We’re heading into the final weeks of the season, when all the teams come home to their divisions to find out who gets into the playoffs. There are only eight seeds for 24 teams, so I’d like to put the standings at the top of the post, just to make the stakes a little bit clearer. Without further ado, here’s how the league looks at the end of Week 12.

NL West
Tampa Bay Devil Rays———–4-8
New York Giants——————-3-9 
Washington Nationals————3-9
Crazy Cubs————————2-10

NL Central
Baltimore Bombers————–10-2
Albuquerque Tapirs—————9-3
Seattle Mariners——————-8-4
New York Yankees (e)———–4-8

NL East
Anaheim Angels——————-9-3
Montreal Marlins——————-8-4
St. Louis Cardinals—————-7-5
Atlanta Braves (e)—————–5-7

NL Wild Card
Albuquerque Tapirs—————9-3
Seattle Mariners——————-8-4
Montreal Marlins——————-8-4

AL West
Blue Blue Jays———————5-7
Oakland Orioles——————-5-7
Super-Duper Wombats———-4-8
Super-Duper Melonheads——4-8

AL Central
Crazy Indians———————-9-3
Colorado Rockies—————–8-4
Pittsburgh Pirates (e)————5-7
Mighty Tigers (e)——————4-8

AL East
Philadelphia Athletics————9-3
Boston Red Sox——————-8-4
Arizona Diamondbacks (e)—–6-6
Minnesota Monsters (e)———5-7

AL Wild Card
Boston Red Sox——————-8-4
Colorado Rockies—————–8-4

Guide: e=eliminated, x=clinched division, p=clinched playoff spot

Now let’s see how this week’s slate of games went.

Super-Duper Melonheads 10, Oakland Orioles 5

The Melonheads were in the most precarious position of all the AL West teams, needing to win out and have several results fall their way just to have a chance at the division title. The Orioles, meanwhile, were in the best position, leading the division and with a good chance to make it to the playoffs. Things changed in this game, however, when Oakland put up a weak score of 6-2, managing only 10 hits at Sandy Flats (although four of them were homers). The Melonheads did better, as they put twenty-one runners on base on their way to scoring 14 runs, and although the Melonheads gave up four runs in turn, the margin was still easily enough to cover the Orioles game. In the aftermath, the Melonheads stay alive in the playoff race, while Oakland is now behind the Blue Jays after the Blue Jays won later in the week.

Player of the game: Fabienne Callahan went 2-for-4 for the Melonheads, with a double and a home run. The consequences of her hitting? She managed 5 RBIs and scored once herself. This week, she wasn’t just fabulous; she was…super-duper.

Boston Red Sox 15, Arizona Diamondbacks 12

There were three teams that had very important stakes in this game. The Boston Red Sox needed a win to keep pace in the division and the wild card race. The Arizona Diamondbacks needed a win just to stay in the race. And the Minnesota Monsters needed Arizona to win just to keep their meagre hopes of making the playoffs alive. In their game, Arizona smacked the ball around plenty, as they managed 24 hits and 2 walks; unfortunately for them, they had trouble getting across the plate, as they were only able to produce 13 runs and allowed one of their own. Meanwhile, Boston had only a slightly better game, as they allowed a run as well but scored 14 runs off of only 20 hits. In the end, the Red Sox won, and eliminated both the Diamondbacks and Monsters from the playoffs while keeping pace with the Athletics and staying in contention for the division title.

Player of the game: Zena Fromme went 4-for-4 with a single, a double, and two home runs. Combined, this meant 6 RBIs and her crossing the plate thrice. In this instance, I think we can conclusively say that Zena…was a warrior princess.

Baltimore Bombers 9, New York Yankees 3

After a tough loss against the Angels, the Bombers were looking to bounce back against the already-eliminated Yankees and keep their leading position in the playoff chase. At home, they did just that, constantly getting people on base (although they did have trouble scoring). Baltimore got 20 hits, albeit on 32 at-bats (suggesting several fielders’ choices), and managed to keep getting people across the plate, finishing the day with 8 runs at home. New York also had a decent day at the plate, scoring 6 runs off of 15 hits and 2 walks, but this wouldn’t have been enough for them to keep up even before the three runs they gave up are factored in. At the end of the day, the Bombers remained in first place in the NL Central and the NL overall and returned to a one-game lead over the Tapirs when the Mariners upset Albuquerque later in the week.

Player of the game: Sarah Maxwell of the Bombers went 4-for-4 with two singles, a double, and the game’s only triple, finishing with a team-leading 3 RBIs and crossing the plate once herself. Ernie’s parents may own the property, but this week Steele Stadium was truly…Maxwell’s house.

Seattle Mariners 16, Albuquerque Tapirs 7

In what was a surprising result and would’ve been the biggest upset of the week were it not for the Tigers defeating the Rockies later, Seattle upset Albuquerque in a game they needed to win to keep their playoff hopes alive. For the Tapirs, it was a disappointing day, as in a long day at the plate they put several runners on base but failed to knock many of them in, leaving the bases loaded in two separate innings, with the most notable part of their game being that they managed a perfect game spread out over two separate pitchers. Meanwhile, the Mariners had a much more pleasant and immensely more efficient day, scoring 14 runs off of 18 hits and 2 walks and steamrolling their opposition as they marched to an easy victory, sweeping the Tapirs and handing Albuquerque the majority of its losses this season. Because of this result, the playoff picture in the NL is now a lot muddier, especially in the NL Central. The Mariners had to sweep their final division series to have a chance at the division title, but winning this game also means they’re guaranteed to hold the head-to-head tiebreaker against the Tapirs no matter what happens, which could be very important in the wild card race; depending on how the final weeks play out, the Tapirs or Bombers (or both) could find themselves on the outside looking in despite looking like virtual locks just two weeks ago.

Player of the game: Davy Marian went 2-for-3 with a single, a homer, and a walk. The reason he’s the player of the game? He managed 4 RBIs and scored every time he got on base. Plus, his name is really appropriate…for a Mariner.

Pittsburgh Pirates 7.2, Crazy Indians 7

This game was unusual, not because of anything that happened (well, that too), but because it was one of the games this year that was simulstreamed. Both crazyei8hts and Jyknight had some knowledge of how the other was doing, and it made this affair an interesting one, with the game decided in the final inning–literally! Early on, neither team did much, as only one run was scored in the first two innings by either team (the Indians). However, this changed in the bottom of the third, as Jyknight went on a five-run rally to give the Pirates a large lead heading into the fourth. Crazyei8hts responded in the top of the fourth in his game with an even larger rally, smashing in eight runs off of a few homers, and the Indians led with a combined score of 9-5. While the AI Pirates managed to get two runs in the bottom of the fourth, and Jyknight managed to get a run in the bottom of the fifth, the Indians still held a 7-6 lead as the sixth started. Despite allowing two runners to get on base in the top of the sixth, Jyknight’s Pirates held strong, and finished the game with a 6-0 score, giving them a 7.2 result after the sixth inning bonus was applied. The Indians would need another run to win, and they got it by smacking a solo shot over the left field fence. They then loaded the bases in the top of the sixth, but an unfortunate grounder led to an inning-ending double play and a power-up for the AI Pirates, with the margin of the game being a single run. Although the Indians managed to get the first out, with Kimmy Eckman at the plate crazyei8hts got squirrely, knowing he couldn’t let anybody on base or else the AI would pull out a power up. He threw three straight pitches low and inside; the first was a right hook that Kimmy let go by, the second a Slo-mo super pitch that she swung at early, and the third a Fireball that just missed the plate. Both super pitches were single-use drops, and since crazyei8hts didn’t trust his Elevator, he went back to the right hook, again low and inside. Unfortunately for him, Kimmy was ready, and with a mighty wallop she sent the ball screaming down the left-field line and over the fence to win the game for the Pirates at her home field. The Indians finished with a very efficient 13-hit, 1-walk day that they used to score 10 runs, while the Pirates had a less-efficient but still effective 14-hit day that they turned into 6 runs, with the major difference being that the Pirates managed a shutout while the Indians gave up three. Postgame, crazyei8hts said “Cheryl Reynolds picked a bad time to have her worst game of the season,” while Jyknight commented “Proud of the relief pitchers…really held it down. And not enough good things to say about Kimmy…kid has heart.” The Indians retain control of the division and the #1 seed, but are tied with the A’s for that seed and have it based on a head-to-head tiebreaker and also remain only a game up on the Rockies after the Tigers upset them later in the week.

Player of the game: Let’s be honest, with such a spectacular ending we should really name the AI’s version of Kimmy Eckman the player of the game. Instead of doing that, let’s point out that Sammy Sosa did an amazing job in a losing effort for the Indians, going 3-for-3 with a double and two home runs, scoring every time he came up to the plate and producing 3 RBIs. In summation, Sosa was many things, but what he was not…was so-so.

Philadelphia Athletics 13, Minnesota Monsters 3

The Monsters already knew they were eliminated going into this game, while the Athletics wanted a win both to keep their lead over the Red Sox in the division and to pull into a virtual tie with the Indians for the #1 seed (held by the Indians on a head-to-head tiebreaker). Philadelphia didn’t have their best game ever this season, although it’s in line with much of their post-All Star Break production; they only managed 12 runs, and did so off of 20 hits, four of which were home runs, while giving up a run of their own. As for Minnesota, they haven’t been the same since aesnop left; although jlund24 had a fantastic game as a temporary substitute, BootyHunter hasn’t been able to capture the same magic, and Minnesota has struggled in the back half of the season with no wins since Week 7. That trend continued here, as although the Monsters were able to produce six runs off of 17 hits and a walk, they also gave up three runs, finishing with a run differential of three. With this result, Minnesota remains eliminated, while Philadelphia remains atop the NL East and pulls into a tie with the Indians.

Player of the game: Achmed Khan was one of four Athletics to notch a home run, and he did this on a day where he went 3-for-4 with a single, a double, said home run, 5 RBIs, and two plate crossings from himself. His only gaffe was a strikeout, and even that didn’t have much impact. Change his name this week, because to Minnesota, Achmed is really…Genghis.

Blue Blue Jays 13, Super-Duper Wombats 8

In this game, a red-hot Blue Jays team on the search for playoff position came up against a visiting Wombats team that despite starting the year 1-6 had ridden a surge to stand at 4-7 and be tied with the Blue Jays. While they’d done well to take those wins, the Wombats hadn’t done much to improve their steady output and had mostly beaten up on weaker opponents; meanwhile, the Blue Jays had scored over 20 in their last three games, all at home, going 2-1 in that span. While this game was a bit of a letdown for KiiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, who only managed to score 12 on 19 hits and 2 walks in his fourth game in a row, the Wombats had an even more disappointing outing, as they scored 10 and allowed 2. The Blue Jays walk away with the win, and consequently the Wombats are all but eliminated as they head into Week 13, needing every single remaining AL West game to fall their way just to make it a tiebreaker game; meanwhile, with the Orioles loss at the start of the week, the Blue Jays are now the most likely team to take the division.

Player of the game: Chico Pappas went 3-for-4 with a single and two home runs that tallied 4 RBIs and 2 runs scored. He did make an error in the field, but I’d have to say that this week…Chico was the Wombats daddy.

Anaheim Angels 13, St. Louis Cardinals 5

Stakes were high in this important NL East matchup. For the Angels, this was a chance to assert themselves, to return to where they started slow and show how much they’d grown. And also to help solidify their position atop the division. For the Cardinals, this was a game they needed to win, as they’d fallen from being 6-1 and tied for the league lead at the All-Star break to being 7-4 and behind several other teams in the playoff race; in addition, a loss would effectively circumscribe most of their paths to winning the NL East and put them even farther back in the wild card race. Unfortunately for St. Louis, they didn’t have the best game possible; while defensively they were solid as usual, with Mr. Clanky throwing 10 strikeouts in a shutout game, offensively they failed to produce the runs needed to keep up with the Angels, who despite having some trouble with the Cardinals staunch defense still managed to score 12 runs off of 21 hits while only allowing a single run themselves. This result meant that Anaheim stands on top of the division with their only real competitors being the Marlins, while the Cardinals are now 7-5 and barely clinging to playoff life with no chance at the wild card and only a very narrow path to the division title (which is still possible for them to claim).

Player of the game: Chipper Jones went 3-for-3 with two singles and a double, batting in two runs and scoring twice himself. He also snagged a walk, and his efforts were one factor in why takenotes011 finished the game feeling quite…Chipper.

Washington Nationals 20, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 5

The stakes were high in this one; the Nationals needed a win to keep themselves alive, while the Devil Rays needed a win just to stop their 7-game skid and reassert their position on top of the NL West (a position they’ve held since Week 2). The Nationals were in a new home, and any hope that this might help the Devil Rays was bolstered by the fact that for four innings the Nationals were only able to put up 4 runs. This would’ve only been good enough for a close loss were it not for the little matter that in the first inning the Nationals absolutely exploded for 13 runs as they definitively planted themselves in the District of Colombia. In the end, Washington managed 17 runs on 26 hits and 3 walks in a 17-0 shutout, while Tampa Bay lagged behind, only scoring 6 and allowing one across. This leaves the entire division alive, but Tampa Bay can still clinch the third seed next week if they manage to beat the Giants.

Player of the game: The most interesting thing about the Expos? They hit nothing but singles. And by that, I mean nothing but singles; they had 26 hits, and none of them sent a runner past first. Add in that six different players had 2 RBIs (another player had three, and the remaining two had one), everybody scored at least once but no more than thrice, and there were no stolen bases, and well, it’s hard to choose an MVP on the offensive side. Defensively, though, pitcher Angela Delvecchio threw a 4-strikeout, 34-pitch shutout, dispatching the Devil Rays quickly and fairly efficiently even if she did allow 6 hits, and in doing so helped to keep her team’s playoff hopes alive. Plus, on the offensive side of the ball she went 3-for-4 and draw a walk while batting in 2 runs and scoring three times herself. In this game, Angela became…National news.

Montreal Marlins 21, Atlanta Braves 2

The Marlins had come on strong since the All-Star Break, and this game was no exception, as Montreal had their strongest home game this season. While the Braves had another disappointing game, scoring only 4 runs on 11 hits and 7 walks while allowing 2 runs of their own, the Marlins positively exploded, putting up 19 runs off of 23 hits and a walk while only allowing a single run to cross the plate. The result was unsurprising, and with the Cardinals loss the Marlins slide into second place in the division, with a one-game deficit against Anaheim and a game against the Angels still in the works; in addition, the Tapirs loss keeps the wild card in play for them, although the Bombers win does make it a bit of a longer shot for Montreal.

Player of the game: Henri Deschenes went 5-for-5 with three singles, a double, and a home run. He had 2 RBIs and scored four times. Plus, as the starting pitcher, he went five innings, threw to 16 batters, got three strikeouts, and only allowed two hits and a single run. Even if he plays for the most French team in the league, this week…Henri was a king.

Mighty Tigers 16, Colorado Rockies 6

With the Indians being upset by the Pirates, the Rockies were in prime position to close in on them and improve their playoff chances. Unfortunately for Colorado, Ozzy Osbourne had other plans, as despite being eliminated he’s been very good for the Tigers offense. This day was the first time that he stepped up his defensive game, though, pitching a shutout with two pitchers despite allowing 8 hits, and scoring 14 runs at home off of 18 hits in an incredibly efficient day. This was way too much for Colorado, who had one of their weaker outings with Since Colorado wasn’t bailed out by their AI defense, they’re still a game behind the Indians, but more importantly, with the Red Sox beating the Diamondbacks, Boston has now taken the lead in the wild-card race off of their head-to-head tiebreaker against the Rockies, leaving Colorado temporarily (and perhaps permanently) out of the playoffs with just two games to go.

Player of the game: Sonja Hagen of the Tigers went 4-for-4 with two singles, a double, and a home run. She batted in two runs and scored every time she got up to the plate. I guess you could say this game was one of…Hagen’s Dias.

Crazy Cubs 3, New York Giants -2

This game was important for three teams. For the Cubs, a win here would keep them in the NL West race. For the Nationals, a Cubs win here would keep them in the NL West race. And for the Giants, a win here would allow them to catch up to the Devil Rays in the NL West race and give them a better chance of making the playoffs. Unfortunately for New York, they weren’t up to the task, as they fell to the Cubs AI for the second time this season. The first time around, they still won, as MarcoMcGwire forfeited; this time, it seemed as though a forfeit might be their savior again. However, a new coach was brought in when it became evident that EclipsedxShadow wasn’t going to show up, and this coach brought along a new game plan. Taking a tip from their partners in craziness the Indians, whose coach believes that everyone moves at the same speed after hitting a home run, Vissery brought along a PA system and a copy of Parliament’s “Tear the Roof off the Sucker”, knowing that the inherent funkiness of the track would cause everyone to get down, thereby destroying both teams stamina and allowing his power hitters to work their magic. This concept didn’t work exactly as planned, as the Cubs only smacked two dingers, but it didn’t matter, as the Cubs outscored their competition 11-3. Even with the five-run penalty applied (and possibly applied incorrectly; Vissery actually managed to get the game in before the deadline, and the result was only held up due to the league wanting to make sure that the Cubs previous coach wouldn’t return and submit a score of his own), this still meant that the Cubs came out with a win against the AI and therefore a win overall. This keeps the Cubs and Expos in the playoff hunt, and means that their game against each other next week is meaningful, as the loser will be eliminated; the question then becomes whether Jarod Johnson can emulate Sir Nose D’voidoffunk and keep his team from dancing, or whether they too will give in to the power of FUNK.

Player of the game: Alexis Weis went 3-for-3 with a single, a double, a home run, and the game’s only walk. She scored twice and had a team-leading 4 RBIs. While she did have an unimpressive outing on the mound in relief, going in for a single inning and throwing 20 pitches while allowing three hits and two runs to score, this doesn’t change that she had an overall good day, and when the Cubs needed her, Alexis really was…wise.