Week 12 saw AI losses come to the Backyard Conference, scores of 40+ come to the Frontyard Conference, and the first real change in the Indoor Conference’s playoff race since Week 3! (Yeah, two teams in the Indoor Conference definitely colluded to make it the least-interesting playoff race…oh well.) What’s this mean? It means that the league is getting tenser and tenser as playoffs approach and eliminations pile up! With two weeks to go, here’s what happened in Week 12.

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Montana Floss vs. Boston Cubs

At the start of the season, these teams seemed very similar. Both had drafted heavily for defense with an emphasis on effective grounders and a surplus of arms. Both had taken strong pitchers. And both teams were looking to compete for the playoffs. However, as the season wore on, it became more and more evident that while they had both tried to build strong defensive teams, only one had succeeded, with the Cubs clinching a playoff spot in Week 11 with an 8-3 record while the Floss foundered at 4-7 despite the Floss having scored far more runs overall. In other words, the Cubs built a better team. Interestingly, though, the first time these two teams met (in week 1), Montana took the win at home by a score of 12-6, and with most if not all of their playoff hopes on the line, the Floss would need to repeat that feat at Cement Gardens.

Their attempt started out well, as in the top of the first Montana came out hot, fouling off an exorbitant number of pitches as they loaded the bases with their first three batters on a bevy of infield singles. They then brought in a pair of runs when Jeff Bagwell hit a single to right field, and followed that up by loading the bases again on a Bagwell steal and Ricky Johnson single. After Brad Radke hit an infield fly for the first out of the game, Emily Lewbell came up to bat and blasted a powerful line drive single down the first base line and off the wall, bringing home two more runs and putting Ricky Johnson on third. Emily Lewbell then stole second when Cubs catcher Susan Gore chose not to attempt the throw and instead hold Ricky Johnson on third, and this was followed up by Jody Palmer grounding into right field through the gap. Although she was thrown out at first, this did bring Ricky home and sent Linda Potter up to bat with two outs and a runner on second. She got on base with a perfectly placed grounder down the third-base line, bringing up Kathy Wolf for the second time that inning. Kathy walked, but the rally ended there, as Tina Herrara grounded out to the catcher.

Starting in a 5-0 hole was not what the Cubs wanted to do, but they were ready to fight back, starting off with a Susan Gore single into shallow right field on the very first pitch. Susan stole second immediately afterwards, but didn’t advance any further on that at-bat as Lisa Crockett struck out. She didn’t have any more luck with Carlos Ocampo, as he popped out to the pitcher, but Alex Rodriguez provided the two-out spark Boston needed, hitting a single down the right field line that brought Susan Gore home from second when Floss right fielder Kathy Wolf flubbed the throw. Alex Rodriguez then proceeded to steal second, but Jorge Garcia ended the inning there as he lined out to left field.

Now up 5-1, the Floss were looking to capitalize on their strong first inning, but the Cubs’ strong defense clamped down on them, getting Vic Soufle to ground out to the pitcher for the first out. Although Jeff Bagwell hit an infield single to third, Ricky Johnson grounded to the pitcher for the second out on a fielder’s choice, and Brad Radke grounded to the second baseman to end the inning. The Cubs were held silent in the bottom of the inning, though, as Zoe Mallory grounded out to third base to start the inning, Jessica Wassersas lined out to the shortstop, and Kenny Kawaguchi grounded out to the pitcher. The Floss came up to bat again then, but failed to do much in the top of the third either, as they failed to score any runs despite managing to get Jody Palmer and Kathy Wolf on base.

The bottom of the third is where the game changed, as Paco Kaufman got to first on a Jeff Bagwell error. Susan Gore was the next one up to bat, and after Paco stole second she drew a walk. Lisa Crocket then hit a ball over the shortstop’s head into left center, and 2 runs were scored on the double. The Cubs weren’t done yet, though, as although Carlos Ocampo lined out to second for the first out of the inning Alex Rodriguez got on first with a single that got through the left-side gap into left field and then Jorge Garcia blasted a pitch down the Cement Gardens alleyway for a home run that put the Cubs up a prorated 7-5. This necessitated a pitching swap for the Floss, and Linda Potter was put in to face Zoe Mallory. Zoe proceeded to hit one down the alley as well, but center fielder Jody Palmer raced after the ball, caught up to it, and threw it in, holding Zoe to a triple. That ended up being very important, as Jessica Wassersas then popped up to the shortstop and Kenny Kawaguchi grounded out, limiting the damage.

This seemed to wake up the Floss’s offense, as although Vic Soufle grounded out to start the inning they then proceeded to get Jeff Bagwell on first with a walk, advance him to second on an infield single, and load the bases with a Brad Radke walk. That brought Emily Lewbell up to bat, and she hit the ball to an empty left field for a double. Exacerbating things was the fact that in trying to receive the throw from the outfield catcher Susan Gore ran all the way to the shortstop’s position, leaving home plate uncovered and letting Brad Radke stroll home to put the Floss up 8-7. That was all for the Floss, however, as Jody Palmer grounded out to the shortstop and Linda Potter grounded out to the pitcher.

The Cubs came up looking to retake the lead, and started the bottom of the fourth in a similar way to how they started the bottom of the third, with Paco Kaufman reaching first and then stealing second. This was followed with a Susan Gore single, and then Lisa Crocket brought everyone home by hitting a home run down the left field alleyway to put the Cubs up 10-8. Carlos Ocampo then hit a double to center, but Alex Rodriguez then proceeded to strike out, and although Jorge made it to first on a single to left field a foul ball to right was caught by Kathy, leaving the Cubs with runners on first and second and two outs with Jessica Wassersas approaching the plate. She hit a ball off the building in right center, and that brought in a run and left the Cubs with runners on the corners and a prorated 12-8 lead. Jessica stole second as soon as possible, but it didn’t end up mattering as Kenny Kawaguchi ground out to the catcher, ending the inning.

The Floss thereby entered the fifth inning down four and with their playoff hopes on the line. Kathy Wolf started things out for them with an infield single where she beat the throw, and then after Kathy stole second Tina Herrara placed a grounder perfectly down the first base line to get on base. Vic Soufle loaded the bases with an infield single, and that brought up power hitter Jeff Bagwell, who hit a towering infield fly to bring Ricky Johnson to the plate with one out and the bases loaded. Ricky managed to make something happen, though, as he hit a dribbler to the pitcher where Kathy Wolf barely made it home in time to beat the throw. With everyone safe, Brad Radke came up to the plate and hit a grounder to the pitcher that was bobbled, allowing everyone to reach base safely again and cutting the Cubs’ lead to 12-10. This brought Emily Lewbell (who had already had a bases-clearing double) to the plate, and she smacked a hard line drive directly to Kenny Kawaguchi in center field. Her efforts weren’t wasted, though, as Vic proceeded to take home on the sacrifice, putting the game within a run. Jody Palmer came up to bat with runners on first and second and proceeded to lay a perfect grounder down the third base line that allowed everyone to reach, and she was followed by Linda Potter, who also laid a perfect grounder down the line to tie the game at 12 apiece. Kathy Wolf then came to the plate, and after a pitching swap was made to move the tired Jessica Wassersas to first base, she hit a pop-up in that direction that landed safely and ended up scoring two runs and advancing Linda Potter to 3rd due to the high concrete bounces of Cement Garden. She then stole second, and the throw to third base was mishandled by Jorge Garcia, allowing Linda Potter to cross the plate and put the Floss up 15-12. Tina Herrara then got on base with an infield grounder, but the rally ended there as Vic Soufle popped out to second base.

The Cubs thus entered their final three outs down by three runs. For the third time in a row, they started the inning with a Paco Kaufman single followed by a steal of second, but this time the Floss managed to stop Susan Gore, as she ground out to second. Although an error after the out allowed Paco to reach third, this was the first time Susan had been out all game. On the next at-bat, Lisa Crocket hit a grounder directly to third base, but Jeff Bagwell was too quick on the trigger and threw the ball past the first baseman and out of play, allowing a run to score and putting Lisa on second. Carlos Ocampo then made it to first on an infield single, but Alex Rodriguez popped out to second baseman, leaving the Cubs down two runs with two runners on base and Jorge Garcia coming to the plate to try and do something with their final out. Do something he did, as he once again hit the ball into the alleyway; this time it was ruled a double, and the Cubs were now trailing 15-14 with two outs and runners on second and third.

They weren’t able to complete the comeback, however, as Zoe Mallory hit a grounder to the second baseman for the third out. The last hope for the Cubs was for the Floss to not score any more and give up some runs, but the Floss got another run in the top of the inning off of an Emily Lewbell sacrifice fly to center and then proceeded to shut the Cubs down in the bottom of the sixth, winning the game.

Montana Floss 16, Boston Cubs 14

Next week’s game: Super-Duper Melonheads vs. Baltimore Bombers

There’s a lot of tension around the playoff race. Sometimes you’ve just got to sit back and remember that the game’s all about fun. That’s what we get this week, as Matchup Of The Week returns to the Indoor Conference to cover a game between two teams that are at this moment eliminated from the playoffs. The Melonheads may be having a poor year, but they always put up a fight and try their best, and have fun. The same can be said of the Bombers, who have weathered a coaching change and uncertainty about the rules to work their way through an overall fun season. Take a break from the drama and enjoy some good baseball this Saturday, September 18th at 8:30 Mountain Time, only on Sisu’s twitch!

Player of the game: There are several players you could consider for this position (including Emily Lewbell, who hit 7 RBIs despite only going 2-for-5 and never crossing home plate–hey, sacrifice flies help with that). But this time, I think the award goes to the Backyard Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK! After three straight games where the Floss ace gave up a run, he returned to his shutout and shutdown ways, throwing 9 strikeouts and only allowing a single hit in a magnificent performance where the Floss absolutely needed a win.

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

Los Angeles Dodgers 49, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 6

This game can be encompassed in a single word. That word is demolition. This game was originally scheduled as the Matchup Of The Week until Tampa Bay coach T-Boz failed to get his game in for the matchup; in retrospect, this might’ve been for the best. The Devil Rays put together a fairly normal game for them, as they won 8-2, but it didn’t matter to the Dodgers, who put together a 41-0 win that with proration left them only one run short of the 50-run barrier. The Dodgers pretty obviously won this one in the biggest blowout the Frontyard has seen, and in doing so not only demolished Tampa Bay’s AI, but also the Devil Rays dreams of playoff contention, which at this point now hang by a thread.

Player of the game: Everyone on the Dodgers was smacking the ball around (the weakest batter was Ronny Dobbs, who went 3-for-6 with a walk; every other player finished with more hits than outs for the game), so it makes sense that one of them was named the Frontyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK! Which one was it? Leah Wayne, who only hit singles or homers as she went 7-for-8 with four singles and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs. She didn’t have the most RBIs on the team (that honor goes to Albert Pujols, who had 10) and only tied for the most runs scored (she and Murray Goldman each scored 7 times), but her 9 RBIs and 7 runs scored were most definitely impressive. Add in her two stolen bases, and on a day where everyone on the team contributed, she definitely contributed the most.

Minnesota Twins 14, New York Yankees 1

The Twins kept themselves in the playoff race with this obliteration of New York. For Minnesota, it was business as usual, as they racked up 14 runs on 22 hits and pitched a road shutout at Tin Can Alley. As for New York, they faltered again, scoring only a single run on nine hits (although Yankees pitcher Tom Glass did have an impressive 11-strikeout shutout performance). In the aftermath, the Twins remain a game out of the playoffs, but they could very easily force a tiebreaker game if the Dodgers or Giants lose and they keep performing well.

Player of the game: Julie, Julie, Julie! Julie Dunkel was a monster on the mound, throwing 3 strikeouts in a four-hit shutout. And she was an even bigger monster at the plate, going 3-for-5 with a pair of doubles and a home run that brought home 7 RBIs and saw her crossing the plate thrice. The only monster she isn’t is the monster under her bed, and that’s thankfully kept away by her nightlight.

Humongous Hornets 8, Florida Marlins -2

In one of Jyknight’s (now discontinued) power rankings earlier this season, he said that the Hornets had always been a second-half team. I expressed skepticism at the time, but it looks like Jyknight was right and I was wrong (as usual), so you can consider this a formal apology. The Hornets started 0-6, but at this point they’re 4-8 and have definitely picked up the pace; second-half team is right! It seems like the problem was that their AI couldn’t do enough to hold up their solid performance on the player end, but that wasn’t the case in this one, as Florida was held to two runs on five hits and gave up eight hits and four runs on defense. The Hornets just rolled, scoring seven runs on fourteen hits and shutting out their opponents with their pitching rotation of Angelique Harding and Annie Frazier.

Player of the game: Everybody contributed to the Hornets win in some way, meaning there were no standout players. That means that this one is more of a “general biggest contributor”, although you could make arguments for other players. Angelique Harding was that in this game, as on the mound she faced down 10 batters, threw 14 pitches, allowed 3 hits, and got one strikeout, while at the plate she went 2-for-3 with a single and an extremely rare home run, finishing with 3 RBIs and scoring once while also striking out once. She’s also seeing a therapist for her anger issues, so good on her.

Junior Athletics 13, Little Giants -2

It was a game between the haves and the have-nots this week. The haves in this case are the Junior Athletics, who have a coach who’s battled his way through the season to be in line for a playoff spot. The have-nots are the Little Giants, who despite their best efforts and a strong defense have had a very hard time scoring runs, and have frequently found themselves playing into extra innings before eventually seeing their defense snap to the AI. That was the case in this one, where the Little Giants struggled through over 10 innings before giving up a 2-run homer and falling to the AI. The Junior Athletics, meanwhile, scored 13 runs on 25 hits and 3 walks and won easily despite their inefficiency (partially bolstered by Todd Xavier’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK performance).

Player of the game: Sally Dobbs of the Junior Athletics got back into the swing of things (heh heh…pun) by going 4-for-5 with a pair of singles and a pair of home runs. She finished with 5 RBIs and scored twice. Plus, if both the Athletics and the Dodgers keep winning, both she and her brother will be in the playoffs!

INDOOR CONFERENCE

Seattle Fishes 6, Super-Duper Melonheads 4

The only win the Melonheads have this season is against the Fishes, and with this result they won’t collect a sweep. In this case they didn’t lose because Seattle went through elchrisblanco’s typical late-season surge (granted, that is what the Fishes did), as the Fishes only put up 6 runs on 17 hits. In this case, the problem for the Melonheads was that they weren’t able to score enough, as they only got 4 runs on the same number of hits. (Each team also had a walk.) This result means that the Melonheads stay at the bottom of the Indoor Conference with games against the Bombers and Reds upcoming, while the Fishes have clawed their way back to .500 and might actually finish the season with a winning record–quite a feat for a team that started 0-4.

Player of the game: In a game this defensively-oriented, how could it be anyone but a pitcher? Kristen Sullivan of the Fishes had a complete-game shutout, throwing 52 pitches and 5 strikeouts while only allowing one hit. She also has a pet donkey at home who can eat a whole tumbleweed in one sitting.

Arizona Diamondbacks 24, Milwaukee Braves 2

It was just another ordinary game for the Arizona Diamondbacks, as they once again relied on Jay Green and Randy Johnson to get a win. Unusually enough, Randy Johnson had a good day on both ends, boosting the Diamondbacks score–not that it was needed, as the Braves once again fell short in a difficult game, this time having trouble on the road as they only won 4-2. This allowed the Diamondbacks to stay on track in their quest for the top seed from the Indoor Conference, while Milwaukee remains eliminated.

Player of the game: Randy Johnson is one of the most fearsome pitchers in the league; that’s been evident for a while and was obvious in this one, where he threw a one-hit shutout game complete with 6 strikeouts. That’s not all the tall glass of water did, though, as he had a rare strong day at the plate, going 4-for-5 with three singles and a home run and finishing with 6 RBIs (tied for the team lead with Jay Green) and two scores (not tied for the team lead with Jay Green). Also, he’s really tall.

Baltimore Bombers 20, Texas Rangers 18

After losing their first game a week ago to the Braves, the Rangers dropped another one, this one on the road against Baltimore. In this case, the Rangers put up a good fight, scoring 20 runs on 27 hits and a walk, but ended up giving up two runs defensively. This was enough to let the Bombers swooce past, as Baltimore scored 18 runs on 25 hits and 4 walks, and although they allowed a run, that run differential of 17 was prorated to a run differential of 20, putting them ahead of the Rangers. While this has no impact on who makes the playoffs, this loss combined with the Diamondbacks win puts the Rangers in second place in the Indoor Conference, making next week’s game against the Diamondbacks even more important for both sides.

Player of the game: If you’re gonna go up against one of the best teams in your conference, it helps to have the BATTER OF THE WEEK on your side. That’s exactly what Baltimore had in the form of Fred Benson, who went 5-for-5 with two singles, two doubles, and a triple, scoring four times and notching 5 RBIs. He also enjoys lasagna.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association 24, Boston Reds 10

The Angels may be eliminated, but that doesn’t mean they’re just going to give up (no matter how much Jomar wants to). That was evident when the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association took on the Boston Reds and utterly dismantled them, scoring 24 runs on 36 hits and two walks. Boston could barely compete, as although they had one of their better games this season (producing 10 runs on 20 hits while giving up 2 runs), they didn’t come anywhere close to the Angels output and lost easily.

Player of the game: Mr. Clanky was one of the Angels strongest batters, going 5-for-6 with three singles, a double, and a home run, finishing with 4 RBIs and 4 runs scored. It’s not just offensive prowess that got the robot here, though, as on the mound he saw 18 batters come up to the plate…and 18 batters go down at the plate, as Mr. Clanky threw 38 pitches and 6 strikeouts in a perfect game that got him named the Indoor Conference’s PITCHER OF THE WEEK!

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

Junior Brewers 15.8, Red Phillies 15

It was a tough, tightly-contested match between two teams vying for the final playoff spot, but in the end the Brewers emerged victorious. The Phillies played a good game on the road, as they put together a 30-hit, 1-walk day that garnered them 20 runs, and in most instances this would be enough to defeat a Brewers team that was only able to manage 23 hits and 14 runs while giving up a run of their own. Unfortunately for the Phillies, Esmarelda Heimann was shaky on the mound, and while she had only given up 2 runs entering the bottom of the sixth, she absolutely imploded at that point (an implosion aided by the coach’s unwillingness to pull his pitcher when she gets tired) and gave up a three-run homer. That was just enough to push the Phillies score below that of the prorated Brewers, and the Junior Brewers took the win. The Junior Brewers are now 5-7 and tied for the final playoff spot from the Backyard Conference, while the Red Phillies find themselves a game behind the three other teams in the race with only two games left to play.

Player of the game: The Red Phillies may have lost, but it definitely wasn’t Sammy Sosa’s fault. The star slugger went 5-for-5 with a pair of doubles and 3–count ’em, 3–home runs for the Phillies, finishing with 8 RBIs (although he didn’t manage to score unless he hit the ball out). It’s gotta be disappointing for him to see his team faltering like this, especially coming off of a championship season, but that’s life–and if the Phillies do make a late-season run, you can bet that he’ll be one of their biggest contributors.

Purple Sox 50, Green Monsters 10

Something that helped the Monsters look good in the early part of the second half of the season was that their first four games were against other teams competing for the fourth seed in the Backyard Conference. The unfortunate counterpoint to this is that their last three games are going to come against teams all hunting for the top seed. When you combine this with them facing one of the best offensive coaches in the league, a home field that’s heavily biased towards offensive production, and the Monsters struggling to score runs at home, well…you get this result. The Green Monsters did okay, scoring 11 runs on 19 hits and a walk, although them giving up three runs on defense definitely hurt them. Unfortunately for them, though, the Purple Sox came to win; what you may not know is that any scores above fifty are automatically capped, so a 42-1 victory is a 41-run output, but a 81-32 victory gets changed to 50-32 and an 18-run output. Long story short, the Purple Sox got three walks (okay), 75 hits (oh that’s bad), and 61 runs (stick a fork in ’em). If this wasn’t humiliating enough, they also shut out the Green Monsters, resulting in a dead-on 50-burger. This leaves the Green Monsters in a dead heat with the other two 5-7 teams in the playoff race with a couple of difficult games coming up, while the Purple Sox are now in first place in the Backyard Conference after the Cubs loss.

Player of the game: The entire Purple Sox squad had a good day, and trying to choose the best is difficult…so how about we just go with the Backyard Conference’s BATTER OF THE WEEK in Timmy Unger? The Ungry Man Dinner went 8-for-8 with a lone single, a pair of doubles, a trio of triples…and then only two home runs. Fret not, though, he also grabbed one of the Purple Sox’s three walks and scored 7 times with 11 RBIs! Cap that off with a pair of stolen bases, and you’ve got a recipe for a phenomenal performance.

Wizard Wombats 12, Baltimore Orioles -1

First, losing to the AI came to the Frontyard Conference. Then, losing to the AI came to the Indoor Conference. And now, a Backyard Conference team has done it: Mavfatha’s Orioles fell to the AI Wizard Wombats on the road by a 2-1 score. In fairness to Baltimore, they’ve always been seen as the weak link of the Backyard Conference, with the record to prove it; however, this was a new low for the team, as they only put up a single run on 8 hits and a walk (that run a solo shot from Cheryl Reynolds) and allowed 2 runs to cross the plate on 5 hits. All the Wombats had to do was show up, and that’s exactly what they did, winning 11-1 with their lowest score of the year. The Wombats remain in second place and tied with the Purple Sox, while the Orioles are eliminated with this loss.

Player of the game: Chico Pappas came through for the Wombats this week, going 3-for-4 with a single and a pair of homers. He had 5 RBIs and scored twice, and when questioned about his routine, admitted that he started the day with a big bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon and vanilla.

PLAYOFF SCENARIOS

FRONTYARD CONFERENCE

It’s pretty much always been about the Los Angeles Dodgers in this one. Last week, they made it interesting when they lost to the (guest-coached) Florida Marlins; this week, they made it less interesting by beating the Tampa Bay Devil Rays to death. Let’s go over the possible playoff scenarios for each team.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays

Losing to the Dodgers pretty much put the Devil Rays out of contention. Had they won, they would’ve been tied with the Dodgers, held the tiebreaker over them with a game against the Twins coming up and a chance to push that race to a tie. Instead, they’re now two games behind both the Los Angeles Dodgers and Junior Athletics–and the Athletics hold the tiebreaker, while the Dodgers don’t. This means that their slim chances of making the playoffs rely on just forcing a tiebreaker game with the Dodgers, so they need to win out, the Dodgers to lose out, and the Twins to lose out just to force that tiebreaker game; a Los Angeles win or losing at any point puts Tampa Bay out of contention.

Minnesota Twins

Remember how I said it’s always been about the Dodgers? It’s not just about the Dodgers here. The Twins way into the playoffs is simple: they need to force a tiebreaker game with either the Athletics or the Dodgers (they’re 1-1 against each of them) and win it. Being a game back is a hindrance, but if they can win out and either the Dodgers or the Athletics lose once, they’ll get that tiebreaker game. (If either the Dodgers or Athletics lose twice and the Twins win out, the Twins are in as well, and a tiebreaker game would also happen if the Twins go 1-1 and either the Dodgers or the Athletics go 0-2 down the stretch.) They’re not out of the race yet, although they’re a bit behind.

Junior Athletics

The Junior Athletics are in the driver’s seat here, sitting one game ahead of the Twins and in a playoff spot. If they win out, they make the playoffs. If they win one game and the Twins lose one game, they make the playoffs. If they lose both games but the Twins lose both games as well, they’re in the playoffs. Basically, if they can match what the Twins do, they’re in, since they can’t be bumped out of the playoffs by the Dodgers or Devil Rays.

Los Angeles Dodgers

Los Angeles is simultaneously in the best position and the most precarious position. The Athletics only losses came against the Dodgers twice and the Twins once; Los Angeles lost to the Twins and Devil Rays once, which means a tiebreaker game can be forced by either of those teams if they catch up to the Dodgers. As with the Athletics, the Dodgers just have to keep pace with Minnesota to make it in, but if they falter and end up tied with the Twins or Devil Rays, they’ll have to play a tiebreaker game. Despite this, they’re in pole position for the first seed due to being tied with the Athletics, whom they beat twice.

INDOOR CONFERENCE

The Indoor Conference is pretty cut-and-dry: the Texas Rangers and Arizona Diamondbacks have clinched the only two playoff spots, and everyone else is out. The only question is who gets the #1 seed and who gets the #2 seed. For most of the season, it would’ve been the Rangers, but after their recent two-game skid the Rangers are trailing the Diamondbacks in the standings for the first time all season (Texas had either led or been tied with Arizona prior to this week). Consequently, the Week 13 Rangers-Diamondbacks matchup is of vital importance; if Texas wins in Week 13, they’ll be tied with Arizona for first and hold the head-to-head tiebreakers, at which point the Rangers will claim the first seed with a win or a Diamondbacks loss and the Diamondbacks will claim the first seed with a win and a Rangers loss. Meanwhile, if Arizona beats Texas, Arizona will claim a two game lead with one game left and clinch the first seed in the Indoor Conference.

BACKYARD CONFERENCE

The Boston Cubs, Wizard Wombats, and Purple Sox have all clinched. The Baltimore Orioles have been eliminated. Everyone else? Technically alive, although the degree of life varies. Here’s how each team can make it in.

Red Phillies

The Phillies are a game behind the rest of the field. There’s only two games left. And two other teams in the running for the final seed play each other, so one of them has to win. This means something very, very simple: to have a shot, the Phillies have to win out. If they do that, they’d sit at 6-8, and from there the scenarios for them to get in unfold. If the Monsters lose out and the Floss and Brewers both lose Week 13, whomever won the Floss/Brewers match would also be 6-8. If Montana wins that game, the Phillies make the playoffs due to holding the head-to-head tiebreaker against them, while if the Brewers win the Phillies and Brewers would play a tiebreaker game for the final seed. On the other hand, if the Monsters win one of their remaining games but everything else stays the same, we would see a three-way tie involving the Phillies, and that would give them a chance to get in. And if the Monsters won once, either the Floss or Brewers won in Week 13, and whichever won didn’t win the match between them, we’d see all four teams at 6-8 and the fabled four-way tie.

Montana Floss

By comparison, Montana’s road in is very, very simple: they have to beat the Brewers. If they beat the Purple Sox and beat the Brewers, they make the playoffs regardless of what happens (even if the Green Monsters tie their record at 7-7, the Montana Floss would still hold the tiebreaker), but even if you assume the Floss beat the Purple Sox they still can’t afford to lose to the Brewers; if the Brewers beat them, both teams would be tied at 6-8, with the Brewers holding the tiebreaker. As it stands, the Floss will make the playoffs if they win out, if they go 6-8 and the Brewers and Phillies both go 5-9 (with the Green Monsters going 5-9 or 6-8), if they can force a tiebreaker game with the Brewers by beating them, or if they can wrangle a three- or four-way tie (all teams involved tie at 6-8) and win the tiebreakers there.

Green Monsters

The Monsters are in what’s simultaneously the best and the worst position. On the one hand, they’ve surged in the second half of the season, and still have decent odds to win it all. On the other hand, their surge can largely be credited to having played the weaker part of the conference, as they close with three games against the three toughest teams in the Backyard Conference. Making things more difficult is the fact that they only swept the Phillies; if they ended up in a tie with the Phillies, they would make the playoffs, but a tie with the Brewers would necessitate a tiebreaker game and a tie with the Floss would see them out of the playoffs as the Floss swept them. Put simply, they’re well-off record-wise but the schedule from here on out is unfavorable. If they win out, they would sit at 7-7, and at worst be tied with the Brewers (tiebreaker game) or the Floss (Floss win tiebreaker). If they win one of their remaining games, they would definitely be tied with either the Floss or the Brewers if both teams lost in Week 13; even if it’s the Floss, though, they’d still be able to force tiebreakers if the Phillies won out and it was a three-way tie at 6-8. And, of course, there’s always the possibility of a four-way tie–so long as the Monsters can win one game.

Junior Brewers

The biggest obstacle the Brewers face this season is themselves. Specifically, they face the problem of their own unpredictability. Sometimes, they’ve looked like one of the best teams in the Backyard Conference; other times, they’ve looked like one of the worst. This unpredictability means that they could easily win out and at worst face a tiebreaker game with the Monsters, while it also means that they could crash and burn, lose out, and miss the playoffs entirely. As it stands, they need to win at least one game; if that game happens to be the one against the Floss, they could make the playoffs if the Monsters and Phillies finish 5-9 or worse, while if it’s the one against the Cubs they’d be locked into a tiebreaker game with the Floss (assuming the Monsters and Phillies finish 5-9 or worse). Either way, they have a good chance to make the playoffs, but only if they can stay out of their own way.

STANDINGS

Backyard Conference
Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (9-3)
Purple Sox [aesnop] (9-3)
Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (8-4)
Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (5-7)
Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (5-7)
Green Monsters [Yurya] (5-7)
Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (4-8)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (3-9)

Indoor Conference
Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (11-1)
Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (10-2)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund/Repub] (7-5)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association [JOMAR] (7-5)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (6-6)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (4-8)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (2-10)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (1-11)

Frontyard Conference
Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (9-3)
Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (9-3)
Minnesota Twins [Toast] (8-4)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (7-5)
New York Yankees [Marco] (5-7)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (5-7)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (4-8)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (1-11)

PLAYOFF PICTURE

BACKYARD
#1 Purple Sox [aesnop] (9-3)[x]
#2 Wizard Wombats [Wizard] (9-3)[x]
#3 Boston Cubs [KiiiiiiiiiiiiiS] (8-4)[x]
#4 Junior Brewers [jibbodahibbo] (5-7)

IN THE HUNT
#5 Montana Floss [JorgesBankAccount] (5-7)
#6 Green Monsters [Yurya] (5-7)
#7 Red Phillies [crazyei8hts] (4-8)

INDOOR
#1 Arizona Diamondbacks [Sisu] (11-1)[x]
#2 Texas Rangers [Jyknight] (10-2)[x]

FRONTYARD
#1 Los Angeles Dodgers [hitace] (9-3)
#2 Junior Athletics [MelloMathTeacher] (9-3)

IN THE HUNT
#3 Minnesota Twins [Toast] (8-4)
#4 Tampa Bay Devil Rays [T-Boz] (7-5)

[x] = clinched playoff berth

CURRENTLY ELIMINATED*
New York Yankees [Marco] (Frontyard Conference)
Florida Marlins [skolgamingnetwork] (Frontyard Conference)
Little Giants [SilverBullet102] (Frontyard Conference)
Humongous Hornets [Vissery] (Frontyard Conference)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Pink Angles Association (Indoor Conference)
Baltimore Bombers [jlund/Repub] (Indoor Conference)
Seattle Fishes [elchrisblanco] (Indoor Conference)
Milwaukee Braves [Natetastic] (Indoor Conference)
Super-Duper Melonheads [Eauxps I. Fourgott] (Indoor Conference)
Boston Reds [shrewsbury] (Indoor Conference)
Baltimore Orioles [Mavfatha] (Backyard Conference)
*elimination calculations by Sports Club Stats

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“Like, it’s all wholesomeness, friendship, and introspection. And then pure, unadulterated hate.” – MelloMathTeacher, Junior Athletics head coach, on the quotes of the week

“We’ve still got a ways to go. A great defensive performance is good for one game, and one game only. We must maintain this, no matter what. Remain humble, keep working, and good things will come.” – Todd Xavier, Junior Athletics, evidently coached on what to say to the media

“The Devil Rays are totally gonna get slaughtered, aren’t they.” – JorgesBankAccount, Montana Floss head coach, on how well the Tampa Bay Devil Rays match up against the Los Angeles Dodgers

“No way. No [censored] way.” – T-Boz, Tampa Bay Devil Rays head coach, on whether or not his team would get slaughtered

“I just had a good game. Everything hit the side of the shed.” – hitace, Los Angeles Dodgers head coach, on slaughtering the Tampa Bay Devil Rays

“We don’t have any words and we know you don’t want to hear them. We understand your anger, your frustration, your sadness. Everything you’re feeling – we get it. This isn’t the ending we imagined, and certainly not the one we wanted. Thank you for being there the entire way.” – T-Boz, Tampa Bay Devil Rays head coach, invoking the Tampa Bay Lightning

“It’s been quite a while since I’ve hit any homers. Glad to be back in form with two in one game, and to see the kids show maturity and kindness to the opposition after the game. I’ve made the playoffs every season so far, but according to the record books, neither Courtney nor Butch have made it. We’ve got to do it for them. They’ve been great at what they do, and they deserve to experience this.” – Sally Dobbs, Junior Athletics, on wanting to make the playoffs

“I’m one, two, three, four, five…five years old!” – Ronny Dobbs, Los Angeles Dodgers, on being four years old and yet somehow having played seven seasons

“Aesnop hates fun.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, on aesnop, Purple Sox head coach

“I will always condone drug use.” – aesnop, Purple Sox head coach, doubling down on last week’s controversial statements about drug use and abuse on his team

“I’m pretty sure if I were an actual coach for a sports team I would tell someone to shut up during a press conference.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head coach, who apparently isn’t an actual coach

“Mrs. Eckman was kind enough to accommodate us with some cookies to hang out and chat after the game. Coach SilverBullet and I formed a bit of a friendship in preseason because we could empathize with each other’s offensive struggles. I mean, look at our Week 1 game: It took a tiebreaker for us to win that one. Hellerman’s a monster, dude. Got the kids swinging at a lot of bad pitches. It took a heck of a coaching effort to get my kids where they are, but they’ve really started to flourish. But I never forget my roots. Across the infield there’s a lot of frustration from the Giants dugout I can sense. It’s important to ensure that everyone is having fun with what they do, and to extend grace and courteousness. I had my team break a small part of their cookie and give it to him along with a compliment. The way he’s stuck out the season with vigor is admirable. You’re a bro, Coach Silver. Wish you the best next season.” – MelloMathTeacher, Juinor Athletics head coach, respecting an actual coach

“If I’m gonna roast anyone it’s gonna be my own players.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head not-coach, on his motivational strategy

“Baseball was made for kids, and grown-ups only screw it up.” – Bob Lemon, former New York Yankees manager and current corpse

“If I’m gonna lose my job as coach I’m gonna do it in the most mismanaged, corrupt way possible.” – Vissery, Humongous Hornets head not-coach, on not being the coach