Week 3 is in the books, and dang did things happen this week! A bunch of teams broke 20, a Week 2 result came in for the third time, and Los Angeles is the place to watch. (Yes, those last two are related.) So what the heck happened? Well…

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Wizard Wombats vs. Red Phillies

Originally, this game was going to be between the New York Yankees and Los Angeles Dodgers. That changed at the last minute in Week 2, though, as first Jarod Johnson (former coach of the Los Angeles Dodgers) backed out, and was then caught cheating and ejected for the season. Long story short, with the Dodgers situation up in the air, the game was shifted from the Frontyard to the Backyard, where two undefeated teams took each other on. The Wombats were built with one strategy in mind: offense, offense, offense, offense, and just to change it up a bit, offense, boasting speed and batting throughout their lineup but ending up with a weak defense. The Phillies, meanwhile, decided to become a power station–fitting, as crazyei8hts is renowned as perhaps the best power-hitting coach and won the World Series last season with a similarly power-focused team. This game was expected to be a high-scoring affair, with the Wombats offensive firepower pretty much ignoring the Phillies reasonably strong defense and the Phillies taking advantage of the Wombats weak AI defense when they weren’t hitting bombs.

To say the least, the game wasn’t a disappointment offensively. The Wombats started out by scoring 7 runs in the top of the first, and when the Phillies started slow, they ended up expanding their lead to a presumptive 17-6 by the time the bottom of the third rolled around. However, the Phillies began to come back at that point, as they scored eight runs for an adjusted score of 17-15 by the time Wizard came back up to bat. The fourth inning was low-scoring, with only one run scored in total (by the Phillies to make it a one-run game), but the Wombats offense came back to life a bit in the top of the 5th, scoring three to make it 20-16. The Phillies rallied in the bottom of the inning to tie it up (with the home multiplier, of course), but this left the Wombats with the top of the sixth to do some more damage and both teams hoping that they wouldn’t let up any runs to the AI offenses. The Wombats did indeed take over in the top of the sixth, scoring 7 to make it 27-20, and even both teams letting up some runs at the tail end of the game (Wizard allowed 2 to the Phillies AI, crazyei8hts allowed 3 to the Wombats AI) didn’t change the outcome as the Wombats remain undefeated behind their spectacular offense.

Wizard Wombats 25, Red Phillies 17

Next week’s game: Arizona Diamondbacks vs. Milwaukee Braves (on elchrisblanco’s Twitch!)

Player of the game: On the stream, Wizard named Tim Hudson the Wombats’ MVP, but I have to disagree. While Hudson had a good game, going 4-for-5 with two singles, two doubles, 5 RBIs and 3 runs scored while also pitching the majority of the game and only giving up 2 runs, he wasn’t the best Wombat in Week 3. That award goes to Achmed Khan, who went 5-for-6 with 3 singles, a double, and a home run, who despite only scoring twice still managed to knock in 5 RBIs. He celebrated after the game by blasting Fair Warning on his parents’ car stereo, which is appropriate because in this game he was certainly Unchained.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

Junior Athletics 6, Humongous Hornets 2

The Athletics continued their undefeated streak while the Hornets lost yet again in a low-scoring Frontyard affair. This time, the main culprit was the Athletics’ defense. While the Athletics offense didn’t perform poorly by any means, garnering 6 runs on 11 hits, it was a downgrade from last week’s performance. However, their AI defense performed more than well enough to win, holding the Humongous Hornets to 10 hits and 3 runs while the Junior Athletics AI offense scored a run of their own as the Athletics rumbled to their 3rd win.

Player of the game: The Hornets’ Annie Frazier was the PITCHER OF THE WEEK, pitching a hitless, runless 4 2/3 innings with 7 strikeouts. However, Sally Dobbs went 3-for-3 for the Athletics with a single, a double, and a home run. She scored twice and got 5 RBIs, which meant that she had a hand in every single run the Athletics scored. After the game, she expressed satisfaction that her little brother is getting to play again.

Minnesota Twins 6, Little Giants 1

Amanda Hellerman has been one of the hardest-working pitchers in the league this season, as she’s thrown 194 pitches (the fifth-highest number in the league, behind Tom Glass of the New York Yankees [210], Esmarelda Heimann of the Red Phillies [199], Julie Dunkel of the Minnesota Twins [196], and Angela Delvecchio of the Super-Duper Melonheads [195]) and faced down 75 batters (the second-highest tally in the league behind Angela Delvecchio [79]). All these pitches have had good results, too, as Amanda Hellerman also has the second-most strikeouts in the league, trailing only Brad Radke’s 31 with 29. This prowess is also the best thing currently going for the Little Giants, as despite a stellar 11-strikeout performance, the Giants still gave up 2 runs and 10 hits while only scoring 3 off of 10 hits and a walk. The Twins had no such trouble on their side of things, as while they did allow a run defensively they also scored 7 off of 17 hits and a walk, proving that Eckman Acres may not be the home-field panacea that the Little Giants need as they drop to 0-3 on the season and the Twins move to 2-1.

Player of the game: Maya Woodruff of the Twins went 3-for-4 with a single and two homers. This performance brought in a majority of the Twins runs (4 RBIs) and definitely helped them win at Eckman. When asked how she did so well, she claimed that it was in memory of her recently deceased pet rat Skittles. Rest in peace, furry friend.

Florida Marlins 7, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 6

After a stopover at Dirt Yards to play the Twins, the Devil Rays came back to Cement Gardens to play their second–well, technically their first, since their actual first game ended with their opponent being forced to forfeit, and the Devil Rays didn’t accept a replay from the new Dodgers coach–their second game at home. It was a solid outing, as they shut out the Marlins AI and scored 5 runs in 5 innings. I don’t know how they did it, unfortunately, but I do know how the Marlins did: 9 runs off of 20 hits while allowing 11 hits and 2 runs on defense. This performance was just enough to push them past the Devil Rays and seal their second win. Interestingly, nobody seems to be talking about the Marlins as a possible contender despite being 2-1, which is odd, because they’ve had very solid performances in their two wins. Admittedly, those wins were close, but that might just mean that their opponents were good; either way, it’ll be interesting to see how they fare over the next few weeks.

Player of the game: The Marlins’ Matessa Sturges went 3-for-4, but all of those hits were homers. That’s right, she had 3–count ’em, 3–home runs, and although her RBIs were comparatively low at only 5, that’s more the fault of the batters in front of her not getting on enough. Besides, she got the margin of victory on her runs scored alone.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Arizona Diamondbacks 17, Super-Duper Melonheads 2

Everybody who came to see the Melonheads side of things got their money’s worth, as they went 11 innings at La Chancla in a pitchers duel that saw the AI toss 12 strikeouts and Angela Delvecchio toss 11 (a performance that got her the PITCHER OF THE WEEK award, in part because she also only allowed 4 hits and shut out the Diamondbacks) in a game that only ended when Alexis Weis hit a 2-run homer that also sent Tanya Uchida home. Unfortunately for the Melonheads, a pitchers’ duel was not on the table for Sisu, who only struck out once as Arizona scored 17 runs on 24 hits and 2 walks in a shutout road victory, continuing his undefeated record at 3-0 and extending the Super-Duper Melonheads winless record to 0-3.

Player of the game: The PITCHER OF THE WEEK was Angela Delvecchio, but for the first time this season the BATTER OF THE WEEK appeared in the same game. His name? Jay Green, who gives the Diamondbacks their third straight BATTER OF THE WEEK award (Ezra Travolta Week 1, Jay Green Week 2) by going 5-for-5 AND ALL OF THEM WERE HOME RUNS. He brought in 14 runs with his batting, so if you eliminate his RBIs, the Diamondbacks still would’ve won…but barely. I guess what I’m trying to say is I demand an investigation into underage steroid use on the Diamondbacks.

Baltimore Bombers 28, Boston Reds 6

This week, jlund decided that the Bombers needed to embrace the way of the grounder. He was absolutely right, as the Bombers rode 29 hits and 5 walks to a 24-0 win at home. The Reds just couldn’t compete; while they did put up 6 runs on 11 hits and a walk and shut out their opposition to end their game with a perfectly respectable score of 6-0, this result was avalanched by the Bombers onslaught, and Boston now drops to 0-3 on the season.

Player of the game: At the plate, the Bombers’ Nancy Chin went 4-for-5 with a single and 3 doubles, managing 3 RBIs and scoring 3 times. On the mound, she threw a 2-strikeout, 2-walk, 3-hit, 58-pitch shutout. On the bench, she enjoys origami.

Texas Rangers 6, Milwaukee Braves 4

Finally, a close game in the Indoor Conference! This matchup between the undefeated Rangers and undefeated Braves was incredibly close, with Jyknight’s Rangers going to Milwaukee to take on Natetastic’s Braves. While this game was a bit of an improvement for the Rangers over their previous outing, as they didn’t allow any runs, it was still a bit of a disappointment as they were only able to snag 11 hits and a walk for 6 runs. Luckily for them, the Braves also didn’t put up the best showing, as they only got 9 hits to bring in 4 runs (although Shohei Ohtani did have another stellar performance, throwing 8 strikeouts and allowing only 4 hits in another shutout game). Only one of these teams could finish the game undefeated; in this case, it’s Texas who sits tied for the lead in the Indoor Conference with the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Player of the game: Molly May went 2-for-3, but those two were both homers, and they got in all 6 of the Rangers runs. Whatever else might’ve happened in this game, it’s clear Molly was popping.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Purple Sox 28, Baltimore Orioles 2

The season just keeps getting worse for the Orioles. While their draft class was praised at the start of the season, questions were raised about their ability to compete given Mavfatha’s historical coaching record (no playoff appearances as a coach). After three games, it looks like the doubters were right, as the Orioles are the only winless team in the Backyard Conference. Them being one of the weaker teams in the Backyard was proven again at Steele Stadium, as they only managed 8 hits and 2 walks offensively while giving up 2 on defense in a 4-2 win. The Purple Sox had no such problems, as they put up the highest score in the Backyard Conference, destroying their opponents 27-4 while notching two walks and 33 hits, an astonishing ten of which were home runs.

Player of the game: Nicky Winston was not only the Purple Sox’s best player, he was also the BATTER OF THE WEEK in the Backyard Conference. He went 5-for-5 with a single and an astonishing four homers, scoring every time he came up to bat and driving in seven runs. After the game, when asked how he felt about his performance, Nicky only said “Bring back Crystal Pepsi, but not Tab Clear.”

Junior Brewers 18, Montana Floss 16

Typically, it seems to take jibbodahibbo a few games to really lock in with his team, but it might be that he’s done it after three games, as the Brewers got their first win of the season over the Montana Floss. The Floss put up a good fight, offensively managing 16 runs on 27 hits and a walk and defensively seeing Brad Radke named to his third consecutive PITCHER OF THE WEEK award with a 1-hit shutout where he threw 9 strikeouts. However, it wasn’t enough, as the Brewers won at home 16-1 off of a 28-hit performance. This leaves both teams sitting at 1-2, but now that the Junior Brewers seem to have put themselves together the future looks a bright for jibbodahibbo’s team.

Player of the game: Junior Brewer Parker Collum went 4-for-5 with two singles, a double, and a home run, with his only out being one of two strikeouts the Brewers had. What were the results of his at-bats? 6 RBIs, coupled with him scoring twice. Perhaps everybody coming up to bat should listen to some classic jazz to try and get in his headspace.

Boston Cubs 11, Green Monsters 8

The Cubs are one of the lowest-scoring teams in the Backyard Conference, as after this game they’ve only scored an (unadjusted) 30 runs. Oddly, this game provided almost half of them, as Boston scored 14 runs on 29 hits and a walk, but ended up with only a +11 run differential after they gave up 12 hits and 3 runs defensively. It didn’t end up mattering, though, as the Cubs AI defense delivered, giving the Monsters a poor showing in their home debut where the Monsters only had 13 hits in an 8-1 win at Tin Can Alley. This leaves the Cubs sitting at 2-1, and suggests that Boston might just have the strongest defense in the Backyard Conference as they haven’t given up more than 10 (unadjusted) runs in a game.

Player of the game: Alex Rodriguez went 5-for-5 (all singles), stole a base, had 3 RBIs, and scored thrice.

HEARTATTACK AND VINE

There are two teams in Los Angeles this season: the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association. And both of them have had absolutely insane things happen this season that need coverage. Let’s begin with the Dodgers.

Los Angeles Dodgers

As you may or may not known, in Week 2 former Dodgers coach Jarod Johnson was caught cheating, stripped of his coaching position, banned from coaching the rest of the season–oh, and the Dodgers had both their wins turned into forfeits. That last one is important, because it came with the caveat that if a replacement was found quickly enough, the replacement would get to replay those two forfeits if their opponent agreed. A replacement was found: hitace, who showed up on Thursday with time to get the other games done. T-Boz and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays took the forfeit, but Vissery and the Humongous Hornets allowed a replay, which led to…

Los Angeles Dodgers 14, Humongous Hornets 9 (Week 2)

We already know what happened with the Hornets; they were really efficient, getting 9 runs from 11 hits and a walk. Unfortunately, hitace’s first official game was too much for them to handle, as the Dodgers romped to a 15-1 win on 23 hits and no walks, along the way using 3 different pitchers (including Jose Meisenheimer, who only threw a single pitch). This reversed the Hornets only win on the season, and gave the Dodgers a .500 record going into Week 3.

Player of the game: Albert Pujols went 4-for-5 with 2 singles, a double, and a home run. He ended up tallying 4 RBIs and scoring twice. He also threw 31 perfectly respectable pitches, getting 4 strikeouts but allowing two hits and a run.

Los Angeles Dodgers 21, New York Yankees 4

The Dodgers Week 2 game tied for the highest Frontyard score this season with the Twins–and, unlike the Twins, they did it on the road. This week, they played their first home game, and absolutely wrecked the Yankees. While the Yankees had a down week, only scoring 6 runs off of 18 hits (two of which were homers) and allowing 2 runs and 9 hits defensively, the Dodgers played a perfect game, scoring 18 on 22 hits and a walk and mashing five homers while shutting out the Yankees AI. It wasn’t even a battle, as the Dodgers now have the highest scoring game in the Frontyard this season (so far) and hitace has been established as a threat at the very least.

Player of the game: Ernie Steele went 4-for-4 at home with a single, a double, and two home runs. He scored thrice on the day and brought in 7 with his powerful hits. This performance was good enough to make him the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK, and almost made up for the fact that he decided to tell lousy knock-knock jokes every time he was at the plate.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association

The Angels have been…less dramatic. They’re run by the mercurial JOMAR, who is known for being wacky and off-the-wall, but apart from his personality the Angels have been a fairly rational organization. In the draft, their picks were all pretty solid, with the only oddity being a trade for Johnny Omar–but since that’s JOMAR’s memetic namesake, it’s not unusual that they’d grab him. Although they had a slow first game, they’ve come roaring back with two games where they scored 25 runs or more, and they’re now considered possibly the strongest team in the Indoor Conference.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 25, Seattle Fishes 8

Last week, the Angels turned their home field into a slaughterhouse. Not content with opening just one slaughterhouse, they decided to do the same at Playground Commons, which is annoying because I play there next week. They proceeded to put up 27 runs on 37 hits, steal 16 bases, and end up winning 27-2. Although the Fishes put up their best game so far this season, winning 10-4 in their home debut, it was nowhere near enough to compete with the Angels, who stormed to their second win of the season.

Player of the game: Mr. Clanky went 6-for-6 with four singles, a double, and a home run, notching 5 RBIs and scoring 5 times himself. On the mound he had a pretty decent day too, throwing only 44 pitches as he got 4 strikeouts but also allowed 7 hits and 2 runs. He also refused to do the robot despite several drunken requests from Perry Marx’s father.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (3-0)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (2-1)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (2-1)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (2-1)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (1-2)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (1-2)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (1-2)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (0-3)

Indoor Conference
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (3-0)
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (3-0)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (2-1)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (2-1)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund] (2-1)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (0-3)
Boston Reds [shrewsberry] (0-3)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (0-3)

Frontyard Conference
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (3-0)
New York Yankees [Marco] (2-1)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (2-1)
Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (2-1)*
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (2-1)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (1-2)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (0-3)**
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (0-3)

*New coach, replayed Week 2 game and won
**Win reversed due to new Dodgers coach replaying Week 2 game

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“Sandy Flats doesn’t even have like…fences.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach

“My evaluation is Wendy Parsons Is God.” – Toast, Minnesota Twins head coach, on Wendy Parsons

“This week I played catch with Ronny an hour a day, and went to the batting cages with Ronny a half-hour a day. Over time, he started to feel a bit better about things. Then, when we got the news about his new coach, he was excited to go play some ball! They even replayed the Week 2 game to see if they can overturn one of the forfeits. I’ve never seen Ronny in such high spirits. I guess you could say that inspired me. There’s nothing like sisterly instincts to perform great feats of athleticism. Huge thanks to my teammates, and to the league officials for getting the situation straightened out. I worry for these kids sometimes.” – Sally Dobbs, Junior Athletics, on her little brother (Ronny Dobbs, Los Angeles Dodgers) and his team getting a new coach

“This is not typical.” – hitace, Los Angeles Dodgers head coach, on the Dodgers performance

“When someone was taking over the Dodgers, I didn’t know it was going to be THE NEXT COMING OF JESUS!” – Marco, New York Giants head coach, on the Dodgers performance against his team

“Wop-bop-a-loo-mahmp, a-lop-bomp-bomp Tutti Fruit!” – Little Richard, Tutti Frutti