Welcome to Round 2, everyone! This time, four get whittled down to two, and believe you me when I say that the final two are not whom anyone would’ve predicted at the start of the season. Plus, the Consolation Tournament has concluded (not least because Eauxps is impatient and likes to play a lot…yeah, it went by much faster than the playoff bracket). Who won? Who lost? Read on and find out!

LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND

#1 Arizona Diamondbacks (15-2, Indoor Conference) vs. #2 Los Angeles Dodgers (12-4, Frontyard Conference)

The first round of the playoffs saw the Dodgers pull off a gigantic upset that left everyone stunned. However, as the second round approached, shock turned to anticipation as the league eagerly waited to see if the Dodgers would once again pull off the upset as they took on the team with the best record in any conference in the Arizona Diamondbacks. In this instance, they wouldn’t, but not due to on-field performances.

Hitace had been busy with work entering this series (and actually out of town on a trip), and while the coach hoped to play at the start of November, an inopportune death (that of his girlfriend’s grandmother) would have kept the Dodgers’ coach out of town for another week to attend the funeral; this, combined with how hitace’s work had apparently scheduled another work trip, meant that at the earliest the Los Angeles Dodgers would be playing in mid-November. Consequently, hitace chose to forfeit rather than string the season out for another couple weeks (at least).

This forfeit would’ve led to the Arizona Diamondbacks facing off against the Purple Sox, because when a team forfeits in the playoffs the next best team (or the one they beat previously) moves on, but problems cropped up for Sisu, and he was forced to forfeit due to his own issues. This would’ve sent the series to the losers of the previous round (the Purple Sox and Montana Floss), but Purple Sox coach aesnop felt as though he didn’t deserve to be in the series due to having lost so decisively to the Los Angeles Dodgers. Consequently, the Montana Floss were given a free ticket to the World Series, and instead of making the moral choice and declining, I took the second (well, with how the Montana Floss’s season has gone, it’s more like the fifth) chance at the championship.

Montana Floss move on to the World Series…wrap your head around that one.

Series MVP: There are no winners here. Only losers. (Well, I mean, I technically won, but it’s a hollow victory.) So let’s dedicate this space to hitace’s girlfriend’s grandmother. Though it’s likely none of us know her, she’s still in our hearts, and we mourn her death. Rest in peace.

#2 Texas Rangers (12-5, Indoor Conference) vs. #1 Junior Athletics (13-3, Frontyard Conference)

Game 1: Junior Athletics at Texas Rangers (Big City Stadium)
The main question entering this series was whether the Rangers would keep up the momentum and manage to crack the Athletics defense. It was answered in this game that they could, as they won their game by a score of 14-2, which came out to a prorated run differential of 14. Unfortunately for them, the Athletics kept the momentum going and cracked the Rangers defense wide open as they put up a 22-1 win boosted by a 10 run 6th inning that blew the Rangers out of the water and gave the Athletics the series lead.

Junior Athletics 21, Texas Rangers 14

Game 2: Texas Rangers at Junior Athletics (Big City Stadium)
The Athletics kept their offense rolling, relying on steals, base hits, and a bevy of errors from the Rangers defense (14 in total) to once again put up a big game, this one a 20-3 win that with proration gave them another run differential of 21. This would’ve been enough for them to win any game this season; that stayed the case in this game, as the Rangers flopped offensively, putting up a 5-0 score that was nowhere near what they needed to keep pace. The Athletics won the series, and roll into the World Series as the only team not to have taken a loss in the postseason.

Junior Athletics 21, Texas Rangers 5

Junior Athletics win series 2-0

Series MVP: It seems like every series brings a new hero from the Athletics. This time, it was Sally Dobbs, who stepped up and blasted, going 8-for-10 with a pair of grand slams and 11 RBIs in Game 2 alone. She was absolutely on fire, helped to push them forward, and has once again proven herself an asset to any team she’s on. While a bit disappointed at not being able to face off against her brother in the World Series due to unfortunate problems with the Los Angeles Dodgers, she’s still happy to be there, and looking to help the Junior Athletics hoist the trophy at the end of the season.

WORLD SERIES PREVIEW

It’s finally here! The championship! And it’s between two teams that nobody would have predicted to be here at the start of the season…or the start of the playoffs…or up until the match was finally set, actually. It’s been a long, strange road for both of these teams, but only one of them can win the World Series. It’s a best-of-five series, so it just depends on which team can crack three wins first.

Junior Athletics
Coach: MelloMathTeacher
Record: 11-3 (15-3 including playoffs)
Runs per game: 11.1 (12.1 including playoffs), 3rd Frontyard Conference
Runs allowed per game: 5.0 (5.7 including playoffs), 1st Frontyard Conference

The Athletics have proven the doubters wrong. They’ve never been a great offense, but they were always a good defense, with the only caveat to their performance being that they were in the Frontyard Conference. At this point, that caveat has fallen away, with them winning 4 straight playoff games (and losing none) largely on the strength of their defense, which held opposing offense to single digits in 3 of those games. Their defense has been solid time and time again, and has been almost impenetrable, with only two different teams (the Los Angeles Dodgers in Week 9 and the Texas Rangers in Game 1 of the Championship Series) able to even score more than 10 runs on them. And that’s before we get into their offense. Sure, the Athletics aren’t really considered an offensive powerhouse, but they’ve never needed to be, and you can’t really expect a defense-focused team with two black holes in the lineup (Todd Xavier and Butch Sherrod) to be a transcendent offense. But they’ve been a solid offense, and they’ve been scoring in the double-digits on a fairly consistent basis. You’d expect a first-year coach to struggle to score runs with a team like this, but that hasn’t been the case; in fact, if anything, MelloMathTeacher has taken this offense to its full potential, especially in the playoffs.

Montana Floss
Coach: JorgesBankAccount
Record: 6-8 (9-10 including playoffs)
Runs per game: 16.3 (18.0 including playoffs), 5th Backyard Conference
Runs allowed per game: 15.9 (16.5 including playoffs), 2nd Backyard Conference

The plot of Clerks (insofar as there is a plot) is set off when one of the main characters has to work at his minimum-wage convenience store job when it’s supposed to be his day off. In response to this, he repeatedly proclaims “I’m not even supposed to be here today!” That’s exactly how we should view the Montana Floss: they’re not even supposed to be here. And I don’t mean that as a compliment or a Cinderella story; no, instead I’m referring to the fact that they really shouldn’t be here. They were 4-7 11 games into the season. Then somehow the play-in games for the final playoff seed came down to three teams that were 6-8. Even though the Floss managed to claw their way past the other two teams to make it in, they were then eliminated from the playoffs by the Diamondbacks. It took the other three teams in their side of the bracket forfeiting for them to get to the World Series. The Montana Floss are not that good of a team; it’s just that everyone in their way has fallen on their face at some point to allow the Floss to pass. If the Floss want to win, they’ll need that to happen again, but how much luck can one team possibly possess?

Prediction
I’d like to believe that the team I run is going to win the World Series. But I can’t. That’s not just because I’m pessimistic–it’s because the Junior Athletics are the better team. They’ve got a stronger defense, their offense is solid, they’ve got momentum, and perhaps most importantly, they’re playing their best baseball in the playoffs. The only thing the Montana Floss have on their side is that an extraordinary number of outcomes have had to fall their way for them to even be here–they could win the World Series with an overall .500 record when the playoffs are included.

The Athletics have just been a better team overall and especially in the playoffs. They’ve ripped through their side of the bracket, they’re fueled up and ready, and their overall a better team. I’m reluctant to predict a sweep, but I’m fairly certain the Junior Athletics will win. I’ll say Athletics in 4.

CONSOLATION TOURNAMENT SECOND ROUND

With the first round of the consolation tournament in the books, the second round commenced. Who would be the champion of the leftovers? Well, among the ones that volunteered to try, there were only four standing, and they’d soon be whittled down to two, facing off against each other in a best-of-five series. Before that, though, were two best-of-three series that went the distance.

Baltimore Bombers vs. Boston Reds
Theme: Black and Red!

These two Indoor Conference teams had vastly different seasons, with the only thing in common being their color schemes. The Baltimore Bombers had spent the season as an also-ran in constant turmoil, working their way to a 9-5 record and posting consistently solid performances despite a midseason coaching change and some minor difficulties adjusting to the league from the new coach. Meanwhile, the Boston Reds had no turnover and were also fairly consistent, but in the other direction, as they finished 3-10 with the second-worst defenses in the Indoor Conference. They were trending in the same direction entering this series, however, and that direction is upwards! The Boston Reds were coming off a sweep of the Seattle Fishes, and this surprisingly good performance combined with shrewsbury’s consolation win the previous season had given the Reds good press. Meanwhile, the Bombers were coming off of a sweep as well, this one against the strong Minnesota Twins of the Frontyard Conference, and the question for them was whether their steady performances would allow them to get past Boston.

Game 1: Boston Reds at Baltimore Bombers (Scrapco Field)
Because the Bombers had been better in the regular season, they were allowed to choose whether they wanted to play more games at home or on the road. They took home-field advantage, and in the first game the Reds made them pay for it. Once again, the Reds offense came alive, putting up 13 runs in a shutout win, while their defense held again, holding the Bombers to only 8 runs (although their AI offense was shut out) and taking a 13-9 win that gave them the series lead.

Boston Reds 13, Baltimore Bombers 9

Game 2: Baltimore Bombers at Boston Reds (The Paveway)
With the series lead in hand, the Reds returned to The Paveway in the hopes of closing out the series and moving on to the Consolation Championship. Unfortunately for them, the Bombers had other ideas, as Baltimore produced a steady stream of hits as they scored 12 runs. The Reds offense wasn’t able to keep up, as they only won their game 5-1, and the series returned to Scrapco Field for one final deciding game.

Baltimore Bombers 12, Boston Reds 5

Game 3: Boston Reds at Baltimore Bombers (Scrapco Field)
This last game would require a strong performance from the winner, and the Reds offense definitely did their best, scoring better than it usually did with 10 runs (albeit while giving up a run). This wasn’t enough, however, as the Baltimore Bombers also whipped out a massive offensive performance, scoring 14 runs in a home shutout win that allowed them to easily breeze past the Reds. This gave the Bombers the series win and sent them to the Consolation Tournament Championship.

Baltimore Bombers 16, Boston Reds 9

Baltimore Bombers win series 2-1

Red Phillies vs. Super-Duper Melonheads
Theme: Don’t Get Defensive!

These two teams had very little in common. While the Red Phillies were one of the highest-scoring teams in the Backyard Conference and had the third-best offense overall, the Super-Duper Melonheads were the lowest-scoring team in the Indoor Conference and had the second-worst offense overall. While the Red Phillies had been part of the play-in games for the final seed from the Backyard Conference, the Super-Duper Melonheads had been the first team eliminated from playoff contention. But while they didn’t have much in common, there were two big similarities: both had swept their first-round opponents in the Consolation Tournament, and both had absolutely putrid defenses. Still, the Red Phillies defense hadn’t seemed to have many problems against the slowpoke Milwaukee Braves, and the Super-Duper Melonheads had no trouble with another slowpoke team in the Humongous Hornets. The question was whether the Melonheads’ offense would come alive for more than one game–and even if it did, would it be enough against the expected Phillies onslaught?

Game 1: Super-Duper Melonheads at Red Phillies (Playground Commons)
The answer in Game 1 was that the Melonheads offense did not come alive and their defense did not hold up. While the Melonheads had a fantastic offensive performance at the Phillies home field of Playground Commons (with the Phillies having been given the choice of whose home field to start at and choosing their own) by putting up 14 runs, their player-controlled defense was absolutely putrid, allowing 7 runs and keeping their overall score down. Not that it mattered all that much; the Phillies put together a 17-1 win to easily take the first game of the series and carry tons of momentum to the Melonheads’ home field in Game 2.

Red Phillies 19, Super-Duper Melonheads 7

Game 2: Red Phillies at Super-Duper Melonheads (Casa de Pablo)
La Chancla has a reputation for being a wonderful place to visit and a horrible place to make your home. That was not the case in this one, however. While the Melonheads once again put up a good offensive performance, this time their player-controlled defense didn’t falter, and they ended up winning their side of the battle 12-0 for a prorated final score of 14. Meanwhile, the Phillies struggled mightily, as their offense was held to 6 runs (their lowest score of the year) in a game where they gave up two runs of their own, and the matchup moved to a decisive Game 3 at Playground Commons.

Super-Duper Melonheads 14, Red Phillies 4

Game 3: Super-Duper Melonheads at Red Phillies (Playground Commons)
For perhaps the first time ever, the Melonheads offense was finally consistent, as they put up their third output of 14 runs or more in a row. In this case, it was a 15-2 score against the Phillies at Playground Commons–but with how good the Phillies offense usually is, this wasn’t going to be enough to win, especially once the Melonheads’ lacking defense was taken into account. Or so you’d think, as the Melonheads defense finally had a good performance, holding the Phillies to a mere two runs and allowing the Super-Duper Melonheads to advance to the Consolation Tournament Championship with a huge Game 3 win.

Super-Duper Melonheads 13, Red Phillies 2

Super-Duper Melonheads win series 2-1

CONSOLATION TOURNAMENT CHAMPIONSHIP
This battle between two Indoor Conference teams was very interesting. The Super-Duper Melonheads had been the worst team in the Indoor Conference by almost every measure, only scoring 10 runs once and usually being fairly easy to beat, but they had been performing at the highest level since preseason and had become a formidable foe in the Consolation Tournament. The Baltimore Bombers had been a fairly consistent team, usually being somewhat tough to beat and finishing with a respectable 9-5 record and third place in the Indoor Conference–despite a midseason coaching change and other tumult around them–that had carried their consistently good performances into the Consolation Tournament. Since the Bombers had the better run differential in-season, they were allowed to choose which team’s field would be used to host three of the possible five final games, and choose to take their home field as the main site.

Game 1: Super-Duper Melonheads at Baltimore Bombers (Scrapco Field)
The Bombers were 5-2 at home in the regular season and 2-1 in the Consolation Tournament, and they continued their winning ways at Scrapco in Game 1. This time, the fault lay with the Melonheads, who dropped off from their recent strong performances by posting a 7-1 score; admittedly better than their regular season average, but not good enough to beat most teams. This was the case with Baltimore, who put together a 12-2 performance for a prorated 12-run score and a 12-6 win that gave them the initial lead in the Consolation Tournament Championship.

Baltimore Bombers 12, Super-Duper Melonheads 6

Game 2: Baltimore Bombers at Super-Duper Melonheads (Casa de Pablo)
The Melonheads sudden difficulties continued in the return to La Chancla. This time, they won 3-0, a score that would’ve been easy to top for most teams; with Casa de Pablo’s strange affinity for visiting teams in play, the Bombers instead put together an even better performance than in Game 1, beating the AI Melonheads 16-0. This meant a 16-3 win for the Bombers and a 2-0 lead that put them just one win away from taking the Consolation Tournament Championship.

Baltimore Bombers 16, Super-Duper Melonheads 3

Game 3: Super-Duper Melonheads at Baltimore Bombers (Scrapco Field)
Since the series was alternating between home fields, this game took place at the Bombers’ home of Scrapco. Once again, the Bombers performed well, producing an 11-0 win that translated to a run differential of 13. The Melonheads would need to return to their early form in the tournament if they wanted to win; unfortunately for them, they didn’t. Instead, for the first time in actual play (the regular season or the Consolation Tournament) they failed to defeat the AI, falling 1-0 to the Bombers. This meant the Bombers won the game–and the series–very easily.

Baltimore Bombers 13, Super-Duper Melonheads -1

Baltimore Bombers win series 3-0

Consolation MVP: Esther French of the Baltimore Bombers was the strongest performer in the consolation tournament, and her strong play coupled with great outings when it mattered most (3 home runs in the Championship series, including 2 in Game 3) meant that she was the most valuable player on the Bombers. It’s a well-deserved award, and it’s nice to see Repub go home with at least some reward for a replacement season that was very well played. Congratulations, Repub!

ODE TO THE ELIMINATED

We’re down to our final two. The Montana Floss and Junior Athletics are definitely going to buckle down as they fight for the championship…but what about those other teams who came so very, very, very close to glory?

Los Angeles Dodgers
Coach: hitace
Record: 10-4 (2nd place, Frontyard Conference)
Preseason projections: 8-6 4th place (crazyei8hts), 7th place (Eauxps I. Fourgott)

There’s a certain symmetry in how the Dodgers tenure under hitace began and how it ended. Yes, technically Jarod Johnson played the first two games, but technically he cheated and those games were temporarily turned into forfeits, until hitace arrived before Week 3 ended and played three games, two of which counted. The first of those three games, that Week 1 game against the Devil Rays? Their coach chose to keep the forfeit win in what was really a pretty smart move. But since hitace’s tenure began with a Dodgers forfeit, it’s somewhat interesting that it ended in the same way.

Before we get to that, though, it’d be better to cover the Los Angeles Dodgers’ meteoric and unlikely season. It starts with the draft, where Jarod Johnson decided to draft an offense-heavy lineup–and offense-heavy it was. This was not a defense-oriented team in any way aside from having plenty of pitchers on their roster, and they’d need to win by outscoring their opponents. When Jarod’s cheating scandal broke, however, it looked like they’d be dead in the water. Replacement coaches usually do poorly, and it was unlikely that the Dodgers would buck this trend.

And then they did, with hitace coming in and instantly putting up huge scores. The Dodgers did falter some against teams with great pitching (their worst games were against the Little Giants and Junior Athletics, who both have fantastic starters–and, for some reason, the New York Yankees). The newcomer took advantage of the offense-heavy lineup to absolutely devastate the Frontyard Conference at almost every turn, and even though they made the playoffs their 10-4 record actually understates how good they were; three of their losses came under unusual circumstances, with one being the aforementioned Week 1 forfeit, one being their Week 6 Dirt Yards bout against the Twins where both teams scored over 25 runs, and the last being their Week 11 game against the Florida Marlins where aesnop substituted for the Marlins’ coach and went full speed ahead (with hitace’s permission, of course).

After 14 games, the Dodgers were tied for the second seed from the Frontyard with the Minnesota Twins, and they seemed to shift into a higher gear at that point. In the play-in game against the Twins, they scored 30 runs and hit 14 homers (a season-high tally). That was apparently just a warm-up, as in their first game against the Purple Sox as the away team at Steele Stadium (the Los Angeles Dodgers and Purple Sox both had Steele Stadium as their home field, so the series took place entirely at Steele Stadium, providing Dodgers member Ernie Steele with a permanent home boost) the Dodgers won 59-0 in the first non-aesnop 50 recorded in the restricted era. They followed this up with another 50 (this one a 42-0 win aided by home proration) to defeat the Diamondbacks.

This all happened within the span of a week, and the Dodgers were then treated to a long break as they waited for the Diamondbacks-Floss series to conclude. When it finished, their coach was out of town and busy, but hoped to play early in November. Those hopes were dashed when there was a death in the family, however, and hitace was out of commission for a bit longer in order to deal with a funeral and work. This resulted in hitace choosing to forfeit rather than extending the playoffs even more, and ended the Dodgers season in the same manner it began.

So what did the Dodgers do right? Well, they hit the crap out of the ball and made up for their remarkably poor defense (one largely rooted in one of the worst catchers possible in Gretchen Hasselhoff). They were a strong team that was a tough out. They routinely were one of the teams to watch, and were one of the most interesting storylines of the season. Would they have fallen at some point? Perhaps, but as far as this season goes, the Dodgers went about as far (if not farther) than they could reasonably be expected to go.

It’s really a shame that the Dodgers season ended this way. The Dodgers were one of the big surprises of the season, and once again proved that rookies can come in and be good (especially if given a bit of time to adjust). They were on fire in the playoffs, and looked like they might actually win it all. To be taken out by an opponent is one thing, but by real life catastrophe? That’s really disappointing. There’s always next season, of course, but it’s sad to see Los Angeles go down this way.

Texas Rangers
Coach: Jyknight
Record: 10-4 (2nd place, Indoor Conference)
Preseason projections: 8-6 4th place (crazyei8hts), 1st place (Eauxps I. Fourgott)

Speaking of teams that had surprisingly good seasons: Texas, everyone! Jyknight was bumped down to the Indoor Conference after a middling 6-8 Season 6 performance in the Backyard Conference. After a reasonably strong draft highlighted by the Rangers selecting Betty Houstan late to be their starting pitcher, the Rangers began play and set the Indoor Conference on fire.

Okay, that’s not quite accurate. The Rangers were rarely a great defense or a great offense. What they were, however, was a team that always did enough to win. They were just good enough offensively and defensively to snatch 10 straight wins to start the season, and this made them the first team to clinch a playoff spot. With momentum and luck on their side, it looked like the Texas Rangers were going to be a tough team to bring down.

And then all that luck ran out. They finished their season on a four-game losing streak that looked especially bad as they entered the playoffs as their final two games of the season saw them outscored by a combined 55 runs (Diamondbacks: 28-2, Angels: 30-1). Suddenly, the Rangers went from a reasonably strong team that was always a step ahead of their competition to looking like an easy out for the similarly struggling Wombats.

Game 1 of the first round went to the Wombats, who won by 11. But it was then that the Rangers turned it around, first with a 50-run outing at Dirt Yards (the third one so far in the playoffs, the third one that hasn’t been accomplished by aesnop, and the only one not involving aesnop or aesnop’s opponent) and then with a close win at Casa De Pablo that allowed them to advance and face off against the Junior Athletics. Unfortunately for them, that was the end of the line as far as lucky breaks went, as the Junior Athletics were just too much; the Athletics offense took advantage of several errors by the Rangers AI and a somewhat weak catcher to put up two games of more than 20 runs, and Texas just wasn’t able to crack their defense and ended up falling just short.

The question becomes how to assess the Rangers. It seems pretty clear that they overachieved; they weren’t a great offense, or a great defense, but they got lucky breaks when they needed them. On the other hand, this might just be narratives speaking, since they seemed pretty good when they were 10-0 and if you ignore the massive blowouts they suffered in their last two games they were a lot better (those two games did a lot to drive up their runs allowed and put a lid on their runs scored). The Rangers are tough in that sense to measure; they were never truly great, no matter what their record said, but neither were they in any sense mediocre. They were basically good enough until they weren’t–but isn’t that the case for almost every team that makes the playoffs?

Still, that is what really needs to be addressed when it comes to the future. The Rangers were good enough to win on a regular basis, but they were highly luck-dependent–because consistency was their biggest bugaboo. They scored in the double digits 8 times in the regular season and went 7-1 in those games, and scored in the single digits 6 times and went 3-3. More importantly, while there were 4 games where they scored 15 runs or more (3-1), they also suffered 3 games where they failed to score 5 runs (1-2). This inconsistency bedeviled them in the playoffs; against the Wombats, they posted scores of 4, 47, and 15, while against the Athletics they posted scores of 14 and 5. That’s really the underlying narrative of the Rangers’ season, and the thing they need to fix to do well in a season with fewer lucky breaks: more consistent scoring (although I should note that it needs to be more consistently scoring 10+ runs, rather than the reverse).

Arizona Diamondbacks
Coach: Sisu
Record: 13-1 (1st place, Indoor Conference)
Preseason projections: 5-9 6th place (crazyei8hts), 7th place (Eauxps I. Fourgott)

The Diamondbacks are the third team on this list that shocked everyone. As a relative newcomer to the league, Sisu wasn’t expected to be the most competent player around, especially when he was placed in the Indoor Conference, but he and his team managed to shock everyone this season with their amazing performances. His team only lost one game (a 4-run road loss to the then-undefeated Texas Rangers), finished with the best run differential across all three leagues, and was utterly monstrous in all aspects of the game.

In the draft, the Diamondbacks had a decisively defensive focus. While there were some heavy hitters and speedsters taken, most of the focus was on defense, with their best offensive players also being solid defensively and some of their weaker defensive players holding down less important positions and freeing up the construction of the team. The defense was expected to be strong, but there were questions about how well the Diamondbacks would fare on offense, with many predicting Sisu to get bogged down on the lower end of the batting order.

Those worries turned out to be unwarranted, however, with Sisu carrying his defense-focused team to unbelievable heights on offense. Led by league MVP Jay Green, the Diamondbacks were a consistent force, with their only single-digit score being a 7-run outings in Week 1 and Week 4 (both games they won) and consistent scores in the mid-teens in the first half of the season. They only got better from there, as after losing to the Rangers when Texas put up 19 runs at Dirt Yards, Arizona only scored less than 20 runs in a single regular season game from that point on (14 runs against the Super-Duper Melonheads in Week 11). While this was to some extent due to the Diamondbacks seeing a few games where they got very lucky with boosts to some of their worse offensive players, the boosts alone don’t explain how utterly fantastic the Diamondbacks were in the second half of the season.

Of course, this focus on offense shouldn’t minimize how good the defense was. Besides having Ace Wilson runner-up Randy Johnson on the mound, the Diamondbacks were a massively difficult team to face as an offense, as they only allowed 10 runs or more to score on three instances: Week 7, against the Rangers at Dirt Yards, Week 10 against the Bombers where Bombers coach Repub92 used power-ups (due to the ban not having been explained to him), and Week 14 against the Fishes. This doesn’t even scratch the surface of their dominance, however, as they held their opponents to scores of 5 or less a whopping ten times over the course of the season.

When the season ended, the Arizona Diamondbacks had the top offense in the Indoor Conference, the top defense in the Indoor Conference, and the highest run differential in the entire league. They were the only non-Backyard team expected to win their first-round playoff matchup, and they delivered in a tight three-game series where the Montana Floss seemingly got all the breaks but couldn’t do enough to keep up with Arizona. With a first-round win under their belt, the Diamondbacks were then scheduled to take on the Los Angeles Dodgers in what promised to be the highest-scoring series in the playoffs. After the Dodgers forfeited, it looked like Arizona would take on the Purple Sox, but personal issues (including a conflict over how the league was run) led Sisu to choose to forfeit as well, ending the Diamondbacks season just short of what could’ve been an incredible championship run.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“You can provide all the context you want but I will take it out of context for as long as I find it amusing.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach and writer of recaps, on the quotes of the week

“WHY IS IT LIKE FIVE DEGREES IN MY HOUSE?” – Vissery, on temper temper temperature

“Indoor Gang rise up! Although I think the odds favor a Frontyard Big Winner.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on the playoffs

“I spent three or four days sulking because Sisu beat me.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on poor coping mechanisms

“A’s with over 20 runs is nigh-unbeatable.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, on the Junior Athletics’ offensive production in Game 1

“He’s unstoppable. Out of control math teacher. Off the rails.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Boston Cubs head coach, on the Junior Athletics winning Game 1

“What kind of cruel joke is it that the stadium replays errors and misplays?” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, taking issue with the scoreboard operator at Big City Stadium

“Pretty good start.” – jibbodahibbo, on the Texas Rangers’ 5-0 lead in Game 2

“Oh. It’s the 6th.” – jibbodahibbo, on seeing what inning the Texas Rangers were in when they got that lead

“How is this happening? I’m so dumbfounded dude.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on sweeping the Texas Rangers and making it into the World Series

“I mean are you picking Ricky for his offensive capabilities?” – Vissery, on Goldie Glove nominee Ricky Johnson

“Yes. Because he’s awesome in general, but also good on offense. He’s got the speed to bat close to .600, fouls off bunches of pitches, and looks really cool. Plus he’s a nice guy, really good in the clubhouse.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on Goldie Glove nominee Ricky Johnson

“Get the [censored] out of here JBA you’re ruining my argument.” – Vissery, on Montana Floss head coach JorgesBankAccount’s assessment of Ricky Johnson

“Awesomeness is more important.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, being taken out of context

“Esmeralda for Goldie Glove!” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, on his Goldie Glove suggestion

“Esmeralda wrecked has defense and was a black hole on offense.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, disagreeing strongly with Repub92’s assessment

“Lisa is the new Lisa.” – Yurya, Green Monsters head coach, on Lisa Crocket

“It’s 45 degrees outside you think I care about anything in life right now?” – Vissery, on temper temper temperature

“The idea of my team being methodically picked apart at their weakest points is about as unpleasant as anything that could happen to me in this league.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on never wanting to play against MelloMathTeacher’s team

“I gave up.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Boston Cubs head coach, on postseason hopes

“I’m gonna quote that. Specifically, it will read: ‘I gave up.'” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach and writer of recaps, on taking partial quotations out of context

“I didn’t give up on the playoffs, I gave up on Season 8.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Boston Cubs head coach, attempting to provide context for his admission of surrender

“The Dodgers are immune to losing at this point I think.” – Vissery, making a prediction

“There it is, that’s the jinx.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on Vissery’s ability to make predictions

“How am I supposed to be right if you’re proving me wrong?” – Vissery, on predictions

“I thought about doing 3 World Series games against one of the two finals teams in advance, but if I end up playing the wrong team, that’s a bunch of time wasted so I can’t even do that.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on foreshadowing

“Good news: we have heard from hitace. Bad news: he won’t be able to play his games until next month.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, providing an update on hitace’s play status

“An entire month would be pretty unappealing to wait for.” – Vissery, on hitace’s play status

“Forfeit? Really? I guess we need to move on but that’s kinda sucky.” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, on the Los Angeles Dodgers forfeiting

“Forfeiting in the playoffs?” – Vissery, shocked by the Los Angeles Dodgers forfeiting

“Ronny Dobbs in absolute shambles.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, focusing on the kids as usual

“I think these playoffs are about to become an absolute mess.” – aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, on the Los Angeles Dodgers forfeiting

“These playoffs man.” – jibbodahibbo, Junior Brewers head coach, summing up the weirdness of Season 8

“Rollercoaster of emotion.” – Jyknight, Texas Rangers head coach, on the Season 8 playoffs

“Thought I’d be home today but things happened. Won’t be home for another two weeks at best. Forfeited so playoffs can continue.” – hitace, Los Angeles Dodgers head coach, explaining why the Dodgers forfeited

“That’s rough. I hope you’re doing alright.” – Vissery, to hitace, Los Angeles Dodgers head coach

“My girlfriend’s grandma died so we’re with her family for the funeral. Then work is sending me to Ohio for a week. Maybe more if stuff happens.” – hitace, explaining what problems arose

“Prayers and good thoughts to you man.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, expressing sympathy

“Sorry hitace! Life sucks sometimes. Sounds like a lot of suck all at once.” – aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, expressing sympathy

“I want to be clear I am not blaming you in the slightest for this; life happens and here it trumps this.” – Yurya, league commissioner and Green Monsters head coach, expressing sympathy

“Unfortunately we have another drop; Sisu is out as well for reasons I’ll keep private for him. This puts the losers of the previous series as the runners up for this side of the bracket: Montana Floss and Purple Sox…who forfeit as well I’m told.” – Yurya, league commissioner, announcing the replacements for the Los Angeles Dodgers and Arizona Diamondbacks

“Where are we at with the main stage?” – Wizard, Wizard Wombats head coach, wanting to know what’s going on

“Junior Athletics vs. Montana Floss for your championship.” – Yurya, league commissioner, announcing the World Series setup

“Wait what the hell is happening?” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, summing up the huge soap opera that was the side of the bracket without the Junior Athletics

“I’m disintegrating more and more.” – Vissery, on disintegration

“That’s a bit hard on the eyes.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, on Vissery’s disintegration

“It’s Vissery’s strategy for next season. They’re burning our retinas.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, Boston Cubs head coach, on Vissery’s disintegration

“Fine, fine. How about this?” – Vissery, disintegrating worse

“That’s even harder on the eyes.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on Vissery’s new disintegration

“I’m crying for sympathy, crocodiles cry.” – Robert Smith, The Cure, Disintegration

“Disintegration is the best album ever!” – Kyle Broflovski, South Park, on Disintegration

“Crazy will continue his hitting skills and I will probably wither per usual.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, expressing self-confidence after losing Game 1 to the Red Phillies

“Is that the most runs an AI has scored this season?” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on the Super-Duper Melonheads giving up 7 runs to the Red Phillies

“Certainly against me. Pitching against the Phillies is especially annoying. It seems nothing is safe from being blasted.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on the many powerful bats that permeate the Red Phillies lineup

“It’s difficult to pitch to a team of power hitters.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, commiserating with Super-Duper Melonheads head coach Eauxps I. Fourgott

“Stealing second on Stephanie seemed easy enough so I tried to steal third…wasn’t a good idea.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on baserunning difficulties in Game 2

“I now have more wins in this tournament than I did in the entire regular season! And have outscored my regular season high four times.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on suddenly becoming competent when the games don’t matter

“Stuart was catching everything out there! Real rally killer.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, praising Super-Duper Melonheads member Stuart Sullivan

“Sorry it wasn’t a fun game for you crazyei8hts.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on the Phillies losing to the Melonheads in Game 3

“I basically had three black holes in the lineup.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on batting difficulties in Game 3

“Either Eauxps is playing great or he faced the two easiest teams in the tournament for him to beat.” – Vissery, on the Melonheads sudden unprecedented improvement

“Crazy isn’t hard to score on, but he’s got a strong offense. That offense suddenly vanished.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, offering an explanation for the Melonheads beating the Phillies

“I think the Hornets and Phillies slow defenses worked very well for my offense, especially Tanya [Uchida].” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, concurring with Vissery on the quality of his opposition

“Can’t believe Eauxps literally sandbagged the entire season just to beat everyone handily in Consolation Tournament.” – Vissery, suggesting a sinister explanation for Eauxps I. Fourgott’s post-regular season improvement

“I think I’m 0-3 lifetime when I play at work. Maybe I’ll wait ’til I get home next time.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, explaining why his boss hates him

“Slow teams are the worst when you don’t hit 20 home runs a game.” – Vissery, speaking from experience

“Yeah, whatever. On to Season 8.” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on putting the season behind him

“Was trying to shake up my lineup a little bit and it cost me.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, on his Game 1 strategy against the Boston Reds

“Another Game 3 incoming!” – crazyei8hts, Red Phillies head coach, on the Bombers winning Game 2

“Bombers still alive.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, on preparing for Game 3

“At this point, whichever of the Boston Reds or Baltimore Bombers win Game 3 is certain to have the pick of home field for the final series against the Melonheads.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on home field advantage in the Consolation Tournament Championship

“Home field for the Bombers.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, on home field advantage in the Consolation Tournament Championship

“Home field for Reds.” – shrewsbury, Boston Reds head coach, on home field advantage in the Consolation Tournament Championship

“Nobody likes the Casa. Marco would be proud.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, on neither the Reds nor the Bombers wanting to play up to three games at La Chancla

“Edition 2346 of ‘[Censored] Da Casa’.” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach and former denizen of Casa de Pablo, on his distaste for the field

“Well deserved win.” – shrewsbury, Boston Reds head coach, showing respect to his opponent after being defeated

“Playing against your Reds was my biggest challenge so far!” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, showing respect to his opponent

“Congratulations on a well-played tournament, shrewbury!” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, respecting the Boston Reds

“The fact that there’s a nontrivial chance at two Indoor champions is pretty wild.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on possible outcomes

“There’s gonna be at least one!” – aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, on both teams in the Consolation Tournament Championship being from the Indoor Conference

“Are you guys talking about Harry Potter?” – Vissery, talking about Harry Potter

“Go [censored] yourself with a cactus.” – aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, to Vissery

“Been there done that my man.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, to aesnop, Purple Sox head coach

“A well-deserved Consolation win.” – Eauxps I. Fourgott, Super-Duper Melonheads head coach, congratulating the Baltimore Bombers on winning the Consolation Tournament

“Despite the outcome, I did enjoy playing against the melonheads and was fun to both participate in this season + the tourney and to watch your game. Very unfortunate nerf for Angela, that’s always a bummer but congrats to you for beating the Phillies and for doing a rematch in this final round of the consolation tournament. Also, shout out to jlund24 for drafting a solid team. Had a lot of fun and looking forward to season 8.” – Repub92, Baltimore Bombers head coach, on winning the Consolation Tournament

“Fictional pleasures vs. nonfictional suffering. Truly a conundrum.” – Vissery, on sadism

“It’s extra funny because chappe is Squidward.” – KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS, on former coach gmchappe

“Starting irrelevant conversations is the best part of streams.” – aesnop, on how he deals with a streaming opponent

“I just dm’d my crush so I’m gucci.” – SilverBullet102, Little Giants head coach, on romance

“Petition to remove the rest of playoffs and skip to Season 8 draft immediately? Nobody wins.” – Vissery, with a novel take on how to end a season

“In infrared is how we saw, the night that lit up scarecrow plots. The nerve that pinches, crippled, hobbled, frolicked, flat on its’ own face. In infrared is how we saw, the night that lit up scarecrow plots. The nerve that pinches, crippled, hobbled, frolicked, flat on its’ own face. Jigsaw pattern dominoes left a trail, the whites of their eyes, polaroids of the tale. For our amusement we bring stares to defendants, mechanical panaceas absolved by history. Phonetic paralysis inflicted through morality; the seed that it nurtured was a wilted bouquet. Temper temper temperature. Temper temper temperature.” – At the Drive-In, Rolodex Propaganda, on temper temper temperature

“IT’S SO COLD!” Vissery, on temper temper temperature