It’s another season, starting…about a month after the last one ended, honestly. Has nobody here heard of taking some time off to see their families? Eat some croissants? Bathe in the blood of their enemies? Well, leaving aside the workaholic nature of everybody in this league, as usual, there have been some rule changes for the new season. These are:

1.) No power-up batting allowed.

Pretty simple. No more power-ups when batting. Incidentally, this means that now:

2.) Striking out intentionally is legal.

The reasons you’d want to strike out intentionally are to get a poor batter out of the line of fire to avoid a double play or something and get the chance to snag a power-up by hitting a super pitch. The latter of those is the big one, and since power-up batting is off the table, well, an intentional strikeout is perfectly fine. Which is why:

3.) Intentional walks are legal.

That’s right folks, if you don’t wanna pitch to a guy, just walk ’em! The principal objection to intentional walks is that it puts a runner on base and makes a double play more likely and therefore increases the number of batting power-ups…but since those aren’t an issue anymore, go ahead and put Nate Kowal(k)ski on the mound.

4.) Grounders are legal.

Last season, you could use power and line drives, nothing else. This season, grounders are back baby! Yeah! Force that enthusiasm!

I could go into what’s still illegal, and the rules about baserunning…but I’m not completely clear on either of those (and seriously, baserunning rules deserve their own article that everyone has to read). So instead, let’s get into the other big change: league structure!

In the first five seasons of the league, the general structure was “everybody chooses a field and then gets division opponents based on who else chose a field around them.” This meant that there could be a division where everyone had a semblance of mastery of the game, a division where everyone was new, or a division where the veterans took the rookies into a dark alley and stole everything of value off of them. (This last one was the most common.) In Season 6, though, it was decided to split the groups up between vets and newer players, with the veterans getting the American League and the rookies getting the National League. This led to a more competitive league and since it was a more interesting format, it was decided to do something similar this season. However, this time there’s three levels: Backyard, Indoor, and Frontyard. This is gonna be explained in the recaps, which are going section by section; let’s start with the Frontyard.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

The Frontyard is the most interesting conference, because it’s for…new players? Kind of? There are four rookies in it and it’s considered the beginner conference; the non-rookies are Vissery (played 3 games to end Season 6), Jarod Johnson (played the entirety of Season 6), Marco (2 seasons, overall record of 8-20), and T-Boz (2 seasons, overall record of 8-20, made playoffs with a 5-9 record last season). It’s probably going to be the most fun to watch this season, and I’m definitely gonna keep an eye on it (not least because MelloMathTeacher is keeping a log of how his kids interact with each other–that’s right folks, we’re entering the fanfic realm!). Either way, these eight teams will play each other twice, and at the end, the top two teams are in the playoffs. Week 1 gave us some indication of how this whole thing is gonna shake out; let’s get into it.

Florida Marlins 9.6, Humongous Hornets 9

From the outset of the season, these two teams and coaches have had drastically different styles. Vissery, coach of the Hornets, has been incredibly active in the server; skolgamingcenter, coach of the Marlins, has pretty much only shown up to draft and submit results. Vissery played all 14 games in week 1 (so his end of the season is over); skolgamingcenter didn’t play until Saturday and kept his in-season progress under wraps. Vissery made massive trades in the draft to snag back-to-back first-round picks but ended up with four picks in the last two rounds; skolgamingcenter made a few trades, but they were mostly modest in scope and aimed at raising his floor (he finished with two sixth-round picks, two eighth-round picks, and no seventh- or ninth-round picks).

So what happened when these two teams met in their opener? Well…they played each other to a dead heat. For the Hornets, this meant that they snagged 9 runs off of 18 hits and a walk while holding down a shutout on the other end (incidentally, Vissery did make use of his threatened “power-up pitcher switch” strategy, as while Angelique Harding was his starter, Frank Thomas came in against 5 batters, threw 5 pitches, and got 5 strikeouts, while Annie Frazier came in against 3 batters, threw 3 pitches, and got 3 strikeouts; the Hornets pitching staff combined for 13 strikeouts in their game). For the Marlins, this meant playing a very similar game, as they posted 8 runs off 17 hits and 2 walks while also holding down a shutout (admittedly one with far-fewer strikeouts and no pitcher swaps). In the end, though, the home bonus came through for the Marlins, as it pushed them just barely ahead of the Hornets and gave them the win.

Player of the game: Matessa Sturges of the Marlins went 4-for-4 with two singles, a double, and their only home run, leading the team in RBIs (4), runs scored (3), and stolen bases (the only one in the game). On defense, she pitched a complete game shutout, allowing six hits but also notching six strikeouts (good enough for the Frontyard Conference to name her the PITCHER OF THE WEEK!). And on the bench, she shared her bubble gum with everyone.

New York Yankees 10, Minnesota Twins 2

Hornets vs. Marlins may have been a battle of opposites, but that was also true for Yankees vs. Twins. The Yankees are one of the two teams coached by a multiple-season veteran in the Frontyard; once again, they’re run by Marco, who coached the Yankees in both previous seasons. However, there’s one big difference: this time, the Yankees are no longer at Casa de Pablo (not least because last season proved it to be beneficial to visiting teams; personally, I blame Nana Sanchez’s hospitality for that. Visitors get taquitos, the home team gets…chanclas hurled at their heads if they don’t stop acting so foolish!), instead moving to Tin Can Alley (no Gershwins there, unfortunately). The Twins, meanwhile, are coached by Toast, who is a complete newcomer to the league with an apparent fondness for bread products. (Although probably not Bread…does anyone actually like Bread?)

The Yankees didn’t get the chance to check out their new home in this game, as they were on the road at Dirt Yards, but they still did just fine, mashing 25 hits and collecting a walk as they rolled to 14 runs while allowing 4 on defense for a total run differential of 10. This wasn’t the best introduction for the Twins, as they were only able to manage 7 hits on 19 plate appearances, and if you take out the solo shot from Julie Dunkel, they only got 1 run off of their other 6 hits. While they did manage a shutout, the 2-run performance wasn’t enough to push them past Marco, who for the first time ever starts the season with a win.

Player of the game: Gwen Sears went 4-for-5 with two singles, a double, and a home run. Although she struck out once, she led the team in RBIs (5), runs scored (3), stolen bases (3), and was named the Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

Los Angeles Dodgers 15, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 7

This was the only matchup in the Frontyard where both coaches had played at least one season. Not only this, but the coaches were at least familiar with each other, as last season they were in the same division and played each other twice. Jarod Johnson (now coaching the Dodgers) coached the Montreal Expos/Washington Nationals, and despite a slow start ended up really picking up at the end of the season to finish 5-9 despite losing to the AI in his first 4 games. T-Boz, who coached the Devil Rays and is coaching them again this year, saw the exact opposite happen, as he started out 4-0 but finished the season 1-9; however, because of how weak the NL West was on the whole, this was still just barely enough to get the Devil Rays in the playoffs (where they got swept by the Albuquerque Tapirs).

This game was a continuation of these two coaches’ trends. The Devil Rays fought valiantly at home in Cement Gardens, winning 7-1 but failing to submit any stats so I have no clue how they accomplished that. However, it wasn’t enough against the Dodgers, who put up the highest score in the Frontyard this week, outscoring their competition 17-2. They did this with 32 hits and 2 walks, and consequently they tamped down any and all chatter about drafting Pujols 7th overall…for now, at least.

Player of the game: Gretchen Hasselhoff went 5-for-5 with three singles, a double, and a triple as she knocked in two runs and scored four times. When asked to comment on her performance, she stated “YeahIwantedtogooutandhaveagoodtimeandcoachsaidjusthave
funsoIdidandwedidandIrunrunrunandhithithitandplayplayplay
andwinwinwinanditwasawesomeyeah!”

Junior Athletics 2.2, Little Giants 2

This was the only game in the Frontyard this week that took place between true rookies. Neither MelloMathTeacher (Athletics) or SilverBullet (Giants) have played in the league in any form before now, and their first battle…well, it was about what we’ve come to expect from rookies. It was a defensive struggle, with the Giants only able to manage nine hits and a walk on 26 plate appearances that ended with them winning 2-0. The Athletics were only slightly more successful; they had 26 plate appearances as well, but milked 11 hits and a walk from them. In the end, the home bonus made the difference, and the Athletics took the win.

Player of the game: Sally Dobbs may have only gone 1-for-3, but that single was important, as it led to her scoring a run (the only one the Athletics got aside from a Dawn Cozart solo shot). Besides scoring, she also took over for Todd Xavier in relief, and after his somewhat weak 7-hit outing (still a shutout, though!) she didn’t allow a single hit, mowing down the last five batters and recording two strikeouts. She also had a quite lengthy statement about the team’s performance, but it’s too long, so I’m saving it for the quotes section.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

The Indoor Conference is a conference for veterans who aren’t superstars at the game. The conference consists of 2 players from last year’s American League who have more than a season of experience, 3 players who were in last season’s National League and acquitted themselves well enough to move up but not well enough to be placed in the top tier, two newbies who did well in games outside the official league (Sisu won the gmchappe Invitational, and Natetastic did well in the Winterball side league), and JOMAR. Like the Frontyard Conference, the top two teams will make the playoffs. Week 1 is in the books (Week 2 too by the time I write this); let’s see what happened.

Arizona Diamondbacks 8, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 4

In the first game submitted this week, Jomar made his…not-so-triumphant return with the Angels. For those unaware, Jomar is a legend as a player, starting Season 2 13-0 before losing the last game to avoid perfection and then dropping out in the playoffs, using the Season 4 Winterball season to give his namesake player Johnny Omar an amazing season, and then drafting Johnny Omar first overall in season 5 before later dropping out. Meanwhile, Diamondbacks coach Sisu is new to the league but won the gmchappe Invitational during Season 6 and was consequently given a spot in the Indoor Conference rather than the Frontyard.

In their first game, the Angels struggled, as they were only able to score 4 runs on 11 hits and steal two bases. While they did shut out the Diamondbacks offense, this wasn’t enough, as in Sisu’s game the Diamondbacks may have only gotten two more hits, but they were able to turn them into three more runs. With the home bonus, the Diamondbacks won easily, and booked the first game of the season as a win.

Player of the game: The Diamondbacks’ Ezra Travolta went 3-for-3 with a single and 2 home runs, along the way batting in 4 RBIs and scoring twice herself; in fact, the only black mark for her was giving up the Diamondbacks only error. Because of this performance, she was named the Indoor Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK!

Texas Rangers 12, Boston Reds 5

This matchup saw one of the teams that moved up and another that moved down. In Season 6, shrewsbury’s St. Louis Cardinals were one of the best teams in the NL in the first half of the season, starting 6-1 before entering a late-season skid and finishing 8-6 and out of the playoffs. Meanwhile, Jyknight coached the Pittsburgh Pirates, who started 2-7 and were one of the first two teams eliminated from playoff contention in the AL, but had a hot streak near the end of the season and finished 6-8. These results meant that shrewsbury moved up to Indoor, while Jyknight was moved down.

This first matchup saw Jyknight’s team win, and win decisively, as the Rangers won 12-0, racking up 18 hits and 2 walks as they proved their mettle at the Paveway. On the other side, things didn’t go so well for the Reds; while they were able to score 7 runs off of 16 hits and a pair of walks, defensively they faltered, allowing 3 runs to score and bringing their score down. In the end, the Rangers won fairly easily, and their double-digit score portends well for them in the future.

Player of the game: Betty Houston of the Rangers did well at the plate and on the mound, going 2-for-4 with a single and a double while scoring twice and punching in two RBIs while allowing only two hits and notching five strikeouts–while only throwing 37 pitches on the game, leading to her needing just slightly over 2 pitches per out. Of course, such a performance should probably be expected when somebody named Houston is playing for Texas.

Baltimore Bombers 13, Seattle Fishes 5 (MATCHUP OF THE WEEK)

Something new this season is the Matchup Of The Week, where one of the games is chosen to be recorded, edited, and then streamed, with commentary by jlund and Sisu (and video editing provided by elchrisblanco). In future, these matchups will probably be the first ones summarized, but I wanted to explain everything else that’s going on the season. However, if you want to catch a live game, the Matchup Of The Week is currently scheduled for every Saturday at 8:30 PM Mountain Time (the best time zone, and don’t you forget it) on Sisu’s twitch stream!

That aside, this first game was more of a proof-of-concept than anything, as it involved two of three members principally involved with running the Matchup of the Week. That’s not to say that this game was unimportant, however. While both elchrisblaco and jlund played in Season 5, they didn’t do much of import in that season, as they were midseason replacements for either a middling coach (elchrisblanco) or a team built solely for meme potential (jlund, taking over JOMAR’s team). In Season 6, however, they both chose the same division (NL Central) and found themselves becoming rivals as the season went on. In the first game of the season, elchrisblanco’s Seattle Mariners lost at home by a single run to jlund’s Baltimore Bombers, and this would help set the tone for the start of both their seasons, as the Mariners struggled while the Bombers did well. However, as the season went on, elchrisblanco found his footing, and when the Bombers hit a poor stretch of play at the end of the season, they met again in Week 14 with a playoff berth on the line. In that game, the Mariners won on the road, 13-7, forcing a play-in game for the wild-card slot, which the Mariners also won.

This drama set the stage for another week 1 matchup where the rivalry could continue, with jlund once again coaching the Baltimore Bombers (although this time at Scrapco Field instead of Steele Stadium) and elchrisblanco now coaching the Seattle Fishes. Once again, Seattle started slow, as while they managed 18 hits, they were only able to put up 6 runs while allowing one on defense. This was nowhere near good enough to compete with the home team, as the Bombers went on a tear, notching 24 hits and 3 walks while scoring 11 and shutting out their opponents. Since they didn’t play each other in Season 5, this game ties their rivalry at 2 games apiece, and provides a good opener to Matchup Of The Week. (Next week: Purple Sox vs. Montana Floss.)

Player of the game: Nancy Chin of the Bombers went 3-for-3 at the plate, with two singles, a double, and a walk. She batted in two runs and scored twice herself. On the mound, she pitched five scoreless innings, allowing 5 hits but also managing six strikeouts. And in the clubhouse, she did a pitch-perfect impersonation of the Bombers’ coach trying to call the game from a neutral perspective.

Milwaukee Braves 1.2, Super-Duper Melonheads 1

As far as extremes go, this was one of the more extreme games to take place this week. The first, most obvious extreme is the coaches; Melonheads coach Eauxps I. Fourgott is the longest-tenured coach in the Indoor Conference, having been a member of the league since Season 3, while Braves coach Natetastic is the newest coach and has no experience in the traditional league format (Winterball took place after the gmchappe Invitational, making him a slightly newer player than Sisu). Eauxps did a lot of trading and ended up making all his picks in the 4th and 5th rounds of the draft, while Natetastic was more conservative (although he did trade out of the 5th and 8th rounds in order to collect 3 6th-round picks). Finally, these two teams took vastly different approaches to end up winning by a run.

The Melonheads won 6-5 in their game, an odd affair where despite getting 6 runs on 10 hits only two players ended up with RBIs (Alexis Weis and Angela Delvecchio) and where Angela Delvecchio pitched a complete game and gave up 5 runs on 7 hits–but also threw 11 strikeouts. Meanwhile, Natetastic’s Milwaukee Braves put up a great defense performance, but struggled offensively, only managing six hits and a walk while only snatching a single run. In the end, the home bonus made the difference, as the Braves barely won based off of that.

Player of the game: Alexis Weis put up a great effort for the losing team, as she went 2-for-3 with both hits being homers that brought in a total of 4 runs. Make no mistake: the Melonheads may have lost, but without her the game wouldn’t have even been close.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

This is the final of the three conferences. A conference with seven amazing coaches and me for some reason. A conference with eight teams built to beat up on each other. A conference where everybody drafted a great catcher and I hate them for it. How am I supposed to win if you don’t let me steal third? I need that free real estate! Anyway, everyone in the Backyard Conference has either played multiple seasons, made the World Series, had an undefeated regular season, or made chicken soup for a sick relative. Consequently, this conference will get 4 playoff slots, as the competition is considered to be much tougher.

Red Phillies 20, Junior Brewers 5

The Red Phillies are coached by crazyei8hts, the now longest-tenured coach in the league and Season 6 World Series champion. The Brewers are coached by jibbodahibbo, Season 4 World Series runner-up and creator of the Jibbo Open. Interestingly, that Season 4 team of jibbo’s was also named the Junior Brewers.

Jibbo streamed his game, and while the Brewers did quite well offensively, putting up 11 runs on the road off of 17 hits and 5 walks, defensively they suffered a meltdown, as they allowed 6 runs and ended up using four pitchers. The Phillies, by contrast, had a much better game, as they posted 17 runs off of 24 hits and a walk and shut out the Brewers offense. Still, if this defensive performance was an aberration for the Brewers, they could be contenders.

Player of the game: Lindsy Felgate went 4-for-5 with a single and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs, scoring thrice and managing 4 RBIs.

Green Monsters 24, Purple Sox 15

The Green Monsters are coached by Yurya, 2-time AL runner-up, member since Season 1, and league commissioner. The Purple Sox are coached by aesnop, the only player to ever have an undefeated regular season (Season 4’s Seattle Mariners). Yurya’s choice of team is a return to form, as his most successful seasons came about while coaching the Green Monsters.

Aesnop wasted no time showing he was as fit as ever despite taking the last half of Season 6 off, as his Purple Sox won 14-1, scoring those runs off of 22 hits and only throwing 35 pitches on the day (the one run allowed was a solo home run; aside from that, Marianna Rauf pitched a perfect game). It wasn’t good enough against the Monsters, though, as the return of grounders seemingly provided a powerful boost to Yurya’s offense. The Monsters turned 30 hits and 4 walks into 24 runs while shutting down the Sox’s AI offense, and along the way managed the second-highest score in the league this week.

Player of the game: The Monsters’ Raquel Cullen went 6-for-6 with three singles and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. She scored 5 times and registered 6 RBIs. She was also named the Backyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK! And if that’s not good enough, her teammate Sophie Meyer posted a similar statline: 6-for-6, one single, one walk, 6 RBIs, scored 4 times, and hit 3–count ’em, 3–home runs.

Montana Floss 12, Boston Cubs 6

The Montana Floss are coached by JorgesBankAccount, Season 6 World Series runner-up and the person writing this article, thank you very much, leave me money through an anonymous money transfer from Western Union. The Boston Cubs are coached by KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Season 4 World Series champion and winner of Season 5’s Paste league (unrestricted ruleset). Neither team is a rehash, although this is a break from tradition for KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, who previously coached teams with the format [color] [team name with color in it] (White White Sox, Red Reds, Blue Blue Jays).

Once again, Sandy Flats acted to keep scores low. The Cubs found themselves struggling a bit at the Montana beach, as although they managed 18 hits and two walks, they were only able to turn them into 6 runs. The Floss didn’t do too much better; in fact, they had fewer hits than the Cubs (17) and one less walk, but still scored 10 runs in five innings, which was enough to put them over the top even without the home bonus.

Player of the game: The majority of the RBIs for the Floss went to Jeff Bagwell, who knocked in a monstrous 8 runners on 3 hits. However, pitcher Brad Radke gets the nod for this award, as he pitched a 12-strikeout perfect game (the first of the season) on only 53 pitches–a performance good enough to make him the Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

Wizard Wombats 30, Baltimore Orioles 11

The Wizard Wombats are coached by Wizard (duh), runner-up in Season 5’s NL Championship and wielder of INCREDIBLE ARCANE POWER! The Baltimore Orioles are coached by Mavfatha, who, uh…has never made the playoffs? But Mavfatha has coached the Orioles before, and Wizard always chooses the Wombats as his team.

Either way, after a down Season 6, this first game looked like a return to Season 5’s form for the Wombats. A team drafted entirely for offense definitely put up, seeing 57 plate appearances and turning them into 43 hits and a walk en route to 31 runs and a 31-1 victory. The Orioles didn’t do poorly, as they scored 14 runs on 25 hits, but allowing 5 runs didn’t help them much–not that it made much of a difference, given that the Wombats put up the highest score of the week.

Player of the game: Jennifer Goodfellow went 5-for-6 with 2 singles, 3 doubles, and a whopping 8 runs batted in. She also was seen leading the team in the Wombat dance after the game, so she’s definitely got team spirit as well.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (1-0)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (1-0)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (1-0)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (1-0)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (0-1)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (0-1)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (0-1)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (0-1)

Indoor Conference
Baltimore Bombers [jlund24] (1-0)
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (1-0)
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (1-0)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (1-0)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (0-1)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (0-1)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (0-1)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (0-1)

Frontyard Conference
Los Angeles Dodgers [Jarod Johnson] (1-0)
New York Yankees [Marco] (1-0)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (1-0)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (1-0)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (0-1)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (0-1)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (0-1)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (0-1)

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“My game was set to extra-hard!” – jibbodahibbo, Junior Brewers head coach

“I’m lighting a fire under your butt!” – Jyknight, Texas Rangers head coach

“0-14 season incoming.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach

“I humbly and gratefully accept this honor, and thank you for the recognition. However, these hardworking children I play with all made great contributions that led me to this status. I may have crossed the plate for the winning run, but it would not have been a winning run if Dawn hadn’t hit that great home run. She deserves accolades just as much as I do. Part of being a leader is knowing when to recognize that action needs to be taken, so I also want to give a mention to Todd Xavier. Not only did he pitch a shutout, but it took a long conversation and a lot of courage to finally get him to leave the mound when he was dead tired. Were it not for his courage and faith in his teammates, I would not have been able to display that pitching performance I’m being recognized for. These are fantastic kids, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to see them grow. Ugh, my head hurts now. Screaming Line Drive still stings. Ought to go rest and recuperate for next week.” – Sally Dobbs, Junior Athletics, very long-winded

“Seven amazing coaches and me for some reason.” – me, this very article, did you even read the Backyard section

“One of these is not like the others… I have a long way to go.” – MelloMathTeacher, JorgesBankAccount, and Natetastic

“What happens first: VS plays all 14 games or Skol plays one?” – Yurya, and the answer was Vissery playing all 14 games

“One plus one equals one on a bun!” – Ed, Ed Edd n’ Eddy