It’s another season, starting…about a month after the last one ended, honestly. Has nobody here heard of taking some time off to see their families? Eat some croissants? Bathe in the blood of their enemies? Well, leaving aside the workaholic nature of everybody in this league, as usual, there have been some rule changes for the new season. These are:

1.) No power-up batting allowed.

Pretty simple. No more power-ups when batting. Incidentally, this means that now:

2.) Striking out intentionally is legal.

The reasons you’d want to strike out intentionally are to get a poor batter out of the line of fire to avoid a double play or something and get the chance to snag a power-up by hitting a super pitch. The latter of those is the big one, and since power-up batting is off the table, well, an intentional strikeout is perfectly fine. Which is why:

3.) Intentional walks are legal.

That’s right folks, if you don’t wanna pitch to a guy, just walk ’em! The principal objection to intentional walks is that it puts a runner on base and makes a double play more likely and therefore increases the number of batting power-ups…but since those aren’t an issue anymore, go ahead and put Nate Kowal(k)ski on the mound.

4.) Grounders are legal.

Last season, you could use power and line drives, nothing else. This season, grounders are back baby! Yeah! Force that enthusiasm!

I could go into what’s still illegal, and the rules about baserunning…but I’m not completely clear on either of those (and seriously, baserunning rules deserve their own article that everyone has to read). So instead, let’s get into the other big change: league structure!

In the first five seasons of the league, the general structure was “everybody chooses a field and then gets division opponents based on who else chose a field around them.” This meant that there could be a division where everyone had a semblance of mastery of the game, a division where everyone was new, or a division where the veterans took the rookies into a dark alley and stole everything of value off of them. (This last one was the most common.) In Season 6, though, it was decided to split the groups up between vets and newer players, with the veterans getting the American League and the rookies getting the National League. This led to a more competitive league and since it was a more interesting format, it was decided to do something similar this season. However, this time there’s three levels: Backyard, Indoor, and Frontyard. This is gonna be explained in the recaps, which are going section by section; let’s start with the Frontyard.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

The Frontyard is the most interesting conference, because it’s for…new players? Kind of? There are four rookies in it and it’s considered the beginner conference; the non-rookies are Vissery (played 3 games to end Season 6), Jarod Johnson (played the entirety of Season 6), Marco (2 seasons, overall record of 8-20), and T-Boz (2 seasons, overall record of 8-20, made playoffs with a 5-9 record last season). It’s probably going to be the most fun to watch this season, and I’m definitely gonna keep an eye on it (not least because MelloMathTeacher is keeping a log of how his kids interact with each other–that’s right folks, we’re entering the fanfic realm!). Either way, these eight teams will play each other twice, and at the end, the top two teams are in the playoffs. Week 1 gave us some indication of how this whole thing is gonna shake out; let’s get into it.

Florida Marlins 9.6, Humongous Hornets 9

From the outset of the season, these two teams and coaches have had drastically different styles. Vissery, coach of the Hornets, has been incredibly active in the server; skolgamingcenter, coach of the Marlins, has pretty much only shown up to draft and submit results. Vissery played all 14 games in week 1 (so his end of the season is over); skolgamingcenter didn’t play until Saturday and kept his in-season progress under wraps. Vissery made massive trades in the draft to snag back-to-back first-round picks but ended up with four picks in the last two rounds; skolgamingcenter made a few trades, but they were mostly modest in scope and aimed at raising his floor (he finished with two sixth-round picks, two eighth-round picks, and no seventh- or ninth-round picks).

So what happened when these two teams met in their opener? Well…they played each other to a dead heat. For the Hornets, this meant that they snagged 9 runs off of 18 hits and a walk while holding down a shutout on the other end (incidentally, Vissery did make use of his threatened “power-up pitcher switch” strategy, as while Angelique Harding was his starter, Frank Thomas came in against 5 batters, threw 5 pitches, and got 5 strikeouts, while Annie Frazier came in against 3 batters, threw 3 pitches, and got 3 strikeouts; the Hornets pitching staff combined for 13 strikeouts in their game). For the Marlins, this meant playing a very similar game, as they posted 8 runs off 17 hits and 2 walks while also holding down a shutout (admittedly one with far-fewer strikeouts and no pitcher swaps). In the end, though, the home bonus came through for the Marlins, as it pushed them just barely ahead of the Hornets and gave them the win.

Player of the game: Matessa Sturges of the Marlins went 4-for-4 with two singles, a double, and their only home run, leading the team in RBIs (4), runs scored (3), and stolen bases (the only one in the game). On defense, she pitched a complete game shutout, allowing six hits but also notching six strikeouts (good enough for the Frontyard Conference to name her the PITCHER OF THE WEEK!). And on the bench, she shared her bubble gum with everyone.

New York Yankees 10, Minnesota Twins 2

Hornets vs. Marlins may have been a battle of opposites, but that was also true for Yankees vs. Twins. The Yankees are one of the two teams coached by a multiple-season veteran in the Frontyard; once again, they’re run by Marco, who coached the Yankees in both previous seasons. However, there’s one big difference: this time, the Yankees are no longer at Casa de Pablo (not least because last season proved it to be beneficial to visiting teams; personally, I blame Nana Sanchez’s hospitality for that. Visitors get taquitos, the home team gets…chanclas hurled at their heads if they don’t stop acting so foolish!), instead moving to Tin Can Alley (no Gershwins there, unfortunately). The Twins, meanwhile, are coached by Toast, who is a complete newcomer to the league with an apparent fondness for bread products. (Although probably not Bread…does anyone actually like Bread?)

The Yankees didn’t get the chance to check out their new home in this game, as they were on the road at Dirt Yards, but they still did just fine, mashing 25 hits and collecting a walk as they rolled to 14 runs while allowing 4 on defense for a total run differential of 10. This wasn’t the best introduction for the Twins, as they were only able to manage 7 hits on 19 plate appearances, and if you take out the solo shot from Julie Dunkel, they only got 1 run off of their other 6 hits. While they did manage a shutout, the 2-run performance wasn’t enough to push them past Marco, who for the first time ever starts the season with a win.

Player of the game: Gwen Sears went 4-for-5 with two singles, a double, and a home run. Although she struck out once, she led the team in RBIs (5), runs scored (3), stolen bases (3), and was named the Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

Los Angeles Dodgers 15, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 7

This was the only matchup in the Frontyard where both coaches had played at least one season. Not only this, but the coaches were at least familiar with each other, as last season they were in the same division and played each other twice. Jarod Johnson (now coaching the Dodgers) coached the Montreal Expos/Washington Nationals, and despite a slow start ended up really picking up at the end of the season to finish 5-9 despite losing to the AI in his first 4 games. T-Boz, who coached the Devil Rays and is coaching them again this year, saw the exact opposite happen, as he started out 4-0 but finished the season 1-9; however, because of how weak the NL West was on the whole, this was still just barely enough to get the Devil Rays in the playoffs (where they got swept by the Albuquerque Tapirs).

This game was a continuation of these two coaches’ trends. The Devil Rays fought valiantly at home in Cement Gardens, winning 7-1 but failing to submit any stats so I have no clue how they accomplished that. However, it wasn’t enough against the Dodgers, who put up the highest score in the Frontyard this week, outscoring their competition 17-2. They did this with 32 hits and 2 walks, and consequently they tamped down any and all chatter about drafting Pujols 7th overall…for now, at least.

Player of the game: Gretchen Hasselhoff went 5-for-5 with three singles, a double, and a triple as she knocked in two runs and scored four times. When asked to comment on her performance, she stated “YeahIwantedtogooutandhaveagoodtimeandcoachsaidjusthave
funsoIdidandwedidandIrunrunrunandhithithitandplayplayplay
andwinwinwinanditwasawesomeyeah!”

Junior Athletics 2.2, Little Giants 2

This was the only game in the Frontyard this week that took place between true rookies. Neither MelloMathTeacher (Athletics) or SilverBullet (Giants) have played in the league in any form before now, and their first battle…well, it was about what we’ve come to expect from rookies. It was a defensive struggle, with the Giants only able to manage nine hits and a walk on 26 plate appearances that ended with them winning 2-0. The Athletics were only slightly more successful; they had 26 plate appearances as well, but milked 11 hits and a walk from them. In the end, the home bonus made the difference, and the Athletics took the win.

Player of the game: Sally Dobbs may have only gone 1-for-3, but that single was important, as it led to her scoring a run (the only one the Athletics got aside from a Dawn Cozart solo shot). Besides scoring, she also took over for Todd Xavier in relief, and after his somewhat weak 7-hit outing (still a shutout, though!) she didn’t allow a single hit, mowing down the last five batters and recording two strikeouts. She also had a quite lengthy statement about the team’s performance, but it’s too long, so I’m saving it for the quotes section.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

The Indoor Conference is a conference for veterans who aren’t superstars at the game. The conference consists of 2 players from last year’s American League who have more than a season of experience, 3 players who were in last season’s National League and acquitted themselves well enough to move up but not well enough to be placed in the top tier, two newbies who did well in games outside the official league (Sisu won the gmchappe Invitational, and Natetastic did well in the Winterball side league), and JOMAR. Like the Frontyard Conference, the top two teams will make the playoffs. Week 1 is in the books (Week 2 too by the time I write this); let’s see what happened.

Arizona Diamondbacks 8, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 4

In the first game submitted this week, Jomar made his…not-so-triumphant return with the Angels. For those unaware, Jomar is a legend as a player, starting Season 2 13-0 before losing the last game to avoid perfection and then dropping out in the playoffs, using the Season 4 Winterball season to give his namesake player Johnny Omar an amazing season, and then drafting Johnny Omar first overall in season 5 before later dropping out. Meanwhile, Diamondbacks coach Sisu is new to the league but won the gmchappe Invitational during Season 6 and was consequently given a spot in the Indoor Conference rather than the Frontyard.

In their first game, the Angels struggled, as they were only able to score 4 runs on 11 hits and steal two bases. While they did shut out the Diamondbacks offense, this wasn’t enough, as in Sisu’s game the Diamondbacks may have only gotten two more hits, but they were able to turn them into three more runs. With the home bonus, the Diamondbacks won easily, and booked the first game of the season as a win.

Player of the game: The Diamondbacks’ Ezra Travolta went 3-for-3 with a single and 2 home runs, along the way batting in 4 RBIs and scoring twice herself; in fact, the only black mark for her was giving up the Diamondbacks only error. Because of this performance, she was named the Indoor Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

Texas Rangers 12, Boston Reds 5

This matchup saw one of the teams that moved up and another that moved down. In Season 6, shrewsbury’s St. Louis Cardinals were one of the best teams in the NL in the first half of the season, starting 6-1 before entering a late-season skid and finishing 8-6 and out of the playoffs. Meanwhile, Jyknight coached the Pittsburgh Pirates, who started 2-7 and were one of the first two teams eliminated from playoff contention in the AL, but had a hot streak near the end of the season and finished 6-8. These results meant that shrewsbury moved up to Indoor, while Jyknight was moved down.

This first matchup saw Jyknight’s team win, and win decisively, as the Rangers won 12-0, racking up 18 hits and 2 walks as they proved their mettle at the Paveway. On the other side, things didn’t go so well for the Reds; while they were able to score 7 runs off of 16 hits and a pair of walks, defensively they faltered, allowing 3 runs to score and bringing their score down. In the end, the Rangers won fairly easily, and their double-digit score portends well for them in the future.

Player of the game: Betty Houston of the Rangers did well at the plate and on the mound, going 2-for-4 with a single and a double while scoring twice and punching in two RBIs while allowing only two hits and notching five strikeouts–while only throwing 37 pitches on the game, leading to her needing just slightly over 2 pitches per out. Of course, such a performance should probably be expected when somebody named Houston is playing for Texas.

Baltimore Bombers 13, Seattle Fishes 5 (MATCHUP OF THE WEEK)

Something new this season is the Matchup Of The Week, where one of the games is chosen to be recorded, edited, and then streamed, with commentary by jlund and Sisu (and video editing provided by elchrisblanco). In future, these matchups will probably be the first ones summarized, but I wanted to explain everything else that’s going on the season. However, if you want to catch a live game, the Matchup Of The Week is currently scheduled for every Saturday at 8:30 PM Mountain Time (the best time zone, and don’t you forget it) on Sisu’s twitch stream!

That aside, this first game was more of a proof-of-concept than anything, as it involved two of three members principally involved with running the Matchup of the Week. That’s not to say that this game was unimportant, however. While both elchrisblaco and jlund played in Season 5, they didn’t do much of import in that season, as they were midseason replacements for either a middling coach (elchrisblanco) or a team built solely for meme potential (jlund, taking over JOMAR’s team). In Season 6, however, they both chose the same division (NL Central) and found themselves becoming rivals as the season went on. In the first game of the season, elchrisblanco’s Seattle Mariners lost at home by a single run to jlund’s Baltimore Bombers, and this would help set the tone for the start of both their seasons, as the Mariners struggled while the Bombers did well. However, as the season went on, elchrisblanco found his footing, and when the Bombers hit a poor stretch of play at the end of the season, they met again in Week 14 with a playoff berth on the line. In that game, the Mariners won on the road, 13-7, forcing a play-in game for the wild-card slot, which the Mariners also won.

This drama set the stage for another week 1 matchup where the rivalry could continue, with jlund once again coaching the Baltimore Bombers (although this time at Scrapco Field instead of Steele Stadium) and elchrisblanco now coaching the Seattle Fishes. Once again, Seattle started slow, as while they managed 18 hits, they were only able to put up 6 runs while allowing one on defense. This was nowhere near good enough to compete with the home team, as the Bombers went on a tear, notching 24 hits and 3 walks while scoring 11 and shutting out their opponents. Since they didn’t play each other in Season 5, this game ties their rivalry at 2 games apiece, and provides a good opener to Matchup Of The Week. (Next week: Purple Sox vs. Montana Floss.)

Player of the game: Nancy Chin of the Bombers went 3-for-3 at the plate, with two singles, a double, and a walk. She batted in two runs and scored twice herself. On the mound, she pitched five scoreless innings, allowing 5 hits but also managing six strikeouts. And in the clubhouse, she did a pitch-perfect impersonation of the Bombers’ coach trying to call the game from a neutral perspective.

Milwaukee Braves 1.2, Super-Duper Melonheads 1

As far as extremes go, this was one of the more extreme games to take place this week. The first, most obvious extreme is the coaches; Melonheads coach Eauxps I. Fourgott is the longest-tenured coach in the Indoor Conference, having been a member of the league since Season 3, while Braves coach Natetastic is the newest coach and has no experience in the traditional league format (Winterball took place after the gmchappe Invitational, making him a slightly newer player than Sisu). Eauxps did a lot of trading and ended up making all his picks in the 4th and 5th rounds of the draft, while Natetastic was more conservative (although he did trade out of the 5th and 8th rounds in order to collect 3 6th-round picks). Finally, these two teams took vastly different approaches to end up winning by a run.

The Melonheads won 6-5 in their game, an odd affair where despite getting 6 runs on 10 hits only two players ended up with RBIs (Alexis Weis and Angela Delvecchio) and where Angela Delvecchio pitched a complete game and gave up 5 runs on 7 hits–but also threw 11 strikeouts. Meanwhile, Natetastic’s Milwaukee Braves put up a great defense performance, but struggled offensively, only managing six hits and a walk while only snatching a single run. In the end, the home bonus made the difference, as the Braves barely won based off of that.

Player of the game: Alexis Weis put up a great effort for the losing team, as she went 2-for-3 with both hits being homers that brought in a total of 4 runs. Make no mistake: the Melonheads may have lost, but without her the game wouldn’t have even been close.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

This is the final of the three conferences. A conference with seven amazing coaches and me for some reason. A conference with eight teams built to beat up on each other. A conference where everybody drafted a great catcher and I hate them for it. How am I supposed to win if you don’t let me steal third? I need that free real estate! Anyway, everyone in the Backyard Conference has either played multiple seasons, made the World Series, had an undefeated regular season, or made chicken soup for a sick relative. Consequently, this conference will get 4 playoff slots, as the competition is considered to be much tougher.

Red Phillies 20, Junior Brewers 5

The Red Phillies are coached by crazyei8hts, the now longest-tenured coach in the league and Season 6 World Series champion. The Brewers are coached by jibbodahibbo, Season 4 World Series runner-up and creator of the Jibbo Open. Interestingly, that Season 4 team of jibbo’s was also named the Junior Brewers.

Jibbo streamed his game, and while the Brewers did quite well offensively, putting up 11 runs on the road off of 17 hits and 5 walks, defensively they suffered a meltdown, as they allowed 6 runs and ended up using four pitchers. The Phillies, by contrast, had a much better game, as they posted 17 runs off of 24 hits and a walk and shut out the Brewers offense. Still, if this defensive performance was an aberration for the Brewers, they could be contenders.

Player of the game: Lindsy Felgate went 4-for-5 with a single and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs, scoring thrice and managing 4 RBIs.

Green Monsters 24, Purple Sox 15

The Green Monsters are coached by Yurya, 2-time AL runner-up, member since Season 1, and league commissioner. The Purple Sox are coached by aesnop, the only player to ever have an undefeated regular season (Season 4’s Seattle Mariners). Yurya’s choice of team is a return to form, as his most successful seasons came about while coaching the Green Monsters.

Aesnop wasted no time showing he was as fit as ever despite taking the last half of Season 6 off, as his Purple Sox won 14-1, scoring those runs off of 22 hits and only throwing 35 pitches on the day (the one run allowed was a solo home run; aside from that, Marianna Rauf pitched a perfect game). It wasn’t good enough against the Monsters, though, as the return of grounders seemingly provided a powerful boost to Yurya’s offense. The Monsters turned 30 hits and 4 walks into 24 runs while shutting down the Sox’s AI offense, and along the way managed the second-highest score in the league this week.

Player of the game: The Monsters’ Raquel Cullen went 6-for-6 with three singles and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. She scored 5 times and registered 6 RBIs. She was also named the Backyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK! And if that’s not good enough, her teammate Sophie Meyer posted a similar statline: 6-for-6, one single, one walk, 6 RBIs, scored 4 times, and hit 3–count ’em, 3–home runs.

Montana Floss 12, Boston Cubs 6

The Montana Floss are coached by JorgesBankAccount, Season 6 World Series runner-up and the person writing this article, thank you very much, leave me money through an anonymous money transfer from Western Union. The Boston Cubs are coached by KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Season 4 World Series champion and winner of Season 5’s Paste league (unrestricted ruleset). Neither team is a rehash, although this is a break from tradition for KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, who previously coached teams with the format [color] [team name with color in it] (White White Sox, Red Reds, Blue Blue Jays).

Once again, Sandy Flats acted to keep scores low. The Cubs found themselves struggling a bit at the Montana beach, as although they managed 18 hits and two walks, they were only able to turn them into 6 runs. The Floss didn’t do too much better; in fact, they had fewer hits than the Cubs (17) and one less walk, but still scored 10 runs in five innings, which was enough to put them over the top even without the home bonus.

Player of the game: The majority of the RBIs for the Floss went to Jeff Bagwell, who knocked in a monstrous 8 runners on 3 hits. However, pitcher Brad Radke gets the nod for this award, as he pitched a 12-strikeout perfect game (the first of the season) on only 53 pitches–a performance good enough to make him the Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

Wizard Wombats 30, Baltimore Orioles 11

The Wizard Wombats are coached by Wizard (duh), runner-up in Season 5’s NL Championship and wielder of INCREDIBLE ARCANE POWER! The Baltimore Orioles are coached by Mavfatha, who, uh…has never made the playoffs? But Mavfatha has coached the Orioles before, and Wizard always chooses the Wombats as his team.

Either way, after a down Season 6, this first game looked like a return to Season 5’s form for the Wombats. A team drafted entirely for offense definitely put up, seeing 57 plate appearances and turning them into 43 hits and a walk en route to 31 runs and a 31-1 victory. The Orioles didn’t do poorly, as they scored 14 runs on 25 hits, but allowing 5 runs didn’t help them much–not that it made much of a difference, given that the Wombats put up the highest score of the week.

Player of the game: Jennifer Goodfellow went 5-for-6 with 2 singles, 3 doubles, and a whopping 8 runs batted in. She also was seen leading the team in the Wombat dance after the game, so she’s definitely got team spirit as well.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (1-0)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (1-0)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (1-0)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (1-0)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (0-1)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (0-1)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (0-1)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (0-1)

Indoor Conference
Baltimore Bombers [jlund24] (1-0)
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (1-0)
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (1-0)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (1-0)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (0-1)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (0-1)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (0-1)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (0-1)

Frontyard Conference
Los Angeles Dodgers [Jarod Johnson] (1-0)
New York Yankees [Marco] (1-0)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (1-0)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (1-0)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (0-1)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (0-1)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (0-1)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (0-1)

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“My game was set to extra-hard!” – jibbodahibbo, Junior Brewers head coach

“I’m lighting a fire under your butt!” – Jyknight, Texas Rangers head coach

“0-14 season incoming.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach

“I humbly and gratefully accept this honor, and thank you for the recognition. However, these hardworking children I play with all made great contributions that led me to this status. I may have crossed the plate for the winning run, but it would not have been a winning run if Dawn hadn’t hit that great home run. She deserves accolades just as much as I do. Part of being a leader is knowing when to recognize that action needs to be taken, so I also want to give a mention to Todd Xavier. Not only did he pitch a shutout, but it took a long conversation and a lot of courage to finally get him to leave the mound when he was dead tired. Were it not for his courage and faith in his teammates, I would not have been able to display that pitching performance I’m being recognized for. These are fantastic kids, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to see them grow. Ugh, my head hurts now. Screaming Line Drive still stings. Ought to go rest and recuperate for next week.” – Sally Dobbs, Junior Athletics, very long-winded

“Seven amazing coaches and me for some reason.” – me, this very article, did you even read the Backyard section

“One of these is not like the others… I have a long way to go.” – MelloMathTeacher, JorgesBankAccount, and Natetastic

“What happens first: VS plays all 14 games or Skol plays one?” – Yurya, and the answer was Vissery playing all 14 games

“One plus one equals one on a bun!” – Ed, Ed Edd n’ Eddy

Here’s how the standings sit at the end of Week 13. One week more and we’ll know exactly how the playoff picture shakes out–although, admittedly, the AL’s slate is set, with the only question being what teams go where.

NL West
Tampa Bay Devil Rays (x) 5-8
Washington Nationals (e) 4-9
New York Giants (e) 3-10
Crazy Cubs (e) 2-11

NL Central
Baltimore Bombers 10-3
Albuquerque Tapirs 10-3
Seattle Mariners 9-4
New York Yankees (e) 4-9

NL East
Anaheim Angels 10-3
Montreal Marlins 9-4
St. Louis Cardinals (e) 7-6
Atlanta Braves (e) 5-8

NL Wild Card
Albuquerque Tapirs 10-3
Seattle Mariners 9-4

AL West
Blue Blue Jays (x) 6-7
Oakland Orioles (e) 5-8
Super-Duper Wombats (e) 4-9
Super-Duper Melonheads (e) 4-9

AL Central
Crazy Indians (x) 10-3
Colorado Rockies (e) 8-5
Pittsburgh Pirates (e) 6-7
Mighty Tigers (e) 4-9

AL East
Philadelphia Athletics (p) 10-3
Boston Red Sox (p) 9-4
Arizona Diamondbacks (e) 6-7
Minnesota Monsters (e) 5-8

AL Wild Card
Boston Red Sox 9-4 (p)

e=eliminated, x=clinched division, p=clinched playoff spot

I got absolutely no sleep last night, sucked at doing vocal retakes this morning, and have a band rehearsal in the evening that I’m totally unprepared for. That sounds like the perfect mood to be in for the recap!

Albuquerque Tapirs 16, Baltimore Bombers 6

After being upset by the Mariners last week, the Tapirs needed a win to keep themselves on top in the playoff race, especially since the Bombers had widened the gap between the two teams by winning against the Yankees to notch a one-game lead and guarantee themselves the tiebreaker against the Tapirs. At Sandy Flats, they did just that, as while the Bombers catcher was able to keep the kleptomaniac Tapirs from taking many bases (until he took the mound, at least), the Tapirs had a good day at the plate, notching 23 hits and scoring 14 runs, while the Bombers were held to only 10 hits and 6 runs. With this result and the Mariners win against the Yankees, the AL Central continues to refuse to clear up, as any of the three teams can win the division with the right results, and it’s very plausible that either the Tapirs or the Bombers might find themselves out of the playoffs despite managing a season with double-digit wins.

Player of the game: Barry Bonds went 4-for-5 with two singles, a double, and a home run, tallying 2 RBIs and scoring twice.

Crazy Indians 12, Mighty Tigers 5

Coming off an upset of the Rockies, the Tigers were looking to continue that magic against the Indians. Unfortunately for them, they found themselves overwhelmed, as offensively they were only able to score six runs on fourteen hits while allowing a run on defense. As for the Indians, they had a bit of a down day offensively, as they only managed ten runs and were held to fourteen hits; however, at Steele Stadium, this was easily enough for them to take the win. This win clinched them a playoff berth, and when the Rockies lost later in the week, the Indians clinched the division. At this point, the Indians will nab the #1 seed with a win against Colorado next week, and will fall to the #2 seed with a loss. The Tigers are still eliminated from playoff contention.

Player of the game: Petra Chekov went 2-for-3 with 2 homers, barraging the Tigers with 5 RBIs.

Anaheim Angels 8, Atlanta Braves 4

This game was mostly irrelevant to both teams; for the Angels, it didn’t matter whether they won or lost, as the winner of the Angels-Marlins game would take the NL East, while the Braves were already eliminated and had nothing to gain by winning. Still, both teams went out and played, with the Braves scoring eight runs offensively off of thirteen hits and a walk but giving up five on defense, while the Angels came out and scored nine runs off of seventeen hits and a walk while giving up one run on the other side of the ball. The Braves remain eliminated, while the Angels will face off against the Marlins in a game for the division. There’s trouble on the horizon for the Angels, though; while they were absolute monsters in the middle of the season, recently they’ve fallen back to earth, with four straight weeks of scores below fourteen. To make matters worse for them, this downward trend reached its nadir this week, as their score of 8 is their worst output since Week 2, and they’re facing off against another one of the few defenses in the league that has kept them in single digits in the Marlins; it would not be surprising to see Montreal defeat Anaheim and take the division, and it’s completely possible that when all is said and done the Angels will fail to take the wild card slot and miss the playoffs entirely.

Player of the game: Troy Glaus went 4-for-4 with two singles, a double, and a triple, contributing 3 RBIs to the Angels’ score (although he only crossed the plate once himself).

Boston Red Sox 6, Minnesota Monsters -1

The Red Sox had their worst game of the year, with a season-low 15 hits and only 5 runs scored off of those hits (also their lowest tally on the season). It didn’t matter, though, as the Monsters also had one of their worst games this season, losing 4-3 while managing only eight hits and giving up seven. Since the Rockies lost later this week, the Red Sox have now clinched a playoff berth, and can clinch the #1 seed with a win and Indians loss, the #2 seed if both they and the Indians win, or the wild card with a loss. Meanwhile, Minnesota is still eliminated.

Player of the game: Jackie Robinson went 3-for-3 with a single and two doubles, knocking in two of Boston’s five runs and scoring once himself.

Blue Blue Jays 20, Super-Duper Melonheads 1

This game was vital to both teams; a win for the Blue Jays would put them in the driver’s seat and give them a chance to clinch the NL West this week, while the Melonheads needed a win just to stay alive. Unfortunately for their playoff hopes, the Melonheads failed to show up, only managing 9 hits and 4 runs while giving up three runs of their own. Since the Blue Jays were the away team, they’d need to win by two runs to take the game; instead, they pounded the Melonheads with 34 hits and a walk on their way to scoring 25 runs, an output so massive that it didn’t even matter that they gave up five runs on defense. The Melonheads were eliminated, and when the Orioles lost later in the week, the Blue Jays clinched the division title. With a meaningless game upcoming and the Blue Jays sitting at 6-7, it’s completely possible that the AL West might be represented by a below .500 team this season.

Player of the game: Chico Pappas was a force to be reckoned with, going 5-for-6 with three singles and two home runs, stealing a base, and making an error–okay, that last one’s not so great, but the rest of it is. Nobody was on base for him to bat in, admittedly, but that’s not his fault, as he had the best game of anyone on the Blue Jays.

Montreal Marlins 18, St. Louis Cardinals 7

With the Angels win eliminating them from the playoffs, the Cardinals didn’t have anything to play for in this game, while the Marlins needed to win in order to stay alive in the division race. As has become customary in the second half of the season, the Cardinals defense was once again overwhelmed as the Marlins scored 15 runs at home off of 24 hits, while their offense wasn’t able to do enough to overcome their opponents. In this case, St. Louis had a better day than usual offensively, as they managed seven runs on twenty hits, but when all was said and done they just didn’t have the firepower to overcome their opponents. The Marlins remain in the division race, while the Cardinals are still eliminated.

Player of the game: Henri Deschenes went 3-for-4 with two homers and a double for 6 RBIs and a score every time he got on base.

Philadelphia Athletics 24, Arizona Diamondbacks 4

The Athletics were looking to keep their lead in the AL East and stay within striking distance of the Indians, while the Diamondbacks were only playing for pride. Unfortunately for the snakes, it seems pride wasn’t much of a motivator, as they were only able to muster nine hits and four runs at home in a 4-0 shutout. As for the Athletics, they gave up three runs on defense but more than made up for it by smacking 38 hits and scoring 27 runs. When all was said and done, the Athletics clinched a playoff berth, remained in first place in the NL East by one game due to the Red Sox win, and stand only behind the Indians in the race for the first seed on the head-to-head tiebreaker. The Diamondbacks are still eliminated.

Player of the game: Achmed Khan went 4-for-6 with a single, a double, and two home runs, managing 7 RBIs and scoring thrice himself.

Super-Duper Wombats 10, Oakland Orioles 7

This was a must-win game for the Orioles, as if they lost it would mean the Blue Jays clinched the division. They lost anyway, as while they were able to muster 16 hits they couldn’t turn enough of them into runs in a 6-0 home shutout. The Wombats didn’t have a fantastic day either, but by scoring ten runs on nineteen hits they were strong enough (and efficient enough) to make their way past the Orioles and eliminate them from the playoffs. The Wombats themselves were eliminated from the playoffs earlier in the week with the Blue Jays win, and with this loss the Orioles also find themselves out of contention.

Player of the game: Claudia Villarta went 4-for-4 with three doubles and a single, managing two RBIs and scoring once herself.

Washington Nationals 15, Crazy Cubs 12

This was an elimination game for both of these teams, as despite having abominable records through eleven games they were both in contention due to the poor performance of the NL West. Both teams had improved in recent weeks, the Nationals due to improvement on the part of Jarod Johnson and the Cubs due to new ownership, and both teams were looking to make their case for the NL West title. The Cubs came out strongly, managing 20 hits and 7 home runs as they scored 14 times; unfortunately, their poor defense also allowed 4 runs, knocking down their score quite a bit. The Nationals also had a strong game, getting nine more hits but scoring only two more times, but since they also only allowed a single run, this meant that the Nationals ended up taking the game. In the end, the result didn’t matter, as the Devil Rays beat the Giants and eliminated both teams from playoff contention.

Player of the game: Diana Hayes went 4-for-5 with three singles and a double, scoring thrice and managing 4 RBIs while striking out once and providing the Nationals only error.

Seattle Mariners 8, New York Yankees 7

The Mariners needed a win to stay in the playoff race, but this week they had a surprisingly underwhelming performance as for the first time since Week 9 they were held to single digits. This wasn’t due to poor batting, as might be expected; Seattle put up a perfectly respectable 11 runs on 19 hits. Unfortunately, they also allowed three runs, keeping their score down, while at home the Yankees had their best game since Week 2 and their second-best home game of the season outside of opening week, scoring six runs off of fifteen hits and pitching a shutout. This still wasn’t enough for the Yankees to overcome the Mariners, and with the Tapirs beating the Bombers at the start of the week Seattle remains in the division race and the wild card race with a vital game against the Bombers coming up. The Yankees are still eliminated from playoff contention.

Player of the game: Shawn Green went 4-for-4 with two singles and two home runs, scoring thrice and batting in four runners.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays 10, New York Giants 3

The stakes in this game were simple: if the Devil Rays win, they clinch the division. If the Giants win, everyone else is still alive. (Well, as long as you don’t take into account that the Nationals already beat the Cubs and eliminated them from contention earlier in the week.) The Giants came out swinging, scoring 6 runs off of 11 hits. Unfortunately, Luanne Lui had a poor day on the mound, allowing 9 hits and letting 4 runs across. Meanwhile, the Devil Rays somehow won 14-4. Tampa Bay clinches the NL West with the win, while the New York Giants, Washington Nationals, and Crazy Cubs are all eliminated from playoff contention.

Player of the game: Maryilyn McDonnell went 2-for-3 with a triple and a home run that combined for 5 RBIs while scoring twice herself.

Pittsburgh Pirates 13, Colorado Rockies 8

The Rockies needed to win to keep themselves in contention for the playoffs. Instead, they lost after what mbless1415 referred to as a very frustrating game where Colorado left plenty of opportunities on the table. The Pirates didn’t have any such trouble, as they garnered 23 hits and 2 walks on their way to a 16-3 road win which was enough to get them past the Rockies. With this result, the Red Sox clinch a playoff berth, the Indians clinch the division, and the teams in the AL playoffs are set, with only the specific seeding left to determine. Also, the Rockies and Pirates are both eliminated from playoff contention.

Player of the game: Alex Rodriguez went 5-for-5 with two singles, a double, and two home runs. He scored every time he came up to bat and notched 5 RBIs.

Playoff Picture

National League:
#1 Anaheim Angels 10-3
#2 Baltimore Bombers 10-3
#3 Tampa Bay Devil Rays 5-8 (clinched #3 seed)
#4 Albuquerque Tapirs 10-3
IN THE HUNT
#5 Seattle Mariners 9-4
#6 Montreal Marlins 9-4

American League:
#1 Crazy Indians 10-3 (clinched top two seed)
#2 Philadelphia Athletics 10-3 (clinched playoff berth)
#3 Blue Blue Jays 6-7 (clinched #3 seed)
#4 Boston Red Sox 9-4 (clinched playoff berth)

We’re heading into the final weeks of the season, when all the teams come home to their divisions to find out who gets into the playoffs. There are only eight seeds for 24 teams, so I’d like to put the standings at the top of the post, just to make the stakes a little bit clearer. Without further ado, here’s how the league looks at the end of Week 12.

NL West
Tampa Bay Devil Rays———–4-8
New York Giants——————-3-9 
Washington Nationals————3-9
Crazy Cubs————————2-10

NL Central
Baltimore Bombers————–10-2
Albuquerque Tapirs—————9-3
Seattle Mariners——————-8-4
New York Yankees (e)———–4-8

NL East
Anaheim Angels——————-9-3
Montreal Marlins——————-8-4
St. Louis Cardinals—————-7-5
Atlanta Braves (e)—————–5-7

NL Wild Card
Albuquerque Tapirs—————9-3
Seattle Mariners——————-8-4
Montreal Marlins——————-8-4

AL West
Blue Blue Jays———————5-7
Oakland Orioles——————-5-7
Super-Duper Wombats———-4-8
Super-Duper Melonheads——4-8

AL Central
Crazy Indians———————-9-3
Colorado Rockies—————–8-4
Pittsburgh Pirates (e)————5-7
Mighty Tigers (e)——————4-8

AL East
Philadelphia Athletics————9-3
Boston Red Sox——————-8-4
Arizona Diamondbacks (e)—–6-6
Minnesota Monsters (e)———5-7

AL Wild Card
Boston Red Sox——————-8-4
Colorado Rockies—————–8-4

Guide: e=eliminated, x=clinched division, p=clinched playoff spot

Now let’s see how this week’s slate of games went.

Super-Duper Melonheads 10, Oakland Orioles 5

The Melonheads were in the most precarious position of all the AL West teams, needing to win out and have several results fall their way just to have a chance at the division title. The Orioles, meanwhile, were in the best position, leading the division and with a good chance to make it to the playoffs. Things changed in this game, however, when Oakland put up a weak score of 6-2, managing only 10 hits at Sandy Flats (although four of them were homers). The Melonheads did better, as they put twenty-one runners on base on their way to scoring 14 runs, and although the Melonheads gave up four runs in turn, the margin was still easily enough to cover the Orioles game. In the aftermath, the Melonheads stay alive in the playoff race, while Oakland is now behind the Blue Jays after the Blue Jays won later in the week.

Player of the game: Fabienne Callahan went 2-for-4 for the Melonheads, with a double and a home run. The consequences of her hitting? She managed 5 RBIs and scored once herself. This week, she wasn’t just fabulous; she was…super-duper.

Boston Red Sox 15, Arizona Diamondbacks 12

There were three teams that had very important stakes in this game. The Boston Red Sox needed a win to keep pace in the division and the wild card race. The Arizona Diamondbacks needed a win just to stay in the race. And the Minnesota Monsters needed Arizona to win just to keep their meagre hopes of making the playoffs alive. In their game, Arizona smacked the ball around plenty, as they managed 24 hits and 2 walks; unfortunately for them, they had trouble getting across the plate, as they were only able to produce 13 runs and allowed one of their own. Meanwhile, Boston had only a slightly better game, as they allowed a run as well but scored 14 runs off of only 20 hits. In the end, the Red Sox won, and eliminated both the Diamondbacks and Monsters from the playoffs while keeping pace with the Athletics and staying in contention for the division title.

Player of the game: Zena Fromme went 4-for-4 with a single, a double, and two home runs. Combined, this meant 6 RBIs and her crossing the plate thrice. In this instance, I think we can conclusively say that Zena…was a warrior princess.

Baltimore Bombers 9, New York Yankees 3

After a tough loss against the Angels, the Bombers were looking to bounce back against the already-eliminated Yankees and keep their leading position in the playoff chase. At home, they did just that, constantly getting people on base (although they did have trouble scoring). Baltimore got 20 hits, albeit on 32 at-bats (suggesting several fielders’ choices), and managed to keep getting people across the plate, finishing the day with 8 runs at home. New York also had a decent day at the plate, scoring 6 runs off of 15 hits and 2 walks, but this wouldn’t have been enough for them to keep up even before the three runs they gave up are factored in. At the end of the day, the Bombers remained in first place in the NL Central and the NL overall and returned to a one-game lead over the Tapirs when the Mariners upset Albuquerque later in the week.

Player of the game: Sarah Maxwell of the Bombers went 4-for-4 with two singles, a double, and the game’s only triple, finishing with a team-leading 3 RBIs and crossing the plate once herself. Ernie’s parents may own the property, but this week Steele Stadium was truly…Maxwell’s house.

Seattle Mariners 16, Albuquerque Tapirs 7

In what was a surprising result and would’ve been the biggest upset of the week were it not for the Tigers defeating the Rockies later, Seattle upset Albuquerque in a game they needed to win to keep their playoff hopes alive. For the Tapirs, it was a disappointing day, as in a long day at the plate they put several runners on base but failed to knock many of them in, leaving the bases loaded in two separate innings, with the most notable part of their game being that they managed a perfect game spread out over two separate pitchers. Meanwhile, the Mariners had a much more pleasant and immensely more efficient day, scoring 14 runs off of 18 hits and 2 walks and steamrolling their opposition as they marched to an easy victory, sweeping the Tapirs and handing Albuquerque the majority of its losses this season. Because of this result, the playoff picture in the NL is now a lot muddier, especially in the NL Central. The Mariners had to sweep their final division series to have a chance at the division title, but winning this game also means they’re guaranteed to hold the head-to-head tiebreaker against the Tapirs no matter what happens, which could be very important in the wild card race; depending on how the final weeks play out, the Tapirs or Bombers (or both) could find themselves on the outside looking in despite looking like virtual locks just two weeks ago.

Player of the game: Davy Marian went 2-for-3 with a single, a homer, and a walk. The reason he’s the player of the game? He managed 4 RBIs and scored every time he got on base. Plus, his name is really appropriate…for a Mariner.

Pittsburgh Pirates 7.2, Crazy Indians 7

This game was unusual, not because of anything that happened (well, that too), but because it was one of the games this year that was simulstreamed. Both crazyei8hts and Jyknight had some knowledge of how the other was doing, and it made this affair an interesting one, with the game decided in the final inning–literally! Early on, neither team did much, as only one run was scored in the first two innings by either team (the Indians). However, this changed in the bottom of the third, as Jyknight went on a five-run rally to give the Pirates a large lead heading into the fourth. Crazyei8hts responded in the top of the fourth in his game with an even larger rally, smashing in eight runs off of a few homers, and the Indians led with a combined score of 9-5. While the AI Pirates managed to get two runs in the bottom of the fourth, and Jyknight managed to get a run in the bottom of the fifth, the Indians still held a 7-6 lead as the sixth started. Despite allowing two runners to get on base in the top of the sixth, Jyknight’s Pirates held strong, and finished the game with a 6-0 score, giving them a 7.2 result after the sixth inning bonus was applied. The Indians would need another run to win, and they got it by smacking a solo shot over the left field fence. They then loaded the bases in the top of the sixth, but an unfortunate grounder led to an inning-ending double play and a power-up for the AI Pirates, with the margin of the game being a single run. Although the Indians managed to get the first out, with Kimmy Eckman at the plate crazyei8hts got squirrely, knowing he couldn’t let anybody on base or else the AI would pull out a power up. He threw three straight pitches low and inside; the first was a right hook that Kimmy let go by, the second a Slo-mo super pitch that she swung at early, and the third a Fireball that just missed the plate. Both super pitches were single-use drops, and since crazyei8hts didn’t trust his Elevator, he went back to the right hook, again low and inside. Unfortunately for him, Kimmy was ready, and with a mighty wallop she sent the ball screaming down the left-field line and over the fence to win the game for the Pirates at her home field. The Indians finished with a very efficient 13-hit, 1-walk day that they used to score 10 runs, while the Pirates had a less-efficient but still effective 14-hit day that they turned into 6 runs, with the major difference being that the Pirates managed a shutout while the Indians gave up three. Postgame, crazyei8hts said “Cheryl Reynolds picked a bad time to have her worst game of the season,” while Jyknight commented “Proud of the relief pitchers…really held it down. And not enough good things to say about Kimmy…kid has heart.” The Indians retain control of the division and the #1 seed, but are tied with the A’s for that seed and have it based on a head-to-head tiebreaker and also remain only a game up on the Rockies after the Tigers upset them later in the week.

Player of the game: Let’s be honest, with such a spectacular ending we should really name the AI’s version of Kimmy Eckman the player of the game. Instead of doing that, let’s point out that Sammy Sosa did an amazing job in a losing effort for the Indians, going 3-for-3 with a double and two home runs, scoring every time he came up to the plate and producing 3 RBIs. In summation, Sosa was many things, but what he was not…was so-so.

Philadelphia Athletics 13, Minnesota Monsters 3

The Monsters already knew they were eliminated going into this game, while the Athletics wanted a win both to keep their lead over the Red Sox in the division and to pull into a virtual tie with the Indians for the #1 seed (held by the Indians on a head-to-head tiebreaker). Philadelphia didn’t have their best game ever this season, although it’s in line with much of their post-All Star Break production; they only managed 12 runs, and did so off of 20 hits, four of which were home runs, while giving up a run of their own. As for Minnesota, they haven’t been the same since aesnop left; although jlund24 had a fantastic game as a temporary substitute, BootyHunter hasn’t been able to capture the same magic, and Minnesota has struggled in the back half of the season with no wins since Week 7. That trend continued here, as although the Monsters were able to produce six runs off of 17 hits and a walk, they also gave up three runs, finishing with a run differential of three. With this result, Minnesota remains eliminated, while Philadelphia remains atop the NL East and pulls into a tie with the Indians.

Player of the game: Achmed Khan was one of four Athletics to notch a home run, and he did this on a day where he went 3-for-4 with a single, a double, said home run, 5 RBIs, and two plate crossings from himself. His only gaffe was a strikeout, and even that didn’t have much impact. Change his name this week, because to Minnesota, Achmed is really…Genghis.

Blue Blue Jays 13, Super-Duper Wombats 8

In this game, a red-hot Blue Jays team on the search for playoff position came up against a visiting Wombats team that despite starting the year 1-6 had ridden a surge to stand at 4-7 and be tied with the Blue Jays. While they’d done well to take those wins, the Wombats hadn’t done much to improve their steady output and had mostly beaten up on weaker opponents; meanwhile, the Blue Jays had scored over 20 in their last three games, all at home, going 2-1 in that span. While this game was a bit of a letdown for KiiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, who only managed to score 12 on 19 hits and 2 walks in his fourth game in a row, the Wombats had an even more disappointing outing, as they scored 10 and allowed 2. The Blue Jays walk away with the win, and consequently the Wombats are all but eliminated as they head into Week 13, needing every single remaining AL West game to fall their way just to make it a tiebreaker game; meanwhile, with the Orioles loss at the start of the week, the Blue Jays are now the most likely team to take the division.

Player of the game: Chico Pappas went 3-for-4 with a single and two home runs that tallied 4 RBIs and 2 runs scored. He did make an error in the field, but I’d have to say that this week…Chico was the Wombats daddy.

Anaheim Angels 13, St. Louis Cardinals 5

Stakes were high in this important NL East matchup. For the Angels, this was a chance to assert themselves, to return to where they started slow and show how much they’d grown. And also to help solidify their position atop the division. For the Cardinals, this was a game they needed to win, as they’d fallen from being 6-1 and tied for the league lead at the All-Star break to being 7-4 and behind several other teams in the playoff race; in addition, a loss would effectively circumscribe most of their paths to winning the NL East and put them even farther back in the wild card race. Unfortunately for St. Louis, they didn’t have the best game possible; while defensively they were solid as usual, with Mr. Clanky throwing 10 strikeouts in a shutout game, offensively they failed to produce the runs needed to keep up with the Angels, who despite having some trouble with the Cardinals staunch defense still managed to score 12 runs off of 21 hits while only allowing a single run themselves. This result meant that Anaheim stands on top of the division with their only real competitors being the Marlins, while the Cardinals are now 7-5 and barely clinging to playoff life with no chance at the wild card and only a very narrow path to the division title (which is still possible for them to claim).

Player of the game: Chipper Jones went 3-for-3 with two singles and a double, batting in two runs and scoring twice himself. He also snagged a walk, and his efforts were one factor in why takenotes011 finished the game feeling quite…Chipper.

Washington Nationals 20, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 5

The stakes were high in this one; the Nationals needed a win to keep themselves alive, while the Devil Rays needed a win just to stop their 7-game skid and reassert their position on top of the NL West (a position they’ve held since Week 2). The Nationals were in a new home, and any hope that this might help the Devil Rays was bolstered by the fact that for four innings the Nationals were only able to put up 4 runs. This would’ve only been good enough for a close loss were it not for the little matter that in the first inning the Nationals absolutely exploded for 13 runs as they definitively planted themselves in the District of Colombia. In the end, Washington managed 17 runs on 26 hits and 3 walks in a 17-0 shutout, while Tampa Bay lagged behind, only scoring 6 and allowing one across. This leaves the entire division alive, but Tampa Bay can still clinch the third seed next week if they manage to beat the Giants.

Player of the game: The most interesting thing about the Expos? They hit nothing but singles. And by that, I mean nothing but singles; they had 26 hits, and none of them sent a runner past first. Add in that six different players had 2 RBIs (another player had three, and the remaining two had one), everybody scored at least once but no more than thrice, and there were no stolen bases, and well, it’s hard to choose an MVP on the offensive side. Defensively, though, pitcher Angela Delvecchio threw a 4-strikeout, 34-pitch shutout, dispatching the Devil Rays quickly and fairly efficiently even if she did allow 6 hits, and in doing so helped to keep her team’s playoff hopes alive. Plus, on the offensive side of the ball she went 3-for-4 and draw a walk while batting in 2 runs and scoring three times herself. In this game, Angela became…National news.

Montreal Marlins 21, Atlanta Braves 2

The Marlins had come on strong since the All-Star Break, and this game was no exception, as Montreal had their strongest home game this season. While the Braves had another disappointing game, scoring only 4 runs on 11 hits and 7 walks while allowing 2 runs of their own, the Marlins positively exploded, putting up 19 runs off of 23 hits and a walk while only allowing a single run to cross the plate. The result was unsurprising, and with the Cardinals loss the Marlins slide into second place in the division, with a one-game deficit against Anaheim and a game against the Angels still in the works; in addition, the Tapirs loss keeps the wild card in play for them, although the Bombers win does make it a bit of a longer shot for Montreal.

Player of the game: Henri Deschenes went 5-for-5 with three singles, a double, and a home run. He had 2 RBIs and scored four times. Plus, as the starting pitcher, he went five innings, threw to 16 batters, got three strikeouts, and only allowed two hits and a single run. Even if he plays for the most French team in the league, this week…Henri was a king.

Mighty Tigers 16, Colorado Rockies 6

With the Indians being upset by the Pirates, the Rockies were in prime position to close in on them and improve their playoff chances. Unfortunately for Colorado, Ozzy Osbourne had other plans, as despite being eliminated he’s been very good for the Tigers offense. This day was the first time that he stepped up his defensive game, though, pitching a shutout with two pitchers despite allowing 8 hits, and scoring 14 runs at home off of 18 hits in an incredibly efficient day. This was way too much for Colorado, who had one of their weaker outings with Since Colorado wasn’t bailed out by their AI defense, they’re still a game behind the Indians, but more importantly, with the Red Sox beating the Diamondbacks, Boston has now taken the lead in the wild-card race off of their head-to-head tiebreaker against the Rockies, leaving Colorado temporarily (and perhaps permanently) out of the playoffs with just two games to go.

Player of the game: Sonja Hagen of the Tigers went 4-for-4 with two singles, a double, and a home run. She batted in two runs and scored every time she got up to the plate. I guess you could say this game was one of…Hagen’s Dias.

Crazy Cubs 3, New York Giants -2

This game was important for three teams. For the Cubs, a win here would keep them in the NL West race. For the Nationals, a Cubs win here would keep them in the NL West race. And for the Giants, a win here would allow them to catch up to the Devil Rays in the NL West race and give them a better chance of making the playoffs. Unfortunately for New York, they weren’t up to the task, as they fell to the Cubs AI for the second time this season. The first time around, they still won, as MarcoMcGwire forfeited; this time, it seemed as though a forfeit might be their savior again. However, a new coach was brought in when it became evident that EclipsedxShadow wasn’t going to show up, and this coach brought along a new game plan. Taking a tip from their partners in craziness the Indians, whose coach believes that everyone moves at the same speed after hitting a home run, Vissery brought along a PA system and a copy of Parliament’s “Tear the Roof off the Sucker”, knowing that the inherent funkiness of the track would cause everyone to get down, thereby destroying both teams stamina and allowing his power hitters to work their magic. This concept didn’t work exactly as planned, as the Cubs only smacked two dingers, but it didn’t matter, as the Cubs outscored their competition 11-3. Even with the five-run penalty applied (and possibly applied incorrectly; Vissery actually managed to get the game in before the deadline, and the result was only held up due to the league wanting to make sure that the Cubs previous coach wouldn’t return and submit a score of his own), this still meant that the Cubs came out with a win against the AI and therefore a win overall. This keeps the Cubs and Expos in the playoff hunt, and means that their game against each other next week is meaningful, as the loser will be eliminated; the question then becomes whether Jarod Johnson can emulate Sir Nose D’voidoffunk and keep his team from dancing, or whether they too will give in to the power of FUNK.

Player of the game: Alexis Weis went 3-for-3 with a single, a double, a home run, and the game’s only walk. She scored twice and had a team-leading 4 RBIs. While she did have an unimpressive outing on the mound in relief, going in for a single inning and throwing 20 pitches while allowing three hits and two runs to score, this doesn’t change that she had an overall good day, and when the Cubs needed her, Alexis really was…wise.

Atlanta Braves 4, New York Yankees 2

Both of these teams were on the verge of elimination entering this game, with the loser guaranteed to be knocked out of the playoffs. This meant that this game was a necessary win for both teams. While the Yankees had a comparatively uneventful game, winning 3-1 at Eckman Acres in a game where the Braves committed 6 errors, the Braves had what was arguably the most interesting game of the year.

It all started when Nodakkian decided to use Todd Xavier as his starting pitcher. Normally Todd is a solid enough pitcher, and his speed allows him to gobble up infield grounders, but this week the Yankees AI flat-out refused to hit the ball in that manner. While Nodakkian hoped to get 4 innings out of his starter, eventually he had to give up on Todd when the Yankees got their 11th run. Randy Johnson came in, and started pitching very well in relief, but while the Braves offense did its best, when the 6th inning started they were trailing by 5. On the mound, Randy managed to avoid giving up any runs, but in the bottom of the inning, the Braves ended up with runners on first and third and two outs, still trailing by five.

Enter Lance Lambert, who smashed a homer to reduce the deficit to two. Then Zenon Estrada, who hit a homer to make it a one-run game. Then Mikey Thomas, who hit a third homer to tie it up. (Incidentally, this was also the second time this trio went back-to-back-to-back in this game, as they performed the same feat in the first inning.) While the Braves were unable to make it four in a row and couldn’t win the game here, this sent the game to extra innings, tied at 11.

The game stayed tied until the eighth, when Todd Xavier took the mound in relief of a tired Randy Johnson and gave up a run. Randy returned to the mound after that, and in the bottom of the eighth the Braves managed to score again on a sequence where Lance Lambert almost hit a game-tying homer and Zenon Estrada singled him in. The game could’ve ended there, with Mikey Thomas almost bashing another homer, but instead his long hit was caught at the wall for the third out.

Randy Johnson stayed on the mound for the next two innings, and the Braves continued to not give up any runs. Still, eventually the game had to end, and in the top of the 10th the Braves loaded the bases with no outs. Zenon Estrada then stepped up to the plate and smashed a grand slam that barely got over the right-field hedges to not only end the game, but also give the Braves the win at a time where they needed to get at least two runs across (not that Nodakkian was aware of this).

As a consequence of this game, the Yankees are eliminated from playoff contention. While the Braves hoped to keep their playoff chances alive, they were already eliminated from the wild card race due to having lost to the Bombers, Tapirs, and Mariners earlier in the year, and were subsequently eliminated from the NL East by wins from the Angels and Marlins.

Player of the game: Two Braves deserve the nod. Zenon Estrada had the best game at the plate (although Lance Lambert also did amazingly), going 6-for-6 with two singles, a double, and 3 homers including the game-winning grand slam, along the way batting in seven runs. On the other side of the game, Randy Johnson took over for an embattled Todd Xavier on a day when the Yankees were raking, and faced exactly the same number of batters (26) while getting twice as many outs (20), not walking anybody (Xavier had two walks), allowing only six hits (Xavier allowed 16), throwing 9 strikeouts, and completely shutting down the Yankees AI in order to allow the Braves to come back and win.

Oakland Orioles 14, Minnesota Monsters -1

Oakland hoped to extend their lead in the AL West to two by winning this game, while the Monsters wanted to snap their losing streak and keep their dreams of making the playoffs reasonably possible. The Orioles did their job, putting up 17 runs on the road off of 21 hits and a walk, and although they allowed 3 runs this still got them a respectable score of 14 on the day. As for the Monsters, they suffered their first AI defeat of the year and the first one for a team in the AL this season (if forfeits are excluded). Minnesota was only able to manage 5 hits, no walks, and no stolen bases, as BootyHunter struck out eight times and only scored a single run while allowing the Orioles to score twice. This marks a low point for the Monsters, and quite a skid for a team that started the season with a 50-run game (still the highest score so far this year). In the aftermath, Minnesota’s playoff hopes hang by a thread, requiring almost every matchup in the AL East for the rest of the season to break their way. Things are rosier for the Orioles, as this win keeps them atop the AL West, but wins from the Wombats and Blue Jays keep them from extending their lead further.

Player of the game: The Orioles’ Joella Minotti went 4-for-4 with a pair of singles, a double, and a home run. She ended up crossing home every time she got up to bat and also batted in two runs.

Anaheim Angels 10, Baltimore Bombers 6

In a game that was must-win for the Angels in order to keep control of the NL East and that was important for the Bombers in terms of staying the undisputed top dogs in the NL, both AIs came out strongly, with the Bombers held to a post-Week 3 low of 6 runs (equaling their previous week’s output against the Cardinals) and the Angels held to a post-Week 2 low of 10 runs. The Bombers were able to muster 5 more baserunners in this outing, adding 3 hits and 2 walks (15 total hits, 2 walks) but like last week failed to get any hits longer than a double and were also only able to steal one base (as opposed to last week’s 6). As for the Angels, they only had three more hits and no walks–but those three extra hits were all home runs. At the end of the day, the Bombers remain on top of the NL Central and with the best record in the NL, but have to deal with ending their season a tough division that has come on strongly since the start of the season, while with the Cardinals losing the Angels have a one-game lead in their division and a chance to eliminate the Cardinals from contention completely next week.

Player of the game: Julie Dunkel went 4-for-4 at the plate for the Angels, with two singles, a double, and a home run, tallying two RBIs and scoring thrice herself. On the mound, she allowed six hits but no runs and struck out two batters on only 38 pitches. After the game, she went off to feed the pigeons.

New York Giants 4, St. Louis Cardinals 2

Heading into the All-Star Break, the Cardinals were one of two teams in the NL to have suffered only one loss. Although there were questions about their offensive production, their strong AI had held up well for the most part (the exception being a game against the Angels), and unlike the other initially reputable AIs hadn’t played most of its games against the NL West. Unfortunately for the Cardinals, their schedule got tougher coming out of the All-Star Break, as they had games against the wild card-leading Tapirs, West-leading Devil Rays, and Central-leading Bombers. They went 1-2 over the course of these three games, raising questions about their ability to compete with the big boys and ending up just barely out of the immediate playoffs. A game against a Giants team that hadn’t won since Week 3 promised some respite, but instead New York produced an upset. While neither of the teams did amazingly, the Giants found were able to get 13 hits against Mr. Clanky that they turned into 4 runs despite never getting more than a double, while the Cardinals struggled defensively, with Mr. Clanky giving up 14 hits and 4 runs in a narrow 5-4 victory (although the robot did manage to get 11 strikeouts, pushing him over the 100 mark for the season with three games still to go). In the end, the Giants made up a game on the Devil Rays heading into the home stretch, while the Cardinals fall back a game in both the wild card and NL East races due to wins from the Tapirs and Angels. For the Giants, this is great news, as they have a chance to catch or even surpass the Devil Rays if they can at least match the Devil Rays record and beat them in Week 13, while for the Cardinals this makes their Week 12 game against the Angels enormous, as a win will give them a shot at the playoffs while a loss will eliminate them from contention.

Player of the game: Luanne Lui was instrumental in the Giants win. Although she only went 2-for-3 with no RBIs and both her hits were singles, her speed allowed her to steal three bases and she scored two of the Giants four runs. Plus, on the mound, she pitched a 4-hit, 7-strikeout complete game shutout. Postgame, she gave Teddy a big hug and credited him with helping her decide which pitches to throw.

Super-Duper Wombats 14, Mighty Tigers 5

With the Orioles winning in the second game submitted this week, the Wombats needed a win to keep pace in the AL West. Fortunately, they were playing the unsteady Tigers, who have veered between great offense and mediocre offense with a side of not-that-fantastic defense on their side of the game. The Tigers actually had one of their better weeks defensively since Ozzy took over, only allowing 2 runs although they gave up 10 hits, but offensively they were below average, managing to score just seven runs on 18 hits. The Wombats had a much better day, snagging a shutout despite also allowing 10 hits and scoring 12 runs in a 19-hit game that was bolstered by 4 home runs. In the end, the Wombats easily walked away with the win, and stay only a game behind the Orioles in the division chase.

Player of the game: Ichiro went 4-for-4 with four singles, scoring thrice and knocking in a run. Sure, it’s not as flashy as being a cleanup batter, but cleanup batters need runners on base to be at their most effective. Just ask Vladimir Guerrero, his teammate on the Wombats, who had 2 solo shots and nothing else.

Colorado Rockies 19, Super-Duper Melonheads 12

After a surprising upset of the Red Sox by the Orioles last week, the playoff picture was much impacted, with the Rockies once again tied for the wild card slot with the Red Sox (Red Sox hold tiebreaker) and the Orioles having a one-game lead in their division. Both teams wanted to win this week to strengthen their playoff chances, but only one could. The Melonheads performed reasonably well, as they got 18 runners on base (15 hits, 3 walks) and knocked 11 of them in, but by allowing a run their total run differential went from +11 to +10, and with the home bonus proration they scored a +12; not fantastic, but not too shabby. Unfortunately for them, the Rockies had one of their best games all year, as Colorado managed 27 hits and a walk on their way to a 19-0 shellacking (notably, the Rockies used two pitchers, each of whom allowed only one hit and each threw only one pitch outside the strike zone). In the end, the Rockies ran away with the game, and with the Red Sox losing again when they had a bad day against the Blue Jays and the Orioles beating the Monsters the Rockies now have a one-game lead in the wild card race while the Melonheads sit two games behind the Orioles for the AL West division title with a game between the two coming up next week.

Player of the game: The Rockies’ Timmy Unger went 5-for-5. Four of these hits were singles, but the other hit was a homer. On top of this, he managed 4 RBIs (second-highest on the team this week) and scored four times himself (team leader). He was also one of only three Rockies to steal a base.

Montreal Marlins 9, Montreal Expos 5

The final out-of-division game for these two teams was the Battle of Montreal. Hopes were that it would be more interesting than the Battle for New York that took place earlier this season; while it wasn’t exactly the most interesting game, at least neither team lost to the AI outright, showing that the Expos are likely over their early-season woes. The Marlins managed a 9-0 shutout, setting the bar reasonably high but still reachable for the Expos; however, the Expos failed to adequately rebound from their forfeit to the Mariners, only garnering 6 runs off of 15 singles and 5 walks and allowing a pair of runs on defense. In the aftermath, the Marlins stay in both the wild card and NL East races, while the Expos have been forced to leave Montreal. The Montreal Expos have changed their name to the Nationals and relocated to Washington, D.C, and because the Giants beat the Cardinals require both a win against the Devil Rays and a win from the Cubs in Week 12 just to stay alive in the playoff race.

Player of the game: Since the Marlins statistics were destroyed in a fire (it’s a long story involving Vince Neil, seventeen plates of ribs, a hotel matchbook, and an ambulance), we’re going to name as the player of the game…Augustus St. Cloud. No, he didn’t pay me off. Really, he didn’t. I’ve always had this awesome Les Paul. He didn’t pay me off! No more questions!

Arizona Diamondbacks 15, Crazy Indians 15 (Home Decision)

The closest game this week occurred at the Paveway, in a tight match between the Diamondbacks and the Indians. While the Indians had led the AL all year and were the last undefeated team remaining, the Diamondbacks had rebounded after starting 0-3 to manage a 5-5 record upon playing the rest of the league (they had actually managed a winning record by Week 10, but a loss to the Rockies dropped them back to .500). The Indians put up a fairly good performance, scoring 19 runs off of 26 hits, while the Diamondbacks also did well, managing to score 15 runs off of only 17 hits and a walk in a very efficient game where they smacked an amazing 6 home runs. If the offensive side was all that mattered, the prorated home bonus wouldn’t have been quite enough for the Diamondbacks, getting them up to 18 runs against the Indians 19. However, both defenses gave up a few runs themselves, with Yurya allowing 3 runners to cross the plate and crazyei8hts allowing four. This left the teams tied at 15, and since the home team wins, the Diamondbacks took the game on a home team decision that both keeps them alive in the playoff race and gets them back up to a winning record. As for the Indians, they enter the final three division games with only a 1-game lead on the Rockies.

Player of the game: Sheila Basanti went 3-for-3 for the Diamondbacks, with two of those hits being home runs and the other one being a double. Not only did she end up scoring every time she came up to bat, but she smacked in an astonishing 7(!) RBIs. After the game, the team went out for soft pretzels, and they were delicious; she got hers with jalapeños.

Blue Blue Jays 21, Boston Red Sox 8

The Blue Jays entered this game trying to keep pace in the AL West race, while the Red Sox were trying to ensure that they could keep control of the wild card seed. In the end, though, only one could win, and the Red Sox fell for the second week in a row. The Blue Jays accomplished this feat with a very good day on offense, as they managed 27 hits and a walk on their way to scoring 20 runs, although they did give up 3 on defense. Meanwhile, gmchappe had his worst showing of the year; although he managed to get 19 hits and a walk, his team was held to a single stolen base from Jackie Robinson, and while Boston did get 11 runs off of these 20 runners, they likewise gave up three runs. In the end, the combination of a good day from KiiiiiiiiiiiiiiS and a bad day from Boston meant that the Red Sox fell out of the playoffs completely and now trail the Rockies by a game while the Blue Jays remain only a game out of the division lead due to the Orioles winning. It’s not all bad news for the Red Sox, though; since the Athletics lost, the Red Sox are also only one game out of the division title, and stand a reasonable chance of claiming it if they can beat the Athletics in the final game of their season.

Player of the game: La papa is Spanish for potato, and this week Chico Pappas was definitely mashing taters for the Blue Jays, going 5-for-5 with a single, two doubles, and two homers on his way to 4 RBIs and 3 runs scored. He was also one of four players who stole one base (nobody else managed to steal any).

Seattle Mariners 17, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 10

This was a must-win game for both these teams. For the Mariners, a win would keep them in both the wild card race and the AL Central race–a necessity, given that the Bombers and Tapirs share their division. For the Devil Rays, a win would keep them two games up on the Giants. Both these teams came to play, as the Devil Rays put up one of their best performances yet, managing to score 9 runs on 12 hits and 2 walks while pitching a shutout. This wasn’t enough to take down Seattle, though, as elchrisblanco posted 29 hits that turned into 17 runs in a shutout away game. Consequently, the Mariners remain two games back in both the wild card and the division and the intent to make the last few games matter, while Tampa Bay is now only one game ahead of the New York Giants as they enter the final division series. This could be important; while the Nationals likely won’t manage to edge out the Devil Rays for a playoff berth at this point, they could still play spoiler, and if the Giants can manage a couple of wins, they could very well sneak in as the NL West champions.

Player of the game: Davy Marian came to play! Not only was he the only member of the team to avoid being out, he was the only one to hit any homers, as he posted a 5-for-5 statline of 3 singles and 2 home runs for 4 RBIs and 4 runs scored. The only blemish on the day was an error he made in the field, but with an offensive statline like that, he’s easily forgiven.

Pittsburgh Pirates 12, Philadelphia Athletics 4

The Pirates were already eliminated when they came into this game, but like any good coach Jyknight wants his kids to go out and play as hard as they can. This week, they did just that; although pitcher Brad Radke allowed 4 runs and only threw 3 strikeouts, the offense combined for 20 hits (including five home runs) on their way to scoring 14 runs in total. Meanwhile, the Athletics had a surprisingly small game, putting up only four runs off of seven hits and a walk. In the end, the Athletics took the loss, but due to other losses across the league they remain in first place in the AL East and with a good chance of taking the second seed in the AL playoffs; in fact, because the Indians lost, they remain only a game behind of the first seed and hold the head-to-head tiebreaker for playoff positioning against them.

Player of the game: Although the Pirates performed well, nobody stood out in particular, so this week the award goes to the losing team’s pitcher, Amanda Hellerman. Although she didn’t do too well at the plate, going 0-for-1 with a walk, she did pitch a perfect game, and that’s always an accomplishment worthy of celebration.

Albuquerque Tapirs 27, Crazy Cubs 8

After MarcoMcGwire’s departure from the league, the Cubs were left coachless for Week 10, but at the start of Week 11 a newbie stepped in to take the reins and led the Cubs to their best showing on the year, scoring 10 runs (previous high: 7) and notching a run differential of 8 (previous high: 5). They did this by getting 10 runs off 17 hits, with all but two of their players getting two hits or more, and by not giving up too many runs (4 in total) despite their weak defense. Unfortunately for them, they ran into the red-hot Tapirs, who took advantage of the Cubs weak defense by smacking 38 hits, stealing a season-high 26 bases, and scoring 27 runs. A massive effort would have been needed to drop the Tapirs this week; expecting that from a newcomer playing his first game is just unrealistic. Still, it was a very strong effort from EclipsedxShadow, and although the Cubs need to sweep their final three games as well as have all the other results in the NL West fall their way, the fact remains that they currently look better than they have since early in the season. As for Albuquerque, this win combined with the Bombers loss puts them in a dead heat for the division title, with the Bombers currently holding the tiebreaker, and when combined with the Cardinals loss the Tapirs now have a 2-game lead against all other competitors in the wild card race, with their closest competition likely being the division rival Seattle Mariners, whom they play next week.

Player of the game: Angelique Harding was in rare form this week, managing to notch a 4-for-6 statline with two singles, two doubles, two RBIs, and two runs scored. Of course, that’s not all she did; she also pitched a one-hit shutout where she only faced 18 batters (getting the one runner out on a double player), threw four strikeouts, and only threw one ball outside the strike zone. And if that doesn’t tickle your fancy, well, Ricky Johnson went 6-for-6 (all singles), had 1 RBI, scored four times, and grabbed a team-leading 8 stolen bases.

Montreal Marlins 10, New York Giants 6

The Giants had the second-best game they’ve had so far this season in Week 10, managing to beat the AI by 6 (their previous high was 11 against the Angels, and their best outside of that was a 3-run win). They accomplished this feat by steadily getting on base, getting 19 runners on as they pushed 7 of them across home plate and only gave up one run. The Marlins were too much for them to handle, though, as jibbodahibbo had a very efficient day by scoring 9 runs off of only 12 hits and no walks. Although this wasn’t the best game the Marlins have had so far this season, it was enough to win even without the home bonus and marks their 4th game in a row of double-digit scores. Since the Bombers beat the Cardinals, the Marlins are now a game back of the division lead in the NL East, trailing the Angels and Cardinals with games against each still to come, and they also sit two games back in the wild-card race. As for the Giants, this loss did little to dull their playoff aspirations, as the Devil Rays and Expos both lost, leaving them still two games shy of the division lead in the NL West with 4 games left to play.

Player of the game: Three players homered for the Marlins, and two of them went 3-for-3, both knocking in 3 runs. What separates Anna Goodreau from Yvonne Carter and makes her the player of the game is that she hit a triple and subsequently scored another run.

Albuquerque Tapirs 11, Atlanta Braves -1

The Tapirs visited Eckman Acres this week, and although they scored nine fewer runs than last week, it was still enough to propel them past the Braves, who lost to the AI for the third time this season. The Tapirs had a solid if unspectacular day at the plate, getting 23 runners on base but only hitting 3 extra-base hits, while the Braves posted 12 hits, with four of them going for 2 or more bases including a pair of home runs. However, the real story for the Braves was their defense, as they gave up the same number of hits and one more run, allowing the Tapirs to win so long as they beat the AI, while the story for the Tapirs was the number of bases they stole, as they took advantage of a weak-armed catcher and the incredibly slow Mikey Thomas at third to steal 21 bases and constantly put runners in scoring position despite rarely hitting anything but singles. The Tapirs continue to hold a one-game lead in the wild card race with all the tiebreakers aligned their way, while with this loss the Braves are now on the verge of elimination.

Player of the game: Gail Weinmann of the Tapirs went 4-for-4. In doing so, she not only had the longest hit for the Tapirs (the lone triple of the game), but also stole the most bases (five) and scored more than any other player (thrice). At the postgame ice cream party, she ordered a butterscotch sundae.

Crazy Indians 22, Super-Duper Melonheads 10

The Melonheads were hoping to keep pace in a competitive (if underwhelming) AL West race. Unfortunately, this week they faced the juggernaut Indians, who put up the best game they’ve had away from their home of Steele Stadium. While Frank Thomas had an underwhelming game on the mound for the Indians, allowing 8 hits and 4 runs (while also tossing 8 strikeouts), this was more than made up for by their offensive production, as the Indians had 50 at-bats on which they registered 40 hits for a team batting average of .800. (They also managed three walks, which brings their total number of plate appearances to 53.) Not only were they constantly hitting the ball, they were constantly hitting the ball out, as all but one player (Todd Helton) smashed the ball out of the park (and even that was made up for by Petra Chekov homering twice). The Melonheads didn’t do too poorly themselves, as they managed 21 hits, but 18 of those were singles, they didn’t get a single walk, and while they did knock in 11 runs they also gave up 3 on the mound. With this win, the Indians continue to be frontrunners for the #1 seed in the AL, while the Melonheads are back a game of the AL West lead with another tough opponent in the Rockies on the horizon.

Player of the game: Petra Chekov went 4-for-5 and added a walk to that tally. Plus, she homered twice, becoming the only Indian to hit more than one homer; hit a double, becoming one of three Indians to do so; and had 8 RBIs, more than double the number of any other Indian. Let’s face it: this week, the Melonheads AI was…Petrafied.

Oakland Orioles 18, Boston Red Sox 14

This was a game where almost everyone predicted the Orioles would fall back to their normal, underwhelming output and the Red Sox would cruise to an easy win. That’s not exactly what happened. Instead, while the Red Sox had one of their comparatively weaker performances, only managing to score 14 runs off of 26 hits while allowing two runs (one from each pitcher used), the Orioles were much more efficient, only getting one more hit and a walk but scoring 5 more runs and only allowing 1. This efficiency proved to be the difference, as the Red Sox fell in what was the biggest upset (although not the biggest surprise) of the week. While the Red Sox retain their hold on the wild card, it’s much more tenuous than it was at the end of last week, as they’re tied with Colorado and only winning on a tiebreaker since the Rockies won this week. Meanwhile, since the Melonheads and Wombats both lost, Oakland are now the sole holders of first place in the AL West, leading the division by one game; to make things even better for them, they have the easiest Week 11 matchup of all the AL West teams, as they go against the Minnesota Monsters, who still haven’t quite adjusted to their new coach (or perhaps their coach hasn’t adjusted to them).

Player of the game: In a heroic effort for the losing team, Zena Fromme went 4-for-4 with 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. She also hit a single, but we don’t talk about that. And she had 6 RBIs!

New York Yankees 6, Crazy Cubs 3

Aesnop made a triumphant return to the game this week, taking over for the absent MarcoMcGwire for one game. In order to not make it too hard on the Yankees, Aesnop replaced their avatar with Eeyore (who, incidentally, is one of the most loveable donkeys of all time. OF ALL TIME!) and played the game left-handed. While this wasn’t too much of a struggle, due to the fact that Eeyore is apparently ambidextrous, Aesnop didn’t play as hard as possible, and ended up getting only five runs while allowing three. This was enough for Marco, who as usual had a better day away from La Chancla and managed to rack up 9 runs on 20 hits and a walk at Scrapco. While this performance was dulled somewhat by the fact that the Yankees gave up 3 runs, it was still enough to sneak the Yankees past the Cubs and keep them technically alive for one more week. Despite that, wins by the Bombers, Tapirs, Marlins, and Angels meant that the Yankees didn’t gain any ground, and with only four weeks left in the season they’ll need a miracle to make the playoffs. The Cubs sit in a similar position; while they’ve finally found a new coach, their only chance at the playoffs requires them to win the division. As they currently sit 3 games back of the division lead, EclipsedxShadow would need to win out and have the Devil Rays lose out and have the other results from the Expos and Giants fall the Cubs way in order to make the playoffs.

Player of the game: Wendy Parsons went 2-for-4, hitting a single and a homer. She knocked in 2 runs and crossed the plate twice. She also stole a base and sang MCR at the postgame karaoke session.

Baltimore Bombers 6, St. Louis Cardinals 3

Entering this game, Baltimore was 8-1 while St. Louis was 7-2. Whichever team won this would take possession of the first seed in the NL. To make things even more interesting, both of these teams have reputations as being the strongest AIs in the NL. They certainly lived up to this reputation, as a low-scoring game ensued, with neither team managing to get more than 12 runners on base (12 hits for the Bombers, 10 hits and a walk for the Cardinals). However, while both teams pitched shutouts, the Bombers were more successful at putting together a rally, as they managed to score six runs despite never having a hit longer than a double, while St. Louis was held to 3 runs even though Marsellus Marx hit a home run (one that was admittedly a solo shot). Baltimore was also able to steal plenty, as they got 10 stolen bases while the Cardinals were unable to steal even once. In the aftermath, the Bombers held on to their #1 seed lead of a game, with the closest competition coming from their division rivals the Albuquerque Tapirs (who sit a game back of them with the tiebreakers falling the Bombers way), while the Cardinals were actually knocked out of the playoffs were the season to end today due to the Angels having a head-to-head advantage on them for the NL East and the Tapirs having both a one-game lead and head-to-head tiebreaker in the wild card race.

Player of the game: Trent Sizemore went 4-for-4 (all singles) and scored thrice. In order to do so, he stole 7 bases, providing a majority of the steals for the Bombers, and his plate-crossing abilities ended up being the margin of victory–a margin that was absolutely necessary for the Bombers to win, as they were the road team in this one.

Blue Blue Jays 26, Mighty Tigers 19

The Blue Jays needed a win in the worst way in order to keep pace in the AL West. Despite the Mighty Tigers putting up their best game of the season–yes, even including when GSchlim was still coaching them–the Blue Jays did exactly that, snatching victory with a resounding 23-1 win at home. KiiiiiiiiiiiiiiS sent 46 batters to the plate, and they got on base 29 times (28 hits, 1 walk). When combined with five homers and nine stolen bases, this meant that the Blue Blue Jays were a big blue machine, and while the 22 runs would have been enough for them to win, the extra 4 pushed them ahead handily. Ozzy Osbourne did his best to keep up, and actually got one more runner on base on the same number of plate appearances while scoring as many runs and hitting as many homers. However, the Tigers were let down by three things. Firstly, they only managed to steal one base. Secondly, their defense let up four runs; although this is a better showing than when Ozzy started, defense remains a problem for the Tigers under Ozzy. Thirdly, they were on the road, and therefore didn’t have the home bonus. In the end, the already-eliminated Tigers were unable to play partial spoiler, and the Blue Jays are a game back of the AL West division lead with all the tiebreakers currently in their pocket.

Player of the game: The Blue Jays had Betty Houston on their side, and that made all the difference. She went 4-for-4-for-4-home-runs, and actually managed to get herself across the plate 5 times because at some point the Tigers gave up and decided to just walk her in the hopes that that would keep her in check. She also hit 9 RBIs, which means that even if you subtract the self-scoring RBIs Betty Houston knocked in 5 runners who weren’t Betty Houston. Player of the game? No. I think BETTY HOUSTON is the PLAYER OF THE WEEK.

Seattle Mariners 12, Montreal Expos Forfeit

This game had huge playoff implications for both teams, as coming into the game they were both 2 games behind their closest route to the playoffs. For the Mariners, this meant the wild card, where they’d need to creep ahead of the Albuquerque Tapirs, Montreal Marlins, and either the St. Louis Cardinals or the Anaheim Angels. For the Expos, this meant the AL West race, which is the only race they could still win and which would need them to essentially win three games more than the Tampa Bay Devil Rays over the last five weeks of the season. Seattle made its case for playoff contention with a strong game at Playground Commons, getting 22 hits on their way to scoring 12 runs and shutting out the Expos offensive attack. Meanwhile, after a frustrating outing where his computer may have frozen just when he was starting to get into the groove, Jarod Johnson decided to give up and forfeit for the sake of his sanity. This was good news for the Mariners, who remain in the playoff chase with this win, although they’re still two games back of the wild card due to wins from the Tapirs and Marlins. As for the Expos, they remain in contention due to Tampa Bay’s loss, but they’ll need to be at least two games better (and probably more) than the Devil Rays over the final four weeks of the season.

Player of the game: Sally Dobbs went 3-for-4 with a single and 2 home runs that brought in five runners. She was also seen lecturing everybody else in the locker room about what they could have done better after the game, but the rest of the team was wearing earplugs provided by the coach for that exact situation.

Anaheim Angels 13, Tampa Bay Devil Rays -1

In the last game submitted from the NL, the Angels continued to win and the Devil Rays continued to lose, as Anaheim picked up their fifth win in a row and Tampa Bay fell with their sixth loss in a row. This game was unusual in that the Angels had their worst performance since Week 5, also their last loss, while the Devil Rays fell to their opponents’ AI for also the first time since Week 5. Compounding this is that the Angels AI is considered one of the weaker ones in the game, although takenotes011’s strong play has made up for it in most instances. Here, the Angels scored 16 runs on 26 hits and a walk, but their strong offensive play was stunted somewhat by their defense, which gave up three runs. Particularly of note here is Julie Dunkel, who pitched a complete game but gave up 14 hits while only registering a single strikeout–a performance that actually makes the three runs scored by the Devil Rays AI seem underwhelming. Although Tampa Bay managed to score 3 runs at home, they gave up 4 to the Angels AI, causing coach T-Boz to comment in a postgame press conference that “we just didn’t execute enough…needed to get more hitters on base and we didn’t do that. We take it one game at a time and try to improve on what we failed on last time out.” This win, combined with the Cardinals loss to the Bombers, puts the Angels in the lead in their division race on the head-to-head tiebreaker; while they do have a difficult game against the Bombers next week, the Angels still have a good chance to keep pole position as they head into the final three division games of the year. Meanwhile, although Tampa Bay lost, they didn’t give any ground as every other team in their division lost as well; at this point, the NL West is looking like a race against the clock for every other team, while the Devil Rays are mostly hoping to just stay ahead of the pack for a few more games.

Player of the game: The Angels’ Troy Glaus went 4-for-5 with 2 singles, a triple, and a home run. He also got three RBIs, scored thrice himself, and stole 2 of the 4 bases the Angels were able to take. The moral of this story? Trojans in Glaus houses should beware of Greeks bearing stones.

Pittsburgh Pirates 11, Minnesota Monsters 6

The Pirates may be eliminated from the playoffs, but they can still play spoiler, as they demonstrated aptly by beating the Monsters and dropping them to 5-6 on the season–quite a fall for a team that started 3-0 and was considered nigh-unbeatable. While there are several explanations for this, most notably a midseason coaching change that hasn’t really worked out well, the end result is that Minnesota is now considered a comparatively easy team to beat in the American League. The Pirates accomplished this feat in Week 10, as they put together a fairly solid game, notching 26 hits and a walk. While they had trouble getting players across the plate, only managing to get 12 runs and leaving 15 runners stranded (and putting Kimmy Eckman on the mound to throw one pitch and give up a run), this was still enough to beat Minnesota, as BootyHunter’s squad only managed 9 hits and one walk. The Monsters were efficient with their runners, as they managed to score six (although like the Pirates, they gave up a run), but the sheer lack of offensive action proved to be their downfall. In the end, although Minnesota didn’t fall behind further in the wild card race due to the Red Sox losing earlier in the week, they also didn’t gain any traction, and have a losing record for the first time all season.

Player of the game: This was a true team effort for the Pirates, as nobody stood out too much and everyone contributed. In the end, Brad Radke gets the nod, as he went 2-for-4 (both singles), had 3 RBIs (tied for the team lead), and crossed the plate twice. Also, he pitched a 3-hit, 7-strikeout shutout–although the fact that Kimmy had to come in to throw one pitch and give up a run raises the question of how much of a shutout it actually was.

Colorado Rockies 8, Arizona Diamondbacks 3

After a tough loss to the Red Sox in a must-win game for wild-card supremacy, the Rockies were hoping to bounce back against the Diamondbacks. Arizona, meanwhile, had been on fire since they stopped playing the AL East, posting a 5-1 record against all non-divisional opponents and clawing their way into the wild card race, albeit in a position near the rear. This game was important for both teams, but neither one did quite as well as they wanted. mbless1415 was able to score 10 runs, but only got 19 players on base and didn’t hit any homers while giving up 2 runs defensively. Yurya, meanwhile, fell victim to Colorado’s surprisingly stout defense, which had one of their best days on the year by holding the Diamondbacks to 7 hits and 3 runs (although their pitching staff did give up 5 walks). In the end, the Rockies won a close, low-scoring game, and that combined with the Red Sox loss means they’re only out of the wild card spot on a tiebreaker, while the Diamondbacks remain 2 games out and on the wrong side of all the tiebreakers against the other teams in the wild card race.

Player of the game: Debby Nagasawa of the Rockies went 3-for-4, hitting two doubles and a single while knocking in 2 runs and scoring once herself.

Philadelphia Athletics 11, Super-Duper Wombats 9

After losing a close game to the Indians in Week 9, Philadelphia had the Red Sox nipping at their heels in the race for the AL East crown. While they had a bit of breathing room due to the Red Sox losing earlier this week, the Athletics still could use a clear-cut one-game lead, which they could get by beating the Wombats. Meanwhile, the Wombats were tied for the lead in the AL West (only beaten out by the Orioles command of tiebreakers), and with the Orioles winning against the Red Sox needed a win to keep pace. Although the Wombats had a solid performance, scoring 8 runs off of 14 hits and 3 walks while not allowing any runs, this wasn’t enough to keep up with the Athletics, who despite putting together their worst performance aside from their game against the Orioles still managed to pull out a win by producing an 11-run, 19-hit shutout that got them above the Wombats’ home bonus and gave them their eighth win on the season. When the dust cleared, the Athletics stayed in command of the AL East and the #2 seed, while the Wombats fell back a game to the division-leading Orioles.

Player of the game: Philadelphia’s Achmed Khan may have only gone 2-for-4, but those two hits were a single and a homer that knocked in 5 runs. Also, his band Ham Sandwich is currently on the hunt for a keyboardist. Contact him or Amir if you want to rock out, dude.