Week 13 brought us closer to playoff time, brought us a few more eliminations, and brought us an immense amount of drama heading into the final week! I’m in a constant state of near heart attack, and the team I coach should’ve been eliminated three weeks ago! How tight are the playoff races? Heck, how tight were the games! (Very tight.) Week 13 recap ahoy!

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Super-Duper Melonheads vs. Baltimore Bombers

Both these teams had been eliminated from playoff contention well before this game began, and only one of them was in the race to begin with. The Baltimore Bombers had started their season by alternating wins and losses through their first few weeks and were 4-3 at the midpoint of the season when their coach jlund24 was forced to leave due to lack of time for the team; however, Repub92 was waiting in the wings to take over, and kept the Bombers at least competitive, going 3-2 and giving them an overall record of 9-5 (one that was unfortunately not enough to keep them in the playoff race with the Arizona Diamondbacks and Texas Rangers dominating the Indoor Conference). As for the Super-Duper Melonheads, their novel drafting strategy of going mostly for mid-round picks and trying to build a competitive team with no true studs on the roster had failed miserably, with them losing 11 of 12 games and the team falling to last place in the conference. Still, the Melonheads were almost always able to put up a fight if nothing else, and they were looking to do so again against the Bombers from Baltimore.

As the away team, the Melonheads were the first ones up to bat as both the player side and the AI. The player side started things off poorly with a Stuart Sullivan strikeout, but the AI got a runner on first, followed it up with a Tanya Uchida ground rule double, and then brought the runner on third home with an Angela Delvecchio sacrifice fly to left field. This quick lead seemed to give the player-controlled Melonheads confidence, as Alexis Weis hit a base hit to right field that she extended into a double with some sharp baserunning, and the Melonheads put Luanne Lui on with an infield single to give Tanya Uchida a chance to knock in up to three runs. Unfortunately for the Melonheads, Tanya popped up to third and the infield fly rule was called, and Angela Delvecchio ground out.

The Bombers entered the bottom of the inning down a run, and started out strongly. Facing a full count, Jason Kendall sent a hard line drive to left center that was dropped at the warning track, allowing him to get to second. Bret Olson then got on with a dribbler to the pitcher, and this was followed up by a 2-run double off the right field fence from Fred Benson to give the Bombers a 2-1 lead in their game and a 1-0 lead overall. Horace Young was the next Bomber up, and after fouling off a pitch he hit a grounder to shortstop that Vicki Kawaguchi had trouble picking up, allowing him to make it to first. This brought Nancy Chin to the plate, and after she produced the first out of the inning on a fielder’s choice, Esther French grounded out to the catcher for another fielder’s choice. The Bombers now had runners on first and second with two outs, and one last shot to extend the inning in the form of Dmitri Petrovich. With everybody playing back, he managed to hit an infield single to load the bases, and Sonja Hagen advanced everybody a base when Angela Delvecchio made a throwing error on another grounder to put the Bombers up by two. Jillian Paine now had a chance to bust the game wide open, and almost delivered with a hit into the outfield down the right field line, but the Melonheads right fielder scooped up the ball quickly and tossed it to first before Jillian could get there, ending the inning.

Now down two runs, the Melonheads started the second inning with Vicki Kawaguchi at the plate. After she grounded out to the shortstop, Tony Delvecchio came up to bat and popped out to center field. Facing a 1-2-3 inning, Stephanie Morgan came to the plate and managed to get a hit, lacing a line drive single between the second baseman and shortstop. Fernando Diaz lined out to left field, however, and that brought the Bombers up to bat.

Jason Kendall was once again the first one up, and he liked the first pitch he saw as he laced it down the left field line and over the fence for a home run to put the Bombers up by three. Bret Olson was the next one up, but grounded out to the catcher; after him, though, Fred Benson got on base a second time with a single to shallow center. Horace Young then hit a ball that bounced off the top of the fence in right field for a home run, and just like that the Bombers were up by a prorated 6-0 score. Nancy Chin continued the rally with a double to center field, and an infield single from Esther French put two runners on base with Dmitri Petrovich coming to the plate. Once again, he hit a grounder, but unfortunately for him the Melonheads weren’t playing back this time, and it turned into a rapid double play.

Stuart Sullivan started things out for the Melonheads in the third, and placed a grounder perfectly down the first base line for an infield single, arriving at the base almost before the catcher arrived at the ball. He then stole second, and after Alexis Weis flew out to left field, Luanne Lui advanced him to third on a grounder to first base. With two outs and a runner on third, Tanya Uchida hit a ball into shallow right field where the second baseman and right fielder both went for it and collided, allowing her to reach first and Stuart to score the first run of the day for the Melonheads. That was all they’d do, however, as Angela Delvecchio popped up to end the inning.

Now with a commanding 6-1 lead, the Bombers were looking to take complete control of the game in the bottom of the third. Things started out auspiciously for them in this regard, as Sonja Hagen got to first on an infield single and advanced to second on a hit through the gap into right field from Jillian Paine. Jason Kendall then came up to bat and hit a hard line drive into left center for a triple that came very close to being an inside-the-ballpark home run, putting the Bombers up 8-1 with no outs and a runner on third. Although Bret Olson would ground out for the first out, Fred Benson would hit a grounder that caught the Melonheads playing back and end up taking second while scoring Jason Kendall. Horace Young would then hit a fly ball to the second baseman that was dropped, putting runners on the corners for Nancy Chin; he would then steal second, putting two runners in scoring position. The rally would stall out there, however, as Nancy Chin grounded to first and Esther French popped up, ending the inning with the Bombers up 9-1.

Now halfway through the game, it was looking like the Melonheads would need a miracle to get back in it. That miracle started on the AI end of things, however, as the AI Melonheads put runners on the corners for Vicki Kawaguchi, who used a Crazy Bunt to knock in a run and cut the deficit to 7. Meanwhile, the player-controlled Melonheads started doing some work of their own, with Vicki Kawaguchi drawing a walk and then being advanced to third on a Tony Delvecchio single into the right-side power alley. They then scored a run when Stephanie Morgan hit a ball to the right side of the infield that got Tony out at second but allowed Vicki to score and left Stephanie on first. Fernando Diaz then hit a single to left field, and although Stephanie was out at second on Stuart Sullivan’s fielders’ choice grounder, this meant that there were two runners on base for Alexis Weis, who exhibited patience at the plate until she saw a pitch she liked that she hit into right field for a run-scoring single that put runners on the corners for Luanne Lui. After Alexis stole second, Luanne made it to first on an infield single, and Tanya Uchida came up with the bases loaded. Unfortunately for the Melonheads, Tanya popped up, and the inning ended with the Bombers up 8-3.

Having an ultimately neutral inning isn’t a bad thing when your team is up by five, and so the Bombers entered the bottom of the fourth in good spirits. Dmitri Petrovich got on base with a sharp single to left field, and although Sonja Hagen popped up, he stole second and got to third when Jillian Paine hit a single to left field. Jason Kendall then came up to the plate with runners at the corners and hit into a fielder’s choice, but Dmitri scored on the play and gave the Bombers a prorated 10-3 lead. The inning ended there, however, as although he stole second Bret Olson hit a grounder to Tony Delvecchio and Tony stepped on the bag an instant before Bret could get there for the third out.

Now down seven with six outs left, the Melonheads started things off with Angela Delvecchio, who grounded out despite a fielding error at first. Vicki Kawaguchi got on with an infield single, however, and advanced to second on a Tony Delvecchio single to centerfield. Stephanie Morgan struck out for the second out, however, and this brought up Fernando Diaz, who drew a four-ball walk to load the bases. Stuart Sullivan then came to the plate, and although he hit a grounder towards third base, a throwing error led to everyone being safe and a run scoring. Alexis Weis then hit a double to centerfield that cleared the bases, but got greedy and tried for third, where she was thrown out. Nevertheless, this meant that the Melonheads had cut the Bombers lead to three runs, and a Bombers win suddenly seemed not quite as much of a guarantee as it did just half an inning prior.

The Bombers still had a chance to shore up their lead, though, and they started off the bottom of the fifth with a Fred Benson blast out of left field to put them up 11-7. Horace Young then hit a single to left field and stole second, but the Bombers’ offense stalled out there, as Nancy Chin grounded out to first base for the first out, Esther French grounded out to the pitcher for the second out, and Sonja Hagen grounded out to the catcher after Dmitri Petrovich walked for the third out.

To win, the Melonheads now had to outscore the Bombers by five runs since the home team takes all ties. They started things out with Luanne Lui, who hit a grounder that turned into a double when the ball was thrown out of play on the relay to first. This brought up Tanya Uchida, and an infield single advanced Luanne to third. Angela Delvecchio came to the plate with runners at the corners, but fouled out to third base, sending Vicki to the plate with one out. After Tanya stole second, Vicki ended up drawing a walk to load the bases, and it was at that point that the Melonheads AI came through again, as Tony Delvecchio hit a ball that barely cleared the left field fence to close the score to 10-7.

This meant that the Melonheads had the bases loaded and needed to score four runs to win if their AI couldn’t do any more heavy lifting. And coming to the plate was Tony Delvecchio, who had just closed the gap some on the AI side. He ended up drawing four straight balls for a walk, and headed to first as the winning run. This brought Stephanie Morgan to the plate, and she hit a double to center to tie the game at 10 apiece. The winning run was now at third, and the game hung in the balance; if the Melonheads could bring Tony home, they’d win (assuming they didn’t give up any runs), but if they failed to do so, they’d lose. They had two outs to move Tony, and at the plate was Fernando Diaz.

Fernando proceeded to hit a grounder to the shortstop, but as Eauxps had already sent Tony towards him, the throw was there, and Tony ended up being caught in a pickle before eventually getting tagged out. This meant that the winning run moved back to second, and the Melonheads were down to their final out with the low-power Stuart Sullivan at the plate. To make matters worse, the Bombers ended the Melonheads AI by getting Vicki Kawaguchi out for the final out of the sixth inning, which meant that the Melonheads only hope was to get Stuart to advance everyone. This didn’t happen, as he hit a grounder to the pitcher, who threw it to third to end the game and preserve the Bombers win.

Baltimore Bombers 10.2, Super-Duper Melonheads 10

Next week’s game: Junior Brewers vs. Montana Floss

You know those tense playoff races? This is one of ’em, as the Junior Brewers and Montana Floss face off in the last Matchup Of The Week of the regular season. At stake? Elimination, as the loser is voted off the island, pushed off the cliff, and no longer in the race. The winner has at least a chance of forcing a tiebreaker (or even perhaps sneaking in outright)–so long as the Green Monsters don’t win and make it all moot, of course. Two teams with strong defenses and a bunch of close losses take each other on in what promises to be an exciting matchup, on Saturday, September 25th, only on Sisu’s twitch!

Player of the game: Jason Kendall was fighting hard for Baltimore, as he went 4-for-4 en route to hitting for the cycle. He finished with 4 RBIs and scored thrice. Also, he did a really good job in left field, as much as you might not believe it.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

Junior Athletics 12, Florida Marlins 7

The Junior Athletics continued to hold to their trend of only ever losing to two teams, sweeping the Florida Marlins as they continued their playoff push. The Athletics had a solid game at home, offensively pushing 10 runs across the plate with 17 hits and 3 walks while defensively seeing Todd Xavier pitch a 1-hit shutout; this was enough to get them past the Marlins, who also had a decent enough outing where they scored 8 runs on 13 hits and allowed a run across the plate. The Athletics are now still behind the Dodgers for the first seed on tiebreakers but stay a game ahead of the Minnesota Twins with a game to go.

Player of the game: Sally Dobbs had a good day for the Athletics, going 3-for-4 with a home run and 4 RBIs. She was outshone by Todd Xavier, however; while at the plate Todd went 2-for-3 (both singles) and scored twice (no RBIs), on the mound he remained a fearsome opponent, facing down the minimum number of batters and allowing only a single hit (that later led to a double play) while throwing 4 strikeouts–on only 38 pitches, no less. He’s completely dialed in and ready for the postseason.

Los Angeles Dodgers 22, Humongous Hornets 11

Once again, the Dodgers went on an offensive romp and continued to look invincible at home. Although the Hornets had one of their best offensive showings this season, putting up 15 runs on 22 hits, defensively they faltered, as they allowed 4 runs to score (including one with Annie Frazier on the mound; Annie had a 0.00 ERA prior to this game). Not that it mattered; the Dodgers scored 19 runs on 27 hits and would’ve won without the home proration or the runs the Hornets allowed. The Dodgers continue to sit in the first seed from the Frontyard Conference but haven’t clinched anything yet, as the Twins sit only a game back and the Athletics are only behind them on tiebreakers.

Player of the game: Who else could it be but the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK? Leah Wayne once again led the way for Los Angeles, going 5-for-5 with a single, a pair of doubles, and a couple home runs. She finished with 3 RBIs and scored every time she came up to the plate. Plus, she ended up closing out the game for the Dodgers. There’s no word yet on whether her uncle Bruce (the former minor league ballplayer, not the fictional billionaire superhero playboy philanthropist industrialist inheritor who adopts orphaned boys and puts them in life-threatening situations and whose parents are dead) has been helping out at practice, but signs point to yes.

Minnesota Twins 10, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 4

By the time this game started, Tampa Bay was already eliminated from postseason contention since the Los Angeles Dodgers had already beaten the Humongous Hornets. They played like it, too, as the Devil Rays put up a 5-2 home win. This wasn’t enough to even challenge Minnesota, as the Twins swatted 18 hits in an 11-1 road win that easily got them past Tampa Bay. While the Minnesota Twins sit a game out of the playoffs with a game left to play, they’re not done yet, and if either the Dodgers or Athletics stumble they can very easily force a tiebreaker game and work their way into the playoffs as the #2 seed.

Player of the game: Fabienne Callahan had a good day in a whole-team effort for the Twins, going 3-for-4 (all singles) and racking up 3 RBIs while scoring once herself. Plus, she has a great first name. Say it. It sounds…fabulous.

New York Yankees 5, Little Giants 3

The Giants best hope this season has been that they’ll be able to score runs and their opponents will not. (Yes, I know, that’s every team’s hope, but–look, with the Giants it’s exaggerated to a ludicrous extent, to the point where the Giants almost need their opponents to lose to the AI.) It hasn’t usually worked out for them, but they came reasonably close this week, as they put together their strongest offensive performance since the first half of the season with a 14-hit, 4 run day (although they did end up striking out 9 times and gave up a run). On the other side of the game, the Giants AI did a good job holding the Yankees offense down, keeping them to 12 hits and 5 runs, but unfortunately for the Giants this wasn’t quite enough, and the Yankees took a close win.

Player of the game: Tom Glass was one of the more potent offensive threats the Yankees had in this one, going 2-for-3 with a single and a home run (he was one of only two players to hit it out, the other being Vladimir Guerrero, who went 1-for-4). Although that solo shot was the only time he scored on the day, he definitely helped keep the Yankees offense afloat. It wasn’t just the batting, though; he also put on an amazing show as a pitcher, being named the Frontyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK by throwing a 1-hit shutout complete with 10 strikeouts and bolstering his dark horse status as a possible Ace Wilson winner.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Arizona Diamondbacks 28, Texas Rangers 2

There were two teams that put up 28 runs in the Indoor Conference this week. The first of these was the Diamondbacks, who saw their chance to clinch the #1 seed from the Indoor Conference and took it as they scored 24 runs on 27 hits and two walks. By contrast, the Texas Rangers just waved the white flag, scoring 5 runs off of 12 hits and two walks and allowing three runs to score. Remember the Alamo? Well, the Rangers did, and they decided that instead of dying in honorable battle and being remembered they’d just slink away in a disorganized retreat. The Diamondbacks have clinched the #1 seed from the Indoor Conference, and Texas is #2 and looking more and more like they’ve completely lost their mojo as the season draws to a close.

Player of the game: Give it up for…you know what? I’ve had enough of Jay Green. Yes, he was the BATTER OF THE WEEK from the Indoor Conference. Yes, he’s probably gonna be the MVP (unless all the voters decide they’re sick of hearing about Jay Green and vote for Butch Sherrod out of spite). Yes, he’s having the greatest season any player has ever had, leading the league in batting average, home runs, RBIs, slugging percentage, and runs created. But you know what? I’m sick of hearing about him. Sick of it! He’s had enough praise to last him Methuselah’s lifetime. He’s officially cut off from player of the game awards for…well, I guess only the last two games of this season. Whatever. Point is, I’m giving this one to Randy Johnson, and you can’t stop me. The ace pitcher was not only good on the mound, tossing 4 strikeouts and allowing 3 hits in a shutout performance, but also at the plate, where he went 5-for-5 with four singles and a shocking triple, finishing with two RBIs and scoring all five times he came up to bat. More importantly for the purposes of this award, he’s not Jay Green.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 28, Milwaukee Braves -1

This one was another blowout where the winning team scored 28 runs, as Jomar once again showed why he’s considered one of the top talents in the league whenever he can be bothered to play. The Pink Angles Association put up 29 runs on Milwaukee, smacking 35 hits and gathering 2 walks, with the only blemish being the one run Mr. Clanky gave up. Meanwhile, the Braves suffered their second AI loss to the season and also their second to Los Angeles, as while they scored three runs on ten hits (with all scores coming off of a pair of home runs), Shohei Ohtani melted down on the mound, allowing 4 runs to score off of 9 hits and only tossing a single strikeout. The end result was that the Angels absolutely massacred the Braves in the biggest blowout of the week.

Player of the game: Maria Luna went 5-for-6 for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association, with two singles, a double, and a pair of home runs. She had 7 RBIs and scored 5 times. She would also like you to know that Pinkie Pie is not best pony, even if she is pink; that honor goes to Rarity.

Boston Reds 15, Seattle Fishes 8

For once, the Reds offense showed up, and they had the best game they’ve had all season, putting together a 15-3 home outing at the Paveway. With home runs all but taken off the table, the Fishes were handcuffed, and even with Indoor Conference PITCHER OF THE WEEK Kristen Sullivan leading the way by throwing 10 strikeouts in a 2-hit shutout performance, they were unable to catch up to the Reds, as they were only able to manage 8 runs off of 18 hits and ended up losing to drop below .500 again. The most notable outcome of this game? The Super-Duper Melonheads are now guaranteed to have the worst record in the Indoor Conference.

Player of the game: Derek Jeter was constantly in the right place at the right time for the Boston Reds, as he went 3-for-4 with a single, a double, and a home run. That’s not the part that was fantastic, though; while he did score every time he got on base, he also finished with 9 RBIs. Without him, the Reds probably lose, but with him, they were unstoppable. The only question is what would’ve happened if they’d been able to get him started earlier in the season.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Boston Cubs 14, Junior Brewers 12

This was a matchup between a team fighting for playoff position and another just trying to stay in the race. Although the Cubs sat a game behind the Purple Sox entering the game, they held the tiebreaker for position over them, and would take the lead if they could manage to tie the Purple Sox’s record (so basically, they needed the Purple Sox to falter). The Brewers, meanwhile, were in a dead heat for the final seat and tied with three other teams. As has been usual for the Cubs this season, the game was decided by Boston’s defense, which once again stepped up, holding the Brewers to 13 runs and 24 hits at home. This wouldn’t have been enough for the Cubs, as they only put up 15 runs on 28 hits, but defense made all the difference. While the Cubs allowed a run on five hits, the Brewers allowed three runs on six hits and ended up falling to the Cubs. The Junior Brewers are now tied with Montana Floss and Red Phillies at a game behind the Green Monsters (and a game out of the wild card spot), with a chance to force a tiebreaker if the Monsters lose and they can beat the Floss next week, while the Cubs remain a game behind the Purple Sox with a chance to steal the #1 seed in the Backyard Conference if next week they win and the Purple Sox lose.

Player of the game: Susan Gore bathed in the blood of her enemies, going 5-for-5 with four singles and a triple as she led the team by scoring 5 times and tied for the team lead in RBIs with Zoe Mallory with 4. [Editor’s note: Susan Gore did not literally bathe in blood. Elizabeth Báthory probably didn’t either, but I wouldn’t put it past her.] She also leads the team in runs scored, and leads the Backyard Conference in bases stolen, and thinks that A Hat in Time is a rather enjoyable game.

Purple Sox 21.6, Montana Floss 21

It was a close game this week at Steele Stadium, as the Purple Sox continued to battle for the #1 seed and the Montana Floss continued to fight for their playoff lives. For the Purple Sox, it was business as usual as they put up 18 runs on 24 hits and a pair of walks and shut out their opposition. The same could not be said for the Floss, who not only had another perfect game defensively but also had one of their best offensive games, largely helped by the fact that as a team they hit 7 home runs, more than they had gotten all season as a team. These seven homers helped them on their way to scoring 21 runs on 19 hits and 6 walks, but winning 21-0 wouldn’t be enough to get them over the edge, as the proration bonus for the Purple Sox put them just barely ahead and allowed them to squeak out a win. With the Wombats loss, the Purple Sox are now in sole possession of first place in the Backyard Conference, while the Montana Floss now find themselves a game behind the Green Monsters for the final seed and tied in that position with the Red Phillies and Junior Brewers (whom they play next week).

Player of the game: The Floss swept the awards this week. The Backyard Conference BATTER OF THE WEEK was none other than Jody Palmer, who went 5-for-5 for 5 home runs and 13 RBIs. The Backyard Conference PITCHER OF THE WEEK is Brad Radke, who pitched a perfect game complete with 10 strikeouts and tied the record for most strikeouts in a season with a game to go. And the player of the game is…none other than Purple Sox batter Nicky Winston, who in a marvelous effort for the winning side went 4-for-4 with 4 home runs and 11 RBIs and might have surpassed Jody if he came up a fifth time.

Red Phillies 25, Baltimore Orioles 22

The Phillies needed to win their final two games to have the barest chance of making the postseason, and they started out right with a close win over the Orioles. Baltimore produced its’ strongest game of the season, as they recorded 31 hits and 3 walks in a 22-0 road rout of the Red Phillies. Unfortunately for them, this wasn’t enough to keep up with the Phillies, who took advantage of their batter-friendly home field and home-friendly coach to smack 9 homers and score 22 runs off of 26 hits while allowing a run of their own. Home proration got the Phillies past the Orioles, and they now sit tied with the Montana Floss and Junior Brewers at a game back of the Green Monsters and needing a win just to hopefully force a tiebreaker.

Player of the game: Give Cheryl Reynolds credit: even if her home field is very unfriendly towards homers, she’s still got the goods on the road. She went 6-for-6 in Baltimore’s ultimately failed effort to win, hitting a single, a double, and a shockingly high four home runs. From these hits, she scored 5 times and smashed an astonishing 13 RBIs (tied for the conference lead). The only blemish on her game was an error, but let’s be honest: she did everything she could do, and her efforts (along with those of her team) came very close to forcing the Phillies out of the playoff race.

Green Monsters 17, Wizard Wombats 16

This was an enormous upset with massive ramifications for the playoff race. Prior to the game, the Wombats were the presumptive #2 seed with the possibility of snatching the #1 seed if the Purple Sox faltered, while the Green Monsters were looking like they’d fade. Afterwards, things are completely different. The Wombats had another weak game by their standards, scoring 21 runs at the offense-friendly Tin Can Alley off of 28 hits and a walks but allowing 5 runs and 14 hits [Editor’s note: as someone whose defense also struggled at TCA, I feel your pain, Wizard.]. As for the Monsters, they took care of business with only their second strong performance at home, scoring 16 runs on 20 hits and 2 walks and allowing only two runs on ten hits as they snatched the win. This puts the Monsters in the drivers’ seat for the final Backyard Conference playoff spot, as they’re guaranteed to at least get a tiebreaker game if they lose (unless the Floss are the only ones they’re tied with) and take the spot outright if they win. Meanwhile, the Wombats have to be worried, as not only have they scuppered their chances at the #1 Backyard Conference seed but they’ve also put up four straight games where they’ve scored less than 20 runs (they only had one outing where they scored less than 20 in their first nine games: a 14-run game against the treacherous Cubs defense in Week 6). Still, this might end up for the best for the Wombats, as if they end up as the #3 seed from the Backyard Conference they’ll face the similarly fading Texas Rangers.

Player of the game: The Monsters spent most of the day hitting doubles, but someone who didn’t hit a double was Sophie Meyer (no relation to the Jaguars coach). Instead, she went 2-for-3 with a triple, a home run, and a walk. She may have only scored once, but she finished with 5 RBIs, and was an integral part of the Monsters’ effort to get past the Wombats.

PLAYOFF SCENARIOS

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

It’s a three team race for two seeds in the Frontyard Conference. The Los Angeles Dodgers and Junior Athletics are both tied at 10-3 and are a game up on the Minnesota Twins, but since they’ve each split their series with Minnesota, any tie between them will lead to a tiebreaker game. Let’s see how they can get in.

Minnesota Twins

Minnesota’s win this week kept them in the playoff race; if they had lost to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, we’d be looking at a two-team race for the top two spots (far less interesting). So what do they have to do to get in? Well, the first thing they have to do is beat the Little Giants. Then, they have to see either the Athletics or Dodgers lose; whichever one loses is the one they’ll face in a tiebreaker game (if both the Junior Athletics and Los Angeles Dodgers lose, the Dodgers would take the #1 seed on tiebreakers and the Twins would play the Athletics for the #2 seed). If the Dodgers and Athletics both win, however, the Twins are out of the race for good, and if the Twins lose, they’re out of the race.

Junior Athletics

The Junior Athletics don’t have to beat the Humongous Hornets to make it in, but if they do they clinch a playoff spot. Which one it is depends on if the Los Angeles Dodgers win; if the Dodgers win, the Athletics are the #2 seed, but if the Dodgers lose the Athletics are the #1 seed. However, the Athletics can still make it in even if they lose; if they lose, they’re definitely the #2 seed at best, but if the Minnesota Twins lose as well they get that seed without any problems. If Minnesota wins and the Athletics lose, the #2 seed would go to a tiebreaker game, and the Athletics would have to win that one to make it into the playoffs.

Los Angeles Dodgers

Say what you will about Los Angeles, but they could still miss the playoffs. How does that happen? Well, the following things have to occur: they lose to the New York Yankees, the Junior Athletics beat the Humongous Hornets, the Minnesota Twins beat the Little Giants, and the Los Angeles Dodgers lose to the Minnesota Twins in the tiebreaker game. If any of these four outcomes don’t occur, the Los Angeles Dodgers make the playoffs, and if those failed outcomes are either the Dodgers beating the Yankees or the Hornets beating the Athletics, the Dodgers will be the #1 seed.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

The Arizona Diamondbacks and Texas Rangers have both clinched playoff spots. The Arizona Diamondbacks have clinched the #1 seed from the Indoor Conference, and the Texas Rangers have clinched the #2 seed. There’s no drama here. It’s set.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

There’s four teams in a dogfight for the final Backyard Conference playoff spot. One of them has to make it in; the only question is which one.

Red Phillies

To get in, the Red Phillies were going to need to go on a run and have several things break their way. A lot of those things did happen last week, and now although the Red Phillies are back a game in the playoff race (true of several teams), they’ve still got a decent chance to fight their way into the playoffs. They need two things to happen: they need to beat the Wizard Wombats, and they need the Green Monsters to lose. If those two things fall, they’ll face a tiebreaker game against the winner of the Junior Brewers/Montana Floss matchup, and if they can win there, they’ll need to beat the Green Monsters in another tiebreaker game for the final seed. If they fail to get any of those four things to happen, the Red Phillies will miss the playoffs.

Montana Floss

The Montana Floss have two things they need to see happen: they need to beat the Junior Brewers, and they need the Green Monsters to lose. If those two things happen, what happens next depends on what the Red Phillies do; if the Red Phillies beat the Wizard Wombats, the Montana Floss will then have to win a tiebreaker game against them and then win another tiebreaker game against the Green Monsters in order to make the playoffs. However, if the Wizard Wombats beat the Red Phillies and the Montana Floss beat the Junior Brewers and the Boston Cubs beat the Green Monsters, the Montana Floss will swooce right in to the final playoff spot on tiebreakers.

Junior Brewers

As with all the other teams in this situation, the Junior Brewers need to win their final game and the Green Monsters to lose their final game. If this happens, they’re guaranteed to play in a tiebreaker game; if the Red Phillies beat the Wizard Wombats, it would be two games, the first one against the Red Phillies and the second one against the Green Monsters if they beat the Phillies, while if the Red Phillies lose to the Wizard Wombats, it would be a one-game match against the Green Monsters to see who takes the final seed.

Green Monsters

Last week I said that the Green Monsters were in simultaneously the best and the worst position. After beating the Wizard Wombats, they’re now in unquestionably the best position. If they beat the Boston Cubs, they make the playoffs outright on record. If they lose to the Cubs, they’ll still force a tiebreaker game if they’re tied with the Red Phillies, Junior Brewers, or two other 6-8 teams. The only way they don’t force a tiebreaker game is if the Montana Floss win, the Red Phillies lose, and they themselves lose to the Boston Cubs.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Purple Sox [aesnop] (10-3)
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (9-4)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (9-4)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (6-7)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (5-8)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (5-8)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (5-8)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (3-10)

Indoor Conference
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (12-1)
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (10-3)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund/Repub] (8-5)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (8-5)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (6-7)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (4-9)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (3-10)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (1-12)

Frontyard Conference
Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (10-3)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (10-3)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (9-4)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (7-6)
New York Yankees [Marco] (6-7)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (5-8)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (4-9)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (1-12)

PLAYOFF PICTURE

BACKYARD
#1 Purple Sox [aesnop] (10-3)[x]
#2 Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (9-4)[x]
#3 Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (9-4)[x]
#4 Green Monsters [Yurya] (6-7)

IN THE HUNT
#5 Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (5-8)
#6 Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (5-8)
#7 Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (5-8)

INDOOR
#1 Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (12-1)[y]
#2 Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (10-3)[x]

FRONTYARD
#1 Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (9-3)
#2 Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (9-3)

IN THE HUNT
#3 Minnesota Twins [Toast] (8-4)

[x] = clinched playoff berth
[y] = clinched #1 seed in conference

CURRENTLY ELIMINATED*
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (Frontyard Conference)
New York Yankees [Marco] (Frontyard Conference)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (Frontyard Conference)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (Frontyard Conference)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (Frontyard Conference)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (Indoor Conference)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund/Repub] (Indoor Conference)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (Indoor Conference)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (Indoor Conference)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (Indoor Conference)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (Indoor Conference)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (Backyard Conference)
*elimination calculations by Sports Club Stats

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“[Censored] Brad Radke.” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, on awards season

“We’re in the thick of the playoff race. We’ve gotta amp up our game to maximum overdrive and show everyone just how awesome we really are! And that starts with me teaching everyone how to put on game faces. Make them fear us! Unfortunately, it’s not going very well. Sally told me off for not encouraging welcoming, mature behavior in front of the opposition. I tried asking for Nan’s game face, but she just gave me a slight smile. Tried Courtney; she gave a bright and cute smile and said that friendship’s much better than fear. Tried Ray, and he just danced. Tried Todd; he gave a blank stare. Thinking I should try something else at this point.” – Dawn Cozart, Junior Athletics, on the playoff race

“Imagine JBA [Montana Floss head coach] with like 1 more power hitter.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, on the Montana Floss’s need for bats

“I like hitting homers!” – Jody Palmer, Montana Floss, on her massive five home run day

“Nan may not be a heavy hitter on offense, but she’s been doing a fantastic job on defense for us lately. I’d say she’s our unsung hero and a dark horse candidate for the Goldie Glove. Just this game she did such a great job preventing a steal that I gave her a pat on the back! I think I may have patted her a bit too hard; sorry, Nan. She’s rather quiet and doesn’t exude much confidence in herself, but we try all we can to build it for her.” – Sally Dobbs, Junior Athletics, on Nan Porter and awards season

“Things that should be banned: grounders, Brad Radke.” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, on what he disliked this season

“How did I end up joining a league with teams with this much internal structure, power, and motivation to overthrow league decisions? I’m just an adult trying to teach kids how to play baseball and help them grow into happier, better citizens.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on coaching and awards season

“[Censored] happier, better citizens! The Yankees have an Ace Wilson to win! Awards over everything! It’s the New York way!” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, on growing up in New York City

“This has been an absolutely wild ride of a season and I’m enjoying every second of it! I think Mello’s getting quite stressed about it, but I do all I can to calm him down and remind him of what’s important. He’s done a phenomenal job helping the kids win games, but I’m even more proud of the way he’s grown as a coach and mentor. He’s been on fewer tirades over bad ump calls, he’s started to figure out ways to make the kids happier, and he definitely puts their well-being first. I feel like I’m needed less and less. I’m mostly the provider of postgame ice cream at this point, heh. No matter what, I think he’ll look back on this with fond memories of what’s great about childhood. And thank you, media, for giving us and the kids a voice here during this season. I know they have a lot of fun with it. Todd’s trained platitudes crack me up.” – FelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics assistant coach, on his experiences coaching

“Has anyone ever unironically thought about what human meat tastes like?” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head not-coach, on cannibalism

“Yeah, all the time.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on being an incredibly creepy weirdo

“Don’t take this out of context, but I think eating babies would be a far more efficient means of resource conservation.” – Zach Weinersmith, Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, on being taken out of context

“Reminder to you all following at home: [censored] Brad Radke!” – Marco, New York Yankees head coach, on Brad Radke’s perfect game