The beginning of the latest BBL draft has been novel in several ways. Yet, on the whole, it has run smoothly without any particularly wild draft-related events.

One novel feature of the draft literally took place because it was less crazy – longtime coach Crazyei8hts was unavailable the week of July 10, but fields and draft slots were assigned on the 10th, leaving nearly a full week between these assignments and the start of the draft. Trades were still open, however, and a full dozen deals were made and approved before a single player was picked, coaches eager to change up their slates of picks. 11 out of 24 teams made at least one trade during this time period.

The assignments of fields and draft slots was also done in a new fashion. Instead of coaches being able to pick their own slots, as has been done every season since Season 5, this season they were randomly assigned via a wheel-based random number generator. Each coach still got to choose his own team name, but then both the field/division slot and draft slot were decided by the Wheel. Coaches’ presubmitted field preferences weighted the wheel but did not fully determine it. On the whole, the Wheel appeared to be a success, as its stream had high turnout and seemed to be a fun time for most if not all involved.

The draft board also is different this season. New draft slots/slates of picks were introduced that were sorted into a more tier-based system than has previously been used; the first eight picks in the first round receive a notably worse overall slate than the middle eight picks, which themselves also fare worse than the last eight. And the roster of players to pick from was different as well, as for the first time in league history, the same league has been evenly split into one side playing Backyard Baseball 2001 and one side playing Backyard Baseball 2003. The two sides share the same draft pool for the most part, but there are now fifteen pro kids (and a small handful of weaker generics) that are exclusive to each side and that half the coaches will be unable to pick. Some “pro clones” as well (generics that duplicate the stats of pro kids) will have differing stats based on which version’s side picks them. Between these factors and the fact that, for the first time, the league will be using a modded version of the game that removes the lock and priority system that the AI uses to set its defense, means that the strategy for this draft will have changed significantly from that of previous drafts.

The evolution of the league’s strategy was already reflected in the first eight picks of the draft, where among the top tier of players, some saw their stocks fall while others rose to new heights. The group of kids previously known as the “Big 4” – Henri Deschenes, Julie Dunkel, Jay Green, and Leah Wayne – seemed to no longer belong to that designation, as only one of them, Deschenes at #1 overall, was picked in the first four picks. Dunkel fell to pick 5, Wayne to pick 6, and Green all the way to pick 8 in a sign that these players are no longer the undisputed cream of the crop. Another player seeing a notable drop was Ichiro, whose draft stock had been rising in recent seasons, all the way to the second overall pick in Season 8, and had then been discussed as potentially the most viable option for the first overall pick outside of the Big 4. This time, however, he was not picked in the top eight picks, which combined with the version alignment of the next to coaches means the earliest he could be taken is Pick 11. This seemed to be for two main reasons; one, his relatively low power rating hurt him in a landscape where power bats appear to be prioritized more than in recent seasons. Two, the removal of locks and priorities seems to have lowered the value of the defensive specialist. Ever since Crazyei8hts broke new ground by successfully making Ichiro his catcher in Season 5, this has been a commonly emulated strategy for both him and his similarly undrafted (so far) clone Susan Gore – and when not behind the plate, they’ve seen good use at shortstop, due to their relatively high priorities and usefulness for both positions. However, in a situation where it’s much easier than before to get a good arm behind the plate, these traits are no longer considered as valuable.

In place of these kids, the biggest rising stars were Sammy Sosa and his clone, reigning co-MVP Cheryl Reynolds. Of the normal kids, these two hold the distinction of having the highest combined arm power and swing power ratings in the game. When combined with the fact that they aren’t slow, this makes them valuable commodities in a new meta where these seem likely to be the two most desired skills, and accordingly they were drafted in the second and third overall picks of this season. Similar reasoning undoubtedly went behind the seventh overall pick, Babe Ruth, who became the league’s first returning custom player since Season 3. First appearing in Season 5 where he had appropriately played on the New York Yankees, Babe boasts a swing power stat of 120, well above the highest value normally available for players. Coupled with a fairly strong arm (which puts him slightly above Sosa and Reynolds in combined power stats) and average speed, this made him a hot commodity, and his inclusion among the top eight slots thus makes perfect sense.

Perhaps the most questionable pick of the top eight was still a sensible one: with the fourth overall pick, Eauxps I. Fourgott and the Super-Duper Melonheads picked back Lindsy Felgate, arguably the best overall player on offense and the shining star of this team last season. Felgate finished third place in MVP voting and was a key part of the Melonheads’ success, and given Eauxps’s more spotty records last season with Big 4 players Jay Green and Julie Dunkel, she made a natural choice. The tradeoff is that she is easily the least valuable defender of the players picked so far – but given the Melonheads’ history with her, that far from guarantees that they won’t be able to contend.

Overall, even though we’ve seen some strange happenings with the initial picks of the draft in previous seasons, this time all eight of the first picks were solid choices, and leave their teams with good bases to build up on. Seven of the eight teams have given up little to no draft value so far in trades, while the eighth, Wizard’s St. Louis Cardinals, chose to purchase a second first-round pick at the cost of not being able to pick again until the fourth round of the draft. Still, two first-rounders, especially in the stronger field of players available this season, has the potential to be a dynamic combo indeed. The draft has proceeded so far with minimal drama, only a couple of trades that raised minor controversy, and the league eagerly waits to find out how the rest of it will go.

The World Series is here! The final games of the season, where a champion is crowned and everything ends! Last season saw a rookie taking on a long-time veteran for the trophy; this time, that same rookie returns (now a second-year coach) and will be facing off against…another rookie, who went from losing to the AI in the preseason to finishing the season 11-3 and sweeping their first two opponents in the playoffs. It’s been a long trip for both of these teams, but only one of them can leave victorious. Will it be the struggling Montana Floss, who have constantly fought just to be part of the playoffs? Or will it be the Junior Athletics, who have rode a strong defense (and all the offense that could be milked out of their lineup) to a surprising World Series slot? Let’s find out!

WORLD SERIES

Game 1: Junior Athletics at Montana Floss

The Montana Floss were the home team, which meant that they’d spend Games 1, 3, and 5 as the “home” team at Super Colossal Dome while the Junior Athletics would spend Games 2 and 4 as the home team there. Despite being the away team, the Athletics were the ones who had no trouble at the dome, as they produced 13 runs on 23 hits in a shutout victory over the Floss. Although Montana did see Brad Radke pitch a perfect game, their offense did nowhere near as well, as they only managed to score 7 runs on 21 hits and wound up losing by 5 runs after home proration was applied. This gave the Athletics a 1-0 series lead and kept them undefeated in the postseason as both teams prepared for Game 2.

Junior Athletics 13, Montana Floss 8

Player of the game: What’s more fitting than for the leadoff hitter to be the most important player in the leadoff game? Courtney Valentino has filled that role very well for the Junior Athletics this season, and Game 1 was no different, as she put together a 4-for-5 performance with 3 singles and a home run, notching 4 RBIs and scoring twice herself. Before the game, she did some light stretching and aerobics; after the game, she worked off some excess energy (and adrenaline) with an impromptu gymnastics performance.

Game 2: Montana Floss at Junior Athletics

The Montana Floss were hoping to even the series in this one, and they did notably better, as while they had only two more hits they managed to score 6 more runs over the course of their extra inning, and while Brad Radke allowed 4 hits he still pitched a shutout. This 13-0 win gave the Junior Athletics a run differential of 13 to overcome, and they almost did it. Defensively, the Athletics were on point, as Todd Xavier pitched a 5-hit shutout, and offensively they were also strong, managing 22 hits as the Floss AI made 5 errors. In the end, though, the Junior Athletics ended up winning their match 10-0, which with home proration gave them a run differential of 12–one run short. This allowed the Montana Floss to even the series and guarantee that it would last at least 4 games.

Montana Floss 13, Junior Athletics 12

Player of the game: Kathy Wolf was instrumental in helping the Montana Floss eke out a win. Like most of the team, she’s not known for a hefty power bat, but she regularly gets on base. That’s exactly what she did in Game 2, going 5-for-5 with 4 singles and a double. She finished with a pair of RBIs and scored 4 times, providing enough of an offensive punch to get the Floss past the Athletics and tie the series. After the game, she collapsed in right field, winded from having gone full speed the whole game but satisfied with the result.

Game 3: Junior Athletics at Montana Floss

With the series now tied, the Montana Floss were hoping to build on their momentum and take the series lead. However, it was the Athletics defense that came through in this game. They were absolutely stifling, holding the Floss to 4 runs on 8 hits–a poor offensive performance that even Brad Radke’s perfect game couldn’t save. The Athletics offense didn’t have to do that much to win, and a 12-2 final score was more than enough for them to blow away the Floss. This gave the Athletics a 2-1 series lead and meant that the Montana Floss were one loss away from losing the World Series.

Junior Athletics 10, Montana Floss 4

Player of the game: You couldn’t ask for a much better day than the one Sally Dobbs had. While the Athletics were solid offensively, she was more than solid, going 4-for-4 with 3 singles and a home run. She finished with 4 RBIs, scored every time she got up to bat, and topped it off with a stolen base. She may have won 2 World Series already, but she definitely wants to win a third.

Game 4: Montana Floss at Junior Athletics

In what could very well be the deciding game, the Junior Athletics opened things up with a bang, producing an 11-run 1st inning and setting themselves up very well for the rest of the game. The next four innings paled in comparison–they only scored 3 more runs for a final prorated score of 16-0–but it was easily their best performance of the series so far and would’ve been enough to beat the Floss most days. This was not one of those days, however, as the Athletics AI shuffled their defensive setup in order to have Ray Tran pitch Game 4. This led to holes all over the field, and that combined with some strong hits from the Montana Floss meant that they rampaged to 29 runs while shutting out the Athletics again. It was the second blowout of the series, but this time the winners were the Montana Floss, who tied the series at 2 and moved things to a decisive and final Game 5.

Montana Floss 29, Junior Athletics 16

Player of the game: Everybody was racking up hits for the Montana Floss in this game, but Emily Lewbel was doing a bit more than most, as she went 5-for-6 with a single, a double, a triple, and a pair of home runs. She finished with 10 RBIs and scored 4 times herself, and topped her day off with a stolen base. She was a vital part of the Floss’s offense, and admitted after the game that she was just hopeful she could do as well in Game 5.

Game 5: Junior Athletics at Montana Floss

With everything on the line, both teams would need to give it their all in this one. This time, with the Athletics AI set up normally, the Montana Floss didn’t have another overwhelming performance, but it was solid enough, as they put together 12 runs on 18 hits for a 12-0 home win that was bolstered by Brad Radke’s third perfect game of the series and a final prorated run differential of 14. This wasn’t enough to keep up with the Athletics, however, as the Junior Athletics started out strongly by putting up 10 runs in their first three innings (helped by Dawn Cozart hitting a pair of homers in those innings) and then pouring it on when Vic Soufle came on the mound from catcher; this opened up third base for steals, and the Athletics finished with a final score of 21-0. This meant the Junior Athletics won the game 21-14, and finished the season as champions!

Junior Athletics 21, Montana Floss 14

Player of the game: Dawn Cozart was on fire in this one! She may have only gone 3-for-5, but those 3 were all homers. She finished with 10 RBIs, only three of which she scored herself, and was a huge part of the Athletics’ initial offensive push that got Vic Soufle on the mound and allowed the Athletics to take control. After the game (and the series) she stated that she was just glad not to have been attacked by any bees, bears, bees the size of bears, or Poles (expatriated or otherwise) for her comments about bears.

Junior Athletics win the World Series 3-2

World Series MVP: Sally Dobbs is known for upping her game in the postseason, and that’s exactly what she did here. Throughout the playoffs, she was the strongest batter on the Junior Athletics, posting a .729 batting average (2nd on the Athletics), a 1.48 slugging percentage (led team), and hit the most home runs on the team, with 7 in total (in the regular season she had 5). As implausible as it may seem, she was actually even better in the World Series, going 17-for-21 (batting average of 0.810) with 5 home runs and a slugging percentage of 1.67. She was a big contributor to the Athletics offense and a huge part of why they won it all, which is why I’m naming her the World Series MVP.

Postseason MVP: When a defensive-oriented team wins it all, who else should get the most credit besides their pitcher? Todd Xavier spent almost all season on the mound, and spent about as much time up there in the postseason. As the Junior Athletics’ starting pitcher, he led them to a 7-2 record and a World Series championship, and along the way was utterly dominant on the mound, only allowing 6 runs in total, posting an ERA of 0.80, only allowing 44 hits and throwing 63 strikeouts as he sent batter after batter back to the dugout. In the end, his amazing pitching performances were enough to move the Athletics through all three rounds, fell their opponents, and give them the ultimate prize: the championship.

THE JUNIOR ATHLETICS ARE YOUR BBL SEASON 7 CHAMPIONS!

AWARD WINNERS

There are three awards given out right before the World Series starts. These awards are The Jocinda for the most impactful hitter on the player side, the Ace Wilson for the best pitcher on the player side, and the Goldie Glove for the most impactful defensive player on the AI side (in a positive way, of course).

THE JOCINDA
Winner: Jay Green, CF, Arizona Diamondbacks (Indoor Conference)

This was a season where records were set on both sides of the ball, usually from one player. When it came to batting, this player was Jay Green, who had an unbelievable season for the Arizona Diamondbacks. Jay Green set (and occasionally shattered) several records, including batting average (0.934; the previous record was 0.920), slugging percentage (2.934; the previous record was 2.344), and home runs (37; the previous record was 26). Along the way, he avoided ever leaving the plate without making contact, finishing the season with no strikeouts and no walks and only being called out 4 times (he went 57-for-61 over the course of the season). The cherry on top might just be his ability to avoid hitting singles; he only had 10 singles on the season, with the other 10 hits being doubles (9) or triples (1). Not only that, but he finished with 9 stolen bases, which suggests that even if he didn’t hit the ball out he’d still end up in scoring position somehow–and since he scored 51 times, that means that there were only ten instances when he came up to bat and didn’t score all season. There’s no such thing as automatic–even when it comes to Mr. Clanky–but this season, Jay Green was the closest you can get. This performance was unprecedented, and it’s highly unlikely that we’ll see anything like it again. But for 14 games, all the stars aligned perfectly, and Jay Green became the de facto MVP.

Balloting:
1.: Jay Green, CF, Arizona Diamondbacks (11 votes, 11 #1 votes)
2.: Kay O’Toole, RF, Purple Sox (8 votes)
3.: Leah Wayne, SS, Los Angeles Dodgers (6 votes)
4.: Sammy Sosa, RF, Red Phillies (3 votes, 1 #1 vote)
T-5.: Pablo Sanchez, SS, Green Monsters (1 vote, 1 #1 vote)
T-5.: Chico Pappas, C, Wizard Wombats (2 votes)
T-7.: Courtney Valentino, CF, Junior Athletics (1 vote)
T-7.: Uma Morris, 2B, Texas Rangers (1 vote)
T-9.: Julie Dunkel, P, Minnesota Twins (1 vote)
T-9.: Zena Fromme, 3B, Humongous Hornets (1 vote)
T-9.: Maria Luna, LF, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angels Association (1 vote)
T-9.: Cheryl Reynolds, C, Baltimore Orioles (1 vote)
T-9.: Marilyn McDonnell, SS, Purple Sox (1 vote)

ACE WILSON
Winner: Brad Radke, Montana Floss (Backyard Conference)

Speaking of record-setting performances, there was one of those on the pitching side this season, and as with the offensive side it was mostly from a single player (although the Los Angeles Dodgers rotated through almost their entire team as they had their own fantastic pitching season). This player? Brad Radke of the Montana Floss, who like Jay Green set several records (although he didn’t really shatter any of them). The only individual record he set was for strikeouts, with 130 (previous record: 127), but he was the main pitcher on the Montana Floss, who set several team records for pitching. In addition to the team setting the record for strikeouts in tandem with the Los Angeles Dodgers of this season with 135, they also set records for ERA with a team ERA of 0.29 (Radke’s ERA was 0.30, and the next closest team was the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association from this season, who had an ERA of 0.31 and would’ve tied the record were it not for a forfeit that cost them 6 innings of pitching; the earlier next closest were the Humongous Melonheads of Season 2, with an ERA of 0.34) and for hits allowed with 30 (previous record: 33, by the Baltimore Bombers in Season 6). Overall, it was one of the most (if not the most) dominating pitching performances the league has ever seen, and as a result Brad Radke was an almost unanimous choice for Ace Wilson

Balloting:
1.: Brad Radke, Montana Floss (12 votes, 10 #1 votes)
2.: Randy Johnson, Arizona Diamondbacks (9 votes, 2 #1 votes)
3.: Amanda Hellerman, Little Giants (5 votes)
4.: Tom Glass, New York Yankees (4 votes)
T-5.: Angela Delvecchio, Super-Duper Melonheads (2 votes, 1 #1 vote)
T-5.: Gretchen Hasselhoff, Los Angeles Dodgers (2 votes)
T-7.: Shohei Ohtani, Milwaukee Braves (2 votes)
T-7.: Nancy Chin, Baltimore Bombers (1 vote)

GOLDIE GLOVE
Winner: Star Moonbeam, 1B, Wizard Wombats (Backyard Conference)

The Wizard Wombats were supposed to have the weakest defense in the Backyard Conference. Supposed is the operative word, though, as despite their focus on offense and them having one of the only weak catchers in the conference, their defense was decidedly average, finishing as the 5th-ranked defense–not great, but nowhere near the sieve it was agreed to be before the season started. A big part of their performance? Star Moonbeam, who turned into an absolute terror at first base, darting off the bag to snatch up any grounders to the right side and getting back before most batters could make it to first. Along with making hitting grounders to the right side of the field unenticing, her speed guaranteed that she was always on the bag to receive throws from everybody else, which helped ensure that passed balls weren’t a problem at first. Although there were other players who ended up causing unexpected trouble for opposing offenses (Tony Delvecchio was surprisingly acrobatic at first base, and Ricky Johnson’s height and speed in left field posed an occasional problem and allowed him to rob homers once in a blue moon), Star Moonbeam was easily the most consistently troublesome defensive obstacle for other teams to overcome, and this award is well-deserved.

Balloting:
1.: Star Moonbeam, 1B, Wizard Wombats (7 votes, 4 #1 votes)
T-2.: Tony Delvecchio, 1B, Super-Duper Melonheads (3 votes, 2 #1 votes)
T-2.: Ricky Johnson, LF, Montana Floss (5 votes, 1 #1 vote)
4.: Pete Wheeler, 3B, Texas Rangers (3 votes, 1 #1 vote)
T-5.: Shohei Ohtani, P, Milwaukee Braves (2 votes)
T-5.: Derek Jeter, SS, Boston Reds (2 votes)
T-7.: Todd Xavier, P, Junior Athletics (1 vote, 1 #1 vote)
T-7.: Henri Deschenes, CF, Milwaukee Braves (1 vote, 1 #1 vote)
T-7.: Johnny Omar, 3B, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association (1 vote, 1 #1 vote)
T-7.: Kathy Wolf, RF, Montana Floss (1 vote, 1 #1 vote)
T-7.: Susan Gore, C, Boston Cubs (1 vote, 1 #1 vote)
T-7.: Alex Rodriguez, SS, Boston Cubs (2 votes)
T-13.: Sarah Maxwell, C, Humongous Hornets (1 vote)
T-13.: Veronica Lee, CF, Texas Rangers (1 vote)
T-13.: Fred Benson, LF, Baltimore Bombers (1 vote)
T-16.: Wendy Parsons, C, Junior Athletics (1 vote)
T-16.: Pamela Kirkos, C, Arizona Diamondbacks (1 vote)
T-16.: Ezra Travolta, SS, Arizona Diamondbacks (1 vote)
T-16.: Marky Dubois, P, Baltimore Orioles (1 vote)
T-16.: Scotty Roth, C, Purple Sox (1 vote)
T-16.: Esmarelda Heimann, C, Red Phillies (1 vote)

ODE TO THE CHAMPIONS

The Junior Athletics have done it. They’ve managed to win the championship as an upstart Frontyard team with a rookie coach. They fought their way through a tough season where nobody expected them to be particularly great to become the eventual champions. So how’d they do it?

Well, as with all teams, their story starts with the draft. In order to build the best team he could, head coach and GM MelloMathTeacher made contact with several long-term vets to get their advice on whom to draft and what to do with them. He combined this with extensive testing to figure out his AI’s lineup, and when the draft was over, expressed confidence that he had drafted a good team.

What he wasn’t confident in was how well they’d perform under him. Before the season started, he played several practice matches against numerous Frontyard teams, and for him the results were routinely underwhelming. The Junior Athletics suffered several losses to the AI in the opening exhibitions, struggled to score, and generally left those following the team with the sense that while their AI might cause some opponents to struggle, Mello’s coaching would leave much to be desired.

To some extent, this assumption was validated in their first game–a tie where both teams won 2-0 and where the Athletics were only given the win because they were the home team and as such had a home bonus (in this case, .4 runs). While their offense came alive in their next game (a 12-1 road win against the Florida Marlins), in game three their offense once again put up a mediocre performance, scoring 6 at home against the Humongous Hornets. At this point, however, the Junior Athletics were 3-0, and it looked like they might just be contenders–especially since their AI defense had quietly only given up 6 runs in their first three games.

Defense couldn’t carry them forever, though, and the worries MelloMathTeacher had about his preseason performance reared their head again, as an extra-innings bout with the Minnesota Twins (where the Athletics suffered plenty of bad luck) led to the team’s first loss to the AI (and their first loss overall as the Twins won their half 3-0). They hoped to get back on the winning track against the Los Angeles Dodgers, but struggled to score once again, only producing 5 runs on the road and losing the game when AI Leah Wayne hit a solo shot that gave the Athletics a final score of 5-1 and a run differential of 4–which tied with the home team Dodgers (who won their game 4-0) and gave Los Angeles the win.

Now 3-2, the Athletics looked to be fading as their AI defense got figured out. But Week 6 proved to be an inflection point for the team. Not only did their AI get its first win (defeating the Tampa Bay Devil Rays 2-0) but their offense caught fire, scoring 12 runs at home as the intensive practice they put in finally started to pay dividends in an actual game. The Athletics then built off of their momentum in Week 7, defeating the New York Yankees 17-6 (in a game heavily aided by the shallow walls of Tin Can Alley) and entering the All-Star Break as the third-best team in their conference at 5-2 (behind the 6-1 Minnesota Twins and 5-2 Los Angeles Dodgers).

After the All-Star Break, the Athletics continued to do well offensively, defeating the Twins 12-6 at Dirt Yards (in a game that would’ve seen them win by more had their defense not melted down in the 6th) and losing to the Dodgers 21-20 at home (in a game where they only lost because AI Leah Wayne hit a home run). At this point, the Athletics were 6-3 and still in third, but they’d finally figured out their offense and their defense had continued to stay strong. This deadly combination worked to their benefit, and they proceeded to win the last five games of the season and vaulted into the playoffs as the top seed from the Frontyard Conference.

Despite having a full head of steam and the top seed under their belt, the Athletics were heavy underdogs in their opening playoff matchup against the Boston Cubs. The Boston Cubs were another defensively-oriented team, with the strongest defense in the Backyard Conference and a 1.5 time champion at their helm. It was expected that the Cubs would be able to take down the Athletics with relative ease, and that the Athletics would be lucky to steal even one game of the three-game series.

The Athletics had kept practicing, however, and had readied themselves to play on the Cubs home field of Cement Gardens as well as their own home of Dubois Diamond. This practice paid off with two results on the same day: the first one, a 9-6 win where both teams scored more runs than would be expected but also gave up quite a few runs, and the second one a 7-7 game at Dubois Diamond where the Athletics won due to the home bonus. Just like that, the Athletics had swept the Cubs and moved on to the second round of the playoffs.

Their opponents in the second round were the Texas Rangers of the Indoor Conference, and this time the Athletics were favored–their AI had stood strong against the Cubs, and their offense had continued to contribute. In Game 1, their AI gave up double-digit runs for only the second time, but their offense took advantage of an error-filled performance by the Rangers AI to put up 22 runs and defeat the Rangers 21-14 in Game 1. Game 2 wasn’t even close, as the Rangers AI somehow made even more errors (14 in total), and the Athletics AI shut down the Rangers offense. The Athletics won 21-5, and just like that a team that had lost to the AI multiple times in preseason was now in the World Series.

Their final opponents were the arms-and-speed based Montana Floss. The Floss were another defense-focused team, but they boasted a weaker defense than the Boston Cubs coupled with a surprisingly stronger offense (based largely on their coach’s predilection for the foul ball). Game 1 saw the Athletics AI once again stand tall, allowing only 7 runs to the Floss, while their offense produced again to give the Athletics a 13-8 win and the series lead. They lost it in the next game, however, as their 10-game winning streak was brought to an end in a very close 13-12 loss. Game 3 saw them return to their winning ways as their AI held the Floss to 4 runs and they won 12-2, but a reshuffling of their AI defense due to nerfs in Game 4 tied the series again when both teams had their best offensive performances so far (the Floss won 29-16). This brought the series to a decisive game 5, and as they’d done so many times this season, the Athletics rose to the occasion, winning the final game 21-14 and becoming the champions.

It was a long road, but the Athletics did the best they possibly could. They played 23 (official) games, won 18 of them, and got better throughout the season. It was an impressive effort by MelloMathTeacher, and it shows the power analysis can have when utilized properly. Hats off to Mello, Fello, and the entire Junior Athletics team: they deserve this win.

What they said: “It was a really wild and unexpected ride that I’m glad that I got to experience once, and don’t have any burning desire to do again. It took hours upon hours of grinding, practice, and study, and I needed every last one of them to pull it off, to the point where it was really eating up time I probably would have been better off spending with more relaxing activities. So that’s how I’ll spend future seasons after I take my break on the next one. The series win was, to be quite honest, a miracle. My A’s always seemed to be in favorable matchups; never facing any hyper-offensive teams that can hit over our incredibly strong defense with consistency. I do not think that we are necessarily the best team, or me necessarily the best coach. But we beat the teams in front of us and left no doubt. For that, I’m incredibly satisfied. I finished the season with prideful tears in my eyes. I was far too busy to write in my season journal due to real life work, but I think my players’ personalities shone through beautifully in the discord and the quotes. I’ll miss them a ton. I’m so glad they could experience this storybook of an ending. I’ll treasure them forever no matter who I play with in the future. Thanks for a spectacular season, Junior Athletics. You’re the best team I could have hoped to play with.“

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“This playoffs is [censored] up.” – Vissery, providing an accurate assessment of the playoffs

“I love gingers…but that’s Jibbo’s thing.” – Natetastic, Milwaukee Braves head coach, on personal preferences

“I know that spirit! But I also don’t think I’m that adventurous…” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on gingers

“In my heart I know I can win this. In my guts I know I’m nuts.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, invoking Lyndon Baines

“Inherently I would be sad for whoever lost because I like both Mello and JBA.” – Vissery, on the World Series

“Liking JBA is what’s referred to as a ‘Vissery decision.'” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on Vissery’s poor decision-making abilities

“What the [censored] is a Vissery decision? Are you saying my opinions are bad?” – Vissery, taking umbrage

“I’m gonna drop the highest-scoring player on my fantasy football team for someone off the waiver wire! That’ll improve my chances for sure!” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, providing an example of a Vissery decision

“This might be the lowest scoring World Series in BBL history.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, predicting a defensive struggle

“The dream’s still alive. The World Series could be won by a team with a losing record.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, being hopeful

“Oh my god he’s unstoppable.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Boston Cubs head coach, on the Junior Athletics winning Game 1

“Honestly this whole postseason is just vindicating to see everyone struggling with the team that [censored] me off. I honestly can’t believe I scored more against the A’s than the Giants.” – Vissery, on the Junior Athletics’ postseason run

“I don’t understand BBL anymore.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, continuing to struggle with the reality that a Frontyard team could win it all

“The most perfectly well-rounded team technically is the one that’s doing the best.” – Vissery, explaining the BBL to crazyei8hts

“Mello has a strong defense and a treacherous [censored] infield.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on struggling against the Junior Athletics

“I guess I just got better at the game. I think it might have been facing the Cubs that got me to reach this realization.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on his team’s consistent improvement

“I want the Floss to lose.” – Vissery, on his rooting interest in the World Series

“What if I drafted not just one Albert Pujols, but two Albert Pujolses?” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, providing an example of a Vissery decision

“You could just draft a gimmick team and steal all the first basemen or something to [censored] over everyone else who wants one.” – Vissery, on draft strategy

“Are you still upset by Jarod stealing Pujols in the first round?” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on Vissery’s draft strategies

“Quentin Driver has been drafted in the first round.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on draft strategy

“I own this server.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on running the server

“I born this server.” – Yurya, Green Monsters head coach, on being the commissioner

“What does that mean?” – Vissery, habitually confused

“It means there’s placenta all over his computer.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, being disgusting

“I entered this season wanting to learn as much as I could, and I have indeed learned an absolute ton. And when it carried me this far, I really want to finish the job. I’ve got practically no interest in repeating or spending more hours studying and labbing for high-pressure situations like this.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on not wanting to return for Season 8 after a hard-fought Season 7

“Doubleheaders are cool.” – Vissery, on MelloMathTeacher planning to premiere Game 2 and Game 3 on the same night

“Are you guys talking about Harry Potter?” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, quoting Vissery

“Do you have a bunch of random things I’ve said saved on your computer?” – Vissery, on being quoted by JorgesBankAccount

“He does have to quote hunt for his recaps.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on JorgesBankAccount having a bunch of random things Vissery’s said saved up

“Nobody believes in me.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, quoting Vissery

“I don’t even remember what this is from. It could be literally anything.” – Vissery, on being quoted by JorgesBankAccount

“I don’t even think.” –  JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, quoting Vissery

“I don’t even remember.” – Vissery, quoting Vissery

“I don’t even.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, quoting Vissery quoting Vissery

“Without our boosts it’s gonna look booty.” – Aesnop, Purple Sox head coach

“Is this a 2-0 series lead?” – Yurya, Green Monsters head coach, on Game 2

“Yeah. He wins on the home bonus.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on Game 2

“What was your score?” – Vissery, looking for spoilers

“12-0.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, being wrong as usual

“Is it possible we get a winner tonight?” – SilverBullet102, Little Giants head coach, looking ahead to Game 3

“Wait you scored 13.” – Vissery, on JorgesBankAccount being an idiot

“I thought I had 12! I had 12! I demand a recount!” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on being surprised with a win

“Interesting series.” – Vissery, on the World Series being tied

“Wait, no I [censored] don’t. This game was conducted fairly and legally, and anyone who says otherwise is trying to rile up tension in the community.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on wanting to keep the win

“I hate surprises. Anticipation sucks objectively. Nobody can argue with me.” – Vissery, on being predictable

“Wait so we’re 1-1 in the series?” – jlund, former Baltimore Bombers head coach, summing up the situation

“By a hair, yes.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, confirming jlund’s suspicions

“So glad I’m not bald.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on stealing a win

“4 runs. Game was almost over after 1 inning.” – Vissery, on Game 3

“I know the feeling JBA. Defense too good over there.” – Jyknight, Texas Rangers head coach, on the Montana Floss’s underwhelming Game 3 performance

“I tried so far! And got so hard! And in the end, will it even matter?” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, misquoting Linkin Park

“I wonder if this is the lowest scoring series in BBL history.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on the (comparatively) low scores produced by both teams

“Game 5 of Season 3 might score more than this entire series.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on history

“Paste isn’t real.” – Vissery, providing anti-Petrovich propaganda

“Ray has not seemed like the massive weakness everyone touts him as.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on Ray Tran’s fielding abilities

“That tree hugger sure knows how to handle the…uh, I think at this point the less said the better.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, trying not to get in trouble with a comment about Annie Frazier

“Bat. That’s how you get out of it.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, helping MelloMathTeacher out

“Sure. She knows how to handle the bat.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, accepting assistance

“And then you ruin it by saying she loves to send balls flying.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, ruining it

“But the balls are made of cow hide! That poor little cow…” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, trying to save it

“Sometimes when you’re no longer able to actually think is when things make the most sense.” – Vissery, on mental function

“I know that having 3 first round picks and a bunch of dregs has never worked out for anybody, but uh…anybody wanna see me try?” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, providing an example of a Vissery decision

“Home runs don’t do anything for me anymore anyway I’m all about the hits that barely go by the defense.” – Vissery, on current offensive preferences

“Give your team to hitace.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on the obvious solution

“That’s where the real dopamine is.” – Vissery, on dopamine

“Hitace or barely going by the defense?” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, asking the real questions

“I guess we’ll find out if I can start slapping that pig this weekend.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on hoping to pull off the upset

“I think you would probably get arrested if you did anything like that during the game.” – Vissery, on slapping pigs

“I haven’t eaten or gone to the bathroom since before we started…please let it be over.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on wanting a quick end to the World Series

“To quote JBA THE ATHLETICS WON!” – Yurya, Green Monsters head coach, mocking JorgesBankAccount’s penchant for paranoia and pessimism

“Wait what was Butch doing in right?!?!?” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, trying to understand why his AI defense got shuffled so much in Game 4

“Half the defense was out of position. It…created several holes.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on the shuffling of the Junior Athletics AI defense

“THAT’S the JBA I know!” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, happy that a Backyard Conference team defeated a Frontyard Conference team for only the second time this postseason

“Isn’t everyone rooting for the Athletics?” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on fandom

“I am.” – hitace, Los Angeles Dodgers head coach, on wanting the Junior Athletics to win

“I’m rooting for the As because I think that the circumstance of the entire other side of bracket was a total dumpster fire and winning off of that has me feeling indifferent even if it’s still deserved since you have to actually play well anyway in the World Series.” ­– Vissery, on rooting for the Junior Athletics

“I’m rooting for you! Backyard League represent!” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, hoping that the so-called ‘best conference’ can salvage some semblance of dignity

“I feel bad for whoever loses ’cause I know someone’s gonna be really sad.” – Vissery, on Game 5

“Is that someone you?” – jlund, former Baltimore Bombers head coach, on sorrow

“It’s going to be me.” – Jyknight, Texas Rangers head coach, on sorrow

“So right now we’re 2-2 in the series can’t wait to see takes home the prize!” – SilverBullet102, Little Giants head coach, on anticipating Game 5

“I can’t believe the entire server will close after the World Series is over.” – Vissery, on the imminent shutdown of the league

“Wait what?” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on being out of the loop

“It was nice knowing everyone.” – Yurya, Green Monsters head coach and commissioner, saying goodbye

“It’s been fun, but gotta quit while you’re ahead.” – jlund, former Baltimore Bombers head coach, echoing the prevailing sentiment

“Marky probably has a goat. Does that count?” – Vissery, on Marky’s farm animals

“Didn’t Season 6 go to a 5th game too?” – Natetastic, Milwaukee Braves head coach, on full-length World Series

“JBA knows this feeling too well.” – Aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, on JorgesBankAccount being in a 5-game World Series for the second season in a row

“I’m all about that drama. Why do you think I write the recaps?” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on dramatic endings

“In my own sheets.” – Vissery, on…who even knows at this point

“That literally makes no sense.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, on Vissery’s sheets

“Who says rookies can’t win?” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on the Junior Athletics winning the World Series

“I give massive credit to all the veterans who have helped me with drafting and putting together detailed position rankings that didn’t exist yet just to ensure my plans were solid.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, giving credit to everyone who help him craft his team

“We’ve done it! Our hard work finally paid off!” – Wendy Parsons, Junior Athletics

“Sally puts her place in BBL history as the first individual player to get 3 championship titles, while the Athletics are the second team to win 2 championship titles.” –  Vissery, on history

“This team has more maturity and discipline than I had ever seen. It’s truly admirable.” – Sally Dobbs, Junior Athletics

“Maturity and discipline? Nah. Kick up the music!” – Wendy Parsons, Junior Athletics, on partying partying yeah

“WOMP BA DO NI MA, NO BOMP BOMP BOMP!” – Ray Tran, Junior Athletics, still unable to correctly sing the opening line to Tutti Frutti

“I beat Mello and the As in the preseason, so clearly the Melonheads are the true champions here.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, hoping for playoff glory

“I beat Mello and the As in the postseason.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, not having any of it

“We’ve achieved what we set out to do. It’s time to finally relax.” – Todd Xavier, Junior Athletics starting pitcher, on winning the World Series

“I’m not here without Todd.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on Todd Xavier’s consistently great performances

“This all happened because aesnop subbed for the Marlins that one time.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on the final outcome of the season

“Does this mean that hitace may have gotten Mello the championship? The Dodgers were the only team to play the Athletics and not lose to them.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on the Dodgers forfeiting in the playoffs

“Dodgers would have won the World Series.” – aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, on what could have been

“Hitace literally murdered you and then quit. That’s the gigachad move.” – Vissery, to aesnop, on the Purple Sox getting double-50’d in the first round of the playoffs

“We’re the best, guys. You’re the best. What a wild ride.” – Wendy Parsons, Junior Athletics

“This definitely has the most random pinned messages of any season chat.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on the unusual statements that were emphasized this season

“I’m just…stunned. I can’t believe we did this.” – Butch Sherrod, Junior Athletics, on winning the World Series

“I hate new coaches.” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, on new coaches

“…because they beat you?” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, guessing why

“Because people like YOU waddle in and [censored] up and win everything while I sit in a dark corner and cry about my backyard baseball skills!” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, on depression

“I mean you did beat the Dodgers Marco.” – Vissery, trying to comfort Marco by bringing up the highlight of the Yankees’ 7-7 season

“I win everything.” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, playing two degrees of separation to try and claim the championship trophy

“I could not imagine a more fun, more rewarding season with a better crew of kids. I’m so proud of you all. It’ll be hard to see you guys go to a bunch of different teams, but that’s how it works. But know that we’ll forever be united in our hearts. We’ll see each other again and have plenty of fun. But for now, it’s time we went our own paths. Enjoy yourselves.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, bidding his team farewell

“Frontyard proves if you can dream it you can do it.” – SilverBullet102, Little Giants head coach, on the champions

“Thanks for the season.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach and World Series champion, on Season 7

“ROBBED! TOM GLASS ROBBED!” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, upset about the Ace Wilson voting results

“More like broken glass.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, mocking Tom Glass

“TOM GLASS WENT 4TH? WHAT YHR HRCK! This is robbery.” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, even more upset about the Ace Wilson voting results

“…you didn’t vote for him as your first place choice, did you, Marco.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, pointing out the obvious

“I didn’t vote at all!” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, spitting on democracy

“MVP and Ace voting were kinda snoozeville. They were just so dominant.” – Vissery, on the obvious choices for those two awards

“It wouldn’t have been if Tom Glass somehow won it. It’s your own fault!” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, shifting the blame for Tom Glass’s fourth place finish in the Ace Wilson voting

“Yaaaaaaaayyyyyy! I’m so honored!” – Courtney Valentino, Junior Athletics, on getting a vote for MVP

“Four of the seven MVP winners in BBL history have had their names start with a J.” – Vissery, on history

“Life’s not fair Jay, life’s not fair.” – Mavfatha, Baltimore Orioles head coach, on Jay Green winning The Jocinda

“I think I’ll trade with Aesnop!” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on drafting

“I love you all! Bye, everyone!” – Courtney Valentino, Junior Athletics, closing the book on Season 7

Welcome to Round 2, everyone! This time, four get whittled down to two, and believe you me when I say that the final two are not whom anyone would’ve predicted at the start of the season. Plus, the Consolation Tournament has concluded (not least because Eauxps is impatient and likes to play a lot…yeah, it went by much faster than the playoff bracket). Who won? Who lost? Read on and find out!

LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND

#1 Arizona Diamondbacks (15-2, Indoor Conference) vs. #2 Los Angeles Dodgers (12-4, Frontyard Conference)

The first round of the playoffs saw the Dodgers pull off a gigantic upset that left everyone stunned. However, as the second round approached, shock turned to anticipation as the league eagerly waited to see if the Dodgers would once again pull off the upset as they took on the team with the best record in any conference in the Arizona Diamondbacks. In this instance, they wouldn’t, but not due to on-field performances.

Hitace had been busy with work entering this series (and actually out of town on a trip), and while the coach hoped to play at the start of November, an inopportune death (that of his girlfriend’s grandmother) would have kept the Dodgers’ coach out of town for another week to attend the funeral; this, combined with how hitace’s work had apparently scheduled another work trip, meant that at the earliest the Los Angeles Dodgers would be playing in mid-November. Consequently, hitace chose to forfeit rather than string the season out for another couple weeks (at least).

This forfeit would’ve led to the Arizona Diamondbacks facing off against the Purple Sox, because when a team forfeits in the playoffs the next best team (or the one they beat previously) moves on, but problems cropped up for Sisu, and he was forced to forfeit due to his own issues. This would’ve sent the series to the losers of the previous round (the Purple Sox and Montana Floss), but Purple Sox coach aesnop felt as though he didn’t deserve to be in the series due to having lost so decisively to the Los Angeles Dodgers. Consequently, the Montana Floss were given a free ticket to the World Series, and instead of making the moral choice and declining, I took the second (well, with how the Montana Floss’s season has gone, it’s more like the fifth) chance at the championship.

Montana Floss move on to the World Series…wrap your head around that one.

Series MVP: There are no winners here. Only losers. (Well, I mean, I technically won, but it’s a hollow victory.) So let’s dedicate this space to hitace’s girlfriend’s grandmother. Though it’s likely none of us know her, she’s still in our hearts, and we mourn her death. Rest in peace.

#2 Texas Rangers (12-5, Indoor Conference) vs. #1 Junior Athletics (13-3, Frontyard Conference)

Game 1: Junior Athletics at Texas Rangers (Big City Stadium)
The main question entering this series was whether the Rangers would keep up the momentum and manage to crack the Athletics defense. It was answered in this game that they could, as they won their game by a score of 14-2, which came out to a prorated run differential of 14. Unfortunately for them, the Athletics kept the momentum going and cracked the Rangers defense wide open as they put up a 22-1 win boosted by a 10 run 6th inning that blew the Rangers out of the water and gave the Athletics the series lead.

Junior Athletics 21, Texas Rangers 14

Game 2: Texas Rangers at Junior Athletics (Big City Stadium)
The Athletics kept their offense rolling, relying on steals, base hits, and a bevy of errors from the Rangers defense (14 in total) to once again put up a big game, this one a 20-3 win that with proration gave them another run differential of 21. This would’ve been enough for them to win any game this season; that stayed the case in this game, as the Rangers flopped offensively, putting up a 5-0 score that was nowhere near what they needed to keep pace. The Athletics won the series, and roll into the World Series as the only team not to have taken a loss in the postseason.

Junior Athletics 21, Texas Rangers 5

Junior Athletics win series 2-0

Series MVP: It seems like every series brings a new hero from the Athletics. This time, it was Sally Dobbs, who stepped up and blasted, going 8-for-10 with a pair of grand slams and 11 RBIs in Game 2 alone. She was absolutely on fire, helped to push them forward, and has once again proven herself an asset to any team she’s on. While a bit disappointed at not being able to face off against her brother in the World Series due to unfortunate problems with the Los Angeles Dodgers, she’s still happy to be there, and looking to help the Junior Athletics hoist the trophy at the end of the season.

WORLD SERIES PREVIEW

It’s finally here! The championship! And it’s between two teams that nobody would have predicted to be here at the start of the season…or the start of the playoffs…or up until the match was finally set, actually. It’s been a long, strange road for both of these teams, but only one of them can win the World Series. It’s a best-of-five series, so it just depends on which team can crack three wins first.

Junior Athletics
Coach: MelloMathTeacher
Record: 11-3 (15-3 including playoffs)
Runs per game: 11.1 (12.1 including playoffs), 3rd Frontyard Conference
Runs allowed per game: 5.0 (5.7 including playoffs), 1st Frontyard Conference

The Athletics have proven the doubters wrong. They’ve never been a great offense, but they were always a good defense, with the only caveat to their performance being that they were in the Frontyard Conference. At this point, that caveat has fallen away, with them winning 4 straight playoff games (and losing none) largely on the strength of their defense, which held opposing offense to single digits in 3 of those games. Their defense has been solid time and time again, and has been almost impenetrable, with only two different teams (the Los Angeles Dodgers in Week 9 and the Texas Rangers in Game 1 of the Championship Series) able to even score more than 10 runs on them. And that’s before we get into their offense. Sure, the Athletics aren’t really considered an offensive powerhouse, but they’ve never needed to be, and you can’t really expect a defense-focused team with two black holes in the lineup (Todd Xavier and Butch Sherrod) to be a transcendent offense. But they’ve been a solid offense, and they’ve been scoring in the double-digits on a fairly consistent basis. You’d expect a first-year coach to struggle to score runs with a team like this, but that hasn’t been the case; in fact, if anything, MelloMathTeacher has taken this offense to its full potential, especially in the playoffs.

Montana Floss
Coach: JorgesBankAccount
Record: 6-8 (9-10 including playoffs)
Runs per game: 16.3 (18.0 including playoffs), 5th Backyard Conference
Runs allowed per game: 15.9 (16.5 including playoffs), 2nd Backyard Conference

The plot of Clerks (insofar as there is a plot) is set off when one of the main characters has to work at his minimum-wage convenience store job when it’s supposed to be his day off. In response to this, he repeatedly proclaims “I’m not even supposed to be here today!” That’s exactly how we should view the Montana Floss: they’re not even supposed to be here. And I don’t mean that as a compliment or a Cinderella story; no, instead I’m referring to the fact that they really shouldn’t be here. They were 4-7 11 games into the season. Then somehow the play-in games for the final playoff seed came down to three teams that were 6-8. Even though the Floss managed to claw their way past the other two teams to make it in, they were then eliminated from the playoffs by the Diamondbacks. It took the other three teams in their side of the bracket forfeiting for them to get to the World Series. The Montana Floss are not that good of a team; it’s just that everyone in their way has fallen on their face at some point to allow the Floss to pass. If the Floss want to win, they’ll need that to happen again, but how much luck can one team possibly possess?

Prediction
I’d like to believe that the team I run is going to win the World Series. But I can’t. That’s not just because I’m pessimistic–it’s because the Junior Athletics are the better team. They’ve got a stronger defense, their offense is solid, they’ve got momentum, and perhaps most importantly, they’re playing their best baseball in the playoffs. The only thing the Montana Floss have on their side is that an extraordinary number of outcomes have had to fall their way for them to even be here–they could win the World Series with an overall .500 record when the playoffs are included.

The Athletics have just been a better team overall and especially in the playoffs. They’ve ripped through their side of the bracket, they’re fueled up and ready, and their overall a better team. I’m reluctant to predict a sweep, but I’m fairly certain the Junior Athletics will win. I’ll say Athletics in 4.

CONSOLATION TOURNAMENT SECOND ROUND

With the first round of the consolation tournament in the books, the second round commenced. Who would be the champion of the leftovers? Well, among the ones that volunteered to try, there were only four standing, and they’d soon be whittled down to two, facing off against each other in a best-of-five series. Before that, though, were two best-of-three series that went the distance.

Baltimore Bombers vs. Boston Reds
Theme: Black and Red!

These two Indoor Conference teams had vastly different seasons, with the only thing in common being their color schemes. The Baltimore Bombers had spent the season as an also-ran in constant turmoil, working their way to a 9-5 record and posting consistently solid performances despite a midseason coaching change and some minor difficulties adjusting to the league from the new coach. Meanwhile, the Boston Reds had no turnover and were also fairly consistent, but in the other direction, as they finished 3-10 with the second-worst defenses in the Indoor Conference. They were trending in the same direction entering this series, however, and that direction is upwards! The Boston Reds were coming off a sweep of the Seattle Fishes, and this surprisingly good performance combined with shrewsbury’s consolation win the previous season had given the Reds good press. Meanwhile, the Bombers were coming off of a sweep as well, this one against the strong Minnesota Twins of the Frontyard Conference, and the question for them was whether their steady performances would allow them to get past Boston.

Game 1: Boston Reds at Baltimore Bombers (Scrapco Field)
Because the Bombers had been better in the regular season, they were allowed to choose whether they wanted to play more games at home or on the road. They took home-field advantage, and in the first game the Reds made them pay for it. Once again, the Reds offense came alive, putting up 13 runs in a shutout win, while their defense held again, holding the Bombers to only 8 runs (although their AI offense was shut out) and taking a 13-9 win that gave them the series lead.

Boston Reds 13, Baltimore Bombers 9

Game 2: Baltimore Bombers at Boston Reds (The Paveway)
With the series lead in hand, the Reds returned to The Paveway in the hopes of closing out the series and moving on to the Consolation Championship. Unfortunately for them, the Bombers had other ideas, as Baltimore produced a steady stream of hits as they scored 12 runs. The Reds offense wasn’t able to keep up, as they only won their game 5-1, and the series returned to Scrapco Field for one final deciding game.

Baltimore Bombers 12, Boston Reds 5

Game 3: Boston Reds at Baltimore Bombers (Scrapco Field)
This last game would require a strong performance from the winner, and the Reds offense definitely did their best, scoring better than it usually did with 10 runs (albeit while giving up a run). This wasn’t enough, however, as the Baltimore Bombers also whipped out a massive offensive performance, scoring 14 runs in a home shutout win that allowed them to easily breeze past the Reds. This gave the Bombers the series win and sent them to the Consolation Tournament Championship.

Baltimore Bombers 16, Boston Reds 9

Baltimore Bombers win series 2-1

Red Phillies vs. Super-Duper Melonheads
Theme: Don’t Get Defensive!

These two teams had very little in common. While the Red Phillies were one of the highest-scoring teams in the Backyard Conference and had the third-best offense overall, the Super-Duper Melonheads were the lowest-scoring team in the Indoor Conference and had the second-worst offense overall. While the Red Phillies had been part of the play-in games for the final seed from the Backyard Conference, the Super-Duper Melonheads had been the first team eliminated from playoff contention. But while they didn’t have much in common, there were two big similarities: both had swept their first-round opponents in the Consolation Tournament, and both had absolutely putrid defenses. Still, the Red Phillies defense hadn’t seemed to have many problems against the slowpoke Milwaukee Braves, and the Super-Duper Melonheads had no trouble with another slowpoke team in the Humongous Hornets. The question was whether the Melonheads’ offense would come alive for more than one game–and even if it did, would it be enough against the expected Phillies onslaught?

Game 1: Super-Duper Melonheads at Red Phillies (Playground Commons)
The answer in Game 1 was that the Melonheads offense did not come alive and their defense did not hold up. While the Melonheads had a fantastic offensive performance at the Phillies home field of Playground Commons (with the Phillies having been given the choice of whose home field to start at and choosing their own) by putting up 14 runs, their player-controlled defense was absolutely putrid, allowing 7 runs and keeping their overall score down. Not that it mattered all that much; the Phillies put together a 17-1 win to easily take the first game of the series and carry tons of momentum to the Melonheads’ home field in Game 2.

Red Phillies 19, Super-Duper Melonheads 7

Game 2: Red Phillies at Super-Duper Melonheads (Casa de Pablo)
La Chancla has a reputation for being a wonderful place to visit and a horrible place to make your home. That was not the case in this one, however. While the Melonheads once again put up a good offensive performance, this time their player-controlled defense didn’t falter, and they ended up winning their side of the battle 12-0 for a prorated final score of 14. Meanwhile, the Phillies struggled mightily, as their offense was held to 6 runs (their lowest score of the year) in a game where they gave up two runs of their own, and the matchup moved to a decisive Game 3 at Playground Commons.

Super-Duper Melonheads 14, Red Phillies 4

Game 3: Super-Duper Melonheads at Red Phillies (Playground Commons)
For perhaps the first time ever, the Melonheads offense was finally consistent, as they put up their third output of 14 runs or more in a row. In this case, it was a 15-2 score against the Phillies at Playground Commons–but with how good the Phillies offense usually is, this wasn’t going to be enough to win, especially once the Melonheads’ lacking defense was taken into account. Or so you’d think, as the Melonheads defense finally had a good performance, holding the Phillies to a mere two runs and allowing the Super-Duper Melonheads to advance to the Consolation Tournament Championship with a huge Game 3 win.

Super-Duper Melonheads 13, Red Phillies 2

Super-Duper Melonheads win series 2-1

CONSOLATION TOURNAMENT CHAMPIONSHIP
This battle between two Indoor Conference teams was very interesting. The Super-Duper Melonheads had been the worst team in the Indoor Conference by almost every measure, only scoring 10 runs once and usually being fairly easy to beat, but they had been performing at the highest level since preseason and had become a formidable foe in the Consolation Tournament. The Baltimore Bombers had been a fairly consistent team, usually being somewhat tough to beat and finishing with a respectable 9-5 record and third place in the Indoor Conference–despite a midseason coaching change and other tumult around them–that had carried their consistently good performances into the Consolation Tournament. Since the Bombers had the better run differential in-season, they were allowed to choose which team’s field would be used to host three of the possible five final games, and choose to take their home field as the main site.

Game 1: Super-Duper Melonheads at Baltimore Bombers (Scrapco Field)
The Bombers were 5-2 at home in the regular season and 2-1 in the Consolation Tournament, and they continued their winning ways at Scrapco in Game 1. This time, the fault lay with the Melonheads, who dropped off from their recent strong performances by posting a 7-1 score; admittedly better than their regular season average, but not good enough to beat most teams. This was the case with Baltimore, who put together a 12-2 performance for a prorated 12-run score and a 12-6 win that gave them the initial lead in the Consolation Tournament Championship.

Baltimore Bombers 12, Super-Duper Melonheads 6

Game 2: Baltimore Bombers at Super-Duper Melonheads (Casa de Pablo)
The Melonheads sudden difficulties continued in the return to La Chancla. This time, they won 3-0, a score that would’ve been easy to top for most teams; with Casa de Pablo’s strange affinity for visiting teams in play, the Bombers instead put together an even better performance than in Game 1, beating the AI Melonheads 16-0. This meant a 16-3 win for the Bombers and a 2-0 lead that put them just one win away from taking the Consolation Tournament Championship.

Baltimore Bombers 16, Super-Duper Melonheads 3

Game 3: Super-Duper Melonheads at Baltimore Bombers (Scrapco Field)
Since the series was alternating between home fields, this game took place at the Bombers’ home of Scrapco. Once again, the Bombers performed well, producing an 11-0 win that translated to a run differential of 13. The Melonheads would need to return to their early form in the tournament if they wanted to win; unfortunately for them, they didn’t. Instead, for the first time in actual play (the regular season or the Consolation Tournament) they failed to defeat the AI, falling 1-0 to the Bombers. This meant the Bombers won the game–and the series–very easily.

Baltimore Bombers 13, Super-Duper Melonheads -1

Baltimore Bombers win series 3-0

Consolation MVP: Esther French of the Baltimore Bombers was the strongest performer in the consolation tournament, and her strong play coupled with great outings when it mattered most (3 home runs in the Championship series, including 2 in Game 3) meant that she was the most valuable player on the Bombers. It’s a well-deserved award, and it’s nice to see Repub go home with at least some reward for a replacement season that was very well played. Congratulations, Repub!

ODE TO THE ELIMINATED

We’re down to our final two. The Montana Floss and Junior Athletics are definitely going to buckle down as they fight for the championship…but what about those other teams who came so very, very, very close to glory?

Los Angeles Dodgers
Coach: hitace
Record: 10-4 (2nd place, Frontyard Conference)
Preseason projections: 8-6 4th place (crazyei8hts), 7th place (Eauxps I. Fourgott)

There’s a certain symmetry in how the Dodgers tenure under hitace began and how it ended. Yes, technically Jarod Johnson played the first two games, but technically he cheated and those games were temporarily turned into forfeits, until hitace arrived before Week 3 ended and played three games, two of which counted. The first of those three games, that Week 1 game against the Devil Rays? Their coach chose to keep the forfeit win in what was really a pretty smart move. But since hitace’s tenure began with a Dodgers forfeit, it’s somewhat interesting that it ended in the same way.

Before we get to that, though, it’d be better to cover the Los Angeles Dodgers’ meteoric and unlikely season. It starts with the draft, where Jarod Johnson decided to draft an offense-heavy lineup–and offense-heavy it was. This was not a defense-oriented team in any way aside from having plenty of pitchers on their roster, and they’d need to win by outscoring their opponents. When Jarod’s cheating scandal broke, however, it looked like they’d be dead in the water. Replacement coaches usually do poorly, and it was unlikely that the Dodgers would buck this trend.

And then they did, with hitace coming in and instantly putting up huge scores. The Dodgers did falter some against teams with great pitching (their worst games were against the Little Giants and Junior Athletics, who both have fantastic starters–and, for some reason, the New York Yankees). The newcomer took advantage of the offense-heavy lineup to absolutely devastate the Frontyard Conference at almost every turn, and even though they made the playoffs their 10-4 record actually understates how good they were; three of their losses came under unusual circumstances, with one being the aforementioned Week 1 forfeit, one being their Week 6 Dirt Yards bout against the Twins where both teams scored over 25 runs, and the last being their Week 11 game against the Florida Marlins where aesnop substituted for the Marlins’ coach and went full speed ahead (with hitace’s permission, of course).

After 14 games, the Dodgers were tied for the second seed from the Frontyard with the Minnesota Twins, and they seemed to shift into a higher gear at that point. In the play-in game against the Twins, they scored 30 runs and hit 14 homers (a season-high tally). That was apparently just a warm-up, as in their first game against the Purple Sox as the away team at Steele Stadium (the Los Angeles Dodgers and Purple Sox both had Steele Stadium as their home field, so the series took place entirely at Steele Stadium, providing Dodgers member Ernie Steele with a permanent home boost) the Dodgers won 59-0 in the first non-aesnop 50 recorded in the restricted era. They followed this up with another 50 (this one a 42-0 win aided by home proration) to defeat the Diamondbacks.

This all happened within the span of a week, and the Dodgers were then treated to a long break as they waited for the Diamondbacks-Floss series to conclude. When it finished, their coach was out of town and busy, but hoped to play early in November. Those hopes were dashed when there was a death in the family, however, and hitace was out of commission for a bit longer in order to deal with a funeral and work. This resulted in hitace choosing to forfeit rather than extending the playoffs even more, and ended the Dodgers season in the same manner it began.

So what did the Dodgers do right? Well, they hit the crap out of the ball and made up for their remarkably poor defense (one largely rooted in one of the worst catchers possible in Gretchen Hasselhoff). They were a strong team that was a tough out. They routinely were one of the teams to watch, and were one of the most interesting storylines of the season. Would they have fallen at some point? Perhaps, but as far as this season goes, the Dodgers went about as far (if not farther) than they could reasonably be expected to go.

It’s really a shame that the Dodgers season ended this way. The Dodgers were one of the big surprises of the season, and once again proved that rookies can come in and be good (especially if given a bit of time to adjust). They were on fire in the playoffs, and looked like they might actually win it all. To be taken out by an opponent is one thing, but by real life catastrophe? That’s really disappointing. There’s always next season, of course, but it’s sad to see Los Angeles go down this way.

Texas Rangers
Coach: Jyknight
Record: 10-4 (2nd place, Indoor Conference)
Preseason projections: 8-6 4th place (crazyei8hts), 1st place (Eauxps I. Fourgott)

Speaking of teams that had surprisingly good seasons: Texas, everyone! Jyknight was bumped down to the Indoor Conference after a middling 6-8 Season 6 performance in the Backyard Conference. After a reasonably strong draft highlighted by the Rangers selecting Betty Houstan late to be their starting pitcher, the Rangers began play and set the Indoor Conference on fire.

Okay, that’s not quite accurate. The Rangers were rarely a great defense or a great offense. What they were, however, was a team that always did enough to win. They were just good enough offensively and defensively to snatch 10 straight wins to start the season, and this made them the first team to clinch a playoff spot. With momentum and luck on their side, it looked like the Texas Rangers were going to be a tough team to bring down.

And then all that luck ran out. They finished their season on a four-game losing streak that looked especially bad as they entered the playoffs as their final two games of the season saw them outscored by a combined 55 runs (Diamondbacks: 28-2, Angels: 30-1). Suddenly, the Rangers went from a reasonably strong team that was always a step ahead of their competition to looking like an easy out for the similarly struggling Wombats.

Game 1 of the first round went to the Wombats, who won by 11. But it was then that the Rangers turned it around, first with a 50-run outing at Dirt Yards (the third one so far in the playoffs, the third one that hasn’t been accomplished by aesnop, and the only one not involving aesnop or aesnop’s opponent) and then with a close win at Casa De Pablo that allowed them to advance and face off against the Junior Athletics. Unfortunately for them, that was the end of the line as far as lucky breaks went, as the Junior Athletics were just too much; the Athletics offense took advantage of several errors by the Rangers AI and a somewhat weak catcher to put up two games of more than 20 runs, and Texas just wasn’t able to crack their defense and ended up falling just short.

The question becomes how to assess the Rangers. It seems pretty clear that they overachieved; they weren’t a great offense, or a great defense, but they got lucky breaks when they needed them. On the other hand, this might just be narratives speaking, since they seemed pretty good when they were 10-0 and if you ignore the massive blowouts they suffered in their last two games they were a lot better (those two games did a lot to drive up their runs allowed and put a lid on their runs scored). The Rangers are tough in that sense to measure; they were never truly great, no matter what their record said, but neither were they in any sense mediocre. They were basically good enough until they weren’t–but isn’t that the case for almost every team that makes the playoffs?

Still, that is what really needs to be addressed when it comes to the future. The Rangers were good enough to win on a regular basis, but they were highly luck-dependent–because consistency was their biggest bugaboo. They scored in the double digits 8 times in the regular season and went 7-1 in those games, and scored in the single digits 6 times and went 3-3. More importantly, while there were 4 games where they scored 15 runs or more (3-1), they also suffered 3 games where they failed to score 5 runs (1-2). This inconsistency bedeviled them in the playoffs; against the Wombats, they posted scores of 4, 47, and 15, while against the Athletics they posted scores of 14 and 5. That’s really the underlying narrative of the Rangers’ season, and the thing they need to fix to do well in a season with fewer lucky breaks: more consistent scoring (although I should note that it needs to be more consistently scoring 10+ runs, rather than the reverse).

Arizona Diamondbacks
Coach: Sisu
Record: 13-1 (1st place, Indoor Conference)
Preseason projections: 5-9 6th place (crazyei8hts), 7th place (Eauxps I. Fourgott)

The Diamondbacks are the third team on this list that shocked everyone. As a relative newcomer to the league, Sisu wasn’t expected to be the most competent player around, especially when he was placed in the Indoor Conference, but he and his team managed to shock everyone this season with their amazing performances. His team only lost one game (a 4-run road loss to the then-undefeated Texas Rangers), finished with the best run differential across all three leagues, and was utterly monstrous in all aspects of the game.

In the draft, the Diamondbacks had a decisively defensive focus. While there were some heavy hitters and speedsters taken, most of the focus was on defense, with their best offensive players also being solid defensively and some of their weaker defensive players holding down less important positions and freeing up the construction of the team. The defense was expected to be strong, but there were questions about how well the Diamondbacks would fare on offense, with many predicting Sisu to get bogged down on the lower end of the batting order.

Those worries turned out to be unwarranted, however, with Sisu carrying his defense-focused team to unbelievable heights on offense. Led by league MVP Jay Green, the Diamondbacks were a consistent force, with their only single-digit score being a 7-run outings in Week 1 and Week 4 (both games they won) and consistent scores in the mid-teens in the first half of the season. They only got better from there, as after losing to the Rangers when Texas put up 19 runs at Dirt Yards, Arizona only scored less than 20 runs in a single regular season game from that point on (14 runs against the Super-Duper Melonheads in Week 11). While this was to some extent due to the Diamondbacks seeing a few games where they got very lucky with boosts to some of their worse offensive players, the boosts alone don’t explain how utterly fantastic the Diamondbacks were in the second half of the season.

Of course, this focus on offense shouldn’t minimize how good the defense was. Besides having Ace Wilson runner-up Randy Johnson on the mound, the Diamondbacks were a massively difficult team to face as an offense, as they only allowed 10 runs or more to score on three instances: Week 7, against the Rangers at Dirt Yards, Week 10 against the Bombers where Bombers coach Repub92 used power-ups (due to the ban not having been explained to him), and Week 14 against the Fishes. This doesn’t even scratch the surface of their dominance, however, as they held their opponents to scores of 5 or less a whopping ten times over the course of the season.

When the season ended, the Arizona Diamondbacks had the top offense in the Indoor Conference, the top defense in the Indoor Conference, and the highest run differential in the entire league. They were the only non-Backyard team expected to win their first-round playoff matchup, and they delivered in a tight three-game series where the Montana Floss seemingly got all the breaks but couldn’t do enough to keep up with Arizona. With a first-round win under their belt, the Diamondbacks were then scheduled to take on the Los Angeles Dodgers in what promised to be the highest-scoring series in the playoffs. After the Dodgers forfeited, it looked like Arizona would take on the Purple Sox, but personal issues (including a conflict over how the league was run) led Sisu to choose to forfeit as well, ending the Diamondbacks season just short of what could’ve been an incredible championship run.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“You can provide all the context you want but I will take it out of context for as long as I find it amusing.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach and writer of recaps, on the quotes of the week

“WHY IS IT LIKE FIVE DEGREES IN MY HOUSE?” – Vissery, on temper temper temperature

“Indoor Gang rise up! Although I think the odds favor a Frontyard Big Winner.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on the playoffs

“I spent three or four days sulking because Sisu beat me.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on poor coping mechanisms

“A’s with over 20 runs is nigh-unbeatable.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, on the Junior Athletics’ offensive production in Game 1

“He’s unstoppable. Out of control math teacher. Off the rails.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Boston Cubs head coach, on the Junior Athletics winning Game 1

“What kind of cruel joke is it that the stadium replays errors and misplays?” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, taking issue with the scoreboard operator at Big City Stadium

“Pretty good start.” – jibbodahibbo, on the Texas Rangers’ 5-0 lead in Game 2

“Oh. It’s the 6th.” – jibbodahibbo, on seeing what inning the Texas Rangers were in when they got that lead

“How is this happening? I’m so dumbfounded dude.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on sweeping the Texas Rangers and making it into the World Series

“I mean are you picking Ricky for his offensive capabilities?” – Vissery, on Goldie Glove nominee Ricky Johnson

“Yes. Because he’s awesome in general, but also good on offense. He’s got the speed to bat close to .600, fouls off bunches of pitches, and looks really cool. Plus he’s a nice guy, really good in the clubhouse.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on Goldie Glove nominee Ricky Johnson

“Get the [censored] out of here JBA you’re ruining my argument.” – Vissery, on Montana Floss head coach JorgesBankAccount’s assessment of Ricky Johnson

“Awesomeness is more important.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, being taken out of context

“Esmeralda for Goldie Glove!” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, on his Goldie Glove suggestion

“Esmeralda wrecked has defense and was a black hole on offense.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, disagreeing strongly with Repub92’s assessment

“Lisa is the new Lisa.” – Yurya, Green Monsters head coach, on Lisa Crocket

“It’s 45 degrees outside you think I care about anything in life right now?” – Vissery, on temper temper temperature

“The idea of my team being methodically picked apart at their weakest points is about as unpleasant as anything that could happen to me in this league.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on never wanting to play against MelloMathTeacher’s team

“I gave up.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Boston Cubs head coach, on postseason hopes

“I’m gonna quote that. Specifically, it will read: ‘I gave up.'” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach and writer of recaps, on taking partial quotations out of context

“I didn’t give up on the playoffs, I gave up on Season 8.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Boston Cubs head coach, attempting to provide context for his admission of surrender

“The Dodgers are immune to losing at this point I think.” – Vissery, making a prediction

“There it is, that’s the jinx.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on Vissery’s ability to make predictions

“How am I supposed to be right if you’re proving me wrong?” – Vissery, on predictions

“I thought about doing 3 World Series games against one of the two finals teams in advance, but if I end up playing the wrong team, that’s a bunch of time wasted so I can’t even do that.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on foreshadowing

“Good news: we have heard from hitace. Bad news: he won’t be able to play his games until next month.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, providing an update on hitace’s play status

“An entire month would be pretty unappealing to wait for.” – Vissery, on hitace’s play status

“Forfeit? Really? I guess we need to move on but that’s kinda sucky.” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, on the Los Angeles Dodgers forfeiting

“Forfeiting in the playoffs?” – Vissery, shocked by the Los Angeles Dodgers forfeiting

“Ronny Dobbs in absolute shambles.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, focusing on the kids as usual

“I think these playoffs are about to become an absolute mess.” – aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, on the Los Angeles Dodgers forfeiting

“These playoffs man.” – jibbodahibbo, Junior Brewers head coach, summing up the weirdness of Season 8

“Rollercoaster of emotion.” – Jyknight, Texas Rangers head coach, on the Season 8 playoffs

“Thought I’d be home today but things happened. Won’t be home for another two weeks at best. Forfeited so playoffs can continue.” – hitace, Los Angeles Dodgers head coach, explaining why the Dodgers forfeited

“That’s rough. I hope you’re doing alright.” – Vissery, to hitace, Los Angeles Dodgers head coach

“My girlfriend’s grandma died so we’re with her family for the funeral. Then work is sending me to Ohio for a week. Maybe more if stuff happens.” – hitace, explaining what problems arose

“Prayers and good thoughts to you man.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, expressing sympathy

“Sorry hitace! Life sucks sometimes. Sounds like a lot of suck all at once.” – aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, expressing sympathy

“I want to be clear I am not blaming you in the slightest for this; life happens and here it trumps this.” – Yurya, league commissioner and Green Monsters head coach, expressing sympathy

“Unfortunately we have another drop; Sisu is out as well for reasons I’ll keep private for him. This puts the losers of the previous series as the runners up for this side of the bracket: Montana Floss and Purple Sox…who forfeit as well I’m told.” – Yurya, league commissioner, announcing the replacements for the Los Angeles Dodgers and Arizona Diamondbacks

“Where are we at with the main stage?” – Wizard, Wizard Wombats head coach, wanting to know what’s going on

“Junior Athletics vs. Montana Floss for your championship.” – Yurya, league commissioner, announcing the World Series setup

“Wait what the hell is happening?” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, summing up the huge soap opera that was the side of the bracket without the Junior Athletics

“I’m disintegrating more and more.” – Vissery, on disintegration

“That’s a bit hard on the eyes.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, on Vissery’s disintegration

“It’s Vissery’s strategy for next season. They’re burning our retinas.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Boston Cubs head coach, on Vissery’s disintegration

“Fine, fine. How about this?” – Vissery, disintegrating worse

“That’s even harder on the eyes.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on Vissery’s new disintegration

“I’m crying for sympathy, crocodiles cry.” – Robert Smith, The Cure, Disintegration

“Disintegration is the best album ever!” – Kyle Broflovski, South Park, on Disintegration

“Crazy will continue his hitting skills and I will probably wither per usual.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, expressing self-confidence after losing Game 1 to the Red Phillies

“Is that the most runs an AI has scored this season?” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on the Super-Duper Melonheads giving up 7 runs to the Red Phillies

“Certainly against me. Pitching against the Phillies is especially annoying. It seems nothing is safe from being blasted.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on the many powerful bats that permeate the Red Phillies lineup

“It’s difficult to pitch to a team of power hitters.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, commiserating with Super-Duper Melonheads head coach Eauxps I. Fourgott

“Stealing second on Stephanie seemed easy enough so I tried to steal third…wasn’t a good idea.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on baserunning difficulties in Game 2

“I now have more wins in this tournament than I did in the entire regular season! And have outscored my regular season high four times.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on suddenly becoming competent when the games don’t matter

“Stuart was catching everything out there! Real rally killer.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, praising Super-Duper Melonheads member Stuart Sullivan

“Sorry it wasn’t a fun game for you crazyei8hts.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on the Phillies losing to the Melonheads in Game 3

“I basically had three black holes in the lineup.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on batting difficulties in Game 3

“Either Eauxps is playing great or he faced the two easiest teams in the tournament for him to beat.” – Vissery, on the Melonheads sudden unprecedented improvement

“Crazy isn’t hard to score on, but he’s got a strong offense. That offense suddenly vanished.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, offering an explanation for the Melonheads beating the Phillies

“I think the Hornets and Phillies slow defenses worked very well for my offense, especially Tanya [Uchida].” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, concurring with Vissery on the quality of his opposition

“Can’t believe Eauxps literally sandbagged the entire season just to beat everyone handily in Consolation Tournament.” – Vissery, suggesting a sinister explanation for Eauxps I. Fourgott’s post-regular season improvement

“I think I’m 0-3 lifetime when I play at work. Maybe I’ll wait ’til I get home next time.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, explaining why his boss hates him

“Slow teams are the worst when you don’t hit 20 home runs a game.” – Vissery, speaking from experience

“Yeah, whatever. On to Season 8.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on putting the season behind him

“Was trying to shake up my lineup a little bit and it cost me.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, on his Game 1 strategy against the Boston Reds

“Another Game 3 incoming!” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on the Bombers winning Game 2

“Bombers still alive.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, on preparing for Game 3

“At this point, whichever of the Boston Reds or Baltimore Bombers win Game 3 is certain to have the pick of home field for the final series against the Melonheads.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on home field advantage in the Consolation Tournament Championship

“Home field for the Bombers.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, on home field advantage in the Consolation Tournament Championship

“Home field for Reds.” – shrewsbury, Boston Reds head coach, on home field advantage in the Consolation Tournament Championship

“Nobody likes the Casa. Marco would be proud.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on neither the Reds nor the Bombers wanting to play up to three games at La Chancla

“Edition 2346 of ‘[Censored] Da Casa’.” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach and former denizen of Casa de Pablo, on his distaste for the field

“Well deserved win.” – shrewsbury, Boston Reds head coach, showing respect to his opponent after being defeated

“Playing against your Reds was my biggest challenge so far!” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, showing respect to his opponent

“Congratulations on a well-played tournament, shrewbury!” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, respecting the Boston Reds

“The fact that there’s a nontrivial chance at two Indoor champions is pretty wild.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on possible outcomes

“There’s gonna be at least one!” – aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, on both teams in the Consolation Tournament Championship being from the Indoor Conference

“Are you guys talking about Harry Potter?” – Vissery, talking about Harry Potter

“Go [censored] yourself with a cactus.” – aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, to Vissery

“Been there done that my man.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, to aesnop, Purple Sox head coach

“A well-deserved Consolation win.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, congratulating the Baltimore Bombers on winning the Consolation Tournament

“Despite the outcome, I did enjoy playing against the melonheads and was fun to both participate in this season + the tourney and to watch your game. Very unfortunate nerf for Angela, that’s always a bummer but congrats to you for beating the Phillies and for doing a rematch in this final round of the consolation tournament. Also, shout out to jlund24 for drafting a solid team. Had a lot of fun and looking forward to season 8.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, on winning the Consolation Tournament

“Fictional pleasures vs. nonfictional suffering. Truly a conundrum.” – Vissery, on sadism

“It’s extra funny because chappe is Squidward.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, on former coach gmchappe

“Starting irrelevant conversations is the best part of streams.” – aesnop, on how he deals with a streaming opponent

“I just dm’d my crush so I’m gucci.” – SilverBullet102, Little Giants head coach, on romance

“Petition to remove the rest of playoffs and skip to Season 8 draft immediately? Nobody wins.” – Vissery, with a novel take on how to end a season

“In infrared is how we saw, the night that lit up scarecrow plots. The nerve that pinches, crippled, hobbled, frolicked, flat on its’ own face. In infrared is how we saw, the night that lit up scarecrow plots. The nerve that pinches, crippled, hobbled, frolicked, flat on its’ own face. Jigsaw pattern dominoes left a trail, the whites of their eyes, polaroids of the tale. For our amusement we bring stares to defendants, mechanical panaceas absolved by history. Phonetic paralysis inflicted through morality; the seed that it nurtured was a wilted bouquet. Temper temper temperature. Temper temper temperature.” – At the Drive-In, Rolodex Propaganda, on temper temper temperature

“IT’S SO COLD!” Vissery, on temper temper temperature