Another week has come and gone, and since it’s early in the season there’s not much we can conclude. Well, aside from some teams not living up to their hype yet and other teams far outpacing what was expected of them. Are these early-season mirages, or signs of the future? And what’s up in Los Angeles? We’ll find out, but for now, let’s just recap what happened.

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Purple Sox vs. Montana Floss

The second Matchup Of The Week took place in the Backyard Conference between aesnop’s Purple Sox and my Montana Floss. These teams were notably similar in one thing: they drafted for arms before anything else. However, aside from that, these teams were overall strong but with one massive Achilles’ heel. The Purple Sox put effort into drafting strong hitters with decent but not overpowering speed, while the Montana Floss mostly focused on speed as their secondary focus; however, while the Sox have an above-average team in almost every statistic, there aren’t any true pitchers on the roster (in fact, their starter is one who would normally likely be a third- or fourth-string pitcher on any other team), and the Floss have an almost parodically weak hitting core (meaning that only two players can make consistent contact–and only three can get the ball out of the infield with any regularity).

Naturally, all eyes were on these teams to see how they’d deal with each other’s defenses and their own drawbacks. For the Purple Sox, the order of the day was to hit the ball deep and take advantage of the vast environs of Sandy Flats to run the bases. For the Montana Floss, the idea was to take advantage of their poor hitters and foul off immense amounts of pitches to wear out the Sox’s already weak pitching staff. The Sox’s offensive strategy was immediately effective, as despite having a home run stolen from them by Ricky Johnson on the first in-play ball of the game, they scored 4 runs in the first inning and continued to rack up 14 through the first three innings. As for the Floss, their strategy did not provide immediate benefits, but after leaving runners stranded in the first two innings (where they only scored three runs), they lost their #2 and #3 pitchers in the 3rd (where the Floss scored three more runs), and then ended up giving up 6 runs in the sixth, going through another pitcher, and moving their catcher to pitcher at the end of that inning and consequently opening up the basepaths for stealing. Since the Sox had been held scoreless in their top of the 4th, the score was now tied at a presumptive 14-all. Aesnop’s fifth inning saw him post three more runs, making the presumptive score 17-14, but the Floss managed to post three as well in their fifth inning to put them up by one. The top of the sixth in Aesnop’s game would then prove to be crucial, and the game was won by Aesnop when he sent a pitch over the centerfielder’s head for an inside-the-ballpark home run after tying the game on a Ricky Johnson error that turned into a double and then shut down the Floss’s AI in the bottom of the sixth. The Sox finished with a 21-0 win; the Floss, 15-0, meaning the Purple Sox took the Matchup Of The Week for their first win!

Purple Sox 21, Montana Floss 18

Next week’s game: It was going to be Yankees vs. Dodgers, but, well, things got a little crazy (and even before they did, the Dodgers’ coach backed out), so instead of a Frontyard matchup for Week 3, we’re staying in the Backyard with Wizard Wombats vs. Red Phillies!

Player of the game: Brad Radke was named the Backyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK for the second week in a row after tossing a 10-strikeout, 2-hit shutout for the Floss. But he’s not the player of the game; when asked to name someone during the postgame show, Aesnop named Kay O’Toole his player of the week, and I’m hard-pressed to disagree, as she went 5-for-5 with 3 singles and 2 homers, tied for the team lead in RBIs with 5, had the Sox’s only stolen base, and scored 5 times herself (which actually did lead the team). If that’s not enough, she came in at for the Sox’s AI in the bottom of the fifth with two outs and the bases loaded and tossed a three-pitch strikeout to K.O. the Floss (pun fully intended and stolen from MelloMathTeacher). Did she shine in the spotlight? Oh yes, and she wants to do it all over again.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

Los Angeles Dodgers 16, Humongous Hornets 9

The Hornets had their first game at home and the Dodgers continued their road trip. Once again, the Hornets put up a solid effort, garnering 9 runs off of 11 hits and a walk and pitching a one-run effort for a 9-1 win that with the home bonus gave them a run differential of 9. However, this wasn’t enough to compete with the Dodgers, who once again did spectacularly, managing 18 runs on 20 hits and an absolutely obscene 15 walks in an 18-2 road win that left them easily rolling over the Hornets and taking the win.

Except not.

When Dodgers coach Jarod Johnson submitted his score, the listed losing pitcher was someone who would ordinarily never see the mound, and upon further questioning it was revealed that Jarod Johnson faced a lineup that should never exist. Further investigation took place, and the evidence gathered pointed to malfeasance on the part of the Dodgers. When confronted, Jarod Johnson admitted to having cheated by setting his game to easy mode in order to rack up higher scores. As punishment for his actions, both of the Dodgers’ wins this season have been revoked and Jarod Johnson has been removed from his head coaching post. Furthermore, Jarod Johnson has been banned from play for the rest of the season and can only return in future under certain conditions (most notably, a demand that he either record or stream all of his games). Consequently, both the Tampa Bay Devil Rays and Humongous Hornets now have 1-1 records due to the reversal of Jarod’s wins, and whomever steps in to head the Dodgers will have to contend with not only their short-tempered GM but will also start with a losing record and a lineup of uncertain strength (although, due to how early in the season it is, it’s possible that because of the conditions under which the first two games took place the new coach could play one or both of those games again, but only if the coaches of the Devil Rays/Hornets agree).

Player of the game: The Hornets’ Annie Frazier went 2-for-3 (both singles), scored twice, and stole a base on offense. Defensively, she came in to pitch against 8 batters and threw 14 strikes and 5 balls on her way to striking out 4 and not allowing a hit. After the game, she dedicated her performance to the endangered Dehli Sands Flower-Loving Fly.

Minnesota Twins 14, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 6

This was an interesting game for more than one reason. The first one, admittedly, is a bit of a blunder; because the Twins play at Dirt Yards, a bit of file editing is (usually) needed to make sure that their opponents play there, and Devil Rays coach T-Boz forgot to do this beforehand, meaning he submitted a game on a different field; however, he was allowed to replay at Dirt Yards, and submitted that game as a substitution. The results of these games are even more interesting: in his first game, T-Boz won 10-4, but in his second game, he won 11-5, for an identical run differential of 6 each time. As for the Twins, they were much improved over their previous game (also at home), as they put up 13 runs (11 more than against the Yankees) on 22 hits (15 more than against the Yankees) while allowing a run and took the game and their first win easily.

Player of the game: Offensively, Twins pitcher Julie Dunkel went 3-for-4 with a single, a double, and a home run, knocking in 3 runs and scoring twice herself. Defensively, she pitched the entire game, facing 24 batters and throwing 70 pitches on her way to getting 8 strikeouts but allowing 8 hits and a run. Toastily, she prefers boysenberry more than any ordinary jam–she’s a Citizens for Boysenberry Jam fan.

Junior Athletics 12, Florida Marlins 1

The coach of the Junior Athletics has been down on himself and his skills this season, but it seems like his team isn’t about to back him up on that, as they rode a first inning where the opposing AI committed over 5 errors to a massive victory, capitalizing on that strong first inning to record 14 runs on 24 hits and posting a total run differential of 12 despite also having a shaky first inning where they allowed two runs and committed a pair of errors. The most impressive part is that this performance wasn’t even necessary; the Marlins won 1-0 in the bottom of the sixth in their game despite registering 11 hits and only got that run off of some goosing (which was acknowledged immediately after it happened by their coach and led to the decision that any win by the Athletics would be a win overall). For each team, this was a huge departure from their first game, and it will be interesting to see how these teams fare over the course of the next few games.

Player of the game: Ray Tran of the Athletics went 4-for-4 with 3 singles and a home run to bring in 4 runs and score once himself–a performance good enough to make him the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

New York Yankees 9, Little Giants 2

Marco continued to establish himself as one of the stronger players in the Frontyard, possibly aided by his two prior seasons of experience, as the Yankees took on the Giants and got their second win. For the Giants, this game was a lot like their last one; a two-run win where the pitcher faced 24 batters and allowed 7 hits. There were some differences, though: last week, the Giants got 9 hits and a walk and scored 2 runs, while this week they got 11 hits and scored 3. Last week, their pitcher threw 56 pitches and got 7 strikeouts; this week, 62 pitches and 11 strikeouts. Most notably, last week the Giants struck out thrice and committed 5 errors, while this week they struck out 9 times and committed only one error. Meanwhile, the Yankees won 8-0 at home, along the way hitting the ball 14 times; the biggest similarity between this week’s game and last week’s was how frequently they struck out (6 times in each game).

Player of the game: Tom Glass went 2-for-3 with a single and a double. He hit one RBI and scored once himself. He also pitched a 4-hit shutout, and was named the Frontyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Arizona Diamondbacks 13, Baltimore Bombers 1

Sisu continued to establish himself and the Arizona Diamondbacks as one of the stronger teams in the Indoor Conference by beating up on jlund’s Baltimore Bombers. The Bombers, who had played well in Week 1 (winning 11-0), found themselves unable to get runs across the plate, as although they managed to get 14 runners on base (13 hits and walk), they only scored a single run in a 1-0 shutout. Arizona had no such trouble, as the Diamondbacks scored 11 runs on 18 hits and 6 walks and shut out their opponents AI as they marched to an easy victory.

Player of the game: Jay Green went 4-for-4 with a double and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. He batted in 9 of the Diamondbacks’ 11 runs and scored every time he came up to bad. Even making an error wasn’t enough to keep him from being easily the most important player on the Diamondbacks, and this performance made him the Indoor Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

Texas Rangers 3, Seattle Fishes 1

Despite being the lowest-scoring game in the league this week, the Rangers first home game wasn’t the light-on-runs affair that the score suggests, as both teams had trouble keeping their opponents’ AI off the scoreboard (a curse typical of Dirt Yards). The Texas Rangers were able to score 5 runs off of 13 hits, but allowed 3 runs to the Fishes AI; the Fishes’ offense was just as potent, garnering 5 runs on 15 hits, but allowing 4 runs to their opponent. In the end, the difference was made by the home bonus and the Rangers slightly superior defensive performance, as they took the win to remain undefeated.

Player of the game: Wally Evans may have provided the margin of victory for the Rangers, as he went 3-for-3 with 3 singles, stole three bases (tied for the team lead with Pete Wheeler), batted in a run, and scored twice. He also would like it to be known for the record that he is in no way related to, works for, or has any affiliation with the Bob Evans casual family dining restaurant chain.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 30, Super-Duper Melonheads 4

JOMAR is back.

That is all.

Well no, that’s not all, as there was a game played (even if a more accurate description might be “the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association decided that their home field is actually a field of slaughter, and their opponents are merely living sacks of fleshmeat that need to be turn into corpsified sacks of flesh meat, and the best place to do this would be at Eckman Acres because there’s nothing like a backyard barbecue amiright”). And in this game, the Super-Duper Melonheads improved on their Week 1 defensive performance, as they allowed three fewer hits and shut out the Angels (albeit with Stephanie Morgan stepping in to relive Angela Delvecchio for the final inning). Although they were slightly weaker offensively, scoring 4 runs instead of 6, they only had one fewer hit and made up for it with two walks (as opposed to Week 1’s zero). Unfortunately for them, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association was just too good this week, as they put up the highest-scoring game in the entire league, with 26 runs scored on 35 hits and 4 walks offensively and only one run allowed defensively on their way to a first win that puts the entire Indoor Conference–and arguably the entire league–on notice.

Player of the game: Gail Weinmann went 5-for-5 (all singles), batting in 4 runners and scoring thrice herself. She was also apparently a monster on defense, and after the game proceeded to order a twist cone when the team went out for ice cream.

Milwaukee Braves 6, Boston Reds 2

The Braves improved over their first game, as they posted 6 runs instead of 1; this time, however, their runs all came from homers. They had four on the game; three of them were solo shots, with the exception a 3-run drive from Libby Futterman. They got 12 hits in total, but left 6 runners stranded; however, defensively, they once again had a good game, as Shohei Ohtani pitched an 8-strikeout perfect game that got him the Indoor Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK nod. As for the Reds, they once again struggled at home, only managing to score 2 runs off of 12 hits and a walk. The Braves are now improbably still undefeated in their conference, while the Reds sink to 0-2 with two home games in the book.

Player of the game: Offensively, nobody had a superstar performance for either team; however, Shohei Ohtani did go 2-for-3 with a single and a solo home run. Add that to his perfect game, and Shohei takes this award in addition to being named PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Wizard Wombats 21, Green Monsters 16

This week, the Wombats had 20 fewer hits than last week. 9 fewer doubles than last week. They struck out 7 more times than last week. And it didn’t even matter! Once again, they put up a dominant performance, winning 19-1 win at home for a final run differential of 21 where they only left five on base (23 hits, one walk) in an incredibly efficient, incredibly strong game. Even in the high-scoring Backyard Conference, this was a big performance that easily overwhelmed the Wombats opponents. Which isn’t to say the Green Monsters didn’t do well; on the contrary, they put just as many people on base with 24 hits. Unfortunately, they weren’t quite as efficient, and ended up winning their game 16-0–a good score, but not enough to take down the Wombats.

Player of the game: Chico Pappas was the strongest player on the Wombats, going 4-for-4 with a single and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs and 8 RBIs. He also made the game’s only error, but given his offensive performance, a single error can be easily written off. And it was, as Chico was the Backyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

Boston Cubs 10, Junior Brewers 5

The Cubs got their first win this week when they returned home to Cement Gardens as their defense held the Brewers down and their offense did enough to win. For the Brewers, it was a frustrating day, as although they got 17 hits and a walk, they weren’t able to turn them into very many runs, finishing with a 5-0 shutout. The Cubs weren’t hitting much better, as they only finished with 22 hits; however, they turned these hits into 10 runs, and despite giving up two runs on defense, they finished with a prorated run differential of 10. After two weeks, neither of these teams have been particularly high-scoring; however, hopes are higher for the Cubs, not just because of them having a win but also because their defense has seemingly been stronger overall.

Player of the game: Alex Rodriguez went 4-for-4 (all singles), batted in three runs, scored thrice himself, and had a stolen base. He also made an error, but nobody’s perfect.

Red Phillies 13, Baltimore Orioles 7

Crazyei8hts continued his title defense in Week 2 as he kept the Phillies undefeated against the Orioles. For the Phillies, this game was a bit of a letdown as compared to the previous week; although they scored just as many runs, they did so on two fewer hits (and one more walk) and had an extra half-inning to work with, but the real letdown came from their defense, which gave up three runs this week. Still, this performance wasn’t enough to let the Orioles slip past, as they once again put up an underwhelming performance. While in Week 1, their problems came from an underperforming defense and facing off against the Wombats, this week their problems were on the offensive side, as they were only able to garner 6 runs on 13 hits and 3 walks. As it stands, the defending champion coach looks like he can make a serious push for back-to-back championships with the Red Phillies, while much of the early-season optimism about the Orioles has faded away.

Player of the game: Lindsy Felgate led the way for the Phillies, going 4-for-5 with a single and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. This allowed her to manage 4 RBIs and score thrice. She also had the only stolen base the Phillies got all game, although she was one of three Phillies players to commit an error.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (2-0)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (2-0)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (1-1)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (1-1)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (1-1)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (1-1)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (0-2)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (0-2)

Indoor Conference
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (2-0)
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (2-0)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (2-0)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (1-1)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund]
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco]
Boston Reds [shrewsberry]
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott]

Frontyard Conference
New York Yankees [Marco] (2-0)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (2-0)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (1-1)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (1-1)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (1-1)*
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (1-1)*
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (0-2)
Los Angeles Dodgers [COACH REMOVED FROM POSITION] (0-2)**

*Win is due to league-mandated Dodgers forfeits
**Losses are due to the league revoking illegitimate wins

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“‘Ooooooohhhhh, Kay.’ No. Kay O.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, watching Kay O’Toole’s performance in the Matchup Of The Week and inadvertently writing one of my jokes for me

“During our team meeting a couple days before the game, Holly came up with walk-up music for all of us. I got Little Richard’s Tutti Frutti. The idea of dancing down the third base line to that song after a homer must have given me energy this game. Today was incredible. Everyone did a great job! Coach is kinda hard on us; said we were ‘lucky due to errors’, and that we’ve gotta ‘learn to be humble and keep grinding and getting better.’ Eh, we’ll start that tomorrow. Party at Courtney’s tonight!” – Ray Tran, Junior Athletics player of the week

“Gail not only performed heroically on offense by keeping the bats going, she also made amazing throws on defense to keep the opponents from getting more runs!” – JOMAR, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association head coach, on Gail’s performance

“I had just returned from the postgame party at Courtney’s to see Ronny already home. He was inconsolable. I asked him what was wrong. He said that the GM told him that they no longer have a coach and the wins would be overturned. GM didn’t specify why. With no coach, and with Ronny getting losses in what looked like wins to him, and he’s not sure if he gets to play anymore… it was so hard for him to take. Being the big sister, it’s my responsibility to make sure he’s OK. I played catch with him and brought him to the cages to keep his spirits up over the past few days. Hope this is resolved soon.” – Sally Dobbs, on how her little brother is dealing with the whole Los Angeles Dodgers issue

“Why say lot word when few do trick?” – Jyknight, Texas Rangers head coach

“With the memory of how you once gave up but you made it through the troubled times.” – Chris Collingwood and Adam Schlesinger, Fountains of Wayne, Troubled Times