with 3 RBIs. Bombers vs. Braves in Week 6. I think this one will be a coin toss!

5.: Milwaukee Braves (5) 2-3: A great game by Nate [Editor’s note: Natetastic, not Jomar.] in this one! Unfortunately, he was one run short. This coach shouldn’t hang his head, I watched his performance live and it was super fun to watch. Sho-time is electric and so is Henri. If he can keep up this output, I think he’ll find himself on the right side of .500. Shohei performed well for the Braves, going 3-4 with 2 HRs and 7 RBIs.

6.: Seattle Fishes (7) 1-4: A great win for Chris in this one as he notches his first win! His scores keep getting higher and higher which is a good sign for all Fish fans. This is similar to what has happened in the past with Blanco coached teams, increasingly getting better. It might get tight at the top if he continues to put up scores like this! Holy moley Jane popped off: 4-4, 3 HRs and 8 RBIs. Chris is up against jlund in Week 6. [Editor’s note: he’s actually playing Sisu’s Diamondbacks. Jlund’s Bombers take on the Braves in Week 6.] I think Chris’s hot streak of increasing scores continues and he wins this matchup. [Editor’s note: I don’t.]

7.: Super-Duper Melonheads (6) 1-4: From what I’ve been hearing, Eauxps has been hampered by nerfs all season long which hit him again as he was only able to muster a single run on aggregate (he scored 3 but gave up 2). This is just not Eauxps’s season. As a former vet and his rival, I hope he can turn this Melonheads team around. I think his team does have some upside, and maybe some more practice with them might benefit him as the season progresses. Angela doubled and drove in the 3 Melonhead runs. He might find another win in Week 6 as he faces the winless Reds. [Editor’s note: true.]

8.: Boston Reds (8) 0-5: Shrews just hasn’t been able to put up the runs necessary to win. Last year he relied on his potent defense to propel him to success, but it seems as if that’s not working out this season. Like Aes said last week, hopefully he can catch some teams on bad days coming up. Jeter played well for the Reds, driving in 3. The Reds face the Melons in Week 6, and have a good chance of notching their first win!

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

1.: Wizard Wombats (2) 4-1: WomBATS. Keep. The. Plus. 20s. Coming. Honestly I didn’t see this kind of offensive output coming from Wiz this season and I am so happy he’s proved me wrong. He squeaks by the brewers this week by 2, 20-18. He’s now scored 20 or more runs every game! Yeah, I get that his team is only offense, but I still think this is super impressive! This guy is playoff-bound for sure. An unlikely hero in the form of Jerry Winchell led the Wombats in Game 5 with 2 homers and 7 RBIs! Next Wiz takes on the Cubs and if he can just hit it over this tough defense, I think he wins this.

2.: Purple Sox (1) 3-2: After scoring 50!! in the previous week, Aes falls to the Cubs in Week 5. I’m going to say this is a gimmick, kinda, but it seems the Purple Sox go as Nicky Winston does. For one game. It’s science. Look it up. The Purple Sox have struggled more at home this season so maybe that’s his kryptonite? Because he doesn’t have sluggers like the other teams. I don’t think it’ll hinder him too much. He stays in the top 2 this week. Kay O’Toole continues to rake for this team going 4-4 with 2 bombs and 4 RBIs. Sox vs. Phillies at Playground this week; lack of pitching and 8’s power doesn’t bode well for Aes.

3.: Boston Cubs (6) 3-2: Wait, how’d KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS get here? Oh yeah, that’s right, his defense is way better than I thought. This defense limited the potent Purple Sox offense to its lowest total of the season at 14 and the Cubs were able to sneak past with a one-run victory. KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS’s style might not be flashy but hey, who cares when you get wins like he is? A-Rod and Zoe Mallory led the offense in this one, each driving in 5 runs! The Cubs host the Wombats in Week 6. Hard to have a good defense if balls are flying over your head. Hopefully Kenny can shut down the Wombats offense.

4.: Red Phillies (3) 3-2: Rough one this week for the Phillies as the fall to the Monsters, 28-11. I’m solely going to blame this loss on the field having no fences for 8s to hit home runs over. From the stats, it just looks like the Phillies couldn’t get timely hits with runners on. Just a hiccup for them this season and I don’t see this team dwelling over this loss for too long. Mikey propelled the Phillies offense with a homer and 5 RBIs. The Phillies take on the Purple Sox next at Playground Commons. If the homerun stroke is on, I see the Phillies winning this in a high-scoring affair.

5.: Green Monsters (7) 2-3: Yurya lays the hammer on Crazy this week as these two faced off in a stream-off! After only scoring a combined 15 runs in the past two weeks, the Monsters exploded for 28. Do I think this is the ceiling for Yurya? Maybe. But I do think this is a consistent ceiling. Meaning I think he can score this many runs all the time. He’s got a chance to squeak in if he keeps up this kind of performance. Ramona Bennet shone for the Monsters, going 4-5 with 4 RBIs and 3 Rs–and she closed out the game, looks like! OOOO, Monsters, Mariners at Sandy this week. That’s a tough defense to get through. [Editor’s note: no it isn’t.]

6.: Junior Brewers (5) 2-3: A close loss this week for the Brewers, falling to the WomBATS by 2. Not a bad performance by Jibbo at all this week and he seems to age like a fine wine as the season progresses. He’s putting up more and more runs. Staying in the 15-20 range might work out for him if his defense and pitching can hold up. Seems like his game has been set back to hard these past couple weeks as well [Editor’s note: the Junior Brewers were playing on the super secret EXTRA HARD mode for the first two weeks.] Also, someone in the media told me he reported me to HR? Move this guy to 8th. Mav vs. Jibbo in Week 6. I don’t think Jibbo gives Mav his second win. Go Brewers.

7.: Montana Floss (4) 2-3: I did the thing that JBA wanted me to. [Editor’s note: thank you.] Floss in the bottom half. Beating up a flightless Orioles team moves you down 3 spots. How dare you. But, what this game did show off? The Mariners defense. It’s stout. I don’t think JBA stays down here for long, just a lot of good performances from other teams is all. I like this floss team. BRADKE. Superstar ace. Went the distance and threw 11 Ks in this one. Mariners vs. Monsters at Sandy. JBA knows the sand too well. I think the Floss wipe their teeth with them? I dunno.

8.: Baltimore Orioles (8) 1-4: Nerfed Shawn was the downfall of the Orioles in Week 5. Even when Shawn did get a decent hit with his 4 hitting in this one, it turned out to be a double play. Just a metaphor for this Orioles season. I don’t think the Billy Jean experiment is working out either, she comes up in crucial situations too much and just can’t get the job done. Lena has been a bright spot for this team though, hitting another homer in this one and driving in 4. Mav takes on Jibbo next, and I think the Orioles remain at one win.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“Anyone who would willing play there is a psycho.” – T-Boz, Tampa Bay Devil Rays head coach, on Sandy Flats

“Jesus. One tiny break doesn’t go against me and I win that game.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on barely losing to the Dodgers

“AAGEDIEIEAENDIFDIFJDKAIEEABBMCNAAELCGAMAABPAAAAA
ABCACACACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAE” – jibbodahibbo, Junior Brewers head coach, captioning his stream

“‘Ooooooohhhhh, Kay.’ No. Kay O.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, watching Kay O’Toole’s performance in the Week 2 Matchup Of The Week and inadvertently creating a running gag in the quotes section

“Have you ever heard of My Little Pony?” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach

“My team is not inherently completely incapable, at least.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on double negatives

“Ban Cement Gardens and Paveway next season.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, being completely correct about concrete fields

“Stupid dog! You made me look bad!” Eustace, Courage the Cowardly Dog

“HMMMMM…MMMMM…MMMMM.” – Jyknight, Texas Rangers head coach, on the Humongous Hornets

Week 4 is over, and everything’s starting to fall into place. This week saw the fall of all but two undefeated teams, the continuing insanity that is the best teams in the Backyard making us all feel bad about ourselves, and the return of winning AIs! Yeah, that last one’s not really a good thing.

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Arizona Diamondbacks vs. Milwaukee Braves

After two straight weeks in the Backyard Conference, the Matchup Of The Week moved to the Indoor for a game between Sisu’s 3-0 Arizona Diamondbacks and Natetastic’s 2-1 Milwaukee Braves. Despite high-quality records, these teams were quite different in how they perform. For the Diamondbacks, their success relies upon Jay Green, who over the first three weeks of the season went 11-for-12 with an unprecedented 10 home runs and 26 RBIs. Meanwhile, the Braves focused more on defense, using not only their traditionally defense-focused home field of Sandy Flats but also a strong defense to keep their opponent’s scores down (making up for some lower scores of their own). Since Sisu was on vacation, he wasn’t in the broadcast booth and the game wasn’t hosted on his channel. Instead, for one game only the broadcast moved to elchrisblanco’s Twitch.

Unlike the two prior MOTWs, this game for the most part wasn’t close. Sandy Flats known for keeping scores down, but the Diamondbacks struck quickly in the top of the first when Jay Green hit the ball past the centerfielder with a runner on second. The runner on base scored, and Jay Green used his speed to turn the hit into an inside-the-ballpark home run. As it turned out, those two runs were enough, as the Braves were unable to muster much offense and only scored one run on the day with a sacrifice fly in the bottom of the first. The Diamondbacks took over for the rest of the game, and walked off with a fairly easy win despite their depressed offensive performance.

Arizona Diamondbacks 7, Milwaukee Braves 1

Next week’s game: Minnesota Twins vs. Florida Marlins (the first Frontyard matchup, and one that returns to Sisu’s Twitch!)

Player of the game: Who else but Jay Green? I know, Randy Johnson got named the Indoor Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK for his 1-hit shutout performance, but this award still goes to Jay Green. The best batter in the game right now went “only” 2-for-3, but those two were home runs, and he contributed 6 RBIs off of them. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets the nickname Atlas this season, because he’s taking the entire weight of the team on his shoulders game in and game out. (Well, maybe not the entire weight of the team; Randy Johnson leads the Indoor Conference in strikeouts and has a 0.25 ERA.)

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

New York Yankees 11, Florida Marlins 7

The Marlins have been a tough team to assess this season. On the one hand, they won two of their first three games. On the other hand, those wins were close, and their loss was an absolute blowout where they only scored one run in the bottom of the sixth under questionable circumstances. While I’m inclined to believe that the Marlins are actually pretty decent and aren’t getting their due, since those close games happened when their opponents also put up decent scores as opposed to both teams putting up low numbers, the Marlins still haven’t put up a double-digit win. This week was no exception, as while they did well offensively by scoring 11 runs off of 21 hits and a walk, defensively they struggled, allowing 4 runs and a shockingly enormous 16 hits. This was part of their downfall; the other part was the New York Yankees bouncing back after having their worst game of the season against their toughest opponent yet. The Yankees also scored 11 at Tin Can Alley, pulling that score from 18 hits and 2 walks, but unlike the Marlins, they only allowed six hits and two runs, and ended up with a solid win that keeps them battling for first in the conference with the Twins, Athletics, and Dodgers.

Player of the game: Both teams had solid outings from most of their players at the plate, but for the New York Yankees their biggest component was Shane Smith, who went 3-for-4 with a pair of singles and a double. He contributed 3 RBIs while scoring once himself, stole three bases, and didn’t make any errors. Also, his favorite pizza toppings are mushrooms and green peppers…just a hint for the next time the coach grabs pizza.

Minnesota Twins 3, Junior Athletics -1

Remember how I said that winning AIs have returned? Well, this is the first game where it happened this season. For those curious: whenever the AI beats a player in the player’s game, the score is recorded as a negative run differential. Which means yes, it is possible to win despite losing to the AI; it happened last season, when the Tampa Bay Devil Rays beat the New York Giants by a score of -5 to -5 (the Devil Rays AI got the home bonus…yeah, things got freaky in the extremely subpar NL West that season). For the formerly undefeated Athletics, this game was just a collision of a bunch of bad luck: nerfs, great hits barely going foul, groundouts and strikeouts at inopportune times, and eventually, a cancellation of the postgame press conference after the game went into extra innings and ended in an Athletics loss where they only managed to score one run off of twelve hits and allowed two runs of their own despite getting twelve strikeouts. The Minnesota Twins didn’t have the greatest game either, scoring only 3 runs on 9 hits, but they shut out their opponents and took the win, unseating the Athletics from their undefeated perch and putting them in a four-way tie with the Yankees, Dodgers, and of course the Athletics.

Player of the game: Todd Xavier had a great game for the Athletics, putting up 12 strikeouts in an extra-inning losing effort. The Twins’ Julie Dunkel was better, though. On the mound, she may have only posted 7 strikeouts in a shutout game where she only allowed a single hit, but offensively she was also a force to be reckoned with, as she went 3-for-3 with a single, a triple, and a home run, and scored all three Twins runs.

Los Angeles Dodgers 9, Little Giants -3

Speaking of AI wins, this is the second game to have one this week. The Dodgers put up their weakest performance to date in what was still a pretty good game, managing to get 8 runs in off of 12 hits while shutting out the Giants AI. Despite that, it was their AI that was too much for the Giants, as while the Giants were able to produce a pair of runs off of 6 hits, their pitching (and a couple Aluminum Bat power-ups gained from a double play) let them down as they allowed 5 runs to score off of 6 hits. The Giants still have yet to win a game, while the Dodgers are in a 4-way battle from first–and still haven’t lost a game for any reason other than a forfeit.

Player of the game: Ronny Dobbs had a great day at the plate for the Dodgers, going 2-for-3 with 2 home runs that knocked in 6. Still, he doesn’t win the award; instead, that goes to their pitcher, Gretchen Hasselhoff, who pitched a 4-hit shutout where she managed to throw an impressive 12 strikeouts. This performance was good enough to make Gretchen the Frontyard Conference’s Week 4 PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

Tampa Bay Devil Rays 19, Humongous Hornets 15

I doubt many people would’ve picked this game to be the highest-scoring one in the Frontyard Conference this week, but that’s what happened, as the Hornets and Devil Rays both put up their highest scores on the year. The Hornets were confident heading into this one, and with good reason, as they scored 14 runs on 23 hits while only allowing one of their own. Still, I think it’s fair to say that nobody saw this performacne coming from the Devil Rays, as they put up a score that may be the best of T-Boz’s career, churning out 21 runs on 27 hits while allowing two runs of their own. Consequently, the Devil Rays get back to .500, while the Hornets remain unfortunately winless.

Player of the game: Derek McCattery put in a great effort for the winning Tampa Bay Devil Rays, going 4-for-5 with a single, a double, and two triples while managing 6 RBIs and scoring thrice. However, Zena Fromme of the Hornets was slightly better, as she went 3-for-4 with a double and two homers that totaled 7 RBIs and 2 scores for her. Final verdict? Zena Fromme is the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK–cold comfort for her team, I’m sure, but a great accomplishment nonetheless.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Texas Rangers 21, Baltimore Bombers 20

Talk about a tight matchup! Both teams have really come alive this season, with the Bombers embracing the way of the grounder and Jyknight’s Rangers continually finding ways to win. These trends continued at Dirt Yards this week, as the Bombers once again pulled out all the stops, getting 22 singles, 4 doubles, 3 triples, a home run, and 4 walks as they won 20-0 against the AI. Unfortunately for them, the Rangers had a better day once their performance was prorated, as they scored 20 runs on 21 hits and 4 walks as they won 20-3. Without proration, their run differential would’ve been 17; with, their adjusted score was 24-3 (to account for the missing bottom of the 6th) and they won by 21, just barely edging ahead of the Bombers and staying undefeated.

Player of the game: Texas Ranger Pete Wheeler might just have rockets instead of feet with how fast he goes. He was going plenty fast in this game, as he went 4-for-4 with two singles, a double, and the game’s only home run. He notched 4 RBIs and scored 5 times himself. This was good enough to make him the Indoor Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK! When asked to comment on his performance, Pete only said “Huh?”

Super-Duper Melonheads 9, Seattle Fishes 7

The Melonheads finally get a win! Unfortunately, it comes against the winless Fishes, so someone was guaranteed to get one, but a win is a win. Plus, it’s not exactly undeserved for the Melonheads, as they put up their best game so far with a run differential of 9 (previous high: 2), scored 11 runs (previous high: 6), got 25 hits (previous high: 13), and won 11-2 in their game. Things weren’t so bright for the Fishes, unfortunately; while they’ve been solid all season, they haven’t been quite solid enough, and that was the case in this game, as while they scored 6 runs on 16 hits and shut out the Melonheads AI, this wasn’t quite enough to get them into the win column. With this game, the number of winless teams in the Indoor conference falls to two: the Fishes and the Reds.

Player of the game: Perry Marx of the Fishes had a very good outing in a losing effort, going 2-for-3 with both hits being homers. These hits brought in 4 runs, including the two he scored himself, and helped the Fishes at least be competitive. After the game, Perry mentioned that he just wanted to forget the whole thing and watch some Psych. I agree, and Office Space is a great episode.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 12, Boston Reds 3

For once, JOMAR didn’t absolutely obliterate his opponent. Instead, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angels Association put up a comparatively subdued performance, scoring 10 runs on 19 hits and shutting down their opponent’s AI offense. This wasn’t enough to help out the Reds, though, as they were only able to manage 3 runs despite getting 15 hits and only allowing one hit to the Angels AI. The final result? The Angels keep rolling under JOMAR’s guidance, and the Reds stay winless.

Player of the game: Kimmy Eckman must’ve been on a sugar high this week, as she went 3-for-4 with a double, a triple, and a home run. While she only scored once herself, she had 5 RBIs, and was easily the best hitter on the team this week. Plus, her mother’s cookies make getting beaten by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association worth it.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Purple Sox 48, Wizard Wombats 43

There’s a rule in the league that says that once a player scores fifty runs in a game, that player doesn’t have to score any more–or rather, if more runs are scored, they won’t be counted. The Purple Sox finished this game with a score of 52-2; since that’s more than 50, they won by 48. This is the first time a team has put up 50 runs this season, and consequently it didn’t matter how the Wombats did, since they weren’t going to win unless they also put up 50. It’s a shame, though, since the Wombats also had a massive game, scoring 36 runs on 37 hits and 3 walks at Casa de Pablo for the second-largest score of the season and a final of 43. It just wasn’t enough to catch up with the Purple Sox, who scored 52 runs on 52 hits and 10 walks. The Purple Sox are now tied for first place in the conference with the Wizard Wombats and the Red Phillies, and are looking like the team to beat.

Player of the game: Kay O’Toole of the Purple Sox was the Backyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK! How’d she do it? Well, she went 9-for-9 with two singles, four doubles, two triples, and a home run, barely missing out on hitting the cycle twice. She scored 8 times and had 11 RBIs, and was also the main pitcher for the Purple Sox (Chipper Jones was pulled after facing just three batters and allowing an early solo home run), facing down 18 batters and allowing only two hits and a run–on only 33 pitches, no less. Was she a knockout punch? Yes, I believe she was indeed a K.O.

Red Phillies 27, Montana Floss 23

In a week full of large scores, this was the second most, as both teams combined for an adjusted 50 runs and an unadjusted 46. The Floss put up their best game of the season, registering another shutout while scoring 23 runs off of 36 hits and a walk and also stealing 22 bases. The Phillies did just as well, shutting out the Floss’s AI with an eleven-strikeout shutout defensively and a 26 hit, 2 walk performance that gave them 23 runs. Since the Phillies needed fewer innings to get their score, they get the home bonus and the win, tying them for first in the Backyard Conference with the Wizard Wombats and Purple Sox, while the Floss drop to 1-3 and are tied for last.

Player of the game: Offensively, Esmarelda Heimann was an absolute black hole and the only weak spot in the Phillies’ lineup. But on the mound, she had an absolute killer day that would’ve likely been the best pitching performance in the Backyard Conference were it not for a perfect game elsewhere. She pitched a 2-hit shutout with 11 strikeouts, and by staying on the mound all game helped ensure that her team didn’t suffer any excessive stamina loss. Hats off!

Junior Brewers 15, Green Monsters 7

After winning their first game last week, the Brewers continued rolling, taking down the Green Monsters at Tin Can Alley. This was the second time in a row the Monsters put up a disappointing outing, as they only managed 6 runs off of 18 hits (although unlike last week they managed a shutout). Meanwhile, the Brewers had no trouble at all, reeling off 29 hits and winning 17-2 to put themselves at 2-2 and the Monsters at 1-3.

Player of the game: Francis Blewer of the Junior Brewers (not to be confused with Frances Brewer of the Junior Stewers, a completely different organization that’s not even a baseball team) put on a clinic at the plate, going 5-for-5 with 3 singles, a double, and a home run. She had 4 RBIs and scored thrice, but bailed on the celebratory postgame mac-and-cheese dinner due to her lactose intolerance.

Baltimore Orioles 6, Boston Cubs 5

The Orioles finally got a win, this one a hard-fought ordeal against the Boston Cubs. For the Cubs, this was a game where they couldn’t buy a run, as they only managed 5 on 16 hits and ended up giving up a run defensively. That run was crucial, as if they had shut out the Orioles AI, the game would’ve ended in a 6-6 tie and the Cubs would’ve taken the win due to the home team winning all ties. The Orioles ended up taking the win, though, as not only were they miles more efficient by getting 6 runs on only 10 hits and a walk, but Marky Dubois pitched a 7-strikeout perfect game on only 46 pitches to ensure the shutout and give the Orioles their first win.

Player of the game: Perfect. Game. No question it’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK Marky Dubois, who in addition to his on-the-mound performance went 2-for-3 with a single and a double. Postgame, he invited everyone back to his farm for crawdads–that’s good eatin’!

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Purple Sox [aesnop] (3-1)
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (3-1)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (3-1)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (2-2)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (2-2)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (1-3)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (1-3)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (1-3)

Indoor Conference
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (4-0)
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (4-0)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (3-1)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund] (2-2)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (2-2)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (1-3)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (0-4)
Boston Reds [shrewsberry] (0-4)

Frontyard Conference
New York Yankees [Marco] (3-1)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (3-1)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (3-1)
Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (3-1)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (2-2)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (2-2)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (0-4)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (0-4)

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“It’s unfair, and I am disgusted.” –Marco, New York Yankees head coach, on powerup usage by the AI

“‘Ooooooohhhhh, Kay.’ No. Kay O.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, watching Kay O’Toole’s performance in the Week 2 Matchup Of The Week and inadvertently describing her overall performance this season

“I, uh–my dad says I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can run, real good.” – Pete Wheeler, Texas Rangers

“We’re back in the thick of it.” – T-Boz, Tampa Bay Devil Rays head coach, on their win

“Me and my cousin Boomer, we was hunting crawdads the other day and one jumped up and bit me! So I done bit him right back and says ‘Don’t you be sassin’ me Mister Crawdaddy!’ And took it home to Ma, who done boil it with some hot sauce and red beans. That there’s some good eatin’, boy howdy!” – Marky Dubois, Baltimore Orioles, on crawdads

“It is top-tier Trash TV.” – Toast, Minnesota Twins head coach, on The Bachlorette

“Can you stop losing on tiebreakers?” – JOMAR, on the Montana Floss and their penchant to lose close games

“I’d like that.” – JorgesBankAccount, on the Montana Floss and their penchant to lose close games

“We’re lost children of the sea…” – Ronnie James Dio, Black Sabbath, Children of the Sea

Week 3 is in the books, and dang did things happen this week! A bunch of teams broke 20, a Week 2 result came in for the third time, and Los Angeles is the place to watch. (Yes, those last two are related.) So what the heck happened? Well…

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Wizard Wombats vs. Red Phillies

Originally, this game was going to be between the New York Yankees and Los Angeles Dodgers. That changed at the last minute in Week 2, though, as first Jarod Johnson (former coach of the Los Angeles Dodgers) backed out, and was then caught cheating and ejected for the season. Long story short, with the Dodgers situation up in the air, the game was shifted from the Frontyard to the Backyard, where two undefeated teams took each other on. The Wombats were built with one strategy in mind: offense, offense, offense, offense, and just to change it up a bit, offense, boasting speed and batting throughout their lineup but ending up with a weak defense. The Phillies, meanwhile, decided to become a power station–fitting, as crazyei8hts is renowned as perhaps the best power-hitting coach and won the World Series last season with a similarly power-focused team. This game was expected to be a high-scoring affair, with the Wombats offensive firepower pretty much ignoring the Phillies reasonably strong defense and the Phillies taking advantage of the Wombats weak AI defense when they weren’t hitting bombs.

To say the least, the game wasn’t a disappointment offensively. The Wombats started out by scoring 7 runs in the top of the first, and when the Phillies started slow, they ended up expanding their lead to a presumptive 17-6 by the time the bottom of the third rolled around. However, the Phillies began to come back at that point, as they scored eight runs for an adjusted score of 17-15 by the time Wizard came back up to bat. The fourth inning was low-scoring, with only one run scored in total (by the Phillies to make it a one-run game), but the Wombats offense came back to life a bit in the top of the 5th, scoring three to make it 20-16. The Phillies rallied in the bottom of the inning to tie it up (with the home multiplier, of course), but this left the Wombats with the top of the sixth to do some more damage and both teams hoping that they wouldn’t let up any runs to the AI offenses. The Wombats did indeed take over in the top of the sixth, scoring 7 to make it 27-20, and even both teams letting up some runs at the tail end of the game (Wizard allowed 2 to the Phillies AI, crazyei8hts allowed 3 to the Wombats AI) didn’t change the outcome as the Wombats remain undefeated behind their spectacular offense.

Wizard Wombats 25, Red Phillies 17

Next week’s game: Arizona Diamondbacks vs. Milwaukee Braves (on elchrisblanco’s Twitch!)

Player of the game: On the stream, Wizard named Tim Hudson the Wombats’ MVP, but I have to disagree. While Hudson had a good game, going 4-for-5 with two singles, two doubles, 5 RBIs and 3 runs scored while also pitching the majority of the game and only giving up 2 runs, he wasn’t the best Wombat in Week 3. That award goes to Achmed Khan, who went 5-for-6 with 3 singles, a double, and a home run, who despite only scoring twice still managed to knock in 5 RBIs. He celebrated after the game by blasting Fair Warning on his parents’ car stereo, which is appropriate because in this game he was certainly Unchained.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

Junior Athletics 6, Humongous Hornets 2

The Athletics continued their undefeated streak while the Hornets lost yet again in a low-scoring Frontyard affair. This time, the main culprit was the Athletics’ defense. While the Athletics offense didn’t perform poorly by any means, garnering 6 runs on 11 hits, it was a downgrade from last week’s performance. However, their AI defense performed more than well enough to win, holding the Humongous Hornets to 10 hits and 3 runs while the Junior Athletics AI offense scored a run of their own as the Athletics rumbled to their 3rd win.

Player of the game: The Hornets’ Annie Frazier was the PITCHER OF THE WEEK, pitching a hitless, runless 4 2/3 innings with 7 strikeouts. However, Sally Dobbs went 3-for-3 for the Athletics with a single, a double, and a home run. She scored twice and got 5 RBIs, which meant that she had a hand in every single run the Athletics scored. After the game, she expressed satisfaction that her little brother is getting to play again.

Minnesota Twins 6, Little Giants 1

Amanda Hellerman has been one of the hardest-working pitchers in the league this season, as she’s thrown 194 pitches (the fifth-highest number in the league, behind Tom Glass of the New York Yankees [210], Esmarelda Heimann of the Red Phillies [199], Julie Dunkel of the Minnesota Twins [196], and Angela Delvecchio of the Super-Duper Melonheads [195]) and faced down 75 batters (the second-highest tally in the league behind Angela Delvecchio [79]). All these pitches have had good results, too, as Amanda Hellerman also has the second-most strikeouts in the league, trailing only Brad Radke’s 31 with 29. This prowess is also the best thing currently going for the Little Giants, as despite a stellar 11-strikeout performance, the Giants still gave up 2 runs and 10 hits while only scoring 3 off of 10 hits and a walk. The Twins had no such trouble on their side of things, as while they did allow a run defensively they also scored 7 off of 17 hits and a walk, proving that Eckman Acres may not be the home-field panacea that the Little Giants need as they drop to 0-3 on the season and the Twins move to 2-1.

Player of the game: Maya Woodruff of the Twins went 3-for-4 with a single and two homers. This performance brought in a majority of the Twins runs (4 RBIs) and definitely helped them win at Eckman. When asked how she did so well, she claimed that it was in memory of her recently deceased pet rat Skittles. Rest in peace, furry friend.

Florida Marlins 7, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 6

After a stopover at Dirt Yards to play the Twins, the Devil Rays came back to Cement Gardens to play their second–well, technically their first, since their actual first game ended with their opponent being forced to forfeit, and the Devil Rays didn’t accept a replay from the new Dodgers coach–their second game at home. It was a solid outing, as they shut out the Marlins AI and scored 5 runs in 5 innings. I don’t know how they did it, unfortunately, but I do know how the Marlins did: 9 runs off of 20 hits while allowing 11 hits and 2 runs on defense. This performance was just enough to push them past the Devil Rays and seal their second win. Interestingly, nobody seems to be talking about the Marlins as a possible contender despite being 2-1, which is odd, because they’ve had very solid performances in their two wins. Admittedly, those wins were close, but that might just mean that their opponents were good; either way, it’ll be interesting to see how they fare over the next few weeks.

Player of the game: The Marlins’ Matessa Sturges went 3-for-4, but all of those hits were homers. That’s right, she had 3–count ’em, 3–home runs, and although her RBIs were comparatively low at only 5, that’s more the fault of the batters in front of her not getting on enough. Besides, she got the margin of victory on her runs scored alone.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Arizona Diamondbacks 17, Super-Duper Melonheads 2

Everybody who came to see the Melonheads side of things got their money’s worth, as they went 11 innings at La Chancla in a pitchers duel that saw the AI toss 12 strikeouts and Angela Delvecchio toss 11 (a performance that got her the PITCHER OF THE WEEK award, in part because she also only allowed 4 hits and shut out the Diamondbacks) in a game that only ended when Alexis Weis hit a 2-run homer that also sent Tanya Uchida home. Unfortunately for the Melonheads, a pitchers’ duel was not on the table for Sisu, who only struck out once as Arizona scored 17 runs on 24 hits and 2 walks in a shutout road victory, continuing his undefeated record at 3-0 and extending the Super-Duper Melonheads winless record to 0-3.

Player of the game: The PITCHER OF THE WEEK was Angela Delvecchio, but for the first time this season the BATTER OF THE WEEK appeared in the same game. His name? Jay Green, who gives the Diamondbacks their third straight BATTER OF THE WEEK award (Ezra Travolta Week 1, Jay Green Week 2) by going 5-for-5 AND ALL OF THEM WERE HOME RUNS. He brought in 14 runs with his batting, so if you eliminate his RBIs, the Diamondbacks still would’ve won…but barely. I guess what I’m trying to say is I demand an investigation into underage steroid use on the Diamondbacks.

Baltimore Bombers 28, Boston Reds 6

This week, jlund decided that the Bombers needed to embrace the way of the grounder. He was absolutely right, as the Bombers rode 29 hits and 5 walks to a 24-0 win at home. The Reds just couldn’t compete; while they did put up 6 runs on 11 hits and a walk and shut out their opposition to end their game with a perfectly respectable score of 6-0, this result was avalanched by the Bombers onslaught, and Boston now drops to 0-3 on the season.

Player of the game: At the plate, the Bombers’ Nancy Chin went 4-for-5 with a single and 3 doubles, managing 3 RBIs and scoring 3 times. On the mound, she threw a 2-strikeout, 2-walk, 3-hit, 58-pitch shutout. On the bench, she enjoys origami.

Texas Rangers 6, Milwaukee Braves 4

Finally, a close game in the Indoor Conference! This matchup between the undefeated Rangers and undefeated Braves was incredibly close, with Jyknight’s Rangers going to Milwaukee to take on Natetastic’s Braves. While this game was a bit of an improvement for the Rangers over their previous outing, as they didn’t allow any runs, it was still a bit of a disappointment as they were only able to snag 11 hits and a walk for 6 runs. Luckily for them, the Braves also didn’t put up the best showing, as they only got 9 hits to bring in 4 runs (although Shohei Ohtani did have another stellar performance, throwing 8 strikeouts and allowing only 4 hits in another shutout game). Only one of these teams could finish the game undefeated; in this case, it’s Texas who sits tied for the lead in the Indoor Conference with the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Player of the game: Molly May went 2-for-3, but those two were both homers, and they got in all 6 of the Rangers runs. Whatever else might’ve happened in this game, it’s clear Molly was popping.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Purple Sox 28, Baltimore Orioles 2

The season just keeps getting worse for the Orioles. While their draft class was praised at the start of the season, questions were raised about their ability to compete given Mavfatha’s historical coaching record (no playoff appearances as a coach). After three games, it looks like the doubters were right, as the Orioles are the only winless team in the Backyard Conference. Them being one of the weaker teams in the Backyard was proven again at Steele Stadium, as they only managed 8 hits and 2 walks offensively while giving up 2 on defense in a 4-2 win. The Purple Sox had no such problems, as they put up the highest score in the Backyard Conference, destroying their opponents 27-4 while notching two walks and 33 hits, an astonishing ten of which were home runs.

Player of the game: Nicky Winston was not only the Purple Sox’s best player, he was also the BATTER OF THE WEEK in the Backyard Conference. He went 5-for-5 with a single and an astonishing four homers, scoring every time he came up to bat and driving in seven runs. After the game, when asked how he felt about his performance, Nicky only said “Bring back Crystal Pepsi, but not Tab Clear.”

Junior Brewers 18, Montana Floss 16

Typically, it seems to take jibbodahibbo a few games to really lock in with his team, but it might be that he’s done it after three games, as the Brewers got their first win of the season over the Montana Floss. The Floss put up a good fight, offensively managing 16 runs on 27 hits and a walk and defensively seeing Brad Radke named to his third consecutive PITCHER OF THE WEEK award with a 1-hit shutout where he threw 9 strikeouts. However, it wasn’t enough, as the Brewers won at home 16-1 off of a 28-hit performance. This leaves both teams sitting at 1-2, but now that the Junior Brewers seem to have put themselves together the future looks a bright for jibbodahibbo’s team.

Player of the game: Junior Brewer Parker Collum went 4-for-5 with two singles, a double, and a home run, with his only out being one of two strikeouts the Brewers had. What were the results of his at-bats? 6 RBIs, coupled with him scoring twice. Perhaps everybody coming up to bat should listen to some classic jazz to try and get in his headspace.

Boston Cubs 11, Green Monsters 8

The Cubs are one of the lowest-scoring teams in the Backyard Conference, as after this game they’ve only scored an (unadjusted) 30 runs. Oddly, this game provided almost half of them, as Boston scored 14 runs on 29 hits and a walk, but ended up with only a +11 run differential after they gave up 12 hits and 3 runs defensively. It didn’t end up mattering, though, as the Cubs AI defense delivered, giving the Monsters a poor showing in their home debut where the Monsters only had 13 hits in an 8-1 win at Tin Can Alley. This leaves the Cubs sitting at 2-1, and suggests that Boston might just have the strongest defense in the Backyard Conference as they haven’t given up more than 10 (unadjusted) runs in a game.

Player of the game: Alex Rodriguez went 5-for-5 (all singles), stole a base, had 3 RBIs, and scored thrice.

HEARTATTACK AND VINE

There are two teams in Los Angeles this season: the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association. And both of them have had absolutely insane things happen this season that need coverage. Let’s begin with the Dodgers.

Los Angeles Dodgers

As you may or may not known, in Week 2 former Dodgers coach Jarod Johnson was caught cheating, stripped of his coaching position, banned from coaching the rest of the season–oh, and the Dodgers had both their wins turned into forfeits. That last one is important, because it came with the caveat that if a replacement was found quickly enough, the replacement would get to replay those two forfeits if their opponent agreed. A replacement was found: hitace, who showed up on Thursday with time to get the other games done. T-Boz and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays took the forfeit, but Vissery and the Humongous Hornets allowed a replay, which led to…

Los Angeles Dodgers 14, Humongous Hornets 9 (Week 2)

We already know what happened with the Hornets; they were really efficient, getting 9 runs from 11 hits and a walk. Unfortunately, hitace’s first official game was too much for them to handle, as the Dodgers romped to a 15-1 win on 23 hits and no walks, along the way using 3 different pitchers (including Jose Meisenheimer, who only threw a single pitch). This reversed the Hornets only win on the season, and gave the Dodgers a .500 record going into Week 3.

Player of the game: Albert Pujols went 4-for-5 with 2 singles, a double, and a home run. He ended up tallying 4 RBIs and scoring twice. He also threw 31 perfectly respectable pitches, getting 4 strikeouts but allowing two hits and a run.

Los Angeles Dodgers 21, New York Yankees 4

The Dodgers Week 2 game tied for the highest Frontyard score this season with the Twins–and, unlike the Twins, they did it on the road. This week, they played their first home game, and absolutely wrecked the Yankees. While the Yankees had a down week, only scoring 6 runs off of 18 hits (two of which were homers) and allowing 2 runs and 9 hits defensively, the Dodgers played a perfect game, scoring 18 on 22 hits and a walk and mashing five homers while shutting out the Yankees AI. It wasn’t even a battle, as the Dodgers now have the highest scoring game in the Frontyard this season (so far) and hitace has been established as a threat at the very least.

Player of the game: Ernie Steele went 4-for-4 at home with a single, a double, and two home runs. He scored thrice on the day and brought in 7 with his powerful hits. This performance was good enough to make him the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK, and almost made up for the fact that he decided to tell lousy knock-knock jokes every time he was at the plate.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association

The Angels have been…less dramatic. They’re run by the mercurial JOMAR, who is known for being wacky and off-the-wall, but apart from his personality the Angels have been a fairly rational organization. In the draft, their picks were all pretty solid, with the only oddity being a trade for Johnny Omar–but since that’s JOMAR’s memetic namesake, it’s not unusual that they’d grab him. Although they had a slow first game, they’ve come roaring back with two games where they scored 25 runs or more, and they’re now considered possibly the strongest team in the Indoor Conference.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 25, Seattle Fishes 8

Last week, the Angels turned their home field into a slaughterhouse. Not content with opening just one slaughterhouse, they decided to do the same at Playground Commons, which is annoying because I play there next week. They proceeded to put up 27 runs on 37 hits, steal 16 bases, and end up winning 27-2. Although the Fishes put up their best game so far this season, winning 10-4 in their home debut, it was nowhere near enough to compete with the Angels, who stormed to their second win of the season.

Player of the game: Mr. Clanky went 6-for-6 with four singles, a double, and a home run, notching 5 RBIs and scoring 5 times himself. On the mound he had a pretty decent day too, throwing only 44 pitches as he got 4 strikeouts but also allowed 7 hits and 2 runs. He also refused to do the robot despite several drunken requests from Perry Marx’s father.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (3-0)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (2-1)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (2-1)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (2-1)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (1-2)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (1-2)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (1-2)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (0-3)

Indoor Conference
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (3-0)
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (3-0)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (2-1)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (2-1)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund] (2-1)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (0-3)
Boston Reds [shrewsberry] (0-3)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (0-3)

Frontyard Conference
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (3-0)
New York Yankees [Marco] (2-1)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (2-1)
Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (2-1)*
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (2-1)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (1-2)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (0-3)**
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (0-3)

*New coach, replayed Week 2 game and won
**Win reversed due to new Dodgers coach replaying Week 2 game

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“Sandy Flats doesn’t even have like…fences.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach

“My evaluation is Wendy Parsons Is God.” – Toast, Minnesota Twins head coach, on Wendy Parsons

“This week I played catch with Ronny an hour a day, and went to the batting cages with Ronny a half-hour a day. Over time, he started to feel a bit better about things. Then, when we got the news about his new coach, he was excited to go play some ball! They even replayed the Week 2 game to see if they can overturn one of the forfeits. I’ve never seen Ronny in such high spirits. I guess you could say that inspired me. There’s nothing like sisterly instincts to perform great feats of athleticism. Huge thanks to my teammates, and to the league officials for getting the situation straightened out. I worry for these kids sometimes.” – Sally Dobbs, Junior Athletics, on her little brother (Ronny Dobbs, Los Angeles Dodgers) and his team getting a new coach

“This is not typical.” – hitace, Los Angeles Dodgers head coach, on the Dodgers performance

“When someone was taking over the Dodgers, I didn’t know it was going to be THE NEXT COMING OF JESUS!” – Marco, New York Giants head coach, on the Dodgers performance against his team

“Wop-bop-a-loo-mahmp, a-lop-bomp-bomp Tutti Fruit!” – Little Richard, Tutti Frutti

Another week has come and gone, and since it’s early in the season there’s not much we can conclude. Well, aside from some teams not living up to their hype yet and other teams far outpacing what was expected of them. Are these early-season mirages, or signs of the future? And what’s up in Los Angeles? We’ll find out, but for now, let’s just recap what happened.

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Purple Sox vs. Montana Floss

The second Matchup Of The Week took place in the Backyard Conference between aesnop’s Purple Sox and my Montana Floss. These teams were notably similar in one thing: they drafted for arms before anything else. However, aside from that, these teams were overall strong but with one massive Achilles’ heel. The Purple Sox put effort into drafting strong hitters with decent but not overpowering speed, while the Montana Floss mostly focused on speed as their secondary focus; however, while the Sox have an above-average team in almost every statistic, there aren’t any true pitchers on the roster (in fact, their starter is one who would normally likely be a third- or fourth-string pitcher on any other team), and the Floss have an almost parodically weak hitting core (meaning that only two players can make consistent contact–and only three can get the ball out of the infield with any regularity).

Naturally, all eyes were on these teams to see how they’d deal with each other’s defenses and their own drawbacks. For the Purple Sox, the order of the day was to hit the ball deep and take advantage of the vast environs of Sandy Flats to run the bases. For the Montana Floss, the idea was to take advantage of their poor hitters and foul off immense amounts of pitches to wear out the Sox’s already weak pitching staff. The Sox’s offensive strategy was immediately effective, as despite having a home run stolen from them by Ricky Johnson on the first in-play ball of the game, they scored 4 runs in the first inning and continued to rack up 14 through the first three innings. As for the Floss, their strategy did not provide immediate benefits, but after leaving runners stranded in the first two innings (where they only scored three runs), they lost their #2 and #3 pitchers in the 3rd (where the Floss scored three more runs), and then ended up giving up 6 runs in the sixth, going through another pitcher, and moving their catcher to pitcher at the end of that inning and consequently opening up the basepaths for stealing. Since the Sox had been held scoreless in their top of the 4th, the score was now tied at a presumptive 14-all. Aesnop’s fifth inning saw him post three more runs, making the presumptive score 17-14, but the Floss managed to post three as well in their fifth inning to put them up by one. The top of the sixth in Aesnop’s game would then prove to be crucial, and the game was won by Aesnop when he sent a pitch over the centerfielder’s head for an inside-the-ballpark home run after tying the game on a Ricky Johnson error that turned into a double and then shut down the Floss’s AI in the bottom of the sixth. The Sox finished with a 21-0 win; the Floss, 15-0, meaning the Purple Sox took the Matchup Of The Week for their first win!

Purple Sox 21, Montana Floss 18

Next week’s game: It was going to be Yankees vs. Dodgers, but, well, things got a little crazy (and even before they did, the Dodgers’ coach backed out), so instead of a Frontyard matchup for Week 3, we’re staying in the Backyard with Wizard Wombats vs. Red Phillies!

Player of the game: Brad Radke was named the Backyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK for the second week in a row after tossing a 10-strikeout, 2-hit shutout for the Floss. But he’s not the player of the game; when asked to name someone during the postgame show, Aesnop named Kay O’Toole his player of the week, and I’m hard-pressed to disagree, as she went 5-for-5 with 3 singles and 2 homers, tied for the team lead in RBIs with 5, had the Sox’s only stolen base, and scored 5 times herself (which actually did lead the team). If that’s not enough, she came in at for the Sox’s AI in the bottom of the fifth with two outs and the bases loaded and tossed a three-pitch strikeout to K.O. the Floss (pun fully intended and stolen from MelloMathTeacher). Did she shine in the spotlight? Oh yes, and she wants to do it all over again.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

Los Angeles Dodgers 16, Humongous Hornets 9

The Hornets had their first game at home and the Dodgers continued their road trip. Once again, the Hornets put up a solid effort, garnering 9 runs off of 11 hits and a walk and pitching a one-run effort for a 9-1 win that with the home bonus gave them a run differential of 9. However, this wasn’t enough to compete with the Dodgers, who once again did spectacularly, managing 18 runs on 20 hits and an absolutely obscene 15 walks in an 18-2 road win that left them easily rolling over the Hornets and taking the win.

Except not.

When Dodgers coach Jarod Johnson submitted his score, the listed losing pitcher was someone who would ordinarily never see the mound, and upon further questioning it was revealed that Jarod Johnson faced a lineup that should never exist. Further investigation took place, and the evidence gathered pointed to malfeasance on the part of the Dodgers. When confronted, Jarod Johnson admitted to having cheated by setting his game to easy mode in order to rack up higher scores. As punishment for his actions, both of the Dodgers’ wins this season have been revoked and Jarod Johnson has been removed from his head coaching post. Furthermore, Jarod Johnson has been banned from play for the rest of the season and can only return in future under certain conditions (most notably, a demand that he either record or stream all of his games). Consequently, both the Tampa Bay Devil Rays and Humongous Hornets now have 1-1 records due to the reversal of Jarod’s wins, and whomever steps in to head the Dodgers will have to contend with not only their short-tempered GM but will also start with a losing record and a lineup of uncertain strength (although, due to how early in the season it is, it’s possible that because of the conditions under which the first two games took place the new coach could play one or both of those games again, but only if the coaches of the Devil Rays/Hornets agree).

Player of the game: The Hornets’ Annie Frazier went 2-for-3 (both singles), scored twice, and stole a base on offense. Defensively, she came in to pitch against 8 batters and threw 14 strikes and 5 balls on her way to striking out 4 and not allowing a hit. After the game, she dedicated her performance to the endangered Dehli Sands Flower-Loving Fly.

Minnesota Twins 14, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 6

This was an interesting game for more than one reason. The first one, admittedly, is a bit of a blunder; because the Twins play at Dirt Yards, a bit of file editing is (usually) needed to make sure that their opponents play there, and Devil Rays coach T-Boz forgot to do this beforehand, meaning he submitted a game on a different field; however, he was allowed to replay at Dirt Yards, and submitted that game as a substitution. The results of these games are even more interesting: in his first game, T-Boz won 10-4, but in his second game, he won 11-5, for an identical run differential of 6 each time. As for the Twins, they were much improved over their previous game (also at home), as they put up 13 runs (11 more than against the Yankees) on 22 hits (15 more than against the Yankees) while allowing a run and took the game and their first win easily.

Player of the game: Offensively, Twins pitcher Julie Dunkel went 3-for-4 with a single, a double, and a home run, knocking in 3 runs and scoring twice herself. Defensively, she pitched the entire game, facing 24 batters and throwing 70 pitches on her way to getting 8 strikeouts but allowing 8 hits and a run. Toastily, she prefers boysenberry more than any ordinary jam–she’s a Citizens for Boysenberry Jam fan.

Junior Athletics 12, Florida Marlins 1

The coach of the Junior Athletics has been down on himself and his skills this season, but it seems like his team isn’t about to back him up on that, as they rode a first inning where the opposing AI committed over 5 errors to a massive victory, capitalizing on that strong first inning to record 14 runs on 24 hits and posting a total run differential of 12 despite also having a shaky first inning where they allowed two runs and committed a pair of errors. The most impressive part is that this performance wasn’t even necessary; the Marlins won 1-0 in the bottom of the sixth in their game despite registering 11 hits and only got that run off of some goosing (which was acknowledged immediately after it happened by their coach and led to the decision that any win by the Athletics would be a win overall). For each team, this was a huge departure from their first game, and it will be interesting to see how these teams fare over the course of the next few games.

Player of the game: Ray Tran of the Athletics went 4-for-4 with 3 singles and a home run to bring in 4 runs and score once himself–a performance good enough to make him the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

New York Yankees 9, Little Giants 2

Marco continued to establish himself as one of the stronger players in the Frontyard, possibly aided by his two prior seasons of experience, as the Yankees took on the Giants and got their second win. For the Giants, this game was a lot like their last one; a two-run win where the pitcher faced 24 batters and allowed 7 hits. There were some differences, though: last week, the Giants got 9 hits and a walk and scored 2 runs, while this week they got 11 hits and scored 3. Last week, their pitcher threw 56 pitches and got 7 strikeouts; this week, 62 pitches and 11 strikeouts. Most notably, last week the Giants struck out thrice and committed 5 errors, while this week they struck out 9 times and committed only one error. Meanwhile, the Yankees won 8-0 at home, along the way hitting the ball 14 times; the biggest similarity between this week’s game and last week’s was how frequently they struck out (6 times in each game).

Player of the game: Tom Glass went 2-for-3 with a single and a double. He hit one RBI and scored once himself. He also pitched a 4-hit shutout, and was named the Frontyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Arizona Diamondbacks 13, Baltimore Bombers 1

Sisu continued to establish himself and the Arizona Diamondbacks as one of the stronger teams in the Indoor Conference by beating up on jlund’s Baltimore Bombers. The Bombers, who had played well in Week 1 (winning 11-0), found themselves unable to get runs across the plate, as although they managed to get 14 runners on base (13 hits and walk), they only scored a single run in a 1-0 shutout. Arizona had no such trouble, as the Diamondbacks scored 11 runs on 18 hits and 6 walks and shut out their opponents AI as they marched to an easy victory.

Player of the game: Jay Green went 4-for-4 with a double and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. He batted in 9 of the Diamondbacks’ 11 runs and scored every time he came up to bad. Even making an error wasn’t enough to keep him from being easily the most important player on the Diamondbacks, and this performance made him the Indoor Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

Texas Rangers 3, Seattle Fishes 1

Despite being the lowest-scoring game in the league this week, the Rangers first home game wasn’t the light-on-runs affair that the score suggests, as both teams had trouble keeping their opponents’ AI off the scoreboard (a curse typical of Dirt Yards). The Texas Rangers were able to score 5 runs off of 13 hits, but allowed 3 runs to the Fishes AI; the Fishes’ offense was just as potent, garnering 5 runs on 15 hits, but allowing 4 runs to their opponent. In the end, the difference was made by the home bonus and the Rangers slightly superior defensive performance, as they took the win to remain undefeated.

Player of the game: Wally Evans may have provided the margin of victory for the Rangers, as he went 3-for-3 with 3 singles, stole three bases (tied for the team lead with Pete Wheeler), batted in a run, and scored twice. He also would like it to be known for the record that he is in no way related to, works for, or has any affiliation with the Bob Evans casual family dining restaurant chain.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 30, Super-Duper Melonheads 4

JOMAR is back.

That is all.

Well no, that’s not all, as there was a game played (even if a more accurate description might be “the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association decided that their home field is actually a field of slaughter, and their opponents are merely living sacks of fleshmeat that need to be turn into corpsified sacks of flesh meat, and the best place to do this would be at Eckman Acres because there’s nothing like a backyard barbecue amiright”). And in this game, the Super-Duper Melonheads improved on their Week 1 defensive performance, as they allowed three fewer hits and shut out the Angels (albeit with Stephanie Morgan stepping in to relive Angela Delvecchio for the final inning). Although they were slightly weaker offensively, scoring 4 runs instead of 6, they only had one fewer hit and made up for it with two walks (as opposed to Week 1’s zero). Unfortunately for them, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association was just too good this week, as they put up the highest-scoring game in the entire league, with 26 runs scored on 35 hits and 4 walks offensively and only one run allowed defensively on their way to a first win that puts the entire Indoor Conference–and arguably the entire league–on notice.

Player of the game: Gail Weinmann went 5-for-5 (all singles), batting in 4 runners and scoring thrice herself. She was also apparently a monster on defense, and after the game proceeded to order a twist cone when the team went out for ice cream.

Milwaukee Braves 6, Boston Reds 2

The Braves improved over their first game, as they posted 6 runs instead of 1; this time, however, their runs all came from homers. They had four on the game; three of them were solo shots, with the exception a 3-run drive from Libby Futterman. They got 12 hits in total, but left 6 runners stranded; however, defensively, they once again had a good game, as Shohei Ohtani pitched an 8-strikeout perfect game that got him the Indoor Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK nod. As for the Reds, they once again struggled at home, only managing to score 2 runs off of 12 hits and a walk. The Braves are now improbably still undefeated in their conference, while the Reds sink to 0-2 with two home games in the book.

Player of the game: Offensively, nobody had a superstar performance for either team; however, Shohei Ohtani did go 2-for-3 with a single and a solo home run. Add that to his perfect game, and Shohei takes this award in addition to being named PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Wizard Wombats 21, Green Monsters 16

This week, the Wombats had 20 fewer hits than last week. 9 fewer doubles than last week. They struck out 7 more times than last week. And it didn’t even matter! Once again, they put up a dominant performance, winning 19-1 win at home for a final run differential of 21 where they only left five on base (23 hits, one walk) in an incredibly efficient, incredibly strong game. Even in the high-scoring Backyard Conference, this was a big performance that easily overwhelmed the Wombats opponents. Which isn’t to say the Green Monsters didn’t do well; on the contrary, they put just as many people on base with 24 hits. Unfortunately, they weren’t quite as efficient, and ended up winning their game 16-0–a good score, but not enough to take down the Wombats.

Player of the game: Chico Pappas was the strongest player on the Wombats, going 4-for-4 with a single and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs and 8 RBIs. He also made the game’s only error, but given his offensive performance, a single error can be easily written off. And it was, as Chico was the Backyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

Boston Cubs 10, Junior Brewers 5

The Cubs got their first win this week when they returned home to Cement Gardens as their defense held the Brewers down and their offense did enough to win. For the Brewers, it was a frustrating day, as although they got 17 hits and a walk, they weren’t able to turn them into very many runs, finishing with a 5-0 shutout. The Cubs weren’t hitting much better, as they only finished with 22 hits; however, they turned these hits into 10 runs, and despite giving up two runs on defense, they finished with a prorated run differential of 10. After two weeks, neither of these teams have been particularly high-scoring; however, hopes are higher for the Cubs, not just because of them having a win but also because their defense has seemingly been stronger overall.

Player of the game: Alex Rodriguez went 4-for-4 (all singles), batted in three runs, scored thrice himself, and had a stolen base. He also made an error, but nobody’s perfect.

Red Phillies 13, Baltimore Orioles 7

Crazyei8hts continued his title defense in Week 2 as he kept the Phillies undefeated against the Orioles. For the Phillies, this game was a bit of a letdown as compared to the previous week; although they scored just as many runs, they did so on two fewer hits (and one more walk) and had an extra half-inning to work with, but the real letdown came from their defense, which gave up three runs this week. Still, this performance wasn’t enough to let the Orioles slip past, as they once again put up an underwhelming performance. While in Week 1, their problems came from an underperforming defense and facing off against the Wombats, this week their problems were on the offensive side, as they were only able to garner 6 runs on 13 hits and 3 walks. As it stands, the defending champion coach looks like he can make a serious push for back-to-back championships with the Red Phillies, while much of the early-season optimism about the Orioles has faded away.

Player of the game: Lindsy Felgate led the way for the Phillies, going 4-for-5 with a single and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. This allowed her to manage 4 RBIs and score thrice. She also had the only stolen base the Phillies got all game, although she was one of three Phillies players to commit an error.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (2-0)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (2-0)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (1-1)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (1-1)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (1-1)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (1-1)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (0-2)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (0-2)

Indoor Conference
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (2-0)
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (2-0)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (2-0)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (1-1)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund]
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco]
Boston Reds [shrewsberry]
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott]

Frontyard Conference
New York Yankees [Marco] (2-0)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (2-0)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (1-1)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (1-1)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (1-1)*
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (1-1)*
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (0-2)
Los Angeles Dodgers [COACH REMOVED FROM POSITION] (0-2)**

*Win is due to league-mandated Dodgers forfeits
**Losses are due to the league revoking illegitimate wins

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“‘Ooooooohhhhh, Kay.’ No. Kay O.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, watching Kay O’Toole’s performance in the Matchup Of The Week and inadvertently writing one of my jokes for me

“During our team meeting a couple days before the game, Holly came up with walk-up music for all of us. I got Little Richard’s Tutti Frutti. The idea of dancing down the third base line to that song after a homer must have given me energy this game. Today was incredible. Everyone did a great job! Coach is kinda hard on us; said we were ‘lucky due to errors’, and that we’ve gotta ‘learn to be humble and keep grinding and getting better.’ Eh, we’ll start that tomorrow. Party at Courtney’s tonight!” – Ray Tran, Junior Athletics player of the week

“Gail not only performed heroically on offense by keeping the bats going, she also made amazing throws on defense to keep the opponents from getting more runs!” – JOMAR, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association head coach, on Gail’s performance

“I had just returned from the postgame party at Courtney’s to see Ronny already home. He was inconsolable. I asked him what was wrong. He said that the GM told him that they no longer have a coach and the wins would be overturned. GM didn’t specify why. With no coach, and with Ronny getting losses in what looked like wins to him, and he’s not sure if he gets to play anymore… it was so hard for him to take. Being the big sister, it’s my responsibility to make sure he’s OK. I played catch with him and brought him to the cages to keep his spirits up over the past few days. Hope this is resolved soon.” – Sally Dobbs, on how her little brother is dealing with the whole Los Angeles Dodgers issue

“Why say lot word when few do trick?” – Jyknight, Texas Rangers head coach

“With the memory of how you once gave up but you made it through the troubled times.” – Chris Collingwood and Adam Schlesinger, Fountains of Wayne, Troubled Times